Chapter Eight
Sam was stuffing the last of her clothes into her carry-on when she heard the knock on the front door.
Alex had only been by a few times, but Sam felt like she could still recognize something distinctive in her knock.
Besides, only Jordan, Alex, and Melissa had visited her at the house.
And Melissa always came in roaring like a tornado.
Sam threw a few final pairs of socks into the bag, zipped it up, then carried it down the stairs and placed it by the door.
The knock came again, and Sam inhaled slowly, gathering her courage before turning the handle.
There stood Alex, sunshine streaming behind her and the morning light framing her figure.
Sam’s heart skipped, then raced against her ribs.
Alex was dressed like a soccer mom, and the leggings and cropped sweatshirt were a very good look on her.
For a moment, Sam just let herself stare, noting the faint blush that spread up Alex’s neck as she did.
“We have to stop meeting like this,” she teased, trying to force her thoughts to a safer place.
Alex handed Sam a coffee and leaned against the porch railing. “I have the distinct feeling that if I asked you to meet anywhere else, you wouldn’t show.”
She took a minute to complete her own slow perusal of Sam, who was once again dressed in a tank and pajama pants. Sam could feel her gaze as it traveled down the length of her body and back up again. She crossed her arms over her chest, but she could feel her body heating in response.
“You know,” Alex continued, eyes twinkling, “if you keep answering the door like this, I might get the wrong idea.” She tilted her head to the side as the corners of her mouth lifted in a grin.
Sam’s pulse quickened as her eyes tracked to the delicate arch of Alex’s neck and the morning light that caught in her golden waves.
With a shock, Sam suddenly felt like she wanted to kiss that grin off her lips.
Instead, she forced out a soft laugh. “Next time, give me some warning, and I’ll keep the goods covered.
” She unfolded her arms and gestured down her front.
Alex’s grin slipped, and for a second, Sam swore she could see something hot flare behind those cool, blue eyes, but it was gone so fast that she wondered if it was just wishful thinking.
Alex pushed off from the railing and slowly and deliberately moved toward Sam. She paused mere inches from her, and Sam felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. “Don’t forget, Sam,” her voice was a low purr in Sam’s ear, “I’ve already seen the goods.”
With that, she moved past Sam into the house, letting her body brush lightly across Sam’s side as she did so.
Sam felt the warmth radiating from Alex, caught a whiff of her shampoo, and felt a rush of unguarded thoughts urging her to turn her head, to reach in, and close the slight remaining distance between them.
They were entering dangerous territory here.
But before she could do anything, the moment had passed.
“Going somewhere?” Alex asked, gesturing to Sam’s carry-on in the hall.
Sam closed her eyes and took in a deep, steadying breath. After letting it out slowly, she pulled the door closed and turned to follow.
“I have to fly back to Boston for work later,” she answered, passing by Alex in what she knew was an effort to regain some control.
“I have an important presentation and really should check back in with some of my clients.” She weaved into the kitchen and flopped down at the table.
She gestured to a plate of scones on the table.
“Sally heard I was in town and brought me some scones.”
“That was nice of her,” Alex said, taking a seat. “You still haven’t dropped by her place?”
Sam shook her head, gripped by a sudden wave of grief. “I just can’t, Alex.”
Alex’s voice was soft. “I get it.”
They sat in companionable silence for a while, sipping their coffee and munching on Sally’s scones.
Then, like a wave, the air between them shifted, turning thick with a tension that had nothing to do with the chemistry between them.
Sam sensed the change like a shadow rolling over them, blocking out the glow of their warm connection.
Alex squared her shoulders, pushed her coffee cup to the side, and leaned forward to put her elbows on the table. “Sam…” Her voice was much quieter, all traces of her earlier flirtation completely gone. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Sam flinched, instinctively leaning back as if to put some distance between them. “You can tell me anything,” she answered, her encouraging tone masking the butterflies swirling in her stomach.
When Alex started with “It’s about Scott,” Sam felt an odd sense of relief about the direction the conversation was about to go.
“When I told you he understood what I was going through, turns out he really did understand.” She looked up sheepishly from beneath her lashes. “More than I thought he did…”
Sam watched as Alex’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red. It took her a minute before she picked up what was implied. “Oh, my God,” Sam breathed out. “He was gay.” She shook her head.
“He is gay,” Alex confirmed.
“I had no idea.” Sam was floored. She opened her mouth to say something, but she had no words.
“No one did,” Alex replied. “That was the point. Scott came from a very conservative Southern family. His dad was a colonel in the Army. Scott was in ROTC. All Scott wanted to do was follow in his father’s footsteps.”
“But can’t gays serve openly in the military?” She tried to remember if there was something she was missing.
“The military wasn’t the problem.” Alex’s tone was sour.
“His father was. His dad was a real man’s man.
And their family was super conservative and religious, even more than mine, if you can believe it.
Scott tried to bring a boy home in high school, but it didn’t go well.
His father beat him up so badly that he spent three days in the hospital. ”
“Shit.” Sam shook her head. “That’s horrible.
” She couldn’t even imagine how someone could do that to their child.
Yeah, Nadine Weaver hadn’t taken the news very well, but Sam didn’t believe she would have hurt Alex physically like that.
Her own mother had been the epitome of understanding.
As an unwritten rule, they never talked much about Sam’s orientation or dating life, but she had known in her heart that her mother only wanted her to be happy.
After all, all she and Sam had was each other.
“So.” Alex shrugged her shoulders. “We became a couple.” She was silent for a few moments as she fiddled with the lid on her coffee cup.
“Mostly, it was to appease his father. I went to a few functions with them. We said that we were seeing each other. But then Scott’s father saw him talking to another male ROTC cadet, nothing sexy or romantic, just casually discussing drills that weekend.
And he flipped out again. And he wasn’t just physically threatening.
This time, he swore that he’d ruin Scott’s career in the military.
And he had the clout to do it. Scott was my best friend, and I wanted to protect him. ”
Sam sat silently, staring down at her coffee cup. Her thoughts were racing, and a dozen questions were running through her mind, but she sat, stunned and unable to say a word.
“We got married about six months later,” Alex continued after nearly a minute of silence.
“After graduation, Scott was deployed overseas, where he has mostly been ever since. It was an arrangement that worked for both of us. He got his father off his back. I became somewhat redeemable to my mother.” She let out a bitter scoff.
“After all of those years, I still wanted that.”
Sam sat in shocked silence. Of all the things to come out of Alex’s mouth, this was the last thing she expected.
She supposed Alex’s revelations should have made her feel better.
But her heart was breaking for the other woman.
The thought of Alex in a virtually loveless marriage for the last nine years made her sad.
It also made her angry. It could have been her with Alex if things had just been different.
But Alex had taken herself down a path that hadn’t included Sam.
Suddenly, a question sprang to Sam’s mind. “What about Sophie?”
“What about Sophie?” Alex looked confused.
“How did you…” Sam’s voice trailed off before she could form the question.
“How did I conceive, you mean?” Alex regarded Sam with slight amusement. “Of all the things you could ask me right now, that’s what you choose?”
Sam had the grace to look sheepish. She flushed slightly and shrugged.
“Artificial insemination,” Alex explained. “Scott and I both wanted children. But neither of us wanted to do what needed to be done to have them. Well, with each other, that is. So, we went to a doctor.” She turned to look at Sam. “It was pretty easy, really.”
Sam nodded. She didn’t know what else to do.
She was still slightly floored by everything Alex was telling her.
After all these years, she finally had answers to the questions that had plagued her.
The realization that none of this had anything to do with her or what had gone down with Alex and her mother was somewhat comforting.
But one question had been weighing on her since she’d heard about Alex’s return home.
“Why the divorce?” She searched Alex’s face for an answer. “I mean, you were married for nine years.” But this time, Alex wouldn’t look at her. She stared down at the table and the cup in her hands. She was quiet for so long that Sam didn’t think she would answer.
Finally, she looked over at Sam. Unshed tears wet her eyes. “It gets to be so hard,” she whispered, finally pulling up to meet Sam’s eyes. “It’s so hard to live a lie.”
Alex’s eyes searched Sam’s face for some reaction, but Sam didn’t give her one.
After several long seconds, she picked up her coffee.
She drained it in a few long gulps and pushed herself up from the table.
She stood looking out the window over the sink.
She didn’t know what to say or what to do.
“I think you’d better go,” she finally said.
“I have to finish packing and get to the airport…” Her voice trailed off.
Alex slowly rose to her feet. Sam still hadn’t turned to look at her. “Can we talk about this?” Her voice was timid, but hopeful.
Sam exhaled heavily, then pivoted to brace herself against the kitchen counter.
Her eyes searched Alex’s face, and a little piece of her heart broke at the mix of emotions: hope, sorrow, and a bit of guilt, and once again, Sam felt a little Alex-sized chunk of ice around her heart thaw, her resolve weakening around her.
After a long minute, she nodded slightly. “This is going to be a long week, but let’s connect when I get back.”
Alex’s expression brightened, and relief slipped over her features.
“I’ll take what I can get,” she softly replied.
She reached out a hand, as if to touch Sam’s arm, but the expression on Sam’s face must have deterred her, because she dropped it just as quickly.
She studied Sam for a long moment before spinning on her heel and walking out the door.