Before You Say I Do

Chapter 20 Salmon

“So, you’re saying you broke up with Sasha, and the wedding is off?”

Marnie was staring at Tom, her eyes hard, her hands tightly clenched upon the polished mahogany of her desk. Standing over her shoulder, one hand stroking the gnarled ends of his tatty beard, stood Corentin. He was staring at Tom just as intently as his mother, but his eyes were softer, more like a worn shale to the steady diamonds of Marnie’s gaze.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying,” Tom replied, feeling distinctly uneasy. He’d always hated standing up to his mother, but when you added Corentin into the mix the situation felt a thousand times worse. It was as though all the vibrant energy Marnie exuded was magnified by two — although with Corentin there was an added dimension of disapproval and regretfully felt disappointment in Tom’s life choices. Not that he ever said anything to Tom. No, Corentin’s feelings manifested themselves entirely through sorrowful eyes and woebegone smiles and shared looks with their mother. Thank God Marnie only ever called for his brother in the rare moments when she felt out of her depth or out of control, finding in his presence a reassuring and calming sort of backup. Corentin wasn’t so much her son as much as a living and breathing emotional support blanket, Tom often thought.

“And Ari—”

“It wasn’t about her.” Tom immediately cut down that seedling of thought in Marnie’s brain before it sprouted roots and branches. “Not really.”

“Not really,” Marnie replied thoughtfully, sitting back and looking up to her brother. “Did you hear that, Corentin? Not really.”

“I heard him, Mom,” Corentin intoned, still gazing at Tom thoughtfully.

“Sasha’s gone back to the city,” Tom carried on, ignoring the weight of his brother’s eyes and staring at his mother. “Clearly we can’t live together anymore. So, I’m going to pack up my half of the apartment this week, although I’m going to pay the entire rent for the next eighteen months.”

“Well, I hardly think there’s any call for that—”

“I didn’t treat Sasha very well, Mom,” Tom said firmly. “Whatever you think of her, I proposed to her for all the wrong reasons. There’s no need for her to be financially impacted by my poor life choices. I won’t hear any argument on this. I’m paying her rent.”

A glimmer of something seemed to pass through Marnie’s eyes, magnified again as it spread to Corentin’s. Tom watched his mother and brother exchange a look, before Corentin cleared his throat.

“I’m sure you’ve made the right choice here, Tom.”

Tom stopped, taking a moment to process his thoughts, because Corentin’s words had almost sounded like praise .

“Hmm.” Marnie leaned forward now, tapping her fingers on her desk. “Well then, you’ll be moving your things back here I take it?”

Tom swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous. “Actually, I — probably not, Mom.”

“What do you mean, ‘probably not’? If you’re not going to be living with Sasha, then of course you’ll come back here.” Marnie sounded indignant, if not downright offended. “You have nowhere else to go, Tom.”

Tom felt his mouth go dry, his pulse hammering in his head. “Actually, Mom, I thought I might go... to, uh, London.”

At that, a heavy silence fell over the room.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Marnie asked.

Tom cleared his throat, standing taller. “I’m going to London.”

Another weighted silence fell, followed by another exchange of looks between Marnie and Corentin.

“Tom, have you spoken to Ari about this?” Corentin asked quietly.

“No, I haven’t. Not yet.”

Abruptly, Marnie stood, walking over to Tom and taking his hand. “Look, Tom . . . I know you’re keen to be a father to Reine, and I’m just as keen for you to have that place in her life. But London is... well, it’s Ari’s city. You can’t just move there out of the blue and expect her to be okay with that.”

“I can’t just stay here and do nothing though,” Tom replied miserably. “I have eight years to make up for, Mom. Eight whole years. Ari needs support, and Reine needs a father.”

Corentin, with a sigh, sank into the chair Marnie had just occupied. “I think what Mom’s saying, Tom, is that maybe you should discuss this with Ari before you make any real plans. Give her a chance to be okay with it. Give her a chance to contribute to the thought process.”

Tom took a deep breath, working beyond the initial stab of annoyance he felt, eventually finding the sense in Corentin’s words. There was truth to them, he realised. London was Ari’s city, where she kept her home and where she worked, and he needed to be respectful of that.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Okay. I’ll talk to Ari before I make any decisions.”

“Try to talk to her alone,” Marnie suddenly piped up. “Without Luis and Sebastian there, I mean. Don’t misunderstand me, I like Luis — I like him quite a lot, actually — but he and his husband... Well, they’ve got an agenda where Ari and Reine are concerned. They’ll do what they can to protect that, I imagine. Not that I blame them, but still...”

“Yeah.” Tom nodded slowly. “You’re right. I’ll try and talk to Ari alone.”

“After dinner,” Corentin suddenly broke in, and Tom looked up to find his brother staring absently out of the window. “The skies are clearing, do you see? It would be a nice evening for a walk. It’s quiet and peaceful out there now.”

Tom blinked in surprise. Corentin was right. After days of grey clouds and cold rain, the sun was suddenly breaking through from above. In the distance, the dark blanket of clouds rolling slowly across the sky seemed to be splitting open, revealing sharp yellow rays that hit the earth in a bright display of hope and colour.

“Ides weather has passed,” Corentin announced, and Tom was suddenly acutely reminded of Doug. Doug, who loved the sky more than anything else.

“Yeah,” he agreed, feeling a wave of calm wash over him. “You’re right. It has.”

His father wanted him to be happy. His father wanted him to make the right choices. Even from the beyond, he felt Doug’s presence there with him in that room. Everything, Tom abruptly thought, was going to be okay.

“You know,” Corentin began, in a tone of voice Tom recognised — it was knowing and rich, and Tom knew it meant Corentin was about to impart desperately important wisdom of some kind, “traditionally, the Ides celebrated the new moon and the festival of—”

“Jupiter, yeah, I know,” Tom broke in, impatient as always where his brother’s painfully slow teachings were concerned. “Mom made me read Julius Caesar back in school too, you know.”

“Actually,” Corentin carried on calmly, “the Ides were first associated with Mother Earth. A day of celebration, where people brought offerings to the Goddess. Anna Perenna , the Romans called her, although she has different names in other cultures. The Ides were celebrated joyfully, where the first new moon of the year meant casting off the old and celebrating the new.” Corentin glanced at Tom knowingly. “A bit like you, hmm? Casting off the old. Celebrating the new.”

“Corentin—”

“Just something to think about, Tom,” Corentin replied calmly, coming to stand beside his mother. “It’s just something to think about. Take Ari for that walk after dinner.”

“Yes,” Marnie said, before adding, with a plea to her voice, “although Tom? Try not to fuck it up this time, okay? I really like Ari, Tom. I want her and Reine to be part of our lives.”

“Yes,” Corentin nodded sagely. “Also, as an aside, I know Mom’s fortune may seem vast, but we can only afford to pay the rent for so many ex-fiancées and ex-lovers a year. Keeping Ari on side might save us a penny or two.”

“Not that I’m complaining about settling Reine’s costs,” Marnie cut in quickly. “I mean, she’s your daughter and my grandchild, and it’s entirely right we take on our responsibility to her. But think of the salmon.”

“Salmon?” Tom asked, feeling thoroughly confused. “What does salmon have to do with Ari and Reine?”

Marnie shook her head. “It doesn’t have anything to do with them, but I’ve already paid for five hundred and eighty salmon fillets to be delivered for your now cancelled wedding in six weeks. It wasn’t cheap and it’s too late to cancel. What am I going to do with five hundred and eighty salmon fillets, Tom? Open a sushi restaurant?”

“I can pay you back for the salmon—”

“I’m not asking you to do that.” Marnie shook her head. “I just... I just want you to sort things out with Ari, okay? Sort it out. Please.”

“Mom,” Tom replied softly, “I’m going to try my best, okay? That’s all I can promise right now. I’ll try my best. I want this to work with her . . . I still love her, Mom.”

“I know,” Marnie replied with a sigh. “I know you do.”

“I’ve always loved her,” Tom said, the weight of truth heavy on his tongue.

“So, she’s not just some woman then?” Corentin asked wryly, and Tom turned to him, shaking his head.

“Not just some woman,” he replied. “My Ari. And I want to win her back.”

* * *

“You know, I’ve been thinking . . .” Sebastian remarked, looking at Ari and Luis with a serious expression.

“Dare I ask?” Ari replied, popping two paracetamols into her mouth and chugging them back with a mouthful of water.

“It’s just, now that Reine has that incredibly awkward blank space on her birth certificate filled, she should really move schools.”

Ari stared at him, affronted. “There’s nothing wrong with being a single mum. Besides, Reine loves her school, and I love her school. Why would I move her?”

“Also,” Luis cut in, “you forget that I’m the secretary of the PTA. If Reine leaves the school, they’ll ask me to leave too.” His face darkened. “And I just know that cow Barbara Canning has her eye on my role.”

“So? Let her have it. You complain about the PTA all the time,” Sebastian replied flippantly.

“Yeah, but it’s still mine.” Luis crossed his arms over his chest. “Until that scheming witch Barbara Canning gets her way, that is.”

“Forget Barbara Canning,” Sebastian replied.

“I try, but she’s insidious. Sometimes I dream about her at night, you know.”

“Don’t remind me.” Sebastian groaned. “Nothing like being woken in the middle of the night by your leg kicking my stomach while you shout ‘Barbara, get away from that cake stand!’ or ‘Barbara, you bitch, that’s my patch to sell raffle tickets! Stick to the back gate where you belong!’ or—”

“Guys, I have a massive headache building right behind my temple,” Ari cut in, rubbing her forehead, “and I’m already maxed out on painkillers. Sebastian, get to the point and tell me why I need to move my child from the school she loves to — that’s a point, where do you even think I should move her?”

“Why, a good British public school, of course,” Sebastian replied confidently.

Ari groaned. “Not this again. She’s not going to St Paul’s Girls School, okay? I don’t care how good their synchronised swim team is.”

Sebastian gave a frustrated sigh. “Things have changed since you last said no, Ari. Reine’s a Somerset now. Think of her marriage prospects.”

“Her marriage prospects!” Ari rolled her eyes. “Oh, for the love of God, is this about Prince George again? If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times — stop trying to marry my child into the royal family.”

“I was only half-serious before,” Sebastian carried on without blinking. “But Ari, honey, think about it. With Reine’s looks and background, plus all that French royal blood and money now, she could go all the way .”

“You’re being ridiculous, Sebastian,” Luis chimed in. “Reine isn’t going to marry a prince.”

“You don’t know that,” Sebastian returned easily. “And just think, if she did, you could design her wedding dress.”

At that, Luis sat up, a flicker of interest in his eyes. “I’d be like the Emanuels.”

“Think of the miles of taffeta you could use,” Sebastian smiled at him. “The yards and yards of silk and satin.”

“Don’t persuade Luis into this, Sebbie,” Ari said with a frown. “Reine is going to make her own choices in life. I’m not going to encourage her to spend her life chasing after a prince who may or may not even be interested in her.”

“What, you mean just like you did?” Sebastian quipped, before he clapped a hand over his mouth. “God, Ari, I’m so sorry—”

Ari shook her head. “Just don’t,” she said quietly, wringing her hands together. “Just... just don’t, okay? I’m not ready for jokes about it yet, and I don’t know if I ever will be, to be honest.”

“If it means anything to you, Tom’s not really a prince,” Luis chipped in, patting Ari’s shoulder consolingly. “Men who treat women the way he treated you don’t deserve an accolade like prince .”

“Accolade?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “My, my, aren’t we using fancy words today?”

“It’s the company I keep.” Luis nudged Sebastian with his elbow. “Rubs off on me occasionally.”

“We should really go down for dinner.” Ari rested her head on Luis’s shoulder, closing her eyes. “Reine’s in bed. The poor kid was wiped... jet lag, late evenings, meeting her father, and then what happened with Sasha today—” Abruptly she stopped, opening her eyes to find Luis staring down at her.

“What about Sasha today?” Sebastian asked, his voice sharp.

“I let Tom have some time with Reine,” she admitted, trying to ignore the look of pain that crossed Luis’s eyes. “When we were headed back to the house, Sasha came upon us. Reine asked...” Ari paused. “Reine asked Tom if he was going to marry me now, that sweet little girl, and Sasha, well...” Ari trailed off. “Sasha told Reine he couldn’t, because he was going to marry her.”

“That utter c—” Sebastian began, but Ari cut him off, holding her hand over his mouth.

“Watch your language.” She nodded towards Luis. “Remember you’re rubbing off on your husband here.”

“He’d be the first to agree with me.”

“Yeah, at home we’d call her a zorra , even though you all know I don’t like to swear,” Luis admitted. “What happened then?”

“Tom made his apologies and dragged Sasha up to the house. Half an hour later she came flying out the door, hopped into her car and hasn’t been back since.”

Sebastian and Luis’s mouths both dropped open.

“Has he... broken up with Sasha?” Luis asked, his eyes wide.

“Maybe. Or perhaps she just needs some space. This weekend has been intense, and it hasn’t really gone the way Sasha planned, has it?” Ari paused, reflecting sadly. “It hasn’t gone the way any of us had planned.”

“I don’t think that would matter to a woman like Sasha,” Sebastian said thoughtfully. “I’ve seen too many like her. The eyes-on-the-prize kind of bride. Trust me, they don’t let their grooms go easily. Maybe she’s just gone to recalibrate. Sharpen her claws and restyle her hair to cover her horns . . . I just can’t see her letting Tom Somerset escape her clutches.”

“But he did,” a chipper voice interrupted them, and Ari looked up to see Stella standing in the doorway of the room, a camera in her hand. “They’ve definitely broken up.”

“How... how do you know that?” Ari asked her shakily.

Stella shrugged. “I was taking some candid shots. Overheard him tell her—with a bluntness I didn’t think he had in him, to be honest—that he didn’t want to marry her. That he never wanted to marry her, in fact.”

Ari’s heart fluttered, and she bit hard on her lip to stop her body from reacting treacherously. It shouldn’t mean anything to you , she reminded herself. Don’t let it mean anything to you.

“Good for him,” Luis said, surprisingly warm-voiced.

“But not for us,” Sebastian moaned. “I really wanted to plan that wedding.”

“Really?” Ari asked. “You mean the wedding of my child’s father? The wedding of my ex-lover Tom Somerset, who I’ve been waiting for all these years? You really wanted to plan that wedding?”

“Well, not that wedding,” Sebastian clarified. “It was just—this was going to be our big US break, you know? Now I’ll have to return Marnie’s money, cancel the press release and work off all the calories I’ve consumed this weekend from eating nothing but salmon with rich sauces. Honestly, what is it with Marnie and salmon? She had me order a fuckload of it for the wedding, and I don’t think we can cancel it at this point—”

“Sebastian,” Luis said under his breath, before he shot Ari a look. “You okay, honey?”

“Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Ari tried to keep her tone smooth.

“Well, your child’s father, and the ex-lover you’ve been waiting for all these years, just dumped his fiancée two days after you waltzed unexpectedly back into his life. That’s gotta mean something to you, right?”

“No,” Ari replied.

“Ari’s not so easily swayed by Jawline’s sad eyes and awkward posture.” Stella nodded with approval. “Besides, after all this time, you should really make him work for it. You and the small deserve so much more than what he’s offered.”

Ari, Sebastian and Luis all turned to Stella in surprise, who at once responded by clicking her camera in their direction, the flash making Ari blink.

“This show just gets better and better,” Stella muttered. “See you all at dinner, chaps.”

For a moment Ari, Sebastian and Luis sat in silence.

“Well, she seems brighter than usual, doesn’t she?” Luis finally said.

“Yes, but the wedding’s off,” Ari murmured, “The wedding’s off, and yet the wedding planners, dress designer and the photographer are all still here and about to have dinner. That’s weird, right?”

“Maybe there’s something in the water. Or the food.” Sebastian turned to Ari with wide eyes. “Maybe it’s the salmon.”

Ari took a deep breath. “We should get down for dinner. Wait for Marnie to break the news that there’s no wedding, work out an exit clause and get the hell out of here.”

“Exit clause?” Luis shook his head. “Tom Somerset is the father of your child, Ari. You don’t get an exit clause here. You’re gonna have to be a grown-up and work out a plan.”

“You told me this already,” Ari replied.

“Yeah, and I guess today you made inroads, letting Reine’s...” Luis paused, and Ari once again saw that flicker of sharp pain go through him “...Reine’s father take some time with her. But you need a solid plan now, honey. A visitation schedule. Informal at first... but something you can solidify in law later if needed.”

“Solidify?” Ari repeated wryly. “You really are talking fancy today, aren’t you?”

“I told you, it’s the company I’m keeping.”

“It’s the salmon,” Sebastian interjected firmly. “Marnie’s lacing it with something. Though while Sasha was here, it was probably poison.”

“Okay.” Ari nodded, ignoring Sebastian and coming to a stand, rubbing at her aching temple. “I’ll speak to Tom tonight. Work something out with him.”

“Good girl.” Luis stood too. “Come on, let’s go downstairs. Apparently Tom’s brother is joining us for dinner tonight.”

“I hope he likes salmon.” Sebastian laughed, and Ari watched as Luis jokingly ruffled his husband’s blond hair. Sebastian shooed him away, smiling all the while, and something in Ari’s chest began to ache. Abruptly she stopped, wrapping her arms around the two men, hiding her face against Luis’s warm shirt.

“In case I haven’t said it, or forget to say it later,” she said, unexpectedly feeling on the verge of tears, “thank you. Thank you for... well, everything.”

She felt Luis squeeze her back, just as she momentarily felt Sebastian falter against her. When she looked at him, he was taking a deep breath, clearly in the act of getting himself together.

“Bollocks, even I’m feeling watery and emotional at the moment,” Sebastian bemoaned. “Maybe there really is something in the food.”

Ari stared at him. “It’s okay. You can say it.”

Sebastian gave a sigh of relief. “That fucking salmon.”

* * *

“So, you really gave up a decorated naval career for the priesthood?” Stella was saying, staring at Corentin with what Tom worryingly considered adoring eyes. His brother was sitting back in his chair, nodding at the elegant dark-haired woman easily.

“I did,” he said. “But I don’t like to think of it as ‘giving up’. I like to think of it more as a natural sidestep. I’m still very proud of my naval career, but my heart was no longer in it. Esoteric Druidry called me, and I answered that call.”

Tom took a sip of wine, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“I understand entirely,” Stella replied. “I was a Royal Navy girl myself, once upon a time.”

Tom nearly choked on his wine.

“Were you now?” Corentin asked, looking at Stella with new interest. “Where were you based?”

“HMS Raleigh originally, before I was moved to HMS Tyne . I was a natural with the camera though, so they moved me to the photographic unit, and that’s where I really honed my skills and talents.”

“You were in the navy?” Tom spat out, and the adoring eyes Stella had for Corentin turned into small stones when she glanced at him.

“The Royal Navy, I thank you,” Stella replied sharply. “And yes, I was. I like rules and regulations, you see. The Royal Navy suited me.”

“And you went from the navy to wedding photography?” Luis asked, scratching his head. “How did I not know this?”

“The navy, weddings...” Stella shrugged, taking a sip of wine. “White uniforms all look the same once you’ve seen them through the lens.”

“A wedding dress is not a uniform,” Luis replied emphatically.

“It’s the expected dress code for an event or place in a particular shade stocked by select retailers,” Stella replied easily. “That’s a uniform.”

“Actually, she has a point, Luis,” Sebastian said. “Did you know Ari and I once planned a wedding at the Bulgari Hotel in Knightsbridge, and, I kid you not, if the bride wasn’t in a particular designer, they wouldn’t host the wedding. Maggie Sottero fans were not getting through that door, let me tell you.”

“Was I on their list? I mean, was De León Designs?” Luis quickly asked, and Sebastian paused.

“Let’s not make this awkward, hmm? Besides, I want to hear more about esoteric Druidry. That’s where you wear robes, right?”

Corentin nodded. “Some of us do, when the occasion calls for it. I guess they’re just another type of white uniform though, eh?” He gave Stella a playful wink, which made Tom shudder.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Stella replied, and Tom stared at her, because was she flirting with his brother ? “I always thought robes were rather dashing and sexy.”

Dear God, she was flirting with him. Tom clutched at his wine glass, desperately trying to catch Ari’s eye from across the table, only to find her with her head firmly down, her hand wrapped around the stem of her own glass.

He’d been trying to catch Ari’s eye all evening. From the moment they’d sat at this wretched table, waiting for the Oscietra caviar to be served, he’d been waiting for Ari to look up, to notice him, to give him even the smallest flicker of hope that his breaking up with Sasha meant something to her. But not once had she even glanced in his direction, sitting quietly sandwiched between Sebastian and Luis, who were watching Stella and Corentin interact with interest, Tom realised.

“Robes? Dashing and sexy?” Sebastian wrinkled his nose. “You mean capes, right? Not robes. Robes aren’t sexy.”

“Robes can be sexy,” Stella returned, and Tom watched her give Corentin a playful wink back, making his stomach turn.

“Robes?” Sebastian asked again. “I mean, robes are what wizards wear, and I can’t think of a sexy happy medium between Gandalf the Grey and Harry Potter, can you? But capes? I can absolutely think of a few men who have been sexy in capes.”

“Your father once wore a cape,” Marnie suddenly cut in. “It was a Halloween party, and he was dressed as Dracula, but he was still dashing and sexy.”

“ Mother, ” Tom groaned, to which Marnie shrugged.

“What? He was sexy and dashing. So sue me for finding your father attractive, why don’t you?”

“I remember that Halloween party,” Corentin mused. “You’re right, Dad was sexy and dashing. Maybe I should switch to capes.” Then he grinned, and Stella gave a high laugh, tapping Corentin on the shoulder playfully.

This cannot be happening, Tom thought. How can I be sitting across the table from the absolute love of my life, not communicating at all, while my priestly brother scores with my former wedding photographer?

“I’m sure you’d look dashing and sexy in capes too,” Stella replied. “I have to admit, I own a cape or two myself.” She gave Sebastian a sideways glance. “In tweed. They’re an autumn staple when you’re about town.”

“Indeed.” Sebastian nodded knowingly, and at that, unable to bear a second more, Tom stood.

“You know, I’m really not very hungry,” he announced.

Five pairs of eyes immediately shot to him, although the sixth pair, the pair Tom really cared about, kept resolutely down.

“Are you all right?” Marnie asked in concern.

“Yes, I’m fine. Just not in the mood for any dinner.”

“Because of Sasha?” Stella asked, her voice once again cool.

“Sasha? No, I—”

“Because we all know she’s gone, Jawline,” Stella added, her words echoing across the room in the sudden silence that followed.

Tom sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Oh, you do?” Though his words were addressed to the table, they were really meant for Ari. Ari, whose eyes remained down, her face still and expressionless.

“Yes. Marvellous decision, actually. Top form of you.” Stella nodded her approval. “Though I’m aware heartbreak can affect the stomach. I’ve never experienced it myself, but if you weren’t hungry because you were, I don’t know,” Stella waved a hand, “ missing her or some such thing, well, we would all understand.”

“Yes, I can concur with that,” Sebastian broke in, buttering a bread roll. “When my favourite woollen vest was put through a cottons cycle and shrank—”

“ Dios mío, otra vez el chaleco .” Luis groaned. “You never let me forget that vest.”

“It was Pierre Cardin,” Sebastian shot Luis a sharp look. “And you washed it with your cotton slacks like it was TK Maxx .”

“I like TK Maxx—” Ari broke in, and Tom’s eyes shot to her once more. Her tone was placatory, almost calming, and it occurred to him that she must have been playing peacemaker between these mismatched men for years.

She was always fixing things, Tom realised. Cars, engines, her art, her brother’s marriage. She’d even tried to fix him, once upon a time, although neither of them had realised it. Tom swallowed as he looked at her, an ache building within him. It was his turn to fix things now, he decided. His turn to make things better.

“Everyone likes TK Maxx for their cut-price candles, but that’s not my point,” Sebastian interrupted. “I sobbed over that ruined vest for weeks.”

“He’s not lying,” Luis said ruefully.

“I couldn’t eat for days afterwards.”

“Let me get this straight,” Marnie sat up. “You were heartbroken over... a vest?”

“A Pierre Cardin vest,” Sebastian corrected her. “I don’t think you quite understand what that means.”

“No, I have no idea. But surely you can’t compare the loss of a fiancée to a vest?”

“Loss of a fiancée?” Sebastian scoffed. “She walked out, she’s not dead. Unlike my vest, which is never coming back.”

Tom shook his head, standing taller. “Speaking of walking out, I’m going. I need some air.”

“I’ll come with you,” a small voice offered, and Tom jolted with surprise. He looked across the table to find Ari finally looking at him, her face uncertain, chewing on her lip with nerves.

“Yeah, sure,” he answered. And, damn it, there was a wobble to his own voice he hadn’t intended. He was giving away his own nerves.

There was quiet in the room as Marnie, Sebastian, Luis, Stella and Corentin watched Ari stand and walk across the room. The silence was awkward and thick, and Tom suddenly found himself wishing Sebastian would start talking about vests again.

“Right, so, um, we’re going to, uh...” he spluttered into the quiet.

“Of course,” Marnie replied smoothly, and Tom could see that she was trying to hide her delight.

“It’s a lovely evening for a walk,” Corentin added, and Tom watched as Stella turned to him with a soft smile.

“Why, aren’t you just a romantic,” she gushed.

At that, Tom turned away.

“Come on,” he said to Ari softly, “let’s get out of here.”

“Okay.” She nodded. “Okay.”

* * *

The ground was wet beneath her feet, the forest floor sodden and sticky with mud and fallen leaves. An earthy smell of damp was in the air, moist and rich with decay. It was a clear evening, a pink and orange sky breaking through clouds the colour of slate, and Ari looked up through the overhanging canopy of leaves to look at the light. Leaning back against an old birch tree, Ari took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts.

Tom leaned against another tree, and she could feel his eyes upon her, heavy and intense. She’d forgotten how intense his gaze could be — forgotten how one look from him could render her legs to jelly and make her heart beat hard within her chest. She’d forgotten so much... all the while forgetting absolutely nothing at all.

“It would have been a nice venue,” she offered quietly, breaking the silence of the forest around them.

“For the wedding?” Tom asked, looking around. “Yeah, maybe. A good venue, but it wouldn’t have been a good wedding.”

“I’m good at my job,” Ari stated. “I would’ve made this work.”

Tom nodded, looking back at her with those intent eyes. “You would. But I wouldn’t — not with the wrong bride.”

Silence fell again as Ari took his words in.

“You really... you really broke things off with Sasha?” she asked, hating how timid she sounded.

“Yeah, I did,” Tom confirmed. “I just... it would never have worked out, long-term. I didn’t love her, Ari. I never loved her. The only woman I’ve ever loved in my whole, entire, stupid life has been—”

“Please don’t—”

“— you .”

Ari took a deep breath, pressing herself more firmly against the tree.

“I really did love you,” Tom carried on, stepping towards her. “I was crazy about you. Everything about you. There was nothing about you I didn’t like or want.”

“Then why didn’t you come for me?” Ari asked, her voice breaking. Her stomach hurt with unexpected longing, her head hurt with building tears and she felt an angry sadness wash through her. “Why didn’t you come for me?”

“I—” Tom began, before he shook his head, stopping and taking a step back. Ari watched as he ran a hand through his hair, scowling at the ground. “I’m an idiot,” he said. “I was a mess after my father died. I was a mess before my father died too. You were the only bright spot. The only time where I ever thought I was getting things right.”

“By lying to me, and pretending to be someone else.”

Tom sighed. “I don’t expect you to forgive me for that. I’ll never forgive myself for it, so why should you? When I first started using the name Tom Miller, I was running from myself and the family background I thought was strangling me. The weight of expectation on my shoulders, from my mother, father, brother... even from myself... It was too much. Running away felt so easy,” Tom reflected sadly. “A fake name felt like a chance to get away from it all.”

“You never said what you were doing before you met me,” Ari said, sliding to the ground and wrapping her arms around her knees. “I knew so little about you. I still know so little about you.”

“There’s time to learn,” Tom said softly. “I’m not going away again, Ari.”

“I know,” Ari agreed. She gave a long sigh. “You have Reine now. What are we going to do about her, Tom? I meant what I said. I’m not going to keep her from you. I want you to spend time with her.”

“I’ll come to London.”

Ari chewed on her lip. The thought of Tom being in London, all the time, made her feel somewhat nervous, though she couldn’t articulate why.

“You’d move to London? For Reine?”

Tom paused. “Not just for Reine.”

Ari hugged her knees harder, looking away from the intensity of Tom’s gaze. The ground was still damp beneath her, and she was certain her dress was muddied and wet, but she didn’t care. The sensation of the wet leaves against her legs distracted her from the sudden rush of troubling thoughts that ran through her mind — thoughts that made her fingers tremble and lungs feel tight.

“Tom . . .” she started.

“Please, let me say something,” Tom begged, falling to his knees beside her. “Ari, you must know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you. I still love you, Ari. I will always love you.”

She turned to face him, resting her cheek on her knees. Tom looked different somehow, with dark shadows under his eyes, his face tense and strained. He looked pained, almost wretched. Ari sighed again, licking her lips, which felt dry and tight.

“I don’t know that,” she said tremulously. “I used to think that, when I knew you as Tom Miller, when I thought you would come for me and Reine. But now...”

“It’s still me,” Tom said painfully, reaching over to caress one of Ari’s hands. He only just brushed his fingertips over her knuckles, but at his touch Ari jumped.

“No,” she said sadly. “You aren’t the man I knew. You aren’t the man I loved. I’m... I’m sorry, Tom. I know how you want this conversation to go, but I can’t. I just can’t, and I don’t—”

“Ari, look.”

Ari watched as he reached into his pocket, pulling from it a shape she knew well. It was the fool to her queen of spades, she realised. He kept it, she thought in sudden anguish. He kept it.

“Before you say I can’t, before you say I don’t, please look at this. I’ve had this, carried it every day, for years,” Tom told her softly, handing her the card. Its weight was familiar in her hand, her fingers curling naturally around its edges.

“I’m still a fool for you,” he whispered. “I’ll always be a fool for you.”

Ari closed her eyes, hoping to stop the tears that were building.

“Did you keep yours?” Tom asked quietly, and Ari opened her eyes again. He looked so hopeful, with his eyes so soft and loving that she could hardly stand it. “Your queen? Did you keep it?”

For a moment, Ari struggled to breathe. It would be so easy to tell him the truth. So easy to say that she’d held onto that damned queen of spades card for years, both a token of hope and talisman against heartbreak, tucked quietly in her pocket. So easy to tell him how much she’d missed him. So easy to give in.

“No,” she said, and the word was harsh-sounding, ugly, even to her. “I tore her up.”

Tom’s face fell, his eyes clouding over. He opened his mouth to reply before clearly thinking the better of it. He gave Ari a long look, before sinking against the tree next to her, his hand still warm against hers.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

“What we had,” Ari carried on, feeling her heart break a little within her, “I mean, what we once had... it was beautiful, you know? And I don’t regret it. I really don’t. You gave me Reine, and the most beautiful memories of my life. But I can’t... we can’t go back to those days. There’s too much between us. Too many lies. Too much betrayal.”

Ari watched as Tom grew pale. His head slumped back against the tree in defeat, and he exhaled long and hard.

“I didn’t want to go back to those days,” he said, his voice broken. “I wanted to move forward. To new days. You, me and Reine.”

“No,” Ari said. “I can’t. But you... you can move forward with Reine in your life. As much time as you want with her.”

Tom nodded. “Thank you. I know I’ve done nothing to deserve your trust where Reine is concerned... but thank you.”

For a few moments they sat in silence, their fingers now entwined. Above them, a slight wind whistled through the trees, and somewhere in the distance a bird called. Ari closed her eyes, trying in vain to block them all out. She just wanted quiet now. Somewhere calm where she could lick her wounds and heal.

“You should paint again,” Tom suddenly said, and Ari startled.

“What?”

“You should paint again,” he said again, and when Ari looked at him, his face was serious. “You don’t know how good you are.”

“Sasha told me you’d bought one of my paintings for a small fortune,” Ari replied with a bitter smile. “Wish I’d seen some of that money.”

Tom squeezed her hand. “Your work is a habit I can’t quite give up. I’ve tried.”

Ari stared at him. “You mean you bought more than one?”

Tom swallowed, giving Ari a small shrug.

“I bought them all.”

Ari’s mouth dropped open. “All? You mean you... How many of my paintings do you own, Tom?”

He looked away from her to the trees. “All of them.”

“All of them?”

“Thirty-seven, at my last count.”

“Tom...” Ari began, before trailing off. There was nothing she could say, no words she could muster.

“I really do love you, Ari,” Tom said softly. “I really do.”

Ari felt her heart splinter once more.

“I know,” she whispered back. “I know. But Tom... there’s nowhere for us to go from here.”

“That’s not true,” Tom replied, and he sounded small and sad. “There’s still our ending.”

He reached over, tracing a finger down Ari’s face. Ari couldn’t help herself, pressing her cheek into the large palm of his hand.

And when he moved forward to kiss her, she met his lips willingly.