Chapter Nineteen
When Alex’s SUV finally pulled into the driveway, Sam was watching for it, jumping back from the curtains to hide her eagerness.
But when she opened the front door and looked out, it was clear she was caught.
Alex was leaning against her car door, arms crossed over her chest, with a little grin on her face.
Sam paused in the doorway for a moment, taking her in, and she felt a smile growing on her face.
Alex had gone casual, as she mentioned, choosing dark jeans and a black sweater.
Her hair was loose and wavy, and Sam noticed she was wearing her glasses this time.
The entire look screamed sexy librarian, and Sam was here for it.
She closed and locked the door behind her and headed for the car.
Unsure of the protocol for a second first date with her first love, she stopped a foot short of reaching her.
She didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she shoved them into her back pockets.
“Hi?” she said, feeling uncertain. She had no idea why she was so nervous.
This was Alex. Or maybe she was nervous because it was Alex.
Either way, she felt like they were on the verge of something, and despite knowing now how she felt, the call with Stephanie had shaken her up, and she still wasn’t sure she was ready for it.
Alex seemed to sense her uncertainty and moved away from the car into Sam’s space.
Sam noticed that the slight heel on Alex’s Doc Martens partially minimized their height difference, but Alex still had to reach when she leaned up and placed the softest of kisses on Sam’s lips.
“Hi,” she replied, squeezing Sam’s hand.
Sam felt her body relax. The simple hand squeeze helped to ease some of her nerves. This was Alex, who was as familiar to her as breathing. It was just a date. She could do this. She smiled, then moved around and jumped into the car.
“Shall we go?” Alex watched her with an unreadable expression, finally getting in herself after Sam closed the door.
“You’re in charge of the radio,” she said as she backed out of the driveway and hit the road.
“You always had the best taste in music. And I have an eight-year-old. All I get these days is Top 40. If that’s even still a thing. ”
“No worries, I got it.” Sam reached over and plugged in her phone.
She opened a favorite playlist and pressed play.
One of her favorite queer bands started playing through the speakers.
It wasn’t lost on Sam that this was one of the ways they had bonded initially—through music.
Alex primarily knew classical music when they met, having played the piano and the organ in church.
Sam’s taste had always been a bit more edgy.
At the time, she favored relatively unknown artists from the nearby college radio station.
After taking Alex to a concert, she began making playlists and sharing them.
Alex tilted her head to listen and then nodded appreciatively.
They drove in silence for a while, the hills and valleys of Hicksville flickering past them in a blur.
Sam’s thoughts kept returning to the conversation with Stephanie, but she forced herself to focus on the present moment.
When they reached the highway, Alex reached across the console and took Sam’s hand, intertwining their fingers.
Sam looked down at their clasped hands, then over at Alex, who looked at her with a shy smile. “Is this okay?” she asked.
“Of course,” Sam answered. And it was.
For the rest of the drive, they chatted about anything and everything. The sixty-minute trip to the city zipped by, and before Sam knew it, Alex was turning off the freeway onto a familiar exit on the other side of downtown. “I hope you’re okay with Italian,” Alex said, eyes twinkling.
“Antonio’s?” guessed Sam.
Alex nodded and looked away for a moment. “This seems like a new beginning, so I thought I’d go back to the scene of our first real date.” She glanced over at Sam, suddenly appearing slightly unsure of herself. “Is that okay?” she asked. “We can go somewhere else,” she hastily added.
Sam didn’t want to correct her. In her mind, their first date was actually the first concert she took her to, way before Alex even knew how Sam felt about her.
But Alex had a point. This was the first place they’d gone once they considered themselves a couple.
She placed her hand on Alex’s shoulder and squeezed.
She waited until Alex looked over at her again and smiled with encouragement. “It’s perfect.”
Alex’s face relaxed in relief as she maneuvered into a parking space. “I was here not too long ago with my Sophie and my parents,” she said. “It hasn’t changed much.” She shrugged as she put the car in park. “It kind of feels like our place.”
As they walked to the door holding hands, Sam thought about how different this first date felt compared to the one they’d shared so many years ago.
Back then, they were two shy teenagers afraid of being discovered—their movements stiff and awkward, their kisses secret.
Holding hands had been entirely out of the question for them back then.
Sam shook off the memory. That was years ago.
She needed to stay focused on the present.
Alex’s hand in hers reminded her of how much had changed, how different things could become.
When they reached the door, Sam gently tugged on Alex’s hand and pulled her back against her.
Alex smiled softly up at her as she wrapped her arms around Sam’s neck.
Sam met her gaze and thought about what she saw there.
Yes, this was another first date for the two of them.
But Sam was going to make sure it wasn’t the last. She bent down and gave Alex a tender kiss.
“I’m happy to be here with you,” she whispered.
Alex moved her hand to stroke Sam’s cheek. “Me too,” she whispered back. “Come on.” She stepped back, eyeing Sam up and down. “I’m starving.” Sam felt the double meaning deep down and grinned. It was going to be a good night.
Antonio’s was one of those quiet places tucked into a corner of the city.
The rest of the street was residential, with working-class Italian families occupying most of the foursquare houses.
The space was lit by dim candlelight, and soft music played in the background.
The walls were lined with images of various places in Italy.
It had been one of Sam’s favorite spots ever since she found it so many years ago, and she and Alex had enjoyed quite a few dinners there.
Sam found the familiarity comforting and wondered if that was what Alex was going for with this date.
“You still go for the gnocchi?” Alex asked, folding up her menu.
“Every single time,” Sam replied. “I’ve had gnocchi from some of the best Italian restaurants in the US and Italy, and honestly, nothing compares to Antonio’s.”
“So, you’ve traveled a lot?” Alex ran her fingertip lightly around the rim of her wineglass.
“I did the usual backpacking trip around Europe with some friends after college.” Sam shrugged.
“We all had job offers, so we didn’t have the pressure of looking for work.
” She took a sip from her wineglass, though wine had never been her thing.
It just seemed like the right thing to drink here.
“Once I went to college, I realized there was so much more out there than Hicksville. And I wanted to see all of it.”
“And did you?”
“I saw enough to know that I couldn’t go back.”
Alex tilted her head and looked at her with a questioning expression. “But you’re back now,” she pointed out. “Is it really that bad?”
Sam took a breath and exhaled slowly. “No, it’s not,” she admitted.
“I wasn’t expecting any of this when I showed up.
I didn’t know what to expect, really.” She took another sip to give herself a moment to collect her thoughts.
“You know—the town, the people, even your mother. It feels different. Like everything has changed. Or maybe it’s just me. ”
Alex nodded along, smiling at her. “Sometimes you just have to give people a chance. They’ll get there eventually.”
“What about you?” Sam itched to take the attention off herself. “What other places have you been to?”
Their waiter arrived with bread and olive oil.
Alex took a piece and started tearing it into smaller bits.
She dragged one through the olive oil and popped it in her mouth.
“Nowhere that makes bread like this,” she said, taking a moment to chew.
After a moment, she continued. “We were lucky. Scott was primarily stationed in Norfolk, so I did graduate school at Old Dominion. We had a year in San Diego and another year in Spain. Scott’s stationed in Germany now, but I’ve been here for the past year. ”
Sam flinched at the mention of Scott. Silence stretched between them.
It wasn’t uncomfortable, just heavy, carrying the weight of the lost years and everything else hanging in the air between them—words never said, changes unwitnessed, stories untold.
She studied Alex’s face, cataloguing the new lines at the corners of her eyes, wondering what else she’d missed.
The waiter’s arrival with steaming plates of food cut through their conversation.
Sam hadn’t been back to Antonio’s in years, so she eagerly dug in, sighing at the rich tomato sauce with the same perfect balance of spices.
Alex was right—it hadn’t changed much. When she offered her a forkful of tortellini across the table, Sam didn’t hesitate.