Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
Charlie
"Charlie, listen to me. Hayes loves you.
Everyone knows Hayes loves you. He's borderline obsessed with you.
I swear to you that you are overthinking this entire thing.
" Odessa has been listening to me fret over Hayes being distant for a few weeks now.
She's answered every call, talked me off the ledge, and given me the pep talk of all pep talks.
Still, my gut is telling me something is off.
Every time we talk, which isn't as often as it once was, he's distant and distracted.
It feels like the Hayes from eight months ago, before we were dating.
"Even though I told him I would fly out and he made up some excuse why he couldn't see me?
I know he's lying, Dess." Hayes leaves in a handful of days and I offered to fly out to spend a week there before he left. I assumed that he would be busy, but only twenty minutes of face-to-face would have been worth it to me. He said he wouldn’t even have that much time, though.
A big fat lie considering Heather let it slip that she and Drew have plans because the guys have a four day weekend.
"I know. I'm not saying that his lying to you is okay.
But I don't think it's as sinister as you think it is.
He's been telling you how concerned he is about this deployment and what it will do to your relationship.
I think you might have to be the strong one right now.
Show him you're with him throughout it all.
Allow him to be the one to spiral for a change, and trust him when he says that he loves you.
Ya know?" Dammit. She makes a point. I can't begin to imagine the stress he is under and I don't want to add to it by constantly doubting him.
"You're right." I say with a grumble. "Wait! Since when are you the voice of reason? Shouldn't you be booking us plane tickets to slash his tires?"
She chuckles in the background. "If it were any man other than Hayes, yes. However, he has the best heart of all of us. He'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you."
"Yeah, yeah." I sigh into the phone. It's loud on her end of the phone; people are chattering in the background but she doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get off the phone. "How's life on the road? Where even are you?"
"Exhausting. I have a couple more days in NYC and then I'll be home for a week in between gigs.
I need the reprieve that only mom can offer.
" Odessa has been calling Connie "mom" since she moved in with us at fifteen.
Despite the reputation their last name holds, the Astors have never been stellar parents.
If anything, the money only made them more neglectful and abusive.
Connie's house became all of our safe house and thankfully she had enough love to go around for all of us.
"That'll be good. Mind if I come home too? I promise to not complain about Hayes the whole time."
"You better be there. I'll bring the wine; you bring the snacks." Red flags go off in my mind when I realize her voice lacks the lightness it normally carries.
"Everything okay? You sound off."
"Yeah, just tired. I gotta get on set. See ya this weekend!
" She hangs up the phone before I can say anything else.
Her telltale sign something is wrong and she's not ready to talk about it.
Odessa has always been an outstanding advice-giver but she hates to be vulnerable herself.
She has that in common with Hayes. The two of them shut down when they need to process their emotions and I know that I need to give them the space to do so, but I can't help but feel a bit helpless in the meantime.
I stared at the dark screen of my phone for a little while after we ended the call.
Replaying what Odessa said about Hayes, wondering what she has going on that has her sounding so down, and trying to decide what to do with the rest of my evening.
I've been living alone for a few years now but never have I felt this lonely.
Instead of calling Hayes out on his lack of communication, I take Odessa's advice—choosing faith in our relationship over doubt.
I send him a quick "I miss you" text and add a picture of us from Vegas that I haven't ever shown anyone.
Our first picture as a couple—a selfie of us in bed.
Everything is covered but you can clearly tell what we have been up to.
It's the happiest I've ever seen Hayes look and I'm hoping it'll remind him of that as well.
The pep talk that Odessa just gave me was enough to keep me from spiraling into a mess of self-doubt, but I still feel the pang of sadness in my chest when he doesn't respond right away.
Leaving things unsaid and unsettled is not my style, but I trust that Hayes will come around in his own time.
I'll give him the space he needs, knowing that our connection is strong enough to withstand a little distance.
Sighing, I leave my phone on the table and start cleaning my apartment.
It's minimalist, with barely any furniture, but I never minded before.
I've been focused on finishing school early, working, and, Hayes, not decorating an apartment I hadn't planned on living in for very long.
Now that my plans have changed, I make a mental note of all the things I should buy to add a little more personality to the space.
Maybe a colorful rug, some throw pillows, and a couple plants could liven up the place.
As I scrub the floors and dust the empty shelves, I can't help but feel a sense of determination to make this apartment feel like home.
First things first, I need to go through my bedroom at Connie's this weekend and find some things to bring here.
I swear every square inch of that room has memories in it—from family photos from before my parents died to new ones of Hayes and me, it's like a walk down memory lane every time I step foot in there.
It shouldn't be surprising that I've felt so unsettled in this apartment; I don't have anything personal here.
Connie's house is still "home" to me, despite that I haven't lived there in a few years.
It's where I go on the weekends when I'm feeling alone or down.
Connie and I always had a strong relationship, but living with her alone for so many years really solidified it.
She became my best friend and if I'm being honest with myself, a crutch to deal with the loneliness.
That's something I need to work on while Hayes is gone—being okay with feeling lonely and finding ways to fulfill that void on my own.