Chapter Six #2
Maddie felt like she’d heard this story before.
She took advantage of the break in his monologue to consider this.
Autumn. Autumn had a very similar story, though she’d known long before she’d gone to university that her mother, Katherine, didn’t really care about her.
Incidentally, they were reasonably close now she’d had Benjamin.
Katherine came to visit with Autumn’s sister, Lilly, as often as they possibly could.
Autumn was of the opinion it was important that Benjamin knew his mother’s roots, so she’d resolved to allow Katherine to foster a relationship with Benjamin, so long as she continued to make the effort to visit her grandson.
Eventually, once enough time and effort had been invested, Maddie knew Autumn would agree to meet her mother halfway, in both the physical and metaphorical sense, but for now she needed reassurance that Katherine’s attitude had changed, and Katherine, who adored being a grandmother, seemed only too eager to prove it.
“Mum, I kind of understood,” James continued. “She’d been weird for a while. But Nan... I wasn’t expecting it. I really thought she loved me. It’s the saddest I’ve ever felt. I want nothing to do with that kind of depression ever again.”
Maddie stroked her thumb across his forearm and realised she had, at some point, reached out and grabbed him.
He met her gaze, and she felt herself blush.
Desperate to hide her complexion’s confusing reaction, she dropped his arm and turned away, sipping her tea in such a manner that the mug hid her face.
“I’m sorry about the way I was when we first met,” he said.
“I was embarrassed and upset that I’d hurt your mum, but I know better than anyone how complicated these things are.
I shouldn’t have given you such a hard time about it, but I did and then I didn’t know how to undo it. It all felt so complicated.”
“What’s complicated about it?” Maddie said. “I did something awful, you overreacted. That was your cue to say ‘sorry, I took things too far’. I’d say ‘don’t worry about it’, end of conversation.”
She was glad when his face broke into a wry smile. “I don’t normally let people use my own oversimplifications against me, Whittle, but I deserve it in this instance, so I’ll let it slide.”
Maddie laughed. “Don’t worry about it,” she said.
His eyes met hers again and this time she held his gaze.
She did it for no reason except to prove she could.
She’d spent very little time with men outside of her family in the last decade or so, but she’d always considered herself the kind of woman who could look into the eyes of a handsome man without acting silly.
Her earlier reaction when he’d stared at her had perturbed her.
She was banking on him turning away, but he didn’t.
Instead his eyes roamed over her face and down her neck to her collarbone, then back up.
Maddie was surprised by the action, but also, disappointingly, thrilled.
She felt something stir in the pit of her stomach, a flutter she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt before.
She’d read enough and heard enough to know it was desire.
Before she had a chance to abolish the thought, she wondered what it would feel like to kiss him.
His mouth twitched at the same time, and she wondered if he was reading her mind.
“Don’t you dare kiss me without my permission,” she heard herself say. Her voice sounded bolder than she felt.
“Do I have your permission?” he murmured.
“No,” she said.
“Why not?”
“Because you’re only doing it because you’re bored.”
He scoffed. “This is the least bored I’ve ever been in my entire life.”
He leaned closer and Maddie had to stop herself from whimpering.
He was so close she could feel his breath against her lips.
She felt a jolt of anticipation radiate through her hips and pelvis, and was infuriated at her body for reacting this way.
She and James had spent most of their time working together ignoring each other.
They’d been on speaking terms for hardly any time at all.
And yet her insides screamed at her. She wanted him in a way she’d never wanted a man before, there was no denying that.
It was a primal, insatiable feeling she had never experienced before, a sudden desperation.
She’d heard people talk about it — her sister specifically — but never felt it herself.
She had an overwhelming urge to straddle him on the kitchen chair.
He whispered. “Let me kiss you.”
Against her better judgement, she nodded.
Maddie hardly had time to take a breath before his hand was in her hair and his mouth crashed against hers.
He kissed her greedily, as though he’d been deprived of her.
There were no pleasantries, he shoved his tongue hard against hers and snaked his arm around her waist, dragging her off her chair and urging her to straddle his lap.
The whimper she’d been suppressing escaped her, and James moaned in response.
He used one hand to hold her to him and the other to pull her hair so hard that her mouth was ripped away from his, her head thrust back and her neck exposed to his lips and teeth.
Maddie felt like she might die if he didn’t take her soon.
She was dangerously close to begging when James let go of her hair and picked her up, slamming her against the kitchen wall.
He kissed her hard on the mouth once more and held her there for a minute or two, grinding his erection provocatively against her.
She could hardly move from the weight of him.
She felt controlled and at his mercy, and was surprised to note this was turning her on even more.
She wrestled him playfully for freedom, pressing her body even harder against his, but he trapped her tighter between himself and the wall, rocking rhythmically against her, somehow hitting exactly the right spot.
He moved his lips and tongue to her neck.
Maddie felt a deep heat rising within her. She was suddenly overcome with shyness and wanted to stop, but she couldn’t. It felt too glorious. James must have sensed her apprehension, because he stopped to look up at her, his eyes wide with desire.
“Are you OK?” he whispered. Maddie nodded. “Are you sure?” he checked again.
“Yes,” Maddie said. “I swear, I am. It’s just, this isn’t like me. I don’t do this kind of thing.”
“I do, but it never felt like this before,” he said, a little breathlessly. She didn’t know what to say to that, so she just stared at him. “Do you want to slow down? Or stop, for now? It’s fine, Maddie. I want you to be sure.”
She was trying to decide what to do when she became aware of an approaching rabble.
Her family was back far earlier than she had been expecting.
Maddie’s eyes went wide. He lowered her quickly to her feet and raced away, she presumed to the bathroom to sort out what was likely to be a very obvious erection.
It had certainly felt that way. Maddie straightened her hair and tried to blow cold air on her face to soothe her burning cheeks, but she could see her reflection in the kitchen mirror, and she looked anything but composed.
She sauntered over to the kettle and filled it.
They’d want hot drinks and excitement, and she was as happy to provide it as she always was, if not a little disappointed to have been interrupted.
The back door opened and the kitchen was suddenly alive with animated chatter.
Maddie quickly hugged her parents, then turned her attention to Marley and Autumn, asking them how their date had been and checking they’d had enough to eat at breakfast. She noticed the ring on Autumn’s finger, but didn’t say anything, convinced they would want to break the news to her.
She decided to pretend she hadn’t known.
At some point, James re-entered the kitchen.
Maddie caught sight of him and marvelled at how completely ordinary and unfazed he looked.
Not at all like a man who’d been dry-humping her against the kitchen wall three minutes earlier.
Marley marched right over to him and held out his hand.
“Thank you so much for last night.” He pulled James into a hug.
“You are very welcome.” James hugged him back.
“Coffee, Mum?” Maddie asked.
“Yes please, darling. I let Stevie out through the double doors and Pigglesworth out of his pen. They’ve gone for a wander. I think they might be in love.”
“You should write that in one of your books, Autumn,” Marley said.
“I would but, just like most things that happen in this family, nobody would believe it.”
They all laughed apart from Benjamin, who was glued to Autumn’s leg, his arms wrapped around her thigh.
He was staring at Marley, his pretty blue eyes following his father wherever he went.
He was always a little bit like this when his parents left him for an evening.
They were all hoping he’d grow out of it.
“Benjamin, did you have something to tell Aunty Maddie?” Marley asked. Benjamin nodded his head. She questioned Benjamin with her gaze. His eyes flitted to the diamond ring on Autumn’s left hand.
“Mummy and Daddy are getting married,” he said.
“Oh my God!” Maddie played along. “What incredible news. Congratulations!”
She abandoned her coffee-making to hug the happy couple, then her mum and dad, who were positively beside themselves.
None of her siblings had ever gotten married.
This would give her parents something wonderful to focus on.
Perhaps it might even fix her own broken spirit.
Maddie tried to push the dark thoughts out of her mind.
This was a happy day. Her anxiety could clear off for now.