Have you read Before This Ends?
Chapter 1
Emma
With both my hands filled with grocery bags, I curse under my breath as I attempt to lift the heavy weight high enough to reach the button for the elevator. I probably should’ve left some of the bags behind, but since that would mean making another trip to my car and back, there is no way I was going to do that. Once I hit the button, I quickly step onto the elevator with my hand still up when the doors open and hit the button for the third floor, sighing in relief as my arm lowers, taking some of the weight off my wrist.
When the doors open again, I step off and walk down the carpeted hall to our door and kick the bottom with my foot, hoping Eli will hear and come help. A useless endeavor, since he didn’t even hear his phone when I called him earlier as I was pulling into the parking garage, hoping he would come meet me and help lug our groceries upstairs. With no response, I set all the bags down on the floor, dig out my key, and unlock the door. When I push it open, Dolly—Eli’s teacup poodle—runs out to greet me with happy little yips of excitement.
“Hi, baby.” I scoop her up and hold her against my chest as I carry her inside. Scanning the living room, I don’t see Eli, but I can hear him in the bedroom, talking loudly, so I know without a doubt he’s on his X-Box. He’s also most likely wearing his headphones, hence why he didn’t hear his phone ringing or me pounding on the door.
Tucking away my annoyance, I place Dolly in her pen so she can’t get out of the apartment, because chasing her down the halls is never fun, then go back to the door and gather the bags. It doesn’t take me long to get everything inside, but the task of putting everything away is a different story. Eli is particular about where things go, so I can’t just shove crap into the cupboards. Instead, I have to open boxes of crackers or bags of chips and put them in their see-through containers and line up the cans so you can see the labels.
While I’m putting his beer away in the fridge, I hear the door to the bedroom open and look over the top of the island to watch him appear, wearing a pair of sweats and a T-shirt—the same thing he had on this morning before I left for work.
“I didn’t know you were home.” He walks into the kitchen to join me, taking one of the beers from the door of the fridge I’m still holding open. Him not greeting me with a kiss isn’t a surprise; he’s never been overly affectionate, and I’ve never minded, since he’s shown he cares in other ways.
“I tried to call you to ask you to come help me bring up the groceries.” I shut the door after putting the last beer inside.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear my phone.” He leans back against the counter across from me and unscrews the lid with a flick of his wrist. “Is there anything left in your car?”
“No, I got it all.” I lean back against the counter behind me and cross my arms over my chest. “Were you able to get to the post office for me?”
“Shit.” His eyes lock on mine and fill with remorse. “I totally spaced it. I’m sorry, Emma.”
“It’s fine. I’ll go tomorrow before work.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I don’t bother pointing out there’s nothing he can do about it anyway. It’s already after six, so the post office is closed, meaning I can’t get the package he was supposed to pick up.
“What are we doing for dinner?” He reaches up toward my face and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear before he lets his hand fall away.
“We’re supposed to have dinner with Mica and Lynn tonight, remember?”
“Oh, right,” he mutters, and I press my lips together.
“You forgot the dinner with your friends that you planned?”
“No, I remembered.”
“Sure, you did.” I roll my eyes, and he smiles.
“Where are we meeting them again?”
“Seriously?” I laugh, and he chuckles. “We’re meeting them down the block at that new Mexican restaurant that opened last week—” I glance at the clock on the wall. “in thirty minutes, so you have just enough time to change.”
“Are you saying my outfit isn’t going to cut it?”
“I didn’t say it. You did.” I smile, and he laughs, taking his beer with him as he walks toward the bedroom.
I follow and take Dolly out of her pen before going to our room and placing her on the bed. I go to the closet to change out of the top I wore to work today, since it smells like the hair salon, which isn’t bad but also isn't great, and put on a sweater, leaving on my heels and jeans.
“Is this good?” He walks out of his closet, wearing a button-down shirt and jeans. Built like a linebacker, he’s always had trouble finding clothes that fit his oversized frame. But as a shopper, I’ve upped his wardrobe game ever since we got together.
“Perfect.” I look down at Dolly when she nudges her cold nose into my ankle and smile when I see her pink leash in her mouth.
“I’ll take you outside when we get back.” I pick her up and kiss her head as I carry her back into the living room, placing her in her pen so she doesn’t get hurt running free in the house while we’re gone.
We reach the restaurant at seven on the dot, and as soon as we walk through the door, I spot Lynn and Mica already seated at a table, waiting on us. We tell the girl at the front that we’re with them, then walk to the back of the room.
As soon as Lynn sees us, her face lights up, and she starts to wave.
“Hey.” I laugh, giving her a hug when she stands as we reach the table.
“I’m so glad we were able to get together.” She rocks me from side to side as Mica and Eli do that whole one-armed back-pat thing men do when they greet each other.
“Me too.” I give Mica a hug, then slide into the booth, and Eli slides in next to me.
“So….” Lynn grins, holding up her hand, and my mouth drops open when I notice the glittering diamond ring on her finger.
“Stop it!” I cry, grasping her hand from across the table. “When did this happen?”
“Yesterday.” She looks over at Mica with a sappy smile. “He proposed when we were at the zoo last night for the Beer and Wine Festival.”
“I love that. Congratulations, you two.” I glance up at Eli as he repeats my sentiment. “I think we need champagne.”
“We definitely need champagne,” Lynn agrees from across the table.
“I’m good with beer,” Eli mutters, and I elbow him in the side. He looks down at me and sighs. “Or champagne.” Mica laughs.
When the waitress comes over to take our orders, we ask for champagne, but since they don’t have any, we order tequila shots, which are not the same, but we are at a Mexican restaurant, so… when in Rome.
Feeling a little tipsy after shots and a margarita, even after eating fajitas, I look up at Eli when Mica asks playfully, “When are you going to propose to Emma?”
Of course, he and I spoke about getting married and having kids before I moved in with him almost a year ago, but since then, that subject hasn’t come up again. And being me, I’ve never wanted to be the woman to hound a man into popping the question, so I’ve left it alone, figuring he would do it when he feels the time is right. But we’ve been together for almost three years, and that time still hasn’t come, so I’m as curious as everyone else.
“Emma and I are good with the way things are right now.”
My eyes widen. “Are we?”
“Yeah.”
“Uh… I still want to get married.” I mean, sure, I’m okay with things right now, but I want the ring, the husband, and the kids. Not today, but definitely within the next few years. I’m not getting any younger, and at almost thirty, I hear my clock ticking a little louder each day. Plus I want to be married and enjoy that for a bit before having kids.
“Marriage is just a piece of paper.” The statement, his tone, and the look in his eyes, which hold no humor, catch me off guard. While he’s not wrong—it is a piece of paper—it’s also a whole lot more than that. At least to me.
“Okay, but I’d also like to have the same last name as my kids.”
“What if we never have kids? What’s the point then?”
I study him, wondering if he’s being serious, and I hate that I’m too drunk to tell.
“I want kids though,” I remind him softly, wishing we were alone and that we didn’t have an audience for this conversation.
“What if I don’t want kids?”
“But you do.” I search his blue eyes. “Right?”
“I don’t know.” He lifts one bulky shoulder, dropping his gaze from mine. “Kids change things.”
My throat burns. “We talked about getting married and having kids before I moved in with you.”
“I know, but things change.”
“ What changed?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs again, and I swear if we were alone and not in a restaurant with our newly engaged friends sitting across from us, I might’ve started screaming. I don’t understand where this is coming from or why he hasn’t said anything before now.
“I think we’re going to take off,” Lynn cuts into my thoughts, and I turn my attention to her. The sympathetic look in her gaze as her eyes scan my face has me wishing the floor would open up and swallow me.
“Of course.” I fight back the tears I feel crawling up my throat while forcing a smile. “We should probably get home too. I have a full calendar tomorrow.” I scoot out of the booth behind Eli when he stands.
“We’ll talk soon,” Lynn whispers as she hugs me, and the tears I can no longer control fill my eyes.
God, I hate crying.
“Yeah.” I let her go and hug Mica with my chin down so he doesn’t see the state I’m in.
As we all leave the restaurant together, I replay what just happened over and over in my head and try to convince myself that I misunderstood Eli, that I took things out of context, as he and I walk down the block to our building in silence. Did I drink too much and misconstrue something?
Feeling completely sober by the time we get into our apartment, I turn to face the man I fell in love with three years ago when I hear the door click closed behind him.
“You don’t want kids?” I slip off my coat and toss it toward the couch, watching him shake his head. “Since when?”
“A while.”
“A while,” I repeat as I stare at him. What does that even mean? A week, a year, a few months? “You never said anything.”
“We’re happy.”
“ You’re happy,” I whisper, and his chin jerks back like I’ve struck him. “I want more.”
“Emma.”
“I want to get married, even if it is just a stupid piece of paper. I want to wear a white dress and stand in front of the people I love as I make a vow to the person meant for me. And I want kids. I want to be a mom.” I press my fist against my chest over my heart, which feels like it’s trying to escape through my ribs. “I want to shove all the love my parents left inside of me into another human, who will soak it all up and share it, so someone, somewhere will be reminded there is more good than bad in this world.” I drag in a deep breath as tears slide down my cheeks. “So, you’re happy, but I’m not, because even though I love you, I don’t know that it’s enough to make me forget just how much I’ll be missing out on if I give up on a dream I’ve had since I can remember.”
“I love you.” Those three words. God, I wanted to hear those words so badly when I knew I was in love with him. I used to go home after each date and pray he was feeling even a little of what I was.
“I know.” I swallow, wishing that was enough, that his love could hold me over for the next fifty or sixty years of my life. But I’m not sure it will.
“Emma.” He walks toward me and wraps me in a hug. “Don’t be angry.”
I’m not. I’m not anything right now. I feel hollow.
“I just… I just need some time to think,” I whisper, stepping out of his hold as I wipe the wetness from my cheeks.
“I’ll give you whatever time you need,” he says quietly, and I nod, then turn and walk to our bedroom, closing the door behind me.
Getting undressed, I crawl into bed and stare at the door, hoping that if I just give him some time, he’ll come in here and tell me that he didn’t mean what he said.
But he never comes.