Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Hayes
Thirteen months into a deployment that should have been only a year.
The worst part is that we just found out our return date has been pushed back another five months.
Everyone on the team is equally annoyed but there isn’t much we can do.
The stresses of the day-to-day seem to have made us all numb.
At least at this point, we have a solid routine.
A blessing and a curse, considering it’s even easier to let our minds wander.
Charlie's birthday has once again rolled around and I haven't stopped thinking about her. The long days and endless nights have given me more than enough time to reflect on everything that has happened. It doesn’t help that the loneliness is playing mind games that I wasn’t prepared for.
I’m starting to wonder if I’ve gotten to the point where I could forgive her for cheating.
It still kills me to think that she would do that to me, but I also know that I didn’t even give her a chance to explain.
I unblocked her about a week ago, craving any information I could get, but she hasn't posted in months. Not since I left her outside her apartment. Her social media shouldn’t worry me as much as it does, but I can’t stop myself from caring about her and from thinking about her all the time.
I’ve typed out a hundred different emails but haven’t sent any of them yet.
Her birthday may be the day my resolve comes crashing down, though. I fucking miss her.
Walking out to the makeshift gym, I spot Drew out there, lifting weights with a zoned-out expression on his face.
When he looks up and gives me a nod, I decide to bite the bullet and ask him about her. I haven't mentioned her in a year. Not since her last birthday, when he caught me sulking out here.
"Hey, you call your sister today?"
He stares back, stone-faced, and then blinks it away. "I tried. She won't answer my calls."
"What do you mean she won't answer?" Every nerve ending in my body stands to attention; it’s not like Charlie to ignore him or anyone. She’ll say exactly what’s on her mind, even if we don’t like it.
He sets down his weights and huffs out a big breath of air. His jaw works back and forth as he grinds his teeth together. "You want to do this? Because you haven't wanted to talk about Charlie since we left."
Running my hand over the stubble on my jaw, I nod. "I know. I've been pissed and hurt. But that doesn't mean I stopped caring."
He sighs, backing down too. "Same. She hasn't responded to me. In her defense, I was pretty shitty toward her before we left. Then the first few months here were so chaotic, trying to find our footing, that I didn’t really reach out.
Around Thanksgiving, I realized I hadn't talked to her since we left, so I emailed, texted, and then called.
When I still hadn't heard back by Christmas, I called mom. She lit my ass on fire, but she wouldn't say much. Only that, ‘Charlie’s fine.’ I tried to push, but mom told me to drop it until Charlie was ready to talk to me.”
“I didn’t fucking ask you to do that!” Guilt mixed with frustration flows through me.
I would never have asked him to not talk to Charlie; if anything, I tried to keep him out of it.
They only have each other for immediate family.
It must have nearly killed her to feel like she lost us both at the same time.
"Of course you didn't, asshole. But you're my best friend, and she's my sister. I'm allowed to be pissed when she fucks up. Cheating on you? Come on, that's no small offense."
My head hangs low as I try to shake away the confusing feelings. "I know. I think I know. Something about it feels off, though. My gut is telling me there's more to the story but my head saw it as clear as day."
"You saw a guy in her bed; it doesn't get more clear than that." He’s right; it’s probably the time messing with my head, distorting the memories.
My brain wants there to be another reason to explain what happened.
Although the alternative is that I left her there with an unwelcome man in her bed. Either way, I lose.
Feeling more confused than when I went in there, I went back to my room to call my mom.
I've gotten enough lectures over the years to know when one is coming, and today will be no different. She tried to talk to me about Charlie when it first happened, but I wouldn’t listen.
Shut down every time she brought her up, then she stopped mentioning her at all.
She answers on the first ring and I do my best at small talk, even though it’s killing me inside.
"Hey ma, I miss ya. How's home?"
"It’s good. Hotter than Georgia asphalt, and not even June." She sounds like she’s in a good mood at least.
"Yeah, it's pretty hot here too." Iraq isn't terrible in May, but when you add on the gear, it adds another layer of heat.
"You two staying safe?" Concern drips from her voice.
"We are. Not much going on right now. Wait and see. Feels like a lot of babysitting adults, making sure diplomats and their staff are safe." That’s not exactly true, but I’m not allowed to go into details and I wouldn’t want to worry my mom even if I could.
"I know how that goes."
"Anything else new with you? Talk to Ev or Odessa lately?" I'm fishing for information right now, hoping she may throw me a scrap.
"Yeah, Ev is back home already. Love's flying those birds, although he always has, so nothing new there. Dess is gallivanting around the world, from job to job. This modeling thing is keeping her busy but she keeps me updated on where she's staying.”
"That's good, and…"
"And? And, what?" Her no nonsense tone has me cringing. She's always been able to read my mind.
I relent, knowing it’s about to bite me in the ass. "How ‘bout Charlie?"
"She's fine." My eyebrows pinch together, knowing that is exactly what she told Drew. There’s absolutely more going on than she’s telling us.
"Alright. Just fine? Drew mentioned she hasn't responded to him in a while."
"Yep. Fine." She drawls out the word “fine” like it is anything but “fine.”
"Mom…" She's not usually this tight-lipped about anything unless she’s keeping a secret.
"Don't you 'mom’ me! You two boys get my goose. Blowin’ her off like that and then leavin’! Charlie is fine. I talked to her today and wished her a happy birthday.”
Clenching my teeth together is the only thing keeping me from losing my cool at her vagueness. I know it won’t help, though, my mother is nothing if not stubborn. If she's upset, there's no way she's going to let it go easily.
I take a deep breath through my nose and let it out. "Ok. I was worried. I didn't know Drew wasn't talking to her either. He told me today and said she wasn’t responding.”
An audible huff of air comes out of her nose. "We'll talk about it when you get home.”
Shit. "Alright, I love ya."
"Love you too, Hayes. Stay safe over there, stay diligent."
Our call ends, and I'm left with even more anxiety than I had before.
I don't know if Charlie is pissed at me or if she even has a reason to be pissed at me. It sounds like she’s pissed at Drew, too.
Shutting him out like we did to her. The strangest part about everything, though, is that she’s cut off social media for this long.
She went from posting nearly every day to nothing since we left.
My resolve gives in and I send her an email, praying she will respond with at least proof of life.
"Happy Birthday, Charlie."
It takes all of me to not call her Sunshine. The old nickname wants to slip out like it always did. She was the sunniest part of my life, and then she was gone, taking the sunshine with her.