Chapter One
Ihave a strange feeling in my stomach about tonight.
It is subtle, but still heavy enough to catch my attention.
Don’t they say if it’s yelling at you, that is when something bad is going to happen and if it is subtle, it’s just anxiety?
Wait. Maybe it is the other way around. I can’t remember what my therapist told me.
My thoughts are interrupted by the front door opening and closing.
“Solene, I am home. I hope you are getting ready and not in bed like I feel like you are,” my roommate Gracie screams from downstairs.
Roommate is a loose term. She is my best friend, basically a sister.
I met Gracie at work where we are nurses on the same unit. I moved from Maine to Savannah, Georgia after nursing school. My parents had recently died, and I did not want to be in the same place anymore. The cold had settled under my skin and I needed to be closer to the sun.
I knew no one and had no one, until I met Gracie. She let me move in and become her roommate and the rest is history. We are inseparable and do everything together. She is all I really have for family now.
Which is exactly why I am getting ready to go drinking when I would much rather be in bed.
Gracie walks into my room and sits down on my bed. “Oh good, you are getting ready.”
“I am offended that you have such a lack of confidence in me,” I say into the mirror as I curl my eyelashes.
“It is not that I lack confidence in you, it is that you lack fun. But I have the best places for us to go to tonight. We both need a night on the town, especially after today’s shift. I need a drink, or four.”
She gets up and walks over to my closet, flipping through my tops as she continues,
“Oh, I also think you should invite Josh to go with us. He really likes you.”
Gracie pauses.
“I also happen to like the friends he brings around, if you care,” she says.
I turn around to look at Gracie. She’s still in her navy work scrubs with her blonde hair pulled up in a messy bun. A stain from an unknown source sits on the front on her scrub top. I cringe at the sight.
We work in the emergency room. We try to work the same shifts, but it does not always work out. Gracie is the type of nurse that thrives off the chaos of the emergency room. It makes her feel energized, alive.
I, on the other hand, am the opposite kind of nurse. Working in the emergency room makes me scared that I am alive.
“I can’t believe you’re the one saying that you hope I am getting ready and you’re not even close to being ready yourself.” I move my hand up and down, emphasizing the current state she is in. “Also, do I even want to know what that is on your scrub top?”
Gracie looks down, pulling her scrub top out in front of her. “Um, probably not.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “And you want to go out tonight after working a twelve-hour shift in that place. You are crazy.”
“The night is still young, Sol, and so are we. I am going to get ready super quick, don’t you worry about a thing, sister.”
“Okay, whatever you say.”
She turns around and starts to walk like she is going to leave the room, but stops when she gets to the doorway
“Do you feel okay? You have that look on your face.”
I jerk my head back, offended by her words. “What look?”
“The look you get when you are overthinking something.”
I let out a sigh.
“I just have a really weird feeling in my stomach that won’t go away.”
She leans against the doorway. “Have you been taking your anxiety medicine like you are supposed to?”
I pause putting on my mascara and look up at her. “Uh, no.”
“Okay then that’s all it is. You have to take your medicine. You know how it gets when you stop taking it. You think you’re fine to stop then you stop and you are well, not fine.”
I sit back in my vanity chair and blow out a breath of frustration. “Since when did you become a therapist?”
She laughs. “I’m not sure, but I have the best medicine for you, alcohol!”
“Yeah, I am pretty sure that makes it worse.”
“Well let’s just go have fun and the feeling will eventually go away. Some of the girls from work are coming out too, so hurry up. Oh, and by the way, I am wearing one of your shirts.” She waves one of the tops she pulled out of my closet into the air as she walks out of the room.
Reaching into my dresser drawer, I pull out the orange pill bottle and take one out. I quickly toss it into my mouth, swallowing it down.
There is one thing I have realized in my time avoiding everything: you can pack up and move away from your problems all you want, but they still catch up to you.
I don’t expect people to understand me or how I feel. Half the time I don’t even understand how I feel.
Turning back to my vanity mirror, I finish putting on my makeup. My hair is already curled from yesterday, so all I have to do is run my brush through it and call it a night.
As I stand up to get dressed, Gracie busts into my room in exceptional timing with makeup and hair done, outfit already on.
She pulled her hair back into a sleek bun on the top of her head.
This one less chaotic than the previous.
She does not even need the minimal amount makeup that she did put on.
I look at her outfit and smile. It is similar to the one I was planning to wear, something that happens to us often.
“Ha, beat you! The Uber will be here in five minutes. I will meet you downstairs for a pre-game,” she says, running out of the room.
I groan and quickly pull on black slouchy jeans and a black long sleeve top, choosing to pair my outfit with tennis shoes and a leather jacket.
When I step downstairs and walk into the kitchen, I see Gracie waiting for me, shot in hand. Grabbing it from her, we knock the glasses against one another then tip them back. I cough as it burns going down, settling into my stomach and making it feel even heavier.
Headlights reflect against the front window, and Gracie’s phone pings at our Uber’s arrival. We walk outside and get into the backseat, heading to our first spot of the night.
The best part about Savannah is that every Uber ride is less than five minutes from the bars. We usually walk, but it’s December and way too cold outside at night.
Not to mention, it’s the longest and darkest night of the year.
I look up at the stars through the backseat window as Gracie talks to our driver. Each one is shining extra bright against the dark sky. It is a rarity to see them so clearly here.
The car comes to a stop as we pull up and the driver drops us off at the top of the strip. The street is already packed with people, everyone having a little sway in their step.
Bar after bar, my own steps start to get a little wobbly as my laugh comes out a little louder. As much as I hate to admit it, I do have a lot of fun when I go out with Gracie.
She is not afraid of anything or anyone.
We step into the last bar on the strip, our favorite one. Gracie immediately leaves my side to go talk to one of the bartenders as I scan the room. Some of the girls I work with are sitting across the bar and they wave me over.
I make my way toward them, settling into my corner for the rest of the night.
A few guys approach our group throughout the night. Some try to talk to me but I find myself interested in none of them. The belief that I am going to meet the love of my life in a bar is not one I carry.
An hour passes and I check my phone. It is almost two in the morning.
“Bye, Sol, see you at work this week,” says one of my coworkers as they all head toward the door.
I look up from my phone, waving to them as they walk out. “Bye, see you guys in a few days.”
I stand there alone for a second, looking around the room as people are crowding toward the bar to grab their last call drinks.
Where the hell is Gracie? I have not seen her in thirty minutes.
I scan the room again, finally spotting Gracie at the other side. She is in a conversation with a very tall, dark, and handsome man. I can tell she is trashed by the way she’s trying to stand up straight and pretend to listen deeply to what he is saying.
I giggle to myself as I walk over to her.
“Hey, Gray, it is almost closing. Did you call us an Uber to get home?”
“Actually, this is uh…” She looks up at the man beside her, confused.
“Tommy,” he says.
“Oh yeah, right. This is Tommy. He said we could share an Uber home with him. Which we might possibly be dropping you off first then me staying with him after.” Gracie looks at me with a shy smile, waiting for my response.
This is not the first time we have done this.
I turn and take a really good look at this Tommy. I run my gaze over him, slightly in a daze. He is flawless and not in the conventional way.
Deep colored hair, skin, and eyes, over six foot tall and not too bulky, but you can still tell he is in shape. A little too suspiciously flawless for my liking, but what kind of best friend would I be to ruin this for her.
“Okay that’s fine, I guess. I will come pick you up in the morning.” I turn and look at Tommy. “Can I at least get like some proof of identity that’s going to assure me you’re not a serial killer or something.”
He lets out a chuckle in response.
“I am not a serial killer, but sure you can have proof of identity.” He hands me some business card. “I work at the finance office up the street. I am not alone, I brought a friend with me,” he says, looking at me suggestively.
“Oh. I’m good actually, thanks… I guess.”
I support Gracie in all her rights, and unfortunately some wrongs, but I do not want to go home with anyone. I have not wanted to in a long time.
“No problem. I am just waiting on some unfinished business to wrap up, then I will catch up with him and let him know the plan.”
“Unfinished business at this time of night while drinking, that’s really unfortunate and also kind of impressive,” I say.
“What can I say, I am a man of many talents.” He flashes me a side grin that almost would be attractive if it did not send a chill straight down my spine.
I take a step back.