Chapter 2
TWO
For a moment after I wake up, I completely forget what I did in a wine fueled haze in the middle of the night. But as soon as I pick up my phone, it all comes flooding back.
A long list of notifications shows on my home screen, each with the Desire heart shaped logo next to them. Sitting up against my headboard, I swipe open the app.
Twenty-three matches.
Thirty-eight messages.
Jesus.
I scroll through them. The usernames alone make me wince: DaddyDominator, Sir_Spanks_A_Lot, MasterOfPain69.
The messages are worse.
i can make u my little toilet slut
On your knees NOW
Send pics of your holes
For a moment, I swipe out of the app, finger hovering above it, ready to delete the whole thing. What was I thinking? That I'd find someone who understood the difference between degradation and just being a creep?
But then, I reopen it, just one last time… And there on the screen is a profile that stands out. No ridiculous username. Just Colt.
His photo isn't a dick pic or torso shot. It's just him, looking straight at the camera with an intensity that makes my breath catch. Dark blond hair, jaw you could cut glass with. He's not smiling, but there's something in his eyes that isn't mean. Just... focused.
I tap his profile.
30-year-old software engineer and experienced dominant.
Under interests, he's checked off degradation, praise, impact play, and restraints. But it's the custom field at the bottom that makes my stomach flip.
Looking for more than just a quick and dirty fuck.
I want to get to know you. In our vanilla life, I'll treat you like a princess.
Open your door, pull out your chair, hold your hand for sunset walks on the beach.
But in private? I'm going to treat you like the little slut you are.
My little slut. I want someone who needs to be broken down to be built back up.
Someone who craves being used and treasured for it.
I don't just want your submission; I want your surrender.
My finger trembles slightly as I continue reading. The last line of his profile makes me press my thighs together.
If you match with me, understand what you're asking for. I won't stop at the surface. I'll find every part you try to hide and drag it into the light.
I swallow hard. This isn't some guy playing dress-up with a riding crop. This is someone who knows exactly what he's doing—and what he wants.
A little notification bubble appears at the bottom of the screen. Messages.
I tap it, and my heart stops when I see his name at the top of the list. He messaged me. Three hours ago.
Finger trembling, I tap on his message.
Colt
I like your dirty fantasy. You want to be used and degraded, a toy for someone else's pleasure. How far are you willing to go to make this fantasy come true?
I check the timestamp, 3:14 AM. Was he also up in the middle of the night, scrolling through profiles of strangers who might understand his particular hunger?
Colt
The way you described what you want. That kind of honesty comes with a cost most aren't willing to pay.
The cursor blinks at me, waiting for a response. My bravery from the middle of the night is nowhere to be found. The words clog in my throat and I'm unsure how to respond. I settle on honesty.
Tess
I'm still not sure why I wrote all that. Moment of weakness, maybe.
I hit send before I can second-guess myself. The little dots appear immediately, showing he's typing back.
Colt
Or strength. Admitting what you need takes courage.
My heart pounds as I respond.
Tess
So you think you can give me what I need?
The dots appear, disappear, then appear again. I hold my breath.
Colt
I don't offer anything I can't deliver.
Tess
That's a pretty confident answer.
I'm surprised at my own boldness.
Colt
It's not confidence. It's certainty.
Tess
There's a difference?
Colt
Confidence is thinking you can do something. Certainty is knowing.
Tess
And you're certain about me?
Colt
I'm certain about what I see in your words. The rest we'll discover together.
Tess
That's... surprisingly straightforward.
Colt
Did you expect games?
Tess
Most guys on here just jump straight to "get on your knees" without even saying hello.
Colt
Those aren't dominants. They're boys playing dress-up.
Tess
And you're not playing?
Colt
I don't play at this. I take it seriously. Especially with someone like you.
Tess
What do you mean, someone like me?
Colt
You said you're new to kink, but I bet you've been thinking about this for a long time. Dreaming about someone accepting you for who you are and making all those dirty dreams come true. But you've never trusted anyone enough to admit it.
My chest aches reading his words. He's right. I have been dreaming about this for a long time.
Tess
...
How did you know that?
Colt
Because it's written between every line of your profile. You've been hiding this part of yourself.
Tess
Maybe I'm just curious.
Colt
Are you trying to convince me or yourself?
Tess
Damn. You don't pull punches, do you?
Colt
Not when it matters.
Tess
This is just an app conversation. We haven't even met.
Colt
And yet you're still here, talking to me instead of the 20 other matches in your inbox.
Tess
Maybe you're just more interesting.
Colt
Or maybe you recognize something you need.
Tess
You're very sure of yourself.
Colt
And you're deflecting. Tell me what you're thinking right now. The truth.
Tess
I'm thinking that you scare me a little.
Colt
Good.
Tess
Good?
Colt
If you weren't scared, you wouldn't be taking this seriously. And I want you to take this very seriously, Tess.
Tess
What if I say yes, that I want you to make my fantasy come true? What happens next?
Colt
We get to know each other first. I'm not interested in rushing into sex if we don't even like each other.
Tess
Okay.
Colt
Okay?
Tess
Let's get to know each other.
Colt
The club has a social event this Friday night. No scenes, just talking. Meet me there, 8 PM.
My breath catches in my throat and something inside me screams to abort this mission. But I muster up my bravery and type back a response.
Tess
See you then.
Fuck it.
I'm really doing this.