Chapter 23 Came Back for You
The sky was only just turning pink when Ari reached Victoria station. The tube had been sticky and hot, with a few early-morning travellers wearily drinking their coffee as they made their way through the underbelly of the city, but Ari had hardly noticed them. She’d been caught in her own world and thoughts, on autopilot as she made the familiar journey from train to platform, platform to street, and then by foot to Luis and Sebastian’s elegant Ebury Street flat.
She pressed the buzzer once, and then — after a few seconds without any response — pressed it again. When there was still resounding silence, she pressed it again, and again, and again.
“My God,” a voice finally crackled down the intercom, annoyed and sharp. “If this is another flipping early morning delivery of a special edition Barbie doll I’m going to—”
“Sebastian, it’s me,” Ari broke in, leaning her head against the wall. “Let me in.”
For a moment, the line went quiet.
“Ari?” Sebastian crackled again. “It’s... it’s six in the morning, Ari. Reine’s still asleep. She’s fine. Unlike how you’re about to be if you don’t let me go back to bed. You said 8a.m.”
“This isn’t about Reine,” Ari replied. “Please let me in.”
“Ari, we’ve had a genuinely late night here and I’d like to get in another few hours of shut-eye before we hit the airport. Besides, Luis is passed out in a ball of cashmere at the moment and I—”
“I slept with Tom,” Ari admitted, her words blunt. “We had sex.”
Another moment of silence pulsed before Ari heard the door unlock as Sebastian buzzed her in. She climbed the stairs two at a time, her head bowed, and when she reached the third floor she found Sebastian waiting for her on the landing.
“Well, well, well.” He grinned, folding his dressing gown over his middle and looking her up and down with knowing eyes. “So, you’re finally taking my advice.”
“Stop it and give me coffee please,” Ari replied, walking past him into the hall. She slipped her shoes off — because Luis was surprisingly strict about shoes on polished wooden floors — before poking her head into Reine’s little bedroom. Reine was curled up on her side, her honey-blonde hair in a neat braid, clutching her bunny. Ari smiled at the sight, before turning back to Sebastian.
“Thanks for having her,” she said, but Sebastian only shrugged.
“She’s never a problem. Her relatives, on the other hand...”
“If you mean me, I’m sorry for getting here so early. I just needed to talk and—”
“Not you, you muppet,” Sebastian replied, pulling on Ari’s arm. He led her through to his and Luis’s room, where Ari blinked in surprise.
Marnie was passed out on their bed, curled up on her side, clutching Sebastian’s silk pillow.
“Dare I ask?” Ari turned back to Sebastian, who gestured for her to follow him through to the kitchen.
“We watched Bridgerton . We drank more wine. We thought about making an Uber order for cigarettes—”
“Sebastian!”
Her brother held up his hands. “We considered it, that’s all. In the end I settled for another glass of red wine while Marnie got out her knitting. Oh God, Ari, her knitting. It was a blessing that my husband was up to his armpits in voodoo thirsty cashmere, because holy shit, he’d have had a stroke if he’d seen the sweater she’s apparently knitting.”
“Koigu Kersti cashmere,” Ari corrected him, but she smiled. “She made Reine and I matching jumpers earlier this year.”
“Burn them,” Sebastian ordered as he started the coffee machine. “Burn them and then bury the ashes.”
“She means well.”
“Yes, I’m sure she does. Black coffee, love?”
“No. I’ll take milk today. And three sugars.”
Sebastian raised an eyebrow at her but started the milk frother all the same.
“Anyway, she passed out in her wool at around 2a.m. and then Luis passed out in his Wagyu Nursie cashmere at about four, so I slept on the sofa in the living room and left them all to it.”
“Koigu Kersti cashmere,” Ari corrected him again, before wrapping her hand around her coffee gratefully. “Thanks.”
Sebastian eyed her carefully. “You okay?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?” he pressed, looking at her steadily.
Ari shook her head. “No.”
Sebastian sighed, tying the knot in his robe again and slumping into the seat beside her. “Sorry love. Was he that bad in bed? Well, never mind. It has been a hot minute since you last shagged him. You know the old saying about women ageing like fine wine? Men aren’t like that. We’re like lettuce. Still kind of holding the shape but mostly limp under the leaves.”
“No, I didn’t mean—no, he was good, he was really good and...” Ari trailed off, blushing deeply.
Sebastian stared at her.
“Oh,” he intoned, nodding. “So, this is more of an emotional thing?”
“Yes.”
Sebastian nodded again. “I should probably wake Luis up for emotional things. He’s good that way. Or Marnie.”
Ari winced. “Please don’t tell . . . my, um—”
“Lover,” Sebastian supplied helpfully. “Your lover. We’re grown-ups here, Ari. You can say it.”
Ari blushed again. “Please don’t wake Tom’s mother so I can talk about sex with her son, okay?”
Sebastian shrugged. “Okay, well, that leaves me then. So, you had full sex with him then? It wasn’t just a kiss and a cuddle before you fell chastely into the same bed?”
“We had sex.”
“Did you mean to?”
Ari stared at him. “What do you mean?”
Sebastian cleared his throat. “I have limited experience with straight women — outside of all the brides, that is, and I don’t think they count, since sex isn’t their aim — but even I know that when a woman turns up to dinner looking like you did last night, in a dress like the one you were wearing, she means business. Tom, that poor sap, didn’t know what hit him.”
Ari chewed on her lip, looking into her coffee. “I didn’t mean to... Well, it wasn’t my intention to sleep with him.” She paused, looking up to find Sebastian staring at her sceptically. She gave him an awkward smile. “But I guess it wasn’t my intention not to sleep with him either.”
Sebastian nodded, sipping his coffee. “I get it.”
Ari sighed, swirling a teaspoon in her coffee restlessly. “I just... When I’m with him, I feel so... I don’t know. He’s easy to talk to and he makes me smile and he’s trying so hard with me and Reine. When it’s just us, I remember all the things I loved about him. I remember why I waited for him for so long.”
Sebastian frowned. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but that doesn’t sound particularly promising. I mean, he’s easy to talk to? He’s trying hard? He makes you remember why you loved him?” Sebastian sat back in his chair, exhaling long and hard. “Ari, the guy is crazy about you. That’s clear to anyone who spends more than a millisecond with him. If you aren’t crazy about him too, well, then, giving him hope like this is just plain cruel.”
Ari sat back, stung. “Of course I’m crazy about him,” she whispered back. “How could you think I’m not?”
“Because of wishy-washy statements like ‘he makes me smile’.”
Ari took a deep breath. “When I’m with him, I feel like my body is on fire,” she said, her voice warm. “When I’m with him, I want the moment to last forever. When I’m with him, all I can think about are his hands on my body and his mouth over mine.”
“I didn’t want wishy-washy but I’m still your brother. I don’t need to hear things like that.” Sebastian grimaced, then pointed his thumb behind him. “And Tom’s mother is in the next room.”
“I don’t care,” Ari replied. “When I’m with Tom, I feel happy. When I’m with him, I want him to be happy too. I think about him all the time, and I mean him, Tom Somerset, not Tom Miller.”
“They’re the same person, love.”
“No and yes.” Ari shook her head, clutching her coffee tightly. “They are and they aren’t. Yes, Tom called himself Tom Miller once upon a time, and lived in this made-up character’s persona. But they’re different too. Tom Miller lied to me, and I don’t think Tom Somerset is capable of that. Tom Miller had no direction, other than running from who he was. My Tom knows exactly what he wants and he’s working hard to achieve it. Tom Miller never came back for me.” Ari stopped, swallowing painfully, remembering once again how she’d been abandoned. “But I think... I think Tom Somerset would come for me. I really do.”
Sebastian blinked twice, staring at her. “I don’t understand.”
“I know, it’s hard to wrap your head around it,” Ari said. “I think what I mean is that Tom seems quite sincere.”
“No, I—” Sebastian began, but he was interrupted by Luis, who came stumbling into the room, wrapped in a blanket, his eyes bloodshot and red.
“Who said something about cashmere?” Luis blurted out, looking momentarily panicked, and Ari laughed, shaking her head.
“I said sincere ,” she told him. “Not cashmere. You need more sleep.”
“I can sleep in Iceland,” Luis replied. “What I need right now is coffee. What time is it?”
“Twenty past six,” Sebastian replied. “Ari and I were just having a chat.”
“Right.” Luis nodded, picking up a croissant from the table. “It’s really early for a chat though. And will you look at my fingers? Red raw from sewing all night. Honestly, if that robe had been for anyone but Reine...”
“Ari slept with Tom last night,” Sebastian said.
Ari watched as the croissant fell from Luis’s hand to the floor. He turned to her rapidly, his eyes and mouth wide open.
“You what!”
“She slept with Tom,” Sebastian said again, frowning at the pastry flakes. “They had sex.”
“ No me digas ,” Luis breathed. “Did you really? Was it good?” He slapped a hand to his chest. “Were you careful ?”
“Luis,” Ari said, blushing red, but Sebastian shook his head.
“Actually, he has a good point. Were you careful?”
“Yes, were you?” Luis asked again. “And, if by chance you weren’t, can the next one be a boy?”
“Luis! We were careful,” Ari replied, staring into her coffee. “Just.”
“Ooh, so it was good then?” Luis carried on, dumping the croissant on the table and smiling gratefully at Sebastian, who pushed a steaming mug of coffee towards him.
“Yes, it was, and yes, we were careful, and—”
“No, no, no,” Sebastian interrupted. “Tell us that part later. Go back to the earlier bit. Before this one woke up.”
“The earlier bit?” Ari frowned.
“Yes, the bit where you were saying you thought Tom would come back for you?”
Ari sighed. “Oh, right. Um, I was saying that Tom Miller never came for me, but I think that now, if it happened again, Tom Somerset would.”
Luis frowned. “I’m confused.”
“That’s understandable. It’s one man pretending to be two people... sometimes I still don’t understand it myself.”
“No, not about that. We’ve had a year to wrap our minds around the whole Tom Miller–Tom Somerset thing. I mean, I’m confused about the part where you said Tom Miller never came for you.”
“Exactly,” Sebastian nodded, “I lost the plot around there too.”
Ari paused, looking at her two friends. “Tom never came for me,” she said flatly. “We all know that.”
A beat of silence went through the room, and Ari watched as Sebastian and Luis exchanged a look.
“Um,” Luis said slowly, “except that, uh, we don’t know that because Tom did come for you.”
Something inside of Ari went still.
“What are you talking about?” she asked, her voice hoarse.
“He came for you, love,” Sebastian said patiently. “A little late, granted, but he came for you.”
“No, he never did, he never came—”
“Ari,” Luis cut her off gently. “He came here. When Reine was a toddler. I saw him with my own eyes.”
Ari stared at him. Inexplicably, her eyes filled with tears. “What?”
“I didn’t see him,” Sebastian chimed in. “But Luis told me about it later. Attractive man, kind of distracted. Turned up at the flat across the hall when you were living there.”
“I was watching Reine for you while you were at a wedding,” Luis added. “He asked after you, but when I said you were out, he nodded and looked... well, kind of sad.”
“To be fair that’s kind of how he looks most of the time,” Sebastian rinsed his mug in the sink, putting it next to the dishwasher. “So that part you don’t really know.”
“No, he looked sad,” Luis argued hotly. “I’ve had time to think about this, to remember what happened. He looked sad — gutted even — and said ‘nice kid’ before walking away.”
“He came for me?” Ari whispered, brushing one of the tears from her cheek. “He came for me? You mean he kept his promise?”
“Yeah.” Luis shrugged. “He came for you.”
At this point, Ari stood, her cup spilling coffee over the countertop. “Well, why didn’t you tell me!”
“He looked like a delivery man!” Luis replied, while Sebastian got a cloth from the sink. “You had a baby. People were always delivering toys or wipes or nappies to you. How was I supposed to know he was Tom Miller? It’s not like he was wearing a name tag!”
Ari blinked, crossing her arms over her chest. “Fine, okay, well, why didn’t you tell me recently then?”
“We thought you knew,” Sebastian cut in, wiping up the coffee and throwing the cloth over the counter into the sink. “We figured Tom had told you.”
“Well, he didn’t,” Ari said, exhaling hard. “He didn’t say a thing.”
For a moment, silence fell.
“Well, that’s just odd, isn’t it? Of everything that happened, out of everything he did, the one redeeming piece of Tom’s story is that he came back for you, just like he said he would.” Sebastian sat in his chair again, looking thoughtful. “Why didn’t he tell you?”
Ari shook her head. “I don’t know.”
He came back for me, her mind repeated, clear and calm. He came back for us.
“So, he just... left again? Never came back?” she asked Luis.
“He thought I was your husband or something,” Luis replied, looking almost proud. “He thought Reine was mine. That you’d moved on.”
“Why would he think such a thing?” she asked, but it was more a question for herself. “Why?”
“Oh, because the man’s hardly Albert Einstein, is he?” Sebastian rolled of his eyes. “He made some stupid choices and did some stupid things. Reine’s cleverness is a testament to our parenting choices, not her genetics.”
“She’s had good schooling too,” Luis added, though Sebastian held up his hand.
“Let’s not go there. You and Barbara Canning are still at each other’s throats over raffle prizes.”
“He came for me,” Ari whispered again. “He came for me.”
“Yeah,” Luis said, his voice soft. “Of course he did. He loves you, Ari. That’s the one constant in his story, you know? Whether he’s Tom Somerset or Tom Miller, or both, he always loves you. That part of his story never changes.”
“And you love him too,” Sebastian added with a shrug, and Ari blinked.
“No, I—” She stopped, closing her mouth.
Of course I’m in love with him, the voice in her head spoke up, clear and confident. I’ve always loved him. He wouldn’t have broken my heart so badly if I didn’t. I love him, and I’m always going to love him. I told him last night that I loved him, and I meant every word.
“Everyone knows, don’t they?”
“Which part?” Sebastian searched for clarification, before shrugging again. “Actually, scrap that. Because yes. Everyone knows everything. Well, except you, who apparently didn’t know that he came back for you, and Tom now, who has no idea how you feel about him but probably isn’t feeling very hopeful right now.”
“Why?” Ari asked.
“Well, love, because you’re here in our kitchen instead of in bed with him. That’s why.”
Ari paled. “I just... I needed to talk. To process what happened. I didn’t know,” she added tearfully. “I didn’t know he’d come back for me.”
“Well, you do now,” Luis replied, reaching forward to brush away another of Ari’s tears. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
Ari stood, lightning fast. “I need to speak with him. Right now.”
“Go,” Luis nodded. “He might not have woken yet. Go quickly.”
“Yes, I’m going,” Ari replied. “I’m going. Oh, God, Reine—”
“We’ll bring her to the airport. Just bring her bag and passport with you,” Luis told her.
“Yes, we’ll bring her.” Sebastian nodded too. “We’d take her to the airport lounge, but there isn’t one,” he added with a pointed look in her direction.
“Fine, next time I’ll book Heathrow, next time I’ll—”
“Ari,” Luis said firmly, “go.”
* * *
She let herself into her small house just forty-five minutes later, having run from the DLR to her door, but it was already too late.
Her bed was empty, and Tom had gone.
* * *
The flight to Reykjavík went by in a blur. Ari nervously ate peanuts, tapping her fingers on her tray table while mentally trying to run through her to-do lists. Liaise with florist, check over bridal gown, check over venue, liaise with Chef and service staff...
“ Vos sí jodes mucho ,” a voice suddenly intoned, and Ari felt a hand clamp down on her fingers. Luis gave her a look, taking a deep breath.
“Please stop that tapping. You have things on your mind, I understand,” he began patiently. “But I had less than two hours of sleep last night. I need to get another hour in before we arrive.”
“Sorry,” Ari whispered, feeling mortified.
“It’s fine,” Luis reassured her. “Your brother is out, at least,” he added, nodding to Sebastian, who was curled up against the window, snoring lightly. “And Reine is okay.”
Ari immediately looked to Reine next to her. The little girl was entirely preoccupied with her iPad, her fingers moving over the screen with a confidence and fluidity Ari almost envied.
“I was just thinking about Tom,” Ari admitted, looking back to Luis.
“I know,” he replied. “You didn’t see him then? Or get a chance to talk to him?”
“No.” Ari shook her head. “He wasn’t there when I got back.”
Luis sighed. “Well, speak to him in Reykjavík then. At the hotel. There’s nothing you can do here, forty thousand feet above the North Sea.” He paused, looking at her for a moment. “So, what are you going to say to him when you see him?”
Ari chewed on her lip. If Luis hadn’t still had a tight hold of her hand, she knew her fingers would have begun nervously tapping again. Instead, she squeezed his hand, giving him a small smile.
“I don’t know. I figured that when I saw him again, I would just... know.”
Luis nodded, looking thoughtful — his eyes, though still sleep-worn and tired, were kind as they gazed upon her face. Ari chewed on her lip again.
“It’s times like this I wish I still had my queen of spades card,” she told him, abruptly sad. “Whenever I felt uncertain, I would get her out.” She squeezed his hand again, missing the feeling of the worn card on her fingertips. “But I tore her in half. I tore her up.”
Suddenly, Luis’s eyes flashed.
“Ari—”
“It’s okay. It was my decision.”
“Actually, um, maybe it wasn’t,” Luis replied, and he shifted uncomfortably in his airline seat.
“What do you mean?”
Luis took a deep breath, before sighing. “Don’t be mad, okay?”
He opened the bag by his feet, pulling something from within. “It’s just, I’d seen you with this so often and that day, in the diner, when you tore it in half... Well, I didn’t want you to regret it later, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to pick it up, and then I figured it wouldn’t hurt to repair it—and let me tell you something, stitching eighteenth-century card back together was hard work, I had to use a really strong silk thread to get the effect I wanted and—”
“Luis.” Ari’s eyes grew wide as she took in what he held in his hand. “Luis, is that...” her voice broke “. . . is that my queen of spades?”
Luis nodded. “Yes. I took it from the table after you ripped it in half, brought it home with me and repaired it. Look, see,” he handed Ari the card, “I did the best I could. She’ll always have a scar, you’ll always be able to see she was damaged at one point. But overall, I’m happy. I used linen coloured silk to match the colour of the original card, and used one of my lightest steam presses to take out the, uh, what’s the word—um, crumples? Can you say that for paper as well as fabric?” He looked at Ari curiously, who nodded wordlessly. “Right, to take the crumples out. Don’t worry, I put her between linen before I applied the press, so that her paint wasn’t damaged. I’m a designer, not an art restorer, but even I know she’s an old lady who needs some TLC. You should take better care of her, you know, she’s worn away on one side where you’ve stroked her, and she—”
Shaking her head, Ari reached over and embraced Luis as tightly as her FAA approved seat belt would allow.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you.”
When she pulled away, Luis gave an embarrassed half-shrug. “It was no problem. I know you love her,” he added, before giving Ari a pointed look. “Just like I know you love him.”
Ari nodded mutely, still clutching the card in her hands. The queen was just as stately as Ari remembered her, even with the new line of delicate stitches holding her together. The blue of her dress and eyes were still faded, her crown still dark, and Ari remembered the first time she’d seen her, cool and crisp in her hand against the background of a darkened airport terminal. Tom had been on the floor, his long legs spread out in front of him as he’d looked up at her curiously. She’d told him then and there she was keeping this queen, and she had, for years and years afterwards, guarding her with as much jealousy and secrecy as she guarded her memories of Tom and their time together.
“I didn’t know how much I missed her until now, when I’ve got her back,” Ari said, running her finger over the familiar lines and folds.
“Like Tom,” Luis suggested, but Ari shook her head.
“No. He’s different. I missed him, but the Tom I have now...” Ari trailed off, before giving a gentle smile. “He’s better.”
“You need to talk to him,” Luis reminded her, before he gave a yawn. “I’m tired. How long until we land?”
Ari checked her phone. “Another seventy minutes.”
“I’m going to close my eyes.” Luis yawned again. “Are you going to be okay?”
Ari smiled. She glanced over to Reine, then at the card in her hand. She smiled again.
“Yes,” she told him. “I think now I’ll be just fine.”