Chapter 30
Nico arrived at my chambers an hour later, blue eyes shining bright, and a determined smile on his face.
“Rhydian said you had a mission for me.”
“I do,” I replied, waving him into the room and shutting the door. We took a seat next to the roaring fire, which barely put a dent in the chill of the room. “I need volcanic ash. A lot of it.”
If he was surprised by my request, he kept it hidden well. “What for?”
“Rhydian wants me to grow a flower, but the soil here is dead. I’m hoping putting some of the ash into the soil will help bring it back to life enough for the flower to grow.”
Most young boys would ask an endless string of questions about how ash would help the soil, but Nico simply nodded.
“There’s a volcano a couple hours’ walk from here. I should be able to find some there.”
“You’ll need a bucket or something,” I explained. “I need as much ash as you can carry.”
“I’ll leave shortly and be back before moon set.” He got up from the chair and headed for the door.
“Is this going to be dangerous for you?” I called after him. I couldn’t bear the thought of putting his life in danger, even if it was for a good cause. He reminded me too much of my brother, Joey.
He stilled, those piercing blue eyes meeting mine. “Everything is dangerous in Eroth, Maren. Ever since the curse was laid.”
“But you’re not scared to go?” I couldn’t understand how he was so brave, unafraid to face a brutal winter tundra all by himself.
He seemed to think about it for a second before answering. “My mother always said you can find fear in anything,” he replied. “Your choice is whether to accept it or not. This is my home. I refuse to be afraid of it.”
His words took my breath away.
He spun on his heel to leave.
“Hey, Nico?”
He paused, looking over his shoulder. “Yes?”
“Can I come with you?”
His brows flew up his forehead. I expected him to protest, to say it was too dangerous for a human, but he barely hesitated before saying, “Dress warm. Meet you at the gate.”
***
The cold bit beneath my coat, gloves, and boots as if we were walking naked through Eroth.
It was somehow even colder than before, which seemed impossible.
I wondered if the looming death of the Magmara was causing the temperatures to continue falling.
My nose felt like it was swollen shut, and I couldn’t seem to find enough air to fill my lungs.
I probably should have stayed in my room and slept off the journey from Mount Kharos, but I couldn’t stand the thought of Nico doing this errand and putting himself in danger because of me.
Even though I was probably the only one in danger now, being human and all.
Nico, likely sensing my discomfort and wanting to distract me from my misery, chattered away about random things, but I wasn’t paying attention.
My mind wandered over this task, wondering how I’d ever get a flower to grow from dead soil.
It spun over what the last task could possibly be, and what would happen if I didn’t complete them all.
It twisted through Carrow’s threats, of his promise to send me home if I did as he asked and purposely failed, and stopped helping Rhydian break the curse.
He had claimed that Rhydian would destroy Avalea if the curse was broken, but seeing how he’d saved my life, seeing how kind he was to Nico and how he took care of him, I couldn’t see how that was possible.
Maybe Carrow was the true monster, and Rhydian being free was the only way to stop him from destroying Avalea himself.
I hated that I couldn’t tell who was lying to me. I thought about asking Nico about it, but I had a feeling he was deeply loyal to Rhydian and would defend him to the death.
“Can I ask you something, Maren?” Nico asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
I tugged my coat tighter, wishing it would do something to keep me warm. “Sure.”
He stayed silent for several moments, and I thought he had changed his mind, but then, he asked, “Why are you doing this? Helping Rhydian, I mean.”
His question caught me by surprise, and it took me a moment to figure out how to answer.
“Because he needs me to.” It was more complicated than that, but I couldn’t find the right words to explain.
“But he brought you here against your will and is forcing you to stay. Why would you still help him?” Nico said, angling his head.
I blew out a breath, the air clouding in front of me. “I guess because an entire kingdom will die if I don’t.”
Nico’s answer was quick. “But Eroth means nothing to you. And only Rhydian and I remain here. Why does it matter to you whether the curse takes us or not?”
It felt like he was trying to get at something, but I didn’t know what it was.
I stared at the ground, watching my too-big boots slide around on my feet. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know why you’re risking your life for two Fae and a dead kingdom? Don’t you think that’s something you should know?”
“It’s the only way back to my family,” I answered, voice almost a whisper.
“Is that the only reason?”
I wasn’t sure why I hesitated. It had been the only reason, but it didn’t feel complete anymore, though I couldn’t quite nail down what the other reason could be.
“Yes.”
“Did you know your eye twitches slightly when you’re lying?”
My gaze snapped to him, and he had a smug look on his face.
“I’m not lying.”
“There it is,” he said, pointing at the subtle twitch that my right eye indeed was doing.
I crossed my arms, scowling. “I think you’re a little too observant.”
“You don’t survive in a deadly kingdom by not paying attention.”
I supposed he had a point.
We walked in silence after that, and it felt like hours later when we finally made it to the volcano. Thankfully all the lava here was mostly hardened, so I didn’t have to worry about stepping into a river of fire. I started looking around for any ash that we could take back to the castle with us.
A thought occurred to me. “Nico? How come the Scorching Rivers haven’t tried to come after us? Rhydian isn’t here to keep them back.”
Nico fished inside his coat and pulled out some sort of amulet on a long chain. It looked similar to the one I had seen hanging around Carrow’s neck, only this one was gold, the stone in the amulet a shiny amethyst.
“Because of this,” he explained. “The rulers of the four kingdoms each have an amulet like this. This is Rhydian’s. After the curse fell and Eroth began changing, he gave it to me. He said it was for safekeeping in case anything happened to him, but I think it was his way of keeping me safe.”
At my confused look, he chuckled. “These amulets are imbued with powerful magic. I’m not quite sure what exactly they all can do, but this one has always protected me when I leave the castle. I’ve never had the Scorching Rivers—or anything else—come after me.”
Rhydian had given Nico a powerful amulet for protection? That didn’t sound like the actions of a liar or a Fae bent on destroying Avalea. That sounded like someone with a heart that cared about his people.
I wanted to believe in Rhydian and not believe Carrow. But taunting me with going home complicated everything.
“That would’ve been nice to have,” I muttered, and Nico’s face fell.
“We didn’t think you’d need it. Not with Rhydian protecting you.” Nico cleared his throat. “Speaking of Rhydian…Do you think he’s handsome?”
My mouth fell open, hands pausing above a bunch of lava rocks. “What?”
“Rhydian. Do you think he’s handsome?”
“What kind of a question is that?” I asked to avoid answering, pushing to my feet. I was not interested in answering it.
“I’m merely curious. I won’t tell him if you do.”
My tongue felt heavy in my mouth. “I-I suppose he’s a l-little handsome.” I stuttered out the admission, my cheeks flaming. Why was I admitting this?
Nico’s resulting smile spread from ear to ear, and his blue eyes lit up like I’d just given him a giant present.
“What’s that look for?” I asked, suspicious.
Nico’s smile didn’t fade. “Nothing, Maren. I’m just happy you think so.”
“Why?”
“Because he thinks you’re pretty.”
The words were effortless for him to say, but they rocked me to my core for some inexplicable reason.
“He does?”
Nico’s nod was so violent I was certain his brain was bobbing around in his skull.
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve never seen Rhydian look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
A lightheaded sensation pummeled me, and I tried not to topple over on the side of the volcano. What was he talking about?
“Why would you tell me that?”
A scowl marred his mouth. “Because you both are incredibly stubborn.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” There was so much sass in his tone that I was surprised he didn’t stick his tongue out at me as well.
With a sigh, I returned my attention to the search for ash. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Nico.” Just leave it be. I’m trying to get back to my family.
He still wouldn’t relent. “Is that the real reason you’re helping him? You have feelings for Rhydian?”
Arms resting on my knees, I glared up at him. “Why would I have feelings for the man—Fae, whatever—who kidnapped me?”
“That wasn’t a yes or a no.”
I returned to my search, my mind spinning over his question when I finally spotted what I was looking for, tucked in between a cluster of rocks. “There.” I pointed at the ash.
Nico waited, watching me poke at the pile of volcanic ash. “Still avoiding the question,” Nico remarked, after several minutes.
I continued ignoring him and used the small shovel-like tool to start scooping it into the pot that Nico had brought with us.
“Maren.”
The shovel made a rhythmic scraping noise against the ground, my breath clouding the cold air in front of my face. It was a question I couldn’t answer, something that I hadn’t dared to allow myself to think about.
“Maren,” Nico snapped, forcing my hands to still. I leaned back on my heels and stared up at him, taken aback by his tone. He’d never spoken to me like that before.
I blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know, Nico. Can you drop it?”
“You don’t know if you have feelings for Rhydian?”
“No.”
“Isn’t that something you should know?” It was the same question as earlier, and it crept under my skin, anger flaring in my bones.
“It’s a little more complicated than that.
” It was the same answer I’d given before, but I couldn’t bring myself to give another one—to examine what the truth was.
I shoved my hand to push the shovel farther into the ground, an ache reverberating up my arm as it hit something hard and came to an abrupt stop.
Nico couldn’t be dissuaded. “You either like him or you don’t. What’s complicated about that?”
I huffed out an annoyed breath. He was a child. He didn’t understand.
“It’s a simple yes or no. I don’t get why it’s so hard to say whether—”
“Fine, Nico! I like him, okay? Against my better judgement, I like Rhydian. Will you let it go?”
The words came easily to my lips, slipping out like they were nothing when they meant everything. I hadn’t even realized the truth in them until I’d said them out loud.
Nico’s entire face lit up, his eyes going comically wide. “You do?”
I slumped to the ground, resting my arms on my knees and putting my head against them. How had I even gotten here? He’d kidnapped me and held me in Eroth against my will. How had I come to actually like him?
“This is great!” he said, bouncing on his toes. “Once you tell Rhydian, then—”
“Excuse me?” I interrupted, my head snapping up to glare at him. “I’m not telling him anything. And neither are you.”
Nico’s face fell. “Why not? What if he likes you back?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Why wouldn’t it matter?”
I threw my arms out to the sides. “Because, Nico, I’m either going to die here in Eroth, or I’m going home once the curse is broken. Either way, I’m not remaining here, which means there’s no future for Rhydian and me. That’s why.”
His face fell even further. “You wouldn’t consider staying for him?”
The words hit their mark, slicing through my suddenly aching heart. Could I abandon my family, never see them again, all for a chance at a relationship with Rhydian, a Fae I barely knew?
The answer was already made for me, I realized. Taking care of my family was more important than my happiness.
I would go home, or die trying, regardless of my feelings. I would sacrifice my desires, shove away anything I felt for Rhydian, to keep them safe. Always. Even if it made my heart feel like it was cracking in two.
The words physically pained me as I replied, “No, I wouldn’t.”
Nico went silent, his lips pressed into a firm line, and didn’t speak a single word to me as I filled up the pot and we headed back to the castle. The pot of ash was heavy, but he never complained, just hoisted it higher in his arms every so often.
I couldn’t escape the feeling that I had somehow offended him by telling the truth, but I didn’t understand why. I was about to ask him, not wanting to hurt him unintentionally, but he nodded as we came over a hill, Shadow Ire finally in sight.
“There’s the castle. Would you mind carrying this the rest of the way? There’s something I need to do.”
I wanted to ask what it was, but I held the words back. Nico was clearly upset with me, and maybe he just needed time away from me to cool down. I watched for signs of the Scorching Rivers around the gate to make sure they weren’t going to suddenly appear and eat me, but they were strangely absent.
“Sure,” I said, taking the pot from him.
Without a word, and before I could thank him for his help, he spun on his heel and disappeared.