Before You Say I Do

Chapter 18 Anger

Ari was no stranger to anger. Not at all. Over her lifetime, she’d experienced many things that she had every right to feel angry about. Her emotionally devoid parents for one, who’d kicked Sebastian out for being gay, and her out for supporting him. Then there was the British welfare system, which struggled to house and support her once her parents had sent her packing. There was also her mortgage company, who continually questioned her ability to finance her own home without a husband, and also her daughter’s headmistress, the terrifying Miss Bates, who continually questioned Reine’s well-being.

“You must understand our concern,” Miss Bates had intoned, looking down on Ari loftily. “Given your... shall we say, odd family circumstances?”

“Odd family circumstances?” Luis had seethed later, indignation written hotly over his face. “I’ll show her odd family circumstances. I’m going into that school first thing tomorrow to speak with this Miss Bates, and esta vez le voy a decir por dónde sale el sol .”

“Luis—” Ari had begun to argue, but Sebastian had held up his hand.

“Let him go in and fight your corner, Ari. He’ll feel better, you’ll feel better, we’ll all feel better. It’s his turn to drop Reine at school anyway, so you and I can start on the final run to the Dobson wedding next Saturday. If Luis wants to speak with Miss Bates, let him. I know that man. He’ll go in like a lion and come out like a kitten.”

“Sebastian—”

But Sebastian patted Ari reassuringly. “Trust me on this one.”

The next morning, Ari watched as Luis stalked towards the school, Reine’s hand held tightly in his own. Reine’s My Little Pony lunchbox was strapped across his chest, his face set into hard and determined lines. She then watched later when, at lunch, he walked quietly into Ari and Sebastian’s Mayfair office, his hands in his pockets.

“How did it go?” Ari asked, and Luis had clicked his tongue, looking doggedly at the floor.

“Well, I don’t think she’ll be questioning our family circumstances again any time soon,” Luis said.

Sebastian stepped forwards, a knowing look on his face. “And?”

Sheepishly, Luis looked up. “And I’m now secretary of the PTA.”

“And?” Sebastian continued, looking at Luis with bemusement.

“And I’m designing the costumes for the school production of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol .”

“ Luis. ” Ari shook her head, but Luis merely looked indignant.

“What did you want me to do, Ari? She was going to dress Victorian orphans in taffeta. Taffeta. Victorian orphans don’t wear taffeta.”

“What are you going to dress them in then?” Sebastian had asked, raising an eyebrow. “What do you think poor Victorian orphans wore?”

“High quality Egyptian muslin in various shades of brown, of course,” Luis replied, as Ari and Sebastian had exchanged a look. “That’s right, isn’t it?”

No. Ari was no stranger to anger.

Odd then how it seemed to desert her after seeing Tom. Odd how all her rage and fury seem to have been swept aside, leaving nothing but a ball of hurt within. She felt weary and worn out, disappointed and empty, but the fire of her anger was gone, leaving nothing but ashes of sadness.

The next morning, flanked by Sebastian and Luis, she stared at Tom across the table. His mother was by his side, looking as cool and collected as ever, with reams of paper in front of her that she passed back and forth with another man. Ari hadn’t been expecting this to be a formal meeting. She thought she and Tom would simply talk over a coffee, coming to some sort of informal arrangement that suited them both. Clearly, she’d been wrong.

“My lawyer, Andrew A. Andrews.” Marnie gestured to the man by her side, and Sebastian’s mouth dropped open.

“Don’t say a word,” Ari hissed under her breath, clamping a hand on Sebastian’s arm, willing him to be quiet.

“The man is called Andrew A. Andrews ,” Sebastian hissed back. “And you don’t want me to ask him about that?”

“No, Sebastian Aloysius St John Lightowler , I don’t,” Ari snapped. “I’m more concerned,” she raised her voice for Marnie and Tom’s benefit, “about why there is the need for a lawyer at all.”

At that, Marnie glanced up, looking at Ari keenly. “I’m sorry, I should have explained sooner. Mr Andrews—”

“Andrew A. Andrews,” Sebastian interrupted.

Marnie glanced at him. “Yes . . . Anyway, Mr Andrews is here to go over the financial paperwork.”

Ari sat back. “What financial paperwork?”

Marnie smiled at her. “I believe my son owes you eight years of child support. We’d like to settle that today.”

Ari glanced at Tom. He was staring at her, his eyes wide and sad, an aura of defeat around him. His shoulders were slumped, his skin pale, and the shadow of a beard grew across his chin, exacerbating the dark shadows under his eyes.

“Did you know about this?” Ari asked him, and he nodded slowly.

“After we talked, I didn’t get much sleep,” he replied softly. “I asked my mother to get Mr Andrews—”

“Andrew A. Andrews,” Sebastian interrupted, still staring at the elderly lawyer, and Tom glanced at him.

“Yes . . . I asked my mother to get Mr Andrews here, as soon as possible, so that I can financially settle with you.”

“Why the rush?” Ari asked, thoroughly confused. “I thought we would work something out... I thought this was about Reine—”

“It is about Reine,” Tom replied gently. “I want to make things right, Ari, and this is how I start.”

“By throwing fistfuls of money at me?” Ari snapped. “By paying me for services rendered ?”

Tom winced. “No, not like that—”

“That’s exactly how it feels,” Ari cut him off, but there was no anger in her words. Just that echoing emptiness — a hollow feeling of sadness.

She shook her head, sighing softly. “Fine. Whatever.”

“Ari—”

“Just leave it,” Ari snapped. “I will say, though, that I feel at a distinct disadvantage without my own lawyer here to advise me.”

It was part lie, part truth. She didn’t have a lawyer, well, not one on retainer, like the staid grey-haired gentleman who sat at the table, clearly on call for the powerful Somerset family. But Tom and Marnie didn’t need to know that, and so, when Luis went to open his mouth, Ari kicked him sharply under the table. Sebastian, who saw her action, immediately fell into line.

“Yes,” he said slowly, still staring at Andrew A. Andrews. “We should have sent for our lawyer, Mr... um... Mr Xavier X. Xavier.”

Ari groaned, momentarily closing her eyes. When she opened them, Marnie was staring at Sebastian.

“Your lawyer is called Xavier X. Xavier?” she asked. To her credit, Ari could hear how it pained her to keep the tone of disbelief from her voice.

“Yes,” Sebastian lied, sitting up and straightening his shirt. “He’s quite the barrister.”

“No one messes with Triple X,” Luis piped up, and although Ari knew he was trying to be helpful, she groaned again all the same.

“Right,” Marnie replied slowly. “Okay, well, hopefully we can keep these arrangements friendly, and so Mr Xavier’s services—”

“Triple X,” Luis interjected. “They call him Triple X. If it helps, we can call Mr Andrews Triple A?”

“Like a battery,” Sebastian whispered, and now Ari kicked him under the table.

“I think I’d prefer to be called Mr Andrews,” Marnie’s lawyer offered, his voice dry.

“Andrew A. Andrews,” Sebastian said, staring at him.

“Okay,” Marnie cut in. “So, anyway, hopefully we can keep it so that your, um, your Mr Xavier’s services won’t be required. Tom has been very generous in his financial settlement offer here, Ari, and all that we need is for you to sign a few papers so that we can discuss the next few days, and the time both Tom and I would like to spend with Reine.”

“Where is Reine?” Tom asked suddenly, sitting up.

“You mean you’ve only just noticed she isn’t here?” Ari asked, biting down on her lip to stop herself from saying something she would later regret.

“I just... I know the three of you share her, and—”

“We don’t share her,” Luis spat. “We raise her.”

Tom took a deep breath. “I know. I know. And I don’t want to get in the way... Actually, I do. I do want to get in the way of that. I want time with her. I want to help raise her from now on.” Ari watched as he inhaled deeply. “I want joint custody.”

Ari felt the blood drain from her face. Joint custody? She hadn’t been expecting that. She thought he might ask for visits, maybe the odd holiday or two. But joint custody? Ari swallowed nervously, looking at Luis and Sebastian. The two men had faces like stone, their hands tightly clenched into rock-like fists. But while Sebastian’s face held barely concealed anger, Luis’s chiselled jawline had dropped, betraying his absolute devastation at Tom’s words.

“Luis—” Ari began gently, but at the sound of her voice, Sebastian leapt to his feet.

“Absolutely fucking not,” he seethed, glaring at Tom. “Honestly, we thought you’d throw money at her to get her out of the way. Pay her off and see her out. With a reprehensible track record like yours, that would almost have been the decent thing to do. At a stretch, we might have organised a few visits, but this... raising Reine, when you know absolutely nothing about her, have spent zero time with her and—”

At that, Tom also jumped to his feet. “You think I don’t know all this? You think I don’t hate myself for everything I’ve missed? But you know something, I can’t take the past back. I can’t go back in time and fix what I did wrong. But I can do better going forward. Reine is my daughter, I fully accept that. In fact, you know something? I take joy in the knowledge. Sheer, wonderful joy in knowing that she is my child. She is my daughter, and I want to get to know her. I want to spend time with her. I want to be a father to her. A father, ” Tom said firmly. “And whatever the two of you think of me, this decision is between Ari and I. Reine’s parents .”

Silence descended over the room. Ari could hear her own breathing, pained and shallow, echoing across the table. She sat, stunned, while she processed Tom’s words.

He wanted to be a parent. He wanted joint custody. He wanted to help raise Reine.

“No,” she said finally, coming to a stand. Her legs were shaking, and she gripped the table’s edge, hoping to disguise her fear. “No,” she said more firmly. “Tom, I want to talk with you. Privately. Everyone else needs to get out.”

“Ari,” Marnie stood too, looking at her plaintively. “Ari, this is a shock to you, I realise. But you must understand—”

“I want you all to get out.” Ari’s voice was hardly higher than a whisper. “Get out.”

“Ari—” Sebastian began, but she turned on him too, slamming a hand down on the table.

“Please,” she begged. “Please get out of here and let me talk to Tom.”

Luis stood, clapping a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go. Ari needs to talk to Tom here.” Luis gave Tom a withering glance. “You can expect to hear from our lawyer.”

“Yes,” Sebastian nodded at Marnie and her lawyer, “we’re going to hire someone so good Mr Andrew A. Andrews will need to buy another vowel — probably an A — and get ready for a fight. We won’t walk away from Ari and Reine so easily as Tom Miller did.”

Ari watched as the two men walked out of the room, hand-in-hand, their heads held high. Marnie, surprisingly, immediately followed, leaving only Ari, Tom and Mr Andrews in the room.

Mr Andrews was shuffling papers into a worn briefcase, looking at Tom and Ari with appraising eyes.

“I haven’t read through all the information Marnie sent me last night, but I’ve seen enough this morning — more than enough — to understand that this is a complicated situation,” he said, clicking his briefcase closed. “If it goes to court, it could drag on for years, both in London and the State of New York. It will be expensive, hurtful and in no way in Reine’s interests. My advice to you is to settle this as adults.” He gave them both a stern look.

“That means quickly and out-of-court. If I may be so bold,” he turned to Ari, and she chewed on her lip nervously, “I would advise you, Ms Lightowler, to accept the very generous financial settlement my client has offered you. His offer has not only gone well beyond the state-mandated requirements for child support, it’s also completely against my advice.”

Mr Andrews leaned forward, pressing a cheque into Ari’s hand. She unfolded it with trembling fingers, gasping audibly when she saw the numbers Tom had written in his hurried cursive. It wasn’t just the sheer amount of money he’d offered that gave her shock — although it was an insane amount, and much more than she’d ever expected — it was the handwriting too.

It was Tom’s handwriting. The loops and curls and messy flourishes... Ari had seen them all before. With a pang of pain, she remembered the small notes he used to leave on her pillow. I’m just getting coffee, be back in ten minutes or Getting a run in before our day starts, don’t shower without me. Ari had always teased him for his messy handwriting.

“You write like you’re always in a rush,” she would say, smiling.

“They’re notes to you,” Tom replied, running his thumb over her cheek. “I’m always in a hurry to talk to you. You call them messy, but I call them lovingly rushed.”

He’d written love notes after that, his handwriting becoming messier and messier, until it was a running joke between them. Ari paused, staring at the cheque in her hand. Whenever Reine asked for a story about the man who’d fathered her, Ari would talk about Tom’s handwriting.

“He made my world a little more beautiful with his writing,” Ari would say, smiling at her child. “He wrote the sweetest things to me. Wonderful things.”

And now he was writing her cheques. Making a beautiful thing ugly and paying her off. Ari felt her heart harden as she folded the cheque, banishing Tom’s words and her memories of Tom Miller into papery shadows.

“Eight years of child support, plus hardship expenses,” Mr Andrews intoned. “I’ve also been instructed by Marnie that Reine is to be written immediately into her will. Likewise, with Mr Somerset here,” Mr Andrews gave Tom a short glance, “he’s also asked that Reine be written into his will — and, should he father more children, be treated equally among them.”

Sasha, Ari at once thought. He was thinking of the children he would have with Sasha.

“It’s really too much—” Ari began, and Mr Andrews nodded.

“Yes, it is. I estimate Tom’s share of Reine’s care to be sixty-nine per cent of your combined income—”

“Wait,” Ari stopped, turning to Tom. “How do you know my income?”

Tom stared at her, his eyes still wearing that empty, haunted look from before. Mr Andrews cleared his throat.

“Once Marnie established that Reine was her son’s child, she asked my firm to do some research. A quick check of the UK Companies House register gave me most of the information I needed, and then we found out the details of your mortgage, your rental costs prior to this and—”

“Did you know about this?” Ari’s voice was hoarse as she turned to Tom. “This... utter invasion of my privacy? Did you know?”

“No,” Tom replied firmly. “Not until this morning, at least, not until Mr Andrews arrived. I’d... I’d already settled on the sum I wanted to offer you, Ari. I told you, I want to step up now. I want to reimburse you for the years you’ve struggled on your own, help out with all reasonable costs. Reine’s housing, her clothing, her schooling, her medical care—”

“I live in London ,” Ari shook her head. “We have the NHS, I don’t pay for medical care. Her schooling is free. Don’t kid yourself, this—” she furiously thrust the cheque into Tom’s hands “—isn’t about reasonable costs . This is guilt money. Well, I don’t want it.”

“Ms Lightowler—” Mr Andrews began, but Ari spun angrily on her heel to face him.

“Tell Marnie to keep her nose out of my business,” she spat. “Reine and I are doing just fine, and we’ll keep on doing just fine, thank you.”

Mr Andrews gazed at her evenly. “Ms Lightowler, Marnie Somerset is not a woman to be trifled with, and she wants access to her grandchild—”

“And I intend on giving her that access,” Ari said, “but not like this. Reine and I are not for sale.”

Mr Andrews sighed. “The two of you need to settle this.” He picked up his briefcase and moved to the door. “Or, Ms Lightowler, you will be hearing from me again. I’ve given you fair warning.”

He left the room, his shoes clicking as he marched down the hall, and Ari turned back to Tom, who was gazing at her miserably. She stared back at him, meeting his eyes and holding them. After a moment, Tom slumped back into his chair.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked her, defeated. “What, Ari?”

“What a life you live,” Ari said sadly, shaking her head. “One where everything can be solved by just handing someone a cheque.”

“Welcome to my world,” Tom replied bitterly, his hands clenching on the table. “Welcome to my world.”

Ari gazed at him, tears pricking at her eyes. “No wonder you were so lost all those years ago. No wonder you ran. No wonder you hid.” She gestured to their palatial surroundings, the cold marble floors, the expensive wallpaper.

“I would have run from all this too,” she added, falling into a chair beside him.

“I was lost, all those years ago. But you found me,” he whispered, looking directly at her. “You found me.”

For a moment, his gaze felt too intense, and Ari tore her eyes away.

“What are we going to do?” she asked. “What now, Tom?”

When she chanced a glance at him again, he was staring at her with a melancholy smile.

“What?” she asked, puzzled. “What is it?”

“It’s just...” Tom began with a sigh. “It’s just, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever said my name this weekend without anger.”

“Tom,” Ari said again, and he was right, there was no anger in her tone. “It’s a good name. I always thought it was a good name.”

Tom gave a smile at that. “I like Reine’s name,” he said, and she knew he was changing the subject, veering away from any and all talk of himself. “You chose well, Ari. I can’t think of a name more perfect for her.”

She smiled back at him. “I nearly called her Millie. Millie Lightowler. Sebastian talked me out of it.”

“Maybe,” Tom cleared his throat. “Maybe, if you ever have more children...”

“No,” Ari answered at once. “Reine’s it for me.”

Tom nodded.

“You and Sasha...” Tom’s eyes snapped to hers “. . . you might have children. And then Reine... she... she would have siblings. She’d like that.”

Tom was looking at her oddly. “Look, Ari, about Sasha...”

But Ari didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to hear how easily and quickly he’d replaced her in his life.

“I’m sure you’ll be very happy,” Ari offered, trying to be kind. “Obviously, I won’t be able to plan your wedding now, but I’m sure Sebastian will do it. He’s never one to turn down a well-paying contract.”

“You think I should marry Sasha?” Tom asked, an odd tone to his voice. “Still? Even now?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Ari shrugged, trying to alleviate the knot of pain growing in her stomach. “Why would things have changed?”

Tom made no reply, exhaling heavily.

“She’s beautiful,” Ari added, through a throat that was now thick and dry. “Very beautiful. Like that old queen of diamonds card you used to have.”

When she looked back at Tom, he was staring at his hands with empty eyes.

“Right,” Tom said blankly. “Right.”

Suddenly, Ari felt overwhelmed with sadness. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calibrate her racing thoughts.

“Did you mean it?” she asked.

“What?”

Ari swallowed. “About wanting joint custody?”

“Not really. I wouldn’t do that to you.” He sounded tired. “Reine’s yours. I know that. I just... I just want to get to know her. I meant what I said earlier, Ari. I want to be her father. But only under your terms, okay? Without lawyers and contracts and... and my mother sticking her damn nose in.”

“Okay,” Ari felt herself relax. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” Tom carried on. “I’ll be sorry for that every day for the rest of my life. Even if you believe nothing else I ever say again, please believe that.”

He sounded so miserable that Ari knew he was telling the truth. He was sorry. “Come on,” she heard herself say, feeling her body stand, surprised by her own actions. “Come with me.”

Tom looked up at her. “What? Where?”

She reached down and took one of his hands, which was still clenched into a tight fist. As she wrapped her palm around his strained muscles, she felt it relax, and his fingers linked with hers as easily as they had ever done. There was something in this, Ari knew, but she ignored the feeling, just as she ignored the spark that went through her at the touch of his skin.

“Just come with me,” she said. “Please.”

* * *

As Ari led him away from the house and towards the woods, Tom felt his heart racing happily. He didn’t stop to ask where she was taking him and why. For all he knew, she could have been leading him into the forest where Luis and Sebastian were lying in wait, ready to murder him for deserting her. He probably deserved it, to be fair. He didn’t dare ask her where they were going, or why. All he knew was that Ari was here and willingly holding his hand and wanting to spend time with him, and he knew better than to open his mouth and ruin the moment. Something had shifted between them, and Tom felt hope raising its head. Maybe they could move on from here, he thought to himself. Maybe there was a way forward from this.

As they entered the woods, Tom glanced up at the grey sky. It was dark and foreboding, a little like the tortured workings of his mind.

“Will it rain, do you think?” he asked. The words were so innocuous, so pathetically every day, that he winced as soon as they were spoken.

This was Ari, and he was talking about the fucking weather ?

Ari, to his surprise, only laughed. It was a sound he hadn’t heard in eight years, and his heart pulsed painfully at the noise.

“Maybe,” she remarked, looking up. “I haven’t had a single sunny day at this place, you know. I’m sure it’s beautiful when the sun shines, but honestly, on days like this...” she gestured to the forbidding outline of the house behind them “. . . I don’t know how you bear it.”

Tom shrugged back. “I’m not normally here. I live in the city.”

“Yes,” Ari answered, and her tone had changed. “With Sasha.”

Tom instinctively knew he needed to change the subject. Sasha, like Tom Miller, were topics that made the smile fall from Ari’s lips and her voice go from honey to ice.

“I used to play in these woods when I was a kid,” he offered quickly. “My mom was always working, and my dad had his cars and planes. I would play out here, waiting for them to have time for me.”

At that, Ari looked at him. “That’s awful.”

“No,” Tom shook his head. “I was a quiet kid. The trees suited me.”

“Reine can be quiet,” Ari admitted. “I worry about how quiet she is sometimes.”

“Really?” Tom felt a dart of worry. “But she has friends, right? At school?”

“Yes.” Ari nodded. “She has friends. She also has friends from her violin lessons. Oh, and her My Little Pony fan club meetings. But still, she’s quiet.”

“She’s in a My Little Pony fan club?” Tom asked.

Ari laughed. “Yeah, Reine’s a big fan. I think it broke Luis’s heart a little that she never really got into Barbie dolls. He had grand plans for going to Barbie conventions with her.”

Tom felt a dart of jealousy shoot through him. “But Reine likes the ponies instead?”

Ari nodded. “Mm. It’s okay though. Luis made his peace with it. He’s now head of the My Little Pony fan club, London chapter, and don’t tell anyone this, but I think — I think — I’ve seen him writing Applejack and Rarity fanfiction.”

Tom nodded. “Does she go horse riding?”

Ari laughed again, stepping over a patch of mud. “No, but God, Sebastian would love that. He’s forever trying to make a lady out of her. He and Luis are already planning their outfits to wear to Queen Charlotte’s ball when Reine’s eighteen.”

“What’s Queen Charlotte’s ball?” Tom asked.

Ari gave an embarrassed shrug. “A debutante ball.”

Tom swallowed. “If Reine ever does that, please don’t tell my mother. She can get...” he paused “. . . overexcited sometimes.”

“Really?” Ari asked, and there was a teasing tone to her voice that Tom hadn’t heard in years. “You mean the woman who only had to hear once about the possibility of having a grandchild, and then redecorated an entire wing of her house to accommodate her — as well as having a custom playground built — can get overexcited?”

Tom flushed red. “Sorry about all that. My mother has had too much time on her hands, far too much time, actually, since she retired. There’s nothing like a project to keep her occupied.”

He felt Ari stiffen next to him. “Reine’s a person, not a project.”

Tom immediately stopped, pulling on Ari’s hand. “I know. I’m sorry. I just meant...”

Ari shook her head. “No. I’m being oversensitive. Don’t worry about it.”

Tom felt another flash of guilt. “If you’re oversensitive, it’s for a reason. I’m sorry.”

Ari sighed. “Look, Tom, if we’re going to move on from here, and . . . co-parent , you need to stop apologising.”

“I’ll never stop being sorry,” Tom replied. “I’ll never stop telling you how sorry I am.”

“Okay,” Ari nodded. “Okay. But not with Reine, right? She doesn’t need apologies now. She just needs you to be there for her, okay? That’s what Reine needs.”

“I can’t wait to start,” Tom told her, and he meant it. It was the absolute truth. He couldn’t wait to start spending time with Reine.

“Well,” Ari replied with a smile. “No better time than the present.”

She gestured forwards, and Tom’s mouth dropped open with shock. For there, in the clearing of the woods, sat Stella Snow , of all people. But it wasn’t the Stella he knew, the one who made his sphincter clench and his blood freeze in his veins, it was a strange, alien Stella. She was sitting on a log, looking almost relaxed . A dirty pair of boots were on her legs, covering a pair of mud-splattered jeans, and she was pointing up into the trees, talking animatedly. Next to her stood Reine, looking equally relaxed in muddy clothing, eating a chocolate cookie and staring at whatever Stella was pointing at.

“Stella is watching Reine?” Tom spluttered. “ Stella? ”

“Yeah.” Ari shrugged. “They actually get along really well.”

“But she’s . . . she’s so—”

“She’s so what?” intoned an icy, stern voice, and Tom at once snapped to attention.

“She’s, um, uh . . .”

Stella rolled her eyes. “Verbose as always, I see, Somerset. My God, an odd jawline and a babbling brook of a mouth. How a man like you produced something so glorious as this little girl, I’ll never know.”

“It’s nice to see you again,” Tom replied through gritted teeth. “Thank you for watching Reine.”

“Oh.” Stella gave him an odd look, her eyes drifting down to his and Ari’s linked hands. Whatever she was thinking she kept firmly to herself.

“You’re playing Dad now then, are you? That’s terribly interesting. Very well. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Mummy.” Reine stepped forwards, swinging her little arms around Ari’s waist. She looked up at Tom with excited eyes. Ari must have seen, for she at once let go of Tom’s hand — he felt a flash of disappointment when her fingers disentangled from his own.

“Thanks for this, Stella,” Ari said. “I know how busy you are.”

“Oh, I cleared my calendar, don’t you worry,” Stella said with a shrug. “Car-wreck weddings are a delight, you know. And this one has been an almighty smash that I wouldn’t miss.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, thank you, and—” Before Tom could finish the sentence, Stella reached into her pocket and held up her phone. At close range she snapped a photo, the flash momentarily blinding him.

“ Will you please stop doing that? ” Tom hissed, clutching a hand to his eyes, mindful of his language.

“Why?” Stella asked blankly. “I’m going to exhibit you, my darling oaf. You’ll be the talk of the town when these photos hit the canvas. Honestly, it’s the most exciting thing. I haven’t been this inspired since my Decaying Plant series, only in place of rotting vegetables I now have you.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to that—” Tom began, but Stella put her finger over his lips.

“Hush now, Jawline, my erstwhile rotting carrot. There’s no agreement needed in art. Besides, you have parenting to do now.”

“Yes, but—”

“It’s been a pleasure as always, Small,” Stella said, ignoring him completely now, and turning to Reine. “But don’t eat all my Leibniz.”

“Bye, Stellie,” Reine sang out cheerfully, and Tom watched as the tall woman left the clearing, her hands in her pockets, her head held high.

“Right,” Ari said, and there was a nervous energy about her that Tom could feel radiating around them. “Right.”

Tom suddenly felt nervous too. Even more nervous than when Stella had been with them.

“Ari, you don’t have to do this right now, you know,” he offered, but Ari shook her head.

“No. I really do.”

Tom watched as Ari sank to her knees in front of their little girl, taking one of Reine’s chocolate-covered hands.

“Reine, do you know who this man is?”

“Yes. He’s Tom,” answered Reine, who suddenly looked shy. “And I think... I think he might be my father?”

The young uncertainty in her voice made Tom wince. He looked at Ari, who nodded shortly, giving him permission.

“Yeah,” he added, sinking to his knees next to Ari. “Yeah, I am. And I’m going to be around a lot more from this point on. Is that okay with you?”

Reine looked first at Ari, and Tom knew she was silently touching base with her mother. Ari nodded silently again, and with that Reine offered Tom a shy smile.

“Yes. Yes, that’s okay.”

They spent the afternoon in the clearing, finding sticks and leaves. Tom walked with Reine and Ari through the woods he knew so well, pointing out all the interesting turns and paths he remembered from his own childhood. He took Reine to his old den and felt a rush of gratitude when Ari sat outside, feigning tired legs. He knew she was simply giving him time with his daughter, and he relished the half hour he had alone with the little girl, who took a real interest in his old collection of childhood treasures.

When they walked back to the house, hungry and tired, Tom couldn’t remember ever being so happy. Actually, he could. He’d last felt this light and free in Europe, when he’d been with Ari. She was the thing that lightened his soul best, he realised. He stopped suddenly, staring down at her in shocked recognition.

“What is it?” Ari asked in concern, but Tom shook his head, scared of frightening her with the intensity of his feelings.

“Nothing, it’s just...” He watched as Ari brushed a strand of stray hair away from her face, looking at him curiously.

“I know it’s been a long time, but with you, nothing is ever just nothing . What’s going on?”

Tom gave her a soft smile. “You know what you were saying earlier, about the queen of diamonds card being beautiful?”

Ari nodded, her face falling a little.

At her look of hurt, Tom quickly carried on. “Well, I was just thinking that I... Well, let’s just say that I still prefer the queen of spades. Always have, always will.”

Ari blushed, a pretty pink colour dusting her cheeks.

Between them, Reine looked up. “Are you going to marry my mummy now?”

Tom glanced at her in surprise.

“Reine!” Ari said.

“Well, you know—” Tom began, but he couldn’t finish his words.

“He can’t marry your mother, dear,” a curt voice interrupted. “You see, he’s already planning on marrying me.”

Tom looked up, right into the blazing eyes of Sasha.