26. Alex
The Monday morning after the Summer Ball, Alex is only half a sloth as she gets ready for work, settling on an amethyst V-neck tucked into black high-waist jeans.
She could stay home if she wanted to, but TJ is in town, and it’s been about a month since she’s had any updates from him. Though, anyone and anything would be a welcome distraction from Antonio Moretti.
He’d pulled the rug from under her feet, but she should have seen it coming. Maybe this is what Tracy meant when she said she was afraid of having a daughter who would end up like her. Who would make terrible choice after terrible choice. Even so, unlike with James, Alex doesn’t regret her “illusion” with Antonio.
She slides into some flip flops and heads out to the parking lot, chuckling sadly as she gets into her car. His car.
Alex autopilots her way south and arrives at Tech Me Out around nine-thirty. The door is unlocked, the lights are on, and a smile shows off the deep dimples in the rich, carob-brown cheeks of her new favorite employee. “Good morning, Patrick. Expect a little bonus on your next paycheck. You have no idea how much I appreciate how reliable you are.”
“Thank you, Ms. Agneau. Can you make sure you tell my aunt, though? I don’t think she’ll believe it just from me.”
Heh. “Yeah, I got you.”
Alex slips into her office and promptly sends a text to Kiara; if she didn’t, it would have fallen victim as the next item on the dreaded list of “things forgotten by the end of the end of a work day”.
She goes through the motions for the next hour, running reports and browsing the internet for a motivating client.
She ends up finding Tina, a thirty-seven-year-old single mother who cared for her father from the moment he was diagnosed with dementia up until his recent passing. As his last surviving relative, power of attorney, and beneficiary, Tina should have been able to collect his pension, but a clerical error prevented that. The organization responsible took no accountability and sent her on a wild goose chase of a process that could’ve taken months. Though Tina’s father’s estate covered the remainder of his medical bills, she’d racked up quite a bit of personal debt making ends meet elsewhere, particularly in hopes of giving her father more than a bare minimum quality of life for the time he had left.
Alex thinks of Ben and his mother, Ms. Beatriz. As her only child, it was already hard on him when she broke her hip a couple of months back, and she was of sound mind and only out of work for a couple of months. But what’s separating them from a situation like Tina’s? Just ten years and an administrative personnel who was probably typing too fast.
It’s disturbing how simple it is for Alex to go in and rectify the records, inform the appropriate parties of the corrected information, and get Tina on the short list for final approval. But the important part is she was able to help.
“Oh, hey, sir— Wait!” Alex hears, as heavy footsteps get closer to her office door.
She stands and rolls her eyes as the panel opens, knowing there’s only one person that bold. “Don’t you think it’s rude to barge into someone’s office without permission? You probably scared Patrick half to death.”
Antonio cocks his head. “Then tell Patrick who I am. Plus, you do it all the time.”
“Not when the door is closed. I could have been with a client.”
“But you aren’t.”
“That’s not the po—” Ugh. “I really don’t want to talk to you right now. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”
“It has, actually.” He says it with such melancholy, as if he quite literally were keeping track of every second.
Alex scrubs her forehead. “What couldn’t wait ‘til I got to the club?”
“For starters, I wasn’t actually sure if you were going to show up.”
Yeah, me either, I guess.
Antonio peers at the ceiling, then at Alex. “I’m here to apologize.”
“I don’t want an apology, Antonio.”
His eyelids twitch, but he doesn’t say anything.
“I want you to tell me what you want,” she continues. “Because right now, all I understand is that I’m not enough for you. And it’s…” Her breath hitches as tears start to fall. An emotional aftershock of Antonio’s painful words hits, leaving Alex at a crossroads. Does she pour her heart out or close it off? “I give so fucking much of myself away. And I shouldn’t. I know that. But I continue to do it anyway, because I figure at some point, it’ll have to pay off, right? But I was wrong. Again.”
“Alex, please. That’s not fair.”
“Who gives a shit about fair?! It’s true. I was wrong, and you were right. Congratulations. You hurt me. Now you can go back to your boring-ass reality.” Alex plays with her earlobe and looks down at her chipped, silver toenail, a casualty of her tripping her way out of Antonio’s loft.
He closes the gap between them, pressing Alex’s forehead against his chest. Her tangled emotions simultaneously result in her weeping silently while softening against him, although her hands stay at her sides.
“What do you want, Antonio?”
“I…don’t know, gorgeous. It’s complicated as hell.”
She doesn’t doubt that. It’s complicated. Different. Scary. Still… “Then you have to uncomplicate it on your own.” She closes her eyes and breathes him in, aware this may be the last time she does so. “You know what the worst part is?” Alex asks, chuckling wistfully. “It’s not just that you don’t know. I don’t think either of us did in the beginning. But you’d rather take a step back from me than move forward. ‘Cuz we had so much to learn about each other. Fucking up comes with the territory. But after you find out you fucked up, you acknowledge what you did wrong, and you make a choice not to do it again. That’s what’s supposed to happen when you respect someone and care about them. Everything you told me yesterday showed I’m not worth that, and I refuse to be an option again.”
Antonio’s hand moves from her head to her neck, pulling it back delicately so their eyes can meet. There’s a storm there, but it’s quiet and pitiful. Alex can’t help but think it deserves to be. At least for a little while.
Still, when his other hand caresses her jaw, and it’s clear he’s moving in for a kiss, she closes her eyes, willing to hand it over, because–
There’s a knock at the panel.
“Uh, Ms. Agneau?” Patrick says, staying hidden. “T-TJ is here.”
Alex sighs with both relief and distress. “Thanks, Patrick. I’ll be right out.” She steps back from Antonio, and as she expects, he’s got a heavy scowl on, which she ignores. “We only have two weeks left for our deal, so—”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that, too. Nathan might be out a lot. So, I mean…logistically, I’d be grateful…if you’d consider staying on. As needed.”
Look at that, not all his decision-making skills are impaired. Then again, that’s a terrible idea. Walking around the club like they’re just colleagues? Having to use one of those stupid, thin smiles if they accidentally get too close? Slipping into old “bubble buddy” habits?
Antonio seems to understand how bizarre his request is. “I know. I know. But…”
“Yeah, okay,” Alex says, a response owed to the bonds she’s built with the other prism staff.
“Thanks. You can um, take the week. Start fresh next Monday.”
Start fresh?!
She grits her teeth and leads Antonio out to the storefront, where Patrick and TJ are using the terms “yellow bar”, “green”, and “lagging” in a way she’s never heard before.
There’s an incredibly uncomfortable silence as Antonio doesn’t even hide that he’s sizing up TJ. More than anything, it annoys Alex, considering five seconds ago, their relationship became professional only.
TJ comes off cool as a cucumber, barely sparing a look Antonio’s way before returning to his and Patrick’s discussion. Oh—basketball. They’re talking about a video game.
Antonio plods along to the entrance but turns once he’s at the door. “By the way, you left a few things at my place yesterday.”
It’s vague enough to sound genuine, but he’s not fooling Alex. Though, if anyone reacts to his insinuation, she doesn’t see. She goes back to her office, grabs a water bottle from the fridge and takes a sip as TJ walks in.
“Perfect timing, eh?”
“Oh, totally. Couldn’t have been better.” She shrugs. “You said you had good news, though?”
“I do. But…are you good?”
Alex prepares to deliver her usual, “I’m fine.” But it doesn’t come out. She gulps down more water.
TJ pulls over Ben’s chair and sits down. “Then do you want to talk about it? I told you what Hetty said, didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” Alex laughs out. “Except I don’t think this is something I’d talk to my dad about.”
“Fair enough.” TJ rubs the side of his neck. “Well, I know you’ll be pleased to hear this: thanks to you, we got ‘em out. Twenty-three women and girls.”
Alex sits as well, in slight disbelief. “How? I know you didn’t exactly hand over illegally obtained evidence to the…who’d you say even investigates that? FBI?”
“Uh, yeah. Yeah. I’ve been sharing what you found with Hetty. It took her some time to trust we could help her, but eventually she found the confidence to come forward as a witness. That prompted a preliminary investigation, and they found enough to move forward.”
Alex exhales as she imagines all twenty-three faces, tear-stricken or smiling, maybe both, as they race over to their family and friends.
“So…between that and me owing you a birthday shot, you got time to celebrate, later?”
TJ is past the threshold of normal client boundaries by now, but this still seems like a huge leap, especially given the carousel of emotions she’s on. Luckily, there’s a clatter behind the panel, so Alex gets up and opens the door. A winded Yuna and Ben aimlessly wipe at the same display case, totally not obvious that they were eavesdropping.
“H-Hey, babe! Tough, uh…tough smudge, there.” Yuna sets a white rag on the case and picks up a blue spray bottle from the floor. She waves, and Alex realizes TJ followed her. “Hi. I don’t think we’ve ever met. I’m Alex’s best friend, Yuna.”
Ben clears his throat. “And we’ve never had the pleasure of a formal introduction. I am Benjamin Rivera, Alexandra’s first best friend. Well, second, technically. So that makes her the third.”
“They’re tied for equal parts embarrassing, though,” Alex says with sarcastic enthusiasm.
TJ laughs. “Great to meet you both. I’m TJ. Or Trey. Either one works.”
Ben bites his bottom lip. “C-Cool. Were we uh, interrupting anything?”
“Not really, just considering” –TJ looks at Alex– “celebratory drinks?”
“Ooh, where are we going?!” Yuna asks.
“Oh, uh…” TJ looks at Alex again, and she feels moderately guilty as her unwillingness to step in seems to defeat him. “Well…I’m the tourist, so you tell me.”
Yuna smiles like an evil genius and prattles off a list of places she considers having an excellent happy hour. But it’s not even two o’clock, yet. She has to pick up the kids from summer camp. TJ has a few work things to take care of, and though it’s occasionally been a debatable fact as of lately, Tech Me Out shouldn’t close until four at the earliest. They branch off with an agreement to meet up after taking care of their responsibilities.
“But, I’m proud of you!” Yuna proclaims loudly as she, Alex, and Ben people-watch outdoors, three-quarters of a watermelon margarita pitcher deep in conversation. TJ is still on his way after a work call made him fall behind.
“Proud?” Alex asks. She then grins at a woman and young girl, whose arm bucks behind a spunky four-legged companion.
“Yes. Proud. I know how hard it is to say no to a Moretti brother. They’re annoyingly charming.”
Ben snarls. “That sounds like a fancy way of saying manipulative.”
“Eh. It kinda is. First, they suck you in with their faces. Then they talk to you. Then they get you pregnant. Twice. Just ask Laura.”
Alex twists her lips. “I’m…I-I…no?”
“Ezzactly. You said no. Good for you, girl.” Yuna reaches over and taps Alex on her nose. “Did I ever tell you guys the full story of how Frankie and I got together?”
“I don’t think—”
“Honestly, it’s a blur, but I’ll do my best. When I first met him, I for sure didn’t think what we have now was in our future. I was at one of those fancy affairs similar to the Summer Ball, but much less fun. I was nineteen, and my parents wanted me to be married by the time I turned twenty-one, so I was to be auctioned off to the highest bidder. I remember having to wear this obnoxiously revealing dress—which I looked great in, but I wasn’t the one who chose it. So I felt like a show-pony.”
“Wait…” Alex sucks up the last drops of melted ice from her cup. “When you say auctioned, you don’t mean literally, do you?”
“I don’t. And I do. My parents were looking for an investor in their company, someone rich and relevant. Marrying me off to him or his son would have just killed two birds. But shhhhhh, let me finish.”
Ben snickers.
Yuna is quite the emotive storyteller. She captures her and Frankie’s first meeting as if it happened just today. It does take Alex back to the dazzling setting of the Ball. She can hear Frankie’s boyish but smooth voice saying all the right things, just like his older brother.
“I felt like I’d just dived into a pool of honey. His eyes were sweet, his voice was sweet, and he looked like the opposite of the guy my parents wanted for me: young, rugged, and unestablished. He was wearing sneakers for a black-tie event. So, I did the sensible thing, and asked him to get me out of there. We end up at his place, and, well, you know.”
“You get pregnant?” Ben wriggles his eyebrows.
Yuna hovers a fork of lettuce in front of her mouth. “Not yet. But we did one of the things you can do to get pregnant.”
“Oh? I’m dying to hear drunk-Yuna’s description of sexy time,” Alex says.
“Tummy tickling on the inside,” she whispers.
It’s not as outrageous as Alex thought it would be, but Yuna’s delivery makes her laugh. Ben, too.
“Anyway, after that, we talk. Like really talk.”
Alex remembers some of Yuna’s next points from their own conversations. She is the prodigal daughter of Louis and Aoi Ackerman, and heir to the Ackerman fortune. Old money. Louis and Aoi wanted their daughter to marry into the same. Despite being an only child her whole life, Yuna felt like she came second place to a word. Reputation.
Yuna huffs. “I had to share my parents’ attention with outfits and bank accounts. Unless I fucked up. Because someone who was afforded all of life’s finer things had no reason to act out. Or so I was told. So there I am, mindlessly pouring my heart out to this guy lying next to me, who’s just soaking it all in. It was creepy at first because he didn’t say anything. Then” —she demonstrates on Alex— “he just cups my chin and kisses my forehead. And he asks me—I kid you fucking not—‘steak or sushi’?”
“Only two options? Absurd.”
Yuna waves off Alex’s remark. “I know you’re being funny. But that was my thought, too. Until I realized he wasn’t listening to me. So, I was like, dude, did you not hear anything that I said? And he goes, ‘I did.Your parents let you down. Do you know what I also heard? Your stomach growling. And I don’t think it’s just from our earlier activities. Have you eaten at all, today’? I couldn’t do anything but pout in his face like a brat. But eventually, I told him I wanted tacos. So the man gets me tacos. And then we’re in his bed eating tacos.”
“What a man.” Ben feigns a swoon.
“Anyway, meanie. After we finish…I’m lying on his chest, and he tells me about him. ‘My name is Frankie Moretti. I’m twenty, and like you, I wanted to be anywhere but that place. But now I’m glad I went, because then I wouldn’t have met you, Yuna Ackerman. And I wouldn’t be excited to take you out on a proper date tomorrow’.”
Alex rubs the goosebumps on her elbows as the evening breeze sweeps through the street. “I can’t believe you remember all that.”
Yuna swoons for real. “It was one of the best nights of my life. I’m fully aware of how ridiculous it sounds. But this man made me feel safe, wanted, and unrestricted. All things I had to fight for—and still rarely felt, by the way—with my family, I felt so easily with this guy I just met. On our date the next day, he asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I’d never really thought about it. He started asking me questions about my likes and strengths and weaknesses, and now that I look back on it, it was basically an interview.”
Sounds familiar.
”Then he asked me what I wanted to do with him,” Yuna continues. ”And I was like…Frankie, I wanna have your babies. I was joking, but I was also very serious because I wanted to do something I thought would really piss my parents off. Next thing I knew, I moved in with him, started the groundwork for my styling agency, and then —two months later, I found out I was pregnant with Luca. I was scared as hell, of course. Meanwhile, Frankie’s so chill about it. ‘What do you wanna do? I think we’d make kick-ass parents’.”
Alex smiles. “Well, he wasn’t wrong.”
Yuna blows a kiss. “But. Kids were gross and annoying. Don’t tell mine, but they still are, sometimes. But knowing that I was responsible for this little person changed me. All I wanted to do was keep him safe. When all the little fantastic side effects came along, I was ready to wave the white flag every time. But Frankie would find a way to make me relax. He even helped me get back to a cordial status with my parents, though some days are better than others. But yeah. Here we are.”
“It sounds like you got dickmatized,” Ben says.
Yuna chokes, spitting out her straw. “I got what, now?”
“Dickmatized,” he repeats. “You put your faith in a man you barely knew based on the charms he whispered in your ear after good sex.”
“No…that’s so…pessimistic.”
“It is, but if Frankie didn’t feed you nachos—”
“Tacos.”
“Feed you tacos,” Ben repeats. “Or if he left you wanting in the bedroom, or he wasn’t a smooth talker, do you think you would’ve had his kid?”
“What do you mean? Isn’t that how you’re supposed to decide who you want, anyway? By how they treat you?”
“I think…what Ben is trying to say is, while we are glad that Frankie didn’t turn out to be that kind of guy… He could’ve been. You said it yourself, Moretti boys are charming and can talk their way into or out of a lot of stuff. So…” Alex pauses, not entirely sure if it’s Yuna she’s still talking to.
“It’s hard to know how much of your confidence came from reality,” Ben finishes.
Shit. There’s that word again. Reality. Is Antonio right?
“No. You’re wrong. It’s not some fleeting, shallow fascination… Is it, Al?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“None of what I said feels even vaguely familiar? What made you open up to Antonio the day you met him? Why would you want to work for him?” Yuna sits back, rubbing her hands over her thighs. “Don’t worry. Those are rhetorical. I already know the answer. And it’s not right or wrong, smart or dumb. It just is. I know you want more from Antonio, and you should. But if none of us—including you—thought he didn’t care about you at all, this wouldn’t even be a conversation. I wholeheartedly support you making yourself unavailable until he figures his shit out. But the thing is, you do want him to figure it out, and that’s OK.”
Alex cups her ear. Her body feels like a glob of jelly in contrast to the hustle around her. She doesn’t want to fight her feelings, but she doesn’t want to fight Antonio’s words, either. “That would mean he has control of the situation. Like it’s his choice to change things. I hate that.”
“No you don’t,” Ben says, point-blank, to which Alex shoots him a sharp look. “What? I know you, beautiful. You don’t. If he wants to move forward, it has to be a choice. He has to look at all the shit you’ve laid out on the table and actively choose you. That’s the only way he can even begin to make up for what he’s put you through. I absolutely hate how these last twenty-fours have transpired—and the next time I see the man, he better be ready for a chancleta to the face—but either way, you are gonna get your answer from him. And, o-oh. Por favor.” Ben nods up and Alex turns to see TJ jogging towards them.
“Glad to see you made it, Mr. Tourist,” Alex says.
He runs his arm over his forehead. “I almost didn’t. Someone on a bike tried to run me over.”
“Welcome to Philly.”
Yuna beckons him to the table. “C’mon! The specials end at six!”
TJ walks around the gate separating the restaurant from the sidewalk traffic. “You guys want another round?”
Ben and Yuna glare at each other as they respond together, but not unanimously.
“Okay…? How about this, when the server comes back, everyone can order what they want, on me,” TJ offers after he sits next to Ben.
Their shoulders must bump a little too closely, because Ben telepathically asks Alex, “what do I do now?!” and she can’t help but be nervous at the thought of being his wingman again.
Ben and Valentin had mutually ended things last month after only a few weeks of dating. It was a mature parting, but that makes his third relationship this year, and she kind of wants to encourage him to take it easy for a second.
He’s also a grown man, though, girl.
So, Alex shrugs and says, “You know, Ben, I’m really glad you were able to come out with us. I know you’ve been putting in a lot of work prepping for the GRE.”
Quite the embellishment; Ben only mentioned going back to school for the first time less than a week ago.
Nevertheless, TJ takes the bait. “Oh, wow, you thinking about getting your Master’s?”
“Y-Yeah. Business Administration. Or maybe HR.” Ben turns towards him.
“Nice. I mean, it’ll be brutal, but worth it. Although, I’d research your potential schools pretty well. Not all of them require you to take the test in the first place.”
“Good advice, thanks.”
Alex sits back as the ice continues to break on the other side of the table. She keeps up with the conversation enough to laugh or nod appropriately, until eventually, a ray of sunlight bounces off her phone screen, showing her it’s eight o’clock. She looks across the gate and notices the traffic—both human and vehicular—has reduced significantly.
“Alright. It’s been fun, but it’s time for me to take my ass home,” she says.
“Time for all of us, honestly.” Yuna yawns. “But yeah, I had fun, too. Thanks for covering the bill, Mr. Tourist.”
“It’s nothing. Plus, I owed Alex.”
“I like you,” Yuna says. Then she looks at Ben. “I think Benji likes you too.”
Oh, Yuna. Alex has to twist her mouth to hide her grin.
“Hey, Yu, why don’t I walk you to your car? Good night, you two.” Ben’s gaze lingers on TJ before he grabs his to-go platter and presses Yuna towards the gate.
“I’ll walk you to yours, if you want?” TJ burps right after his question, covering his mouth like he’d been trying to hold in it this entire time. “Damn. At least it smells more like watermelon than tequila.”
“I— Oh, my God, it does.” They both burst into a wheezing laughter that makes Alex’s sides ache. “Ow. Ow. God. That was the dumbest thing to laugh at but I needed that.”
“Looked like it.” TJ gives her a sympathetic look while pushing his chair in.
They walk in the direction of her car, which Alex was fortunate enough to park around the corner. She’s up for dropping him off at his hotel since they’re already far away enough from her condo, but he requests a ride on his own.
“Nine minutes away.”
“I could have dropped you off in that time.” Absolutely false.
“All good.” Their eyes meet as she leans on the hood, but he looks away quickly. “So, did I uh…did I pass?”
“What do you mean?”
“With your friends? Am I an honorary member now?”
“Oh! Um… I guess? Ben would’ve been the harder one to impress, and you see how he was, so.”
“Right. Yeah, he, uh…” TJ squeezes the side of his phone and it lights up.
Alex cringes. “Oh, no.”
“No, he’s great. He’s just a little younger than I’d go for.”
“Really? Well, don’t string him along.”
“I wo—”
“‘Cuz there’s enough of that going around. I mean, it should be so simple, right? We teach kids that communication is how we problem solve, and then we become adults and it all goes out the window. It’s like…why can’t we just say what we mean and mean what we say?!” Alex hurls her arms towards the sky. “Sorry.”
TJ shakes his head. “Sometimes…there is a time and a place, eh?”
Alex rolls her eyes and amazingly, withholds the remainder of her word vomit. “I don’t want to be logical right now,” she mutters.
“Fair enough. But for whatever it’s worth, I do think you’ll hear what you need to when the time is right.” He pins her with a thoughtful look, but Alex can’t find a sprinkle of inspiration.