Chapter 9 #2
“No,” she hissed. “They need you alive for a reason. We just need to find out why. Bastards.”
As she pulled out various objects from the bag, of which I wasn’t paying any attention, I studied the consternation on her face. She was blossoming before my eyes.
“Here. Drink this, but slowly.” She handed me a bottle of water, shuddering when our fingers touched.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I brought some ointment that should help you heal and keep you from scarring.”
Laughing, I poured some water on my face before gulping more than I should. The snap of her head prevented me from guzzling any more. “Have you seen my body?”
“Not as much as I would like.” Upon realizing what she’d said, her doe eyes became huge.
“Trust me,” I told her, reaching out and twisting my fingers through her soft hair. “I have dozens of scars.”
“Well, you don’t need any more because of me. Can you scoot out from the wall and turn just a little bit? I promise I will try not to hurt you.”
The anger mixed with her own dose of despair tore at me as it had in seeing her at the whipping. I was reminded once again she was so innocent, vulnerable and sweet, and daring to destroy that goodness within her would be the final nail in a coffin leading me straight to hell.
Using her fingers, she gently applied the salve, taking her time.
Even with her touch being light, my cock was already rock hard.
I wanted so much to ignore all the reasons that I shouldn’t touch her.
I wished that I could shut off the desire that I had usually fed with female flesh, indulging in the passion I required.
But this wasn’t anything I could control, a mere whisper of time that could ultimately destroy her.
For the first time in my life, I cared about what happened to someone other than my family.
“What did your father say to you?” I asked. Her bitter laugh only fueled my fury.
“He giveth and he taketh away. He told me my request to go to the university in Paris where I’ll study art and design was approved. Then he reminded me that I was nothing but a possession. That’s fine. Once I’m free of this place, I will obtain my education. Then I will disappear.”
“This is your home, Rafaela, and family is important.”
She softened, finally finishing. “I know, but I can’t and won’t live like a prisoner. I’m sorry. That was rude.”
Just being able to touch her was both a pleasure and a crime. I rubbed my dirty fingers across her jaw, noticing the same connection we’d shared from minute one. When I dared roll the tip along the seam of her mouth, she parted her lips. The moment and her gesture were far too inviting.
When I curled my fingers, she sensed I was shutting down.
“I brought some food. Try and eat something.”
“I will.”
As she pulled out a few items, I returned to leaning against the wall. “I’m going to need to develop a plan to escape.”
“I know. I drew a map for you and put some money in the envelope. I don’t know where you can hide it, but it’ll show you the most vulnerable place on the estate.
If you can breach the wall, you should be able to get a water taxi that can take you to a boat.
From there, I’m certain you’ll be resourceful. ”
“Rafaela. I can’t take your money.”
She curled her legs in front of her after preparing the feast, rolling her eyes as she did. “I save every euro given or earned and have for years. You’ll need the money to be able to get away. I brought a few tools. Maybe you can carve the mortar from the old cinder blocks. They’re chipped anyway.”
Her idea was a good one.
“You’re an angel. Don’t do anything that will endanger you. I understand you’ve lived this life, but whatever is going on, your father is pushed to the wall. I am worth more alive than dead.”
“I won’t, but you can’t stay here. Your family must be looking for you.”
Briefly, I closed my eyes. “I don’t know at this point. I truly don’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, malen’kiy tselitel’. You’re risking your safety for me and it’s something I’ll never forget.”
“I wish you could take me with you. We could escape the night of the party. Together. I could get a job and maybe eventually go to a university. Anywhere really.” She pinched her face, briefly glancing away. “I know. A fantasy that can’t be fulfilled. I’m just a girl.”
Fuck. This wasn’t planned and couldn’t happen.
“You’re very much a woman, Rafaela, but Moscow is not your home.” She was getting too close. Too close. There had to be some sense of decency left in me because I had to find a way to protect her if only from herself.
“Moscow. I’ve always wanted to go to Russia. I hear it’s beautiful this time of year.”
As I picked at the food, I thought about her offer, but not about taking her with me.
The retaliation from doing so given I would be at my weakest would prevent me from returning to business.
Even if the desire for her was building.
And even if she could be used as a weapon to destroy her father and everyone else involved.
Yes, the idea was tempting. Of course it was. What the fuck are you doing? Are you prepared to make her your wife?
The question brought a smile and one too many memories. No, I was not. However, the timing and the event could be perfect.
“When is the party?” I asked.
“In four days. There will be lots of people here. My father’s insistence. Musicians. At least a hundred guests.” Her eyes still held hope.
“That’s the night I’ll leave. With plenty of guests, they won’t be paying as close attention.”
“I understand.” She looked away, stroking Golden Angel, a dog that was perfect for her. She noticed I was watching their interactions. “She’s my support system. My entire world.”
“You’ll be taking her with you to college?”
“Yes. I have to. She’s also my support animal. Without her, my panic attacks would prevent me from being able to function. Don’t worry about me. I’m strong. I’ll survive. My father will not break me.”
“I know you will. I have faith.”
“At least someone does.”
To see tears in her eyes once again left me with the kind of ache that usually tortured a man. For me, they were a reminder that my presence was ill timed and harmful. She wasn’t about to fall apart in front of me, wiping the tears away.
“My father told me you murder people. Is he right?”
As before, her expression was one of optimism, but I refused to lie to her. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because if I didn’t, my enemies would come for me and my family.”
“You kill women and children?”
Her father had tried to paint me as a monster, hoping she would push aside whatever feelings had been born from resentment of her personal incarceration. In my mind, I knew the right thing to do and it pained me more than the twenty lashes crisscrossing my back.
“I do what’s necessary to keep my family protected and alive. I need you to hear me, Rafaela. Do not come back here. I appreciate all you’ve done, the food and water. The tools you brought me, but this is finished.”
“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me. I can handle protecting myself. From my father. From fucking Marco. From anyone.”
Jesus Christ. My entire body was shaking from the need to protect her. I could tell just how much she was under her father’s thumb. But that couldn’t be my issue.
This had to end, or she’d become a victim in all this. I hadn’t told her any lies. Maybe what I hadn’t done was to paint a picture vile enough for her to be able to break the strong, electric tether. When I gripped her chin, I used enough force she winced.
“What are you doing? You’re hurting me.”
“That’s what I do, Rafaela. I hurt people. I ensure that their lives are ruined then I exact the perfect revenge, enjoying every moment of making them feel excruciating pain. I’m not your boyfriend or even your friend. Do you understand me?”
“You’re just trying to make me hate you. I don’t believe you.” She fought in my hold while pummeling her fists against my chest. But I refused to let her go.
“No, I’m telling you the truth. This isn’t a romance, malen’kiy tselitel’. I’m not going to take you with me. You have a life here and not one I want.”
“You don’t… want me? I can tell you do.”
Goddamn the woman for being so seductive. So perfect.
Her entire face was flushed, her pride filling her eyes with several conflicting emotions.
Tears trickled down from her long eyelashes. Of course this was the right thing to do. For the first time in my life that’s exactly what I would do. The right goddamn thing.
Even if it nearly destroyed me inside.
“No. You were a lovely distraction, but I don’t want you. You’re not my type. You must see that. Now go. Do not come back.” She was still fighting me.
“You want me to hate you. A nice trick.”
“I don’t play games. I’ll say it one more time. I want you to leave and stay away.”
Several seconds ticked by and I refused to budge, lifting a single eyebrow and remaining unblinking. The sweet girl was searching my soul, struggling to find the goodness that didn’t exist. I had no conscience. I had no sense of loyalty. Something in my expression must have convinced her.
“Well, fuck you.” This time, I allowed her to jerk away and as if for no other reason than to make herself feel better, she cracked her hand across my face.
She had a strong right arm, the pain jarring and more significant than what I’d experienced with the whip.
But not for any physical reason.
Because the ache was one I’d never experienced before.
Golden whimpered and she rubbed her eyes. “Maybe I will hate you after all.”
With such resilience and with her entire life to live, she would forget me soon enough, but I knew somewhere deep within the darkest, most heinous parts of my soul her radiance would linger for many years to come.
A loss that I’d suffer in silence.