Chapter Forty #2
Our entire group was out of the building in seconds, the six of us heading for the wards, laughter slowly bubbling out of us.
“Not too bad, Roshen,” Quinn said, smiling as he placed an arm around Zura’s shoulders. Her chestnut skin began to pinken, but she smiled widely.
“You all would have failed if it wasn’t for me, actually,” Cal said, walking with far too much pep in his step.
“You got to fuck somebody while we did all the work, that’s hardly worth celebrating,” I mumbled.
He turned to me, his smile growing sharper. “And what is fucking Nova, then? A chore?”
Lunging, I put him in a headlock, Priya jumping on my back and smacking me in the head with her palm. All the while, I felt the oddest urge to fall to my knees in thanks. Not to the stars, but to Nova, who was quickly becoming the only deity I worshiped.
***
“I’m telling you, Desi, she wants to kill us all.”
Desi was having a hard time believing that Maitoza was plotting our demise, but that was in her nature. She always believed the best in everyone. That was why she was already getting along with Zura, Cal, and even Quinn. Priya, well…Priya didn’t like most people.
“Az, you have no idea why she’d be keeping those numbers.
She probably feels somewhat responsible.
Did you know she does weekly protests? That’s once a week that she encourages unrest. You don’t know this because you aren’t part of it, but there are constant outbreaks of violence.
Eadi fight back all across the continent, and they die for it.
Don’t you think the commander probably feels guilty for those who die? ”
“No, I don’t. She wants that. She wants all of this.
When everything falls apart—when the system topples—it leaves all of Dajahim particularly susceptible to any new kind of horror that brands itself as reform.
How do you think my ancestors took over?
” I stood, pacing back and forth in the infirmary.
Desi sat behind her desk, a deep frown creasing her face.
“I believe the stars do want chaos, but we choose the destructive path ourselves because it’s easier to build on remains than to clear out the rubble. ”
“Listen to what you’re suggesting though. Do you really think Commander Maitoza would kill all of the rebels with magic despite the fact we’re helping her take back Dajahim? How would that look?”
“I thought the same thing at first. But then it hit me. She doesn’t care what happens to her. In her eyes, what she’s doing is righteous. It’s why she wanted Nova to tell her that the stars supported her cause. What does it matter to her when she’ll probably die and ascend by the end of this?”
Desi started folding rags again, her lips pursed and head shaking slowly. “I don’t know. I think you’re really underestimating how much she cares about the people of Dajahim.”
Sitting back down in the chair across from her, I placed my palms on the wooden desk, trying to push the words out of myself in a way that would get through to her.
“Do you know what my parents told me? They said that eadi are practically domesticated animals. But do you know who raised me? Who cooked my food? Who cleaned my quarters? Eadi. The ends justify the means to people like my father and Maitoza. When she came to get me from that cell, she told me she was willing to make moves that some might deem wasteful and dangerous to win the game. Do you know what that sounds like to me? Someone prepared to eat from your hand and then cut it right off.”
Sighing, Desi pushed the rags to the side, clasping her hands after. “Let’s say you’re right. What do we do about it? This rebellion is our only chance at fighting back. There’s nothing left after this.”
Oh, she had me there. And she knew it. “I don’t know. But I do know that there isn’t a right side in this. There’s a lesser evil.”
“Well, have you considered that it might be worth dying if it means the eadi can finally have peace?” Her voice was soft, melancholy making it breathier. Her face was painted with pain, each dip and sag a sign of the heaviness that life forced upon us all.
“Let me guess, you’d die if it meant giving Celeste a good life?”
“Wouldn’t you do the same for Nova?”
“Yes, which is why I won’t let us all be murdered.” With that thought fresh in my mind, I placed my hands on Desi’s. “Speaking of which.”
She looked up, letting out a heavy sigh. “What now?”
“I need to tell Nova that Celeste is alive.”
Her head whipped forward, her eyes wide. “You can’t. We promised Celeste.”
“She wants the impossible. Nova will never fight this for any reason other than vengeance and penance. It isn’t in her nature.”
“Well then we wait for Celeste to get home and let her make the decision. We can’t go behind her back, that’s her sister. This is what she wants. We owe her that.”
Annoyed now at the continued lack of care for Nova and her wants, I ripped my hands away, crossing my arms.
“Listen, I understand you love Celeste. You’ll always be on her side, fighting to protect her.
That’s good. Your allegiance is with her.
Your loyalty belongs to her. But I…I love Nova.
She is who I owe it all to, not Celeste.
I can’t keep watching her slowly deteriorate.
I can’t risk her trying to burn herself alive again because she’s convinced more people will die at her metaphorical hand. ”
“She wasn’t thinking. That was just a one-time thing,” Desi insisted, her eyes watering and her lip jutting out. I knew inside she understood my fear—that she shared it. Because if Celeste came home to her sister dead, she’d never recover.
“You know that isn’t true. She cried in her sleep last night.
Her nightmares leave her breathless and screaming sometimes.
This will only get worse. She seems okay right now because she’s busy trying to figure out the Maitoza thing and she’s pushing down those feelings.
But that won’t last. And I won’t lose her. ”
“Just…wait for me to hear back from Celeste. Let me see when she’s coming back and at least warn her.”
“When was the last time you heard from her?”
Desi worried her lip, ringing her hands on top of the desk. “It’s been over a week.”
Sitting upright, I stared at her, feeling the dread wash over me. “How fast does she normally respond?”
“Within the day.”