15. Anastasia
Anastasia
E ver since what happened in the cinema room last week there’s been a distance between me and Rhett.
He still takes my hand—like now, walking to class.
He’s still charming in ways that would make any woman swoon.
But he’s back to touching me as little as possible when I believed he was starting to relax around me.
I shouldn’t have risked that for a quick thrill. Even though he kissed me first. If I’d stopped it, perhaps there wouldn’t be this tension that I can’t fully shake.
At first I felt guilty, but as the days pass I begin to grow frustrated.
Angry. It was the best orgasm of my life and he’s acting like it was nothing.
Discovering the words that can come from his mouth .
.. Oh boy, I’m in trouble. It was only a sample of his dominance, his possessiveness, and now I’m pathetically yearning for it again, but the line between us has thickened more than before.
When we sit in the lecture hall for first class I cross my legs the opposite way from him, not realizing it’s always felt more natural to be turned toward him until now.
He doesn’t try to place his hand on my thigh, and that only riles me more.
I occupy my hands with books to avoid holding his until midday, and when it comes to lunch I barely speak to him, only picking an apple and a bottle of water before paying for myself and heading to sit with Riley.
It may be childish, but if he’s going to treat me as merely his thing to guard, I’m going to act like it. Rhett sparked something inside me only to become the reason it’s quickly dying out with his coldness.
“Are you going to the carnival tonight?” I ask Riley, taking a bite of my apple. I’m not really hungry with my storm of emotions.
Riley eyes the space beside me. Her observation that something is wrong isn’t subtle. She reads my eyes, but even though I’m turned away from Rhett I don’t want to explain.
“Yeah, a few of us were thinking of going. You’re still going, aren’t you?” Riley answers.
I nod. “I might have to do a few jobs at my dad’s stall, but then I plan to ditch. Can I text you to hang out?”
“Of course! We were going to meet up to participate in the corn maze around five.”
I turn giddy at the thought, glad to have my friend to bring back some excitement. I love the maze. The panic of getting lost and the puzzle of finding my way out with the map.
“I’ll meet you there then,” I agree.
Rhett doesn’t speak the whole time. He keeps his AirPod in on one side as usual, and now and then he glances at his watch or at the security camera. It’s starting to become weird.
If he wants hell, it’s about time I give him some.
I leave the cafeteria, heading to a theatre hall. Just outside I spin to him.
“I have to chat to a professor about something. Stay here,” I say.
“Not happening.”
“I wasn’t asking.”
Rhett’s eyes twinkle with their first hint of amusement in days, and I’m ready to claw them out.
“It’s private.”
“What could you possibly need to say about literature assignments that I can’t hear?”
“That’s none of your business. My life and prospects are not a show for you to observe.”
“Ana—”
“Stay here, Agent Kaiser. I won’t forgive you if you follow me in.”
I push through the door without another word, and when it closes behind me I wait. Mercifully, he doesn’t follow.
The room is empty, and I shoot up the stairs and exit out the back. I plucked the spare jeep key this morning, and I’m so twistedly thrilled just imagining Rhett’s anger when he realizes I’ve left him without a ride.
My adrenaline pumps hot and fast, as if he’s chasing me at this very moment, and I run across the parking lot before throwing myself inside the jeep and speeding off.
I check the mirrors even when I’m a long way away from the university as if he’ll come speeding to catch up in another car.
I wouldn’t put grand theft auto past him for this.
I don’t go home. Instead I drive to a quieter part of the city twenty minutes away.
When I pull up at the side of the road, only then does my breathing start to calm.
I get out, slinging my jacket on and making a note that I would appreciate a scarf, maybe some gloves, with the temperature lowering in the fall.
This spot I only know because of one person, Nina Temsworth, and she’s gone. It overlooks the city, and I enjoy the view knowing how bustling it is down there. I sit above it all in peaceful observance.
Missing Nina is like a passing season; it always comes around. And I’ll always have hope she’ll come back and I’ll forgive her for leaving without a goodbye. I would understand no matter her reasons when her life was so difficult.
I can’t stay here for long because of the carnival later, but I only want to make Rhett angry—even though it’s a different kind from what’s upsetting me.
I want to be patient with him, or at least understand if he wants nothing more from me, but he’s so damn confusing, hot-and-cold, it’s messing with my head.
Somewhere along his line of duty I’ve grown attached to his presence.
I could have lived with it only ever being in friendship .
.. until he kissed me. For real this time, in the cinema room.
Why did he have to do that? Now I don’t want to imagine the end of his post, saying goodbye.
I can’t imagine him as just a friend who might text or call to check in once in a while when I’m no longer his problem. It hurts .
A car passes behind me. Then it stops. There is no way he could have?—
The door slams shut as a clear announcement that it’s who I imagine it is. I turn around. Rhett has never looked more pissed off than now, as his Uber leaves and he storms toward me.
“How the hell did you find me so fast?” I accuse.
Rhett’s expression is so scarily furious I should be afraid.
He marches forward like he won’t pause and will instead slam into me.
Yet as much as I back into the hood of the jeep and he erases all personal space, all that drums in my chest is thrill and anticipation.
He plants his hands on either side of me, leaning in so close.
“Did you think that was daring, leaving without me?” he asks in a tone that makes my whole body shiver and tighten. “Did you think it was smart? Amusing?”
“I thought it was about time you worked for your damn job.”
There’s nothing kind in his slow smile and the way he searches my face. As if contemplating how to devour me.
“I see how it is,” he says, toeing the line between danger and seduction. “You like games; I like to win. You like to run; I love to fucking chase. Keep trying, little bird. I’ll happily indulge in your fire. Cause me pain and watch as I take it with pleasure.”
“What do you want from me, Rhett?” I snap.
“Everything. I want absolutely everything from you, and I can hardly stand it.”
I shake my head. “Then stop pushing me away.”
“Life’s true cruelty is always having something we want desperately that was never meant to be ours.”
“You can’t say that when you’re not even trying,” I grind out the last word, pushing his chest, but he catches my wrists, pulling me to him and not letting go. Our stare-off radiates with hate. “You’re a fucking coward, Rhett Kaiser.”
His eyes flex and his jaw shifts, but I don’t think I’ll ever be afraid of him no matter how frightening he appearance or how hard I push him to brink of snapping, and maybe that’s why I do it. I’m so desperate for him to break to find out what it would take to tend to the pieces.
“Careful, Ana.”
“Or what?”
He lets go of my wrists only to slide his palms across my cheeks. “Every time you run you get closer to learning why you should never stop.”
My retort dies under the ringing of my cell. I push Rhett, who yields as I fish my cell out of my jeans pocket. Seeing the FaceTime ID, my mood switches with whiplash as I gasp.
“Liam!” I squeal, glad to see a friendly face right now.
Rhett frowns down at my hand, and I scowl as I pace away to talk.
“Hey, Ana. I warned you I wouldn’t be good with pictures, so I figured this would make up for it.” He flips the camera to show he’s standing in Times Square.
“Can you order my kidnap? I want to be there too,” I whine.
Liam chuckles as his bright, handsome face comes back onscreen. “The new guard that bad, huh? I hope you’re making him work hard.”
My eyes flick up to Rhett, who’s leaning against the jeep watching me. He gives no reaction, but my cheeks heat. He certainly went above and beyond in his job the other night.
“He’s ... fine. But the idea I need one is still ridiculous,” I mutter under my breath as I try to gain enough distance to talk privately.
“Agent Victor Ross, right?”
“No, uh, there was an accident. I got a replacement.”
Liam frowns deeply. “Who?”
Rhett calls over quietly. “We need to go. The carnival starts in two hours.”
I internally groan. “I have to go. My dad is using me to ‘appeal to the people’ at the fall carnival tonight.”
Liam grins at my ire, running a hand through his dark hair. “Go charm the masses, beautiful. You could single-handedly win the country’s heart if you really tried.”
I scoff. “Yeah, right.”
When we hang up, his absence sweeps in with a lonely echo.
Rhett drives us home. For the first time I leave the car before he has the chance to slip out and make it around to my door.
Locking myself in my room, I read for the first hour, get sour at the carefree, adorable romance in the fiction that usually has me swooning, and spend the rest of the time getting ready.
Knowing there could be photos, I keep scrutinizing myself in the mirror.
I wear fall colors: a tight deep maroon skirt with black tights and over-the-knee boots, a long white coat, and a scarf and hat to match my skirt since the night will be cold.
Should I put more makeup on? I only touched up the little I wore for classes, but wondering how I’ll look in pictures is driving me to overthink.
A soft knock sounds at my door. When I don’t answer and Rhett doesn’t stroll in as he usually does anyway, I frown. I must have really pissed him off earlier.
I swing it open, and the guy on the opposite side winces at my scowl of a reception. My face smooths out.
“Miss Kinsley, I have to take you to the carnival,” he says politely. A man in his late thirties, I would guess.
“Where’s Rhett?”
“Agent Kaiser was called away for a few hours. He said to tell you he’ll meet you at the maze at five o’clock.”
He ... left me? Even if it is only for a few hours I don’t know why my stomach sinks. I’m annoyed with him, upset with him, but I need him tonight of all nights.
I realize I’ve made a mistake all at once. I let him in, close enough to become something comfortable, when I knew it was wrong. Both for his job and his life. I’m wrong for him. Not able to ever make up for the loss he suffered, and I should know better.
I shut my door and head out. I don’t need Rhett Kaiser.
I ride in the back of the large SUV with black-tinted windows feeling more than ever the pressure of who I am because of my father.
My thumb bleeds into my mouth as I chew on it, watching out the window, switching to the other when it stings too badly.
I do not need Rhett Kaiser.