Ben (Brooks Brothers #3)

Chapter 1

Ben surveyed the numbers in front of him, anticipation and excitement coursing through him; if anyone from the outside were to see him now, they wouldn’t know what he was thinking or feeling; he rarely showed much emotion on his face. His family and friends considered him a very stoic person, and they were not wrong. He finally was able to determine what was going on with him with help from his mother. His mother happened one day to see him piercing his flesh with a safety pin.

He had just finished when she walked into his room without knocking. She was holding his sweatshirt in her hands and paused in shock. Then she schooled her features, laid the sweatshirt on his bed, and walked out of his room. In that moment, he should have felt horror at her seeing him like this, and he knew that she must be disgusted and was heading downstairs to talk to his father, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Moments later, she’d come back into his room and shut the door behind her with peroxide and a swab in hand. His mother, Elizabeth, gently pulled the pin out and cleaned the area; she then sat back on his bed and patted it for him to take a seat.

“Why did you do that?”

“So that I can feel something.”

“Do you do this often?”

“Yes.”

His mother folded her hands in her lap, clasping them together, but he could see they were trembling.

He could see that she was trying to find the right words and thinking of every possibility that would cause him to want to inflict pain on himself. He watched as horror flashed on her face and knew that she’d concluded that he might have been troubled.

She then got down on her knees in front of him, taking his hands in hers.

“Ben, did someone trouble you? You can tell me, sweetheart.”

“No.”

Her gaze searched his, “Are you being threatened to not talk to me?”

“No, I was not troubled mom, I am not being bullied, just usual kid stuff at school.”

“Then, why do you hurt yourself? Please talk to me. You are my son, and I love you, and I am here for you no matter what.”

“Will you love me no matter what?”

“Yes.” She smiled gently at him.

He searched her face, recognizing that look of love he always saw there for him, and decided to talk to her and tell her the truth.

“Because I feel nothing inside, a lot of the time, I am just numb, and to feel anything at all, I find that inflicting pain helps.”

She pulled him closer, resting her forehead against him, surprising him. He thought she would be disgusted because he wasn’t perfect like Michael or Carter.

“Okay, in order for me to understand better and know how to be there for you, will you consider us going to see some doctors?”

He froze; she was going to send him away, and a feeling of panic and anger built in him because he would no longer get to see Diamond.

“No, I am not sending you anywhere, son.” She cupped his face in her hands, and he stared into eyes that were a beautiful blue color, seeing the sincerity of her words. “I don’t think you feel nothing; a mother knows her son. I just think there is so much going on in your brain that you shut down completely sometimes, or I could be wrong, but let us find out together. Remember, no matter what, I am your mother, and I will always love you. Trust me, please.”

His gaze searched hers, and then he nodded. He had dealt with this for so long on his own, and if they could figure him out, then maybe he could cope better or begin to develop emotion without having to inflict pain on himself.

After seeing specialists and counselors, it was determined he had a mild form of alexithymia. “Alexithymia refers to a difficulty in identifying, processing, and expressing one’s own emotions with appropriate language as well as differentiating those feelings from bodily sensations,” and he was rare because he hadn’t experienced any type of trauma or brain disorder. His mother had kept all of this to herself until she knew better what it was that he had, and even then, afterward, she kept his secret and helped him by being there and attending all his sessions with him. He was able to cope better now and didn’t resort to inflicting pain on himself and had been able to feel more, but he wasn’t completely cured and would never be.

At school, he found that he was gifted in mathematics and computers and had a knack for photography when his mother encouraged him to get into activities at the school to help him with his social skills. After seeing his work, the photography teacher asked him to volunteer as one of the photographers for the school newspaper and yearbook committee to take photos for them for the next couple of years until he graduated.

He could have become a photographer, but spending his life taking pictures of people and places didn’t interest him the way that coding and creating programs and software did.

Ben had a relapse when he found out that Diamond had gotten engaged. Chaotic emotion had poured through him, the predominant feelings being sorrow and rage. So, to quiet the storm, he had gotten his first piercing.

He was distracted from his thoughts when his phone rang, picking it up. “Ben Brooks here.”

He became engaged in answering questions from a potential client for his and Ambra’s hi-tech security firm, BenAm. Both he and Ambra had studied computer science with a concentration in cybersecurity, and after graduation had decided to open a small firm together with the intention of growing it. He was glad he was working closely with his best friend and that he would be getting to possibly see Diamond more.

But he didn’t have to worry about when and where he would see her because the biggest opportunity fell into his lap with the opening of his brother Carter’s newest hotel, with both he and Michael having a stake in it and helping him run it. Especially now that Carter had become a family man and was married to Zahara and kept busy with his own twins and another baby on the way.

The opening of the hotel was a major event in New York, and for opening night they’d had a bachelor/bachelorette auction with proceeds going towards helping the homeless. It was a charity that Diamond was helping raise funds for, as her position with Hope Charity was director of fundraising.

The auction had been a success with a small incident that occurred when Ambra had raised her paddle, winning a date with his twin brother Michael. He had always known that one day the two of them would finally get together, and what he had walked in on when he went in search of them after Michael had dragged her out of her seat proved him right. They could no longer deny the chemistry and heat between them; they had been locked in a passionate kiss, and if he hadn’t walked in, his brother would have taken her on the ballroom floor. If it weren’t for their ridiculous penchant for denying what was clearly in front of them since the day they met, they would have been together years ago.

He would have left them except the Brooks brothers had to give their closing remarks and thank everyone who attended, so they were needed on stage, and Diamond was not pleased that they were marring her perfect night and everything she had done to organize and plan for this. She didn’t want anyone to take away from her hard work and the press exposure she needed for her charity.

Now Michael was busy on another adventure with Ambra. He’d follow her to Barbados once he discovered where it was that she’d run off to after they were at his family chalet in the Swiss Alps on the weekend date she had won in the charity. Working well with his plan and without interference from his brother and Ambra, because what he was about to do was illegal, sort of, and if found, he would pay a price, but it would be worth it if he finally got what he always wanted. He made sure that if anyone went digging, they would not discover what he had done and interfere with what he had in store for Diamond.

He had just finished putting all the protocols in place and was about to hit enter when the call with the potential client had interrupted him, but now with a few keystrokes, the numbers in front of him suddenly disappeared, a small, satisfied smile lifting his lips before settling back in place. Ben wasn’t much of a smiler, and that fleeting lift was a moment when he felt a sudden deep satisfaction and thrill.

Ben made sure everything was in place as he stared at his laptop screen, then made some calls in anticipation of what was to come and was about to make another important call that was about to change his life and Diamond’s. He suddenly heard his newly hired secretary exclaim to someone.

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No, and I don’t need one. Ben will see me.”

He sat up straighter when he heard the feminine response of the woman he’d always coveted from afar, the woman who was the brightest light in his dark world, his obsession. The woman he loved for the longest time, and not once had she seen him in any light except for Michael’s brother and Ambra’s best friend. But that was about to change; she was going to finally see him.

He reached for the phone to buzz the secretary, but she just calmly opened his door and strolled in like, who would dare to stop Diamond Jackson, her walk confident, her hair flowing easily around her. Diamond paid a lot of money to have her natural hair long and straight, but today there was a bit of a curl to her layers, emphasizing the delicate face with an aquiline nose and dark eyes. Her skin had a lighter complexion than her sister’s, but still dark, a beautiful contrast against her dark brown eyes and full, dual-toned lips that were usually emphasized with color but on occasion just a smack of gloss on them, especially when she was working out at the gym.

She carried herself regally at all times; her dark brown eyes were on him, and then she paused for a second, her gaze making a quick sweep of his office. Before refocusing on him. He couldn’t tell if she liked or hated his office, taking in the perpetually bored look she’d perfected. He stood, and she folded herself into his chair, her toned legs on display from underneath the short burnt-colored orange sundress she was wearing, with matching orange on her lips and nails and toes.

His eyes skimmed up from her legs to the cut and style of her expensive dress, which had a low dip in the front and displayed her small, perky breasts to perfection. From her elegant neck to the diamond stud earrings in her ears, he just couldn’t get enough, and then when she lifted her hand to flick her hair away from her cheek, he saw the flash of her engagement ring, and his jaw clenched, hating that gaudy piece of jewelry that laid claim to her by another man. A man who had no clue how to value her and had done nothing to marry her since giving her that engagement ring. Now he was about to change all that.

“Diamond.” He acknowledged her, playing it cool, but his emotions were chaotic again with her presence in his office, even though he had been in the process of placing a call to get her to come visit him.

He sat down, because his body was reacting to her and the stake he was about to make on her personal life.

“Ben,” she sat forward, knowing that all eyes would be on her cleavage, especially in that dress, but even though he was burning hot for her internally, he showed no emotion and thought he saw a flash of humor before it was gone, then a look of worry and fear crossed her delicate features.

“What’s wrong?” Ben now said concerned, he was so busy with his plan and her being here at an opportune time, he hadn’t thought of considering why she was visiting him.

He hadn’t heard from his brother or Ambra since they left for the chalet. And wondered if she was here because something happened to them. “Is it Ambra? Did something happen?”

She waved her hand in the air. “No, I haven’t heard from them since they both left, and hopefully, they are busy fucking and finally going to admit to each other that they have wanted each other since they were teenagers. The denial between them is downright exhausting.”

He lifted his eyebrows because they both agreed it had been about time for both Ambra and Michael.

“No, that’s not why I am here. Ben, I was having lunch with one of the directors from Hope in the neighborhood and got a ping on my phone.” She stood up and fished her phone out of her purse and neared his desk, pausing in front of him and then handing him her phone with the screen unlocked.

Her voice now worried and sounding husky to him. He lifted his head, searching her face but saw nothing out of the ordinary, except where her eyes dilated a bit at being near him or what she was showing him on her phone.

“Ben, all of the funding from the charity fundraiser event from the hotel opening is gone.”