Chapter Seventeen
The next four weeks passed in a blur of drama that started and ended with Marley.
Maddie’s brother predictably overreacted to the news she and James were dating.
He swung wildly between teasing them and warning James not to hurt his little sister.
Marley repeatedly checked that Maddie was happy, that James was taking care of her, and that Maddie’s new boyfriend understood the complexities of her mind, how sensitive she was, and how unlike her it was to let someone new into her life.
Maddie reassured him over and over again.
She was happy. James was taking care of her.
He knew exactly who she was, how delicately they were held together and how easy it would be to ruin it all.
He cared about her, she was sure he would not risk ruining anything.
He would not embarrass her. Her heart would remain intact. Marley could relax.
James took the whole thing in his stride, repeatedly reassuring Marley that he adored Maddie. He had been unsure about the course of his life before, but had made up his mind now — this was what he wanted.
“If you want to know my intentions, mate, it’s to stay here and fall so deeply in love with your sister I have no choice but to marry her,” he said, one afternoon over coffee. Maddie blushed. Autumn, Emma and Bluebell cooed.
Marley glanced at Ben, clearly still uncertain. Ben grinned and shrugged his shoulders. “I know you know what that feels like.” He gestured towards Autumn with his head.
“I know. I’m sorry I’m so tense about the whole thing,” Marley addressed his whole family then turned to James. “It’s none of my business, I get it, but it’s just that you were so sure you wanted to go travelling before...”
“What better reason is there for a man to change the course of his life than for the love of a woman?” Autumn interrupted.
“That’s pretty, who said that?” Marley asked, presuming she was quoting a book or a movie.
Autumn looked confused. “I did,” she said. Everyone giggled.
“Sorry,” Marley mumbled. “Sometimes I forget you’re a writer.”
Autumn continued. “Just look at you, Marley. Nobody could have predicted you would settle down — ever — let alone that you’d give up the stage for me.”
“That’s true.” Marley pondered a moment and then shrugged, trying to hide a smirk. “I guess I presumed there were no other men as cool as I am.”
“Well, clearly you were wrong,” James said, his chest swelling.
“Chill out, both of you,” Bluebell scolded.
“Women give up their careers and their dreams for men and their children all the time. You’re doing what would be considered the very bare minimum if Autumn and Maddie were to do it and I, for one, think you would be stupid not to be doing it, given you are both punching so far out of your leagues it’s quite frightening.
If you want to be congratulated for making a common-sense decision, you’re in the wrong kitchen. ”
Marley and James visibly deflated. The women in the room laughed. From across the kitchen, James caught Maddie’s eye and winked. She grinned. There was no doubt in her mind at all, this man knew her. She was in good hands.
* * *
Later that day, Marley found Maddie upstairs painting furniture and picked up a paintbrush to help. She knew he had come to talk to her, and she vowed she would let him, only because she knew he felt like he needed to. They painted in silence until he summoned the courage.
“I love you so much,” he started, smiling warmly. Maddie nudged him affectionately with her elbow, wrinkling her nose in gratitude. Marley sighed, continuing. “Since what we went through with Bowie, that night we helped him say goodbye...”
He stopped, his voice cracking with the strain of his words. Maddie dropped her paintbrush and put her arms around him, forcing him into a hug.
“I know the impact that had on you,” he murmured, squeezing her tight.
“I know why you did it and I’ll never regret it — it was the right thing to do.
But I also know you martyred your own mental health for Bowie.
You’re the type of person who’d do absolutely anything for the people you love.
It’s so beautiful, there’s such strength in that, but there’s also weakness.
I guess I’m just trying to make sure you’re putting your heart in the right hands. ”
Maddie held him tighter for a moment, then pulled away. “What do you think?” she asked him, already knowing the answer.
“James is great.” Marley threw her a floppy smile. “But nobody will ever be good enough for my hero of a sister.”
Maddie winced. She hated it when he called her a hero.
She knew his heart was in the right place, but she did not feel heroic for helping Bowie to end his life.
She’d merely done what she needed to do for someone she loved — to free him from pain, fulfil his wishes and maintain his dignity.
She would do it again, or variations of it, and if she would do that then Marley was right, there was absolutely nothing she wouldn’t do for someone she loved, even if it hurt her heart, or meant she never got to see them again, or harmed her own mental health.
She wasn’t this way because she wanted to be a hero, it was just that when she loved someone, she loved them incredibly deeply.
“Does James know?” Marley asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
Maddie vigorously shook her head. They had sworn they would never tell anyone, that the way Bowie had died would remain between the three of them: Maddie, Marley and Autumn.
Maddie intended to keep that promise, no matter how hard she fell in love.
She couldn’t risk her parents finding out, or Bluebell, or Pip.
They would never forgive her, she was sure of it.
“Good,” Marley said, sighing out obvious relief.
They sat side by side in the bedroom for a moment, engulfed in comfortable silence. Maddie was thinking mostly of James, of how lucky she felt to have found another good man to add to the good men she already knew, how safe she felt, how ordinary.
Marley continued. “You know, when James’ brother died, Bowie offered to teach him guitar.”
Maddie did know this. James and Marley had both told her several times, but she smiled and nodded and let him continue anyway, just because she liked hearing the story. It made her feel like things had come full circle.
“We felt really sorry for the kid. He was back at school within a couple of days, covered in stitches on his face and hands. Everyone was staring and asking him questions. Bowie invited him to sit with us in the sixth-form common room and told anyone who came near him to fuck off.”
“Bowie did that?”
“Well, actually, the fuck off part might have been me,” Marley admitted.
“That’s when Bowie started teaching him guitar at breaktime and in his lunch break.
I’m so glad he kept learning after we left.
It’s so lovely, isn’t it, having a little bit of Bowie’s kindness left behind in someone else?
But anyway, my point is that Bowie loved him then and he would have loved him now, if he were here. ”
Maddie agreed with that. “They’d get on really well.”
“And he’d leave you alone about it,” Marley added.
“He would,” Maddie said, rather pointedly.
“He was a wiser man than me.” Marley sighed.
Maddie nodded. “He was.” Marley glared at her, feigning offence.
Maddie hit his arm playfully. They chuckled, content with the truth.
Bowie had been the wisest of them all, perhaps with the exception of Ben, who had taught their brother by example.
Everyone who met Ben commented on his impeccable character, and those who had known Bowie had similar things to say.
They were, undoubtedly, the best men most people had ever met.
“‘What would Bowie do?’,” Marley said. “I ask myself that every time I need guidance. I think it’s served me well so far.
It’s changed my perspective. Helped me be a better boyfriend and father, and hopefully a better brother, too.
It’s extraordinary, when you think about it.
Autumn’s happy, Benjamin’s happy, and it’s all because of Bowie.
He lives on in me through that, I think. ”
“It’s not all because of Bowie. I’m sure you had something to do with it,” Maddie teased, enjoying this brand-new take on things anyway. “But, out of interest, what’s Bowie telling you to do now?”
Marley thought about that, his face suddenly extremely serious. “To leave you alone and make a brew.” He stood up. “Do you want one?”
* * *
“Come for a drink with your mummies,” Emma suggested one afternoon.
January had rolled into February, and Maddie and James were hard at work on their hands and knees fixing the flower beds in the orangery.
They had been working pretty much non-stop this past month and had done almost everything they needed to do.
They had, together, sanded the porch and painted it, fixed the furniture and given it a new lick of paint, mapped out the garden so that they knew where the flower beds and benches would go, added new soft furnishings — second- hand and vintage where possible — to every room, posted job ads for yoga instructors and massage therapists, preened the lawn, built the pond, stocked the pantry with non-perishables, created a menu of easy, healthy recipes and determined what shopping they would need to produce them.
They still had two months to go until opening.
Maddie had her first and second batch of guests ready and waiting to attend, plus a waiting list for future dates.
And they were ahead of schedule. That didn’t mean Maddie wasn’t nervous, though.
So, while she really wanted to go for a coffee with Emma, James and Jennifer, she felt tied to the house.