Chapter 5
FIVE
Playing: Mess It Up by Gracie Abrams
A horn is blown as the clock hits zero, indicating that Bensen took a very unexpected win.
When the screen shows the boys hollering and celebrating, it cuts to an image of Dax and Everett hugging in solidarity.
My knee-jerk reaction is to turn the TV off, their smiling faces disappearing as the screen goes black.
I sit in silence, like the slightest movement will cause an avalanche and suddenly everyone will know that I just spontaneously watched almost three hours of a sport I don’t necessarily enjoy all because I can’t stop thinking of the two players I saw at dinner today.
The game wasn’t boring, either. There seemed to be a rivalry between the two teams tonight, which resulted in a lot of tension displayed on the ice.
It was like watching a drama or a documentary, every player filling their role in a way that left the audience on the edge of their seat.
It was poetic. I never knew hockey could be so dramatic.
The last time a hockey game was that much fun, Stacia’s ex boyfriend was getting pummeled by her scent match in the middle of the second period. Which was mind-blowing because they were on the same team and her scent match is the captain.
As much as I enjoyed the game, I was also nervous.
Dax went out of his way to protect Everett, but he also got caught up in a lot of bullshit on the ice.
I nearly panicked when it looked like there would be a fight between him and a member on the opposing team.
It stirred up an emotion in me that I don’t want to look at too closely.
The game itself was entertaining enough to distract me from what I was doing when I voluntarily put it on, but now I’m left with a strange aftertaste in my mouth.
Like a weird moment of shame that settles in after an oxytocin crash.
That’s a dramatic way to describe how I feel right now, because it’s just hockey , but it’s hockey that I can’t tell anyone about.
There is someone I could tell, but I’d have to tell her why and that’s the part that’s holding me up.
I’m guessing after today, Stacia has a suspicion, but I can’t bring myself to talk about it.
She’s texted me about five times to ask about what happened at dinner, but every reply I come up with doesn’t sound like an omission anymore…
it sounds like straight-up lying. I can’t play it cool now that she knows something might be up.
This may be an actress’ dilemma, but it’s embarrassing that I can’t lie to my best friend because I’m supposed to be able to lie for a living.
I’m also on edge because I seemed to lose track of time this month. When I looked at my calendar and saw it was the nineteenth, I literally did a spit-take that my rug definitely didn’t appreciate it.
The four year anniversary of my dad’s death is coming up quickly, and the anxiety that plagues me every year since is slowly making its ugly appearance.
The few days surrounding the anniversary are always filled with leftover grief and sadness.
Not to mention, my mom’s insistence to harass me about my inheritance also puts me in a bad mood.
She’s like a dark cloud over an already dusty sky every September.
She’s never forgiven me for being the sole inheritor in my father’s will.
She was the breadwinner, so she didn’t even know there was anything to inherit until he passed away and his lawyer gave me a golden ticket to freedom away from her.
Even in death, my dad was looking out for me. I miss him so much, it hurts. He didn’t get enough stress-free time in his life, which is why I’m determined to protect the peace I have in mine.
My mother isn’t allowed in my life but I don’t think she minds all that much.
All she’s ever cared about is money. So, I avoid her calls for about five days every year like clockwork and the rest of the year is cloud-free.
That little disturbance of my boundary is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Plus, I like the reminder that she’s nothing worth crying about.
I’m pulled out of my thoughts when the doorbell rings. The sound jolts me, because there’s no one that could possibly be at our house at this hour.
When I get to the living room, Opal is already opening the door. Stacia’s long brown waves are the first thing I see, but then I look down to all the stuff she’s carrying in her arms.
“We’re having an impromptu sleepover,” she announces as she walks inside.
Opal’s eyes get big, her excitement palpable. “Sick! I love sleepovers.” She pulls her cardigan further over her small frame like a chill just cast over her.
Stacia’s eyes meet mine. I’m about to ask why she’s here instead of celebrating with her mates after their win, but then she’d know I was watching the game, so I close my lips into a tight line.
“I know you don’t want to talk about whatever happened today, Cranny, but this is it.
No running away.” Her tone tells me there’s no room for argument.
“However, I will give you some time to relax first before I force you to tell me what’s wrong.
And since I found this while moving out, we’re watching it.
” She reaches into one of the bags in her arms and pulls out a DVD case with The Princess Diaries 2 printed on the front.
Opal grabs the movie from her hand and squeals. “Yes! I love this fucking movie! I’ll go make popcorn.”
“I don’t think Chris was the right pick for this role.”
The second the words leave my mouth, there’s an uproar. Stacia and Opal both start talking a mile a minute, berating me for the opinion that I just let invade their sacred space.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” Stacia muses as she opens up another bag of Hazelnut M&Ms.
“He is one of the reasons why this movie did as well as it did,” Opal argues, her eyes wide and distraught.
I put my hands up in surrender. “I’m just saying he’s a bit too dormant to play the alpha role the way it was meant to be played. It’s hard to act between designations like that, especially if you’re not willing to understand the instincts of other designations while you’re in character.”
Stacia makes a gawking sound like she’s literally gagged by my words.
Opal shrugs and eats another piece of popcorn. “I think that’s why they cast him. They needed someone softer. An actual alpha might have given off the wrong energy, especially since his family is plotting to take the crown from her.”
The thought does sound interesting. Maybe I’m being biased.
“Anyway,” Stacia starts, “I think it’s time we talked about what happened at dinner.”
I try to hold in the groan prompted in my throat as Opal raises her brow. “At dinner?” She looks between us. “What happened?”
“Everything was fine until Dax and Everett came to sit with us, then Rory started acting really weird.” She looks at me, but not unkindly.
There’s a compassionate gleam in her gaze that causes my resolve to crumble.
“They kept glancing at you, and you kept avoiding them. And then you snapped at Dax. Dax . He’s the most unproblematic person I’ve ever met. ”
I wince. He definitely is. He’s a total himbo. A really hot, lean, blond himbo.
I take a deep breath, wondering how I can finally tell Stacia (and honestly Opal) what I’ve been keeping from them for months now. They look at me expectantly but patiently as I get myself together.
“We had sex,” I mumble so low that there’s no possible way they heard me.
“I’m sorry, what?” Stacia asks. They both lean forward to hear me better.
My eyes dart between them, and then the floodgates pour out.
“Dax, Everett, and I had sex a few months ago,” I blurt out.
“And I ghosted them afterwards because it was the best sex I’ve ever had and it really freaked me out because I’ve never had sex with alphas and I don’t know what came over me that night but I kept it from you guys because I didn’t want to think about it, I just wanted to forget it ever happened but I can’t be around them without thinking about it and smelling their scents again that literally make me not feel like myself and makes my omega a horny bitch, so I’ve just avoided all of it and I’m really, really sorry. ”
They look at me in silence for a moment while all of my words process, and then Opal whispers, “Holy shit.”
Stacia puts her hands up, like what I said can’t compute with her. “I need… I need you to repeat some things. When did this happen?”
“They both took me home after Atlas’ surprise birthday party.”
“In May?!” Stacia yells while Opal exclaims, “Both?!”
I nod guiltily.
Opal claps her hands in excitement. “Wow! That’s incredible. Best sex of your life, huh?”
My face scrunches because I’m still having a hard time admitting that out loud. “Yes. I can’t stop thinking about it. And today, when they were there, my hormones were going haywire and I felt bad for avoiding them, and they’re so nice… ”
Stacia nods, understanding shining through in her expression. “It sounds like your omega wants them.”
Opal nods. “ Badly .”
I shrug, while the omega inside of me throws her hands up like Duh . I look back at my best friend, feeling unworthy of her compassion. “You’re not mad that I kept this from you?”
Stacia smiles and it lights up the room.
“No, I’m not mad. I mean, I do wish you felt like you could tell me sooner but your sex life is your business.
You don’t have to tell me anything. I just want to be there for you whenever you need it.
You were there for me through so much bullshit last year. ”
I think about what she went through with her ex, and the memories turn my omega from horny to molten. It’s another reason why I have an aversion to alphas. Alphas like him, alphas like my mom, they make it harder to trust alphas that have good intentions. And I still don’t think I’m there yet.
“I know you’re there for me,” I finally say. “I wanted to tell you, but the longer it went, the harder it became.”
“I understand that. I promise, everything is okay.” She smiles, and then there’s a mischievous glint in her eye. “So, what are you going to do?”
I raise my brows, acting coy. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Oh, come on ,” Stacia exaggerates. “You weren’t the only one acting weird at dinner. My mates might not have noticed, but their two friends were on their best behavior before you left, and I should know, they come over to our house a lot .”
“What are you trying to say?” I ask, the warmth on my cheeks becoming harder to ignore.
Opal smirks. “I think she’s trying to imply that Dax and Everett want you just as badly as you want them.”
I scoff. “They get girls all the time. They were just being polite.”
Stacia flattens her lips, but doesn’t contradict me. Hockey players are treated as gods on most college campuses, and the team here is no exception. I bet they had their selection of gorgeous puck bunnies and sorority girls before I came along.
Opal pops open a can of cherry coke and hands it to me. The gesture makes me smile. “Where did you get this?”
“I got you a case, so you can feel more lucky just in your day-to-day,” she quips as she tries to pull her curly hair into a ponytail.
Stacia gives her a teasing smile. “And what about you, O? Have you met anyone new this semester?”
As an actress, you have to excel at facial expressions, both reading them and mimicking them. So, I swear I see the tiniest change in Opal’s expression at the question, the slightest notch of her lip turning down before it’s replaced by her usual peppiness.
“I’m putting away the dating hat for a while. I don’t think I’m ready to keep trying. Cindy keeps trying to set me up on dates, but I’ve told her it’s over for now.”
Both my omega and I simmer at the mention of Opal’s childhood friend. For a while, Opal was actively seeking out dates and putting herself out there, until Cindy set Opal up with an old pervy alpha that we all suspect she met in an alley behind Hooters.
She claims that the person she sent never showed up and that the creepy alpha that Opal met had taken advantage of the situation.
Since they’ve known each other since childhood, Opal believed her, but I still have my guard up.
My instincts are screaming at me to not trust Cindy.
My omega doesn’t even like when she comes by the house.
I have to lock myself in my room to get away from her.
If anything, I’m glad that awful date put Opal in our path, because I won’t let anything suspicious like that happen to her again.
“She should respect your wishes then,” I finally say, acting cordial. I take a sip from the can before placing it on one of the Studio Ghibli coasters that Opal has all over the coffee table. “We’re only juniors. There’s no need to rush.”
Again, Opal’s face contorts into a barely-there wince before she smiles. “I agree. If I meet someone organically, fine, but until then, I’m going to focus on myself. I quite like myself.”
Stacia grins. “As you should, you’re fucking awesome.”
We go back to the movie and I realize I feel a lot lighter than I did earlier tonight.
This is definitely what I needed, a girls’ night with two of my favorite people.
Everything else can be figured out tomorrow.
I’m no longer lying by omission to my best friends, and that feels like a step in the right direction.