Chapter 36 #3
“He walked this land with Laina. They floated around in inner tubes on the lake. They watched the sunsets and sunrises together. They rode snowmobiles and hiked right here…” I choked up again.
I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it.
Tears streamed down my face at everything we had lost because of this twisted man.
“And you were going to take that from him because you could not stand the thought of me—a white trash girl, you called me, an O’Donnell—living on what you believed was your land. ”
I thought I saw tears in Drake’s eyes, but maybe that was water in his eyes due to his age and illness.
“By not telling him, you lost Logan,” Drake said.
“I am well aware of that,” I snapped. “I know.”
“I thought you would tell him. You didn’t, though. Because you loved him too much.” There was silence between us as he gulped in oxygen again. “Bellini,” he said, and this time his voice was soft, low, defeated. “I’m sorry.”
I was surprised at the apology but didn’t care. Damage done. I would never see Drake again. This whole conversation was ripping me apart. I wanted out.
“I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry you hurt your own son the way you did.
We loved each other, Drake. I never would have stood in the way of him going to college where he did.
I wanted that for him. We filled out his application together.
After we graduated, we could have been together.
We were happy together. We were best friends since kindergarten.
You hurt him. You hurt your own son. He has never met anyone else he wanted to marry.
He hasn’t had the kids he thought he would have. ”
Drake closed his eyes, and this time the tears slipped through like two rivers. “I did hurt him.”
“You let your hate for my family get in the way of a father’s love for his son.” I had lost Logan. I had been in a lonely, exhausting marriage. I had lost a baby. All of that could have been avoided if not for Drake.
“You’re right, Bellini, I did. And in the end, all I gained was seeing my son pining for you. Longing for you. Loving you. He has never been serious about any other woman.”
And I had never been serious about any other man. I never should have married my first husband. That was wrong of me.
“I changed my will, Bellini, when the doctor told me that this disease would kill me. I knew I’d done wrong.
There are no restrictions. Everything goes to Logan.
If he marries you, the land remains his—and yours.
I made a mistake, Bellini. A terrible mistake, and I am sorry.
I should have told you when I did it almost two years ago.
” He shuddered, head to foot. “Maybe you would have come back, then. Maybe if Logan knew, he would have gone to get you. Brought you home.”
“Yes, you should have told me.” I was shaking, absolutely enraged. “You should have told him.”
“I didn’t because I’m a coward. I’m a miserable son of a gun.
Selfish. I didn’t tell Logan because I thought I would lose him.
He would never speak to me again if he knew that I was responsible for taking you away from him.
He would walk away. I would die without my son.
He’s all I have. His mom was scared of me—she didn’t love me.
I didn’t deserve her love. But at least I had Logan.
” A sob broke through, a burst of regret and remorse.
“Even now, he watches out for me, calls my doctors, takes me to my appointments, and I was too scared to give that up. I wanted to see him, to be with him during my last days.”
“So, it was all about you. What you wanted. What you needed. As usual, as always. You.”
Drake dipped his head.
“He’s done everything for you, but you’ve never even been kind to him. Never loving, never helpful.” I could hear my own voice pitching up, cracking. Logan had not deserved a father like Drake. No one did.
“I have been a failure as a father, I know that. I see all my faults clearly, finally, as an old and sick man. A sober man now. I can see the truth, and I regret…everything. Everything.”
Bitterness ran through his words, but I didn’t care.
He had made his own bed. “You should have told Logan the truth. You should have told him what you told me. You should have told him so he would know why I walked away from him. Tell Logan the truth now. He needs to know.” I dragged in air to keep from giving in to the urge to leap off the couch and flip Drake upside down.
“I should have told him.” I could hardly breathe.
I felt like I had a rock in my throat, and even the rock was crying.
“But I did what I thought was best for Logan. You didn’t do what was best for him, and you have to deal with that. ”
“He still loves you. I’ve seen it in him since you’ve been back. When he comes to check on me, he’s happier now than he’s been in years—since I broke the two of you up. He smiles now. He laughs. He looks relaxed. Hopeful. That’s what he lost when he lost you—happiness.”
“Tell him, Drake. Do this one thing before you die. Tell him the truth. I’m done keeping your secret. Completely done. If you don’t, I will.”
But telling Logan wasn’t going to be necessary.
Logan stood in the doorway of the family room. He was leaning against the log wall as if he could hardly stand up. He was pale, but at the same time, I could tell he was fighting hard within himself to not utterly lose it with his father. I’ve never seen him so white-hot livid.
“Logan,” I whispered, standing, wiping my tears off my face.
“Son,” Drake said, his breath weak. “Son… You heard?”
“Yes. I heard. I heard it all. Every word. Did you actually think I would leave you alone with Bellini?” His words were biting, sharp, zinging around the room.
Drake’s head dipped again, then he pulled himself together and stared at Logan, the fire casting more ghastly shadows over his pale face. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Logan’s rage shot through the cabin and ricocheted off every log.
“You’re sorry?” he yelled, stalking into the room now, his arms spread wide in disbelief.
“You ruined years of my life, Dad. Ruined them. You broke up my relationship with Bellini. She left me. She was the best thing, besides Mom, that has ever happened to me, and you took her away from me. You made her choose. She chose me, but in choosing me, she had to leave me.”
He ran a hand through his hair, swore like hellfire, then turned around to get some control. When he could talk, he whipped back to face his father.
“How dare you, Dad? How dare you threaten to take Mom’s land from me? I’m your son. I’m her son. Did you forget that?”
“Logan,” Drake stuttered, his oxygen mask slipping down. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did.”
“No, you shouldn’t have!” Logan’s shout echoed. It was so loud, so piercing, and full of grief. “You shouldn’t have.” He put his hands over his head as if he thought his head would explode.
“I failed you.”
“Yes, Dad, you did. You failed me,” Logan roared. “I can’t… This is…” He glared at his father. “I can’t believe you did what you did. Actually, I can. And that’s the worst part. My father, my own father, took away the only woman I have ever loved. You did that. You. The pain that you have caused…”
“Son, I did wrong. I am sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough, Dad. You had years—years—where you could have admitted to me what you did, and you didn’t. You chose to keep me and Bellini apart every single day when you didn’t tell us the truth.” He swore again, his chest heaving.
Drake shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he’d done, then he covered his face with his hands.
I went to Logan and hugged him.
“I’m so sorry, Logan,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “I should have told you.”
He turned and pulled me close, our heads together, our tears blending.
“I was so young. I didn’t know what to do.
I didn’t want you to lose your land. I didn’t think you would be happy ever again if you lost it.
It would have crushed you to have your own father sell the house your mom decorated and then see condos built right here. I couldn’t do that to you.”
“It’s not your fault, baby,” Logan said, his voice softening, but he was throbbing with anger. “I understand, I do. Oh my God, Bellini.” He put a hand on the side of my face. “This is why you broke up with me years ago? This is why you won’t stay in Kalulell after Christmas?”
I nodded. “Yes. I never wanted to break up with you, Logan. Never. I thought we’d get married and have a bunch of wild kids. They would ride horses and run barefoot and fish in the lake. I’d write books. You would build buildings. We’d live out here, in another house you would design for us.”
Something searing, something hopeful, flashed in his eyes, and I could tell that was what he still wanted, what he had always wanted.
“Dad.” Logan pulled away from me but left an arm around my waist. “You’re going to the hospital.” He was still steaming, barely controlled. “You need to be there because you need help. Don’t argue. I’m done, and we’re leaving.”
He picked his father up and carried him out to the back seat of his truck.
I grabbed the blanket, turned off most of the lights, checked the stove, and put Drake’s sweater and a jacket over my arm.
Logan came back in and packed up his dad’s medications and the oxygen tank.
We stood together in front of the fireplace.
He dropped a kiss on my lips and said, “Looks like we have some things to talk about, babe.”
“Yes,” I said. “We do.”
I put my arms around him and hugged him close and tight.