Chapter Three.
“Char!”
“Ahh! What the heck?”
I fling the covers up to my mouth because I refuse to believe who stands in front of me.
“Ben, what the heck are you doing here this early? Let alone in my room?” I shyly mumble under the blankets.
“What’s wrong? I’ve been in your room before.” He winks with a sly grin, looking like he just opened his favorite Christmas present.
Oh God, did my boobs slip out of my top in my sleep? Did he see them?
I whip the covers all the way over my head and exhale in relief seeing that my top is still on and straight. Was it like that when he walked in, though? My face heats in anticipatory embarrassment, unsure of how to feel about him possibly seeing part of me naked.
My bed dips on the left side, rolling me to lean that way.
His hands gently and slowly land on the blanket right over my torso and settle on each side of me. Without further hesitation, he tickles me aggressively, keeping me pinned down with his arms.
I squirm, squealing in between giggles, “Stop! Ben, please! I’m gonna pee!”
“You gonna stop hiding from me?”
His biceps press harder into my sides to keep me still while he continues his assault. Dang, I knew he was in shape, but I never really paid attention to how in shape…
Unable to breathe nor bear the pain of how fiercely his tickles dig into my skin, I cave.
“Yes, yes! I’ll stop hiding. Just stop!”
Defeated, I lay there panting, dying from lack of air under the blanket and peek my head out of the covers as a white flag to show he wins the battle.
Resituating myself upright, I tuck the blanket under my arms and around my body enough to cover my boobs.
He removes his hands and sets them on his lap while he stares at me with those magnetic dark brown eyes.
“There you are!”
“Hi,” I say bashfully.
“Hi,” he chuckles.
His smile fades, as a long pause settles between us, neither of us knowing what to say next as his strong leather and mint cologne wraps its tendrils around me. Last night’s unanswered texts hang in the unspoken silence and my brain draws a blank on any other topic.
“You didn’t text me back last night. I was worried. You didn’t even answer when I tried calling you…and you always answer when I call…”
His expression is serious as his eyes search mine for answers, the intensity making my heart flutter.
“I’m sorry. Right after I texted you, my parents got home and, of course, they were thrilled about me getting into Charle’s and wanted to celebrate, so I got distracted.
By the time I got back upstairs to my bedroom and saw that you called and texted me, I figured it was too late to get back to you. ”
His gaze softens upon hearing my excuse.
“I was still up, you know. Plus, I don’t care if you wake me up. I’ve never cared about that, so call me back next time.” He shoves my shoulder playfully.
I keep quiet, unsure of what to say back. A new tension, something heated and unfamiliar, settles between us, setting my nerves on edge.
“You know...that way I don’t go to sleep worrying you got murdered or went insane from how seriously you take everything.” His elbow nudges my leg in a joking manner to break the silence.
And just like that, the tension disappears, bringing us back to our normal selves. I roll my eyes and give him a swift kick in the side. Well, as much as I could from that angle.
“Well, as you can see, I’m fine. Now get out of my room, perv, so I can change.”
I stick my tongue out at him. Complying, he stands, chuckles, and walks out the door.
My body immediately relaxes when the door closes. Wow, I didn’t realize how raised my shoulders were during that whole encounter. Bending my neck from side to side to stretch it, I throw my sheets off and stand up to change.
A noise catches my attention behind me making me whip my head around.
Was that a door click? Was he peeking in to watch me change? What the heck is going on with him right now?
If I’m being honest with myself, I’m flattered, but still…
People suspect correctly that I've never had a kiss, or even held hands with a boy, but I’ve never admitted it out loud.
My first crush was in the eighth grade on an extremely shy and intelligent, beautiful dark-skinned boy named Julius.
By that time, most of the other girls already had their first kisses out of the way, but not me.
So, with the junior high dance coming up, I was hoping Julius would ask me to go with him so I could get my first kiss too.
Instead, he asked me to ask Shirley to go with him. Of course, she said yes.
They shared their first kiss together at that dance. I was unlucky enough to catch it from the back of the gymnasium where I sat on the bleachers alone, my stomach twisting in knots and moisture clouding my vision.
I went home from the dance early and cried the whole way to my mom, making it a point to avoid dances after that. I’d rather study or hang out with my parents than ever feel that pain again. Not to mention, no one’s ever asked me to go with them to a dance before, not even Ben.
Now Ben’s never had any trouble getting dates.
Nine times out of ten, girls are the ones asking him out.
And he always says yes rather enthusiastically, like he expects it to happen.
I confronted him about it once, but he denied it, leading me to believe his ego wouldn’t let him admit that he liked all the attention.
The door whips open, pulling me out of my reverie and causing me to jerk my head violently.
“Char, what the hell is the hold-up?”
“Ben, I could’ve been naked! Who goes around whipping doors open like that?”
“It’s been like fifteen minutes. If you were still naked, I'd consider you an elderly lady who would’ve needed my assistance to get dressed anyways because you were taking so long.”
Help me get dressed? He’d be ok seeing me naked?
“Oh, really?” I chuckle. “I was totally zoned out, sorry. I’ll hurry up.”
“Oh, yeah? Zoned out about what?” he inquires curiously, tilting his head and leaning on the now open doorway with his arms crossed.
“Uhhh...” I utter, trying to think of an excuse other than what was truly going through my mind.
“So, me, huh?” he says slyly, the corners of his mouth tilting up.
“Pfft, no,” I forcefully exhale at the ridiculous assumption.
“Then why are your cheeks turning so red, huh?” He winks.
Crap, they’re on fire. Leave it to my cheeks to give me away.
“The only thing I was thinking about was what will happen when we go away to college. So yes, I admit, I thought about you in relation to that,” I stumble out, praying he can’t see through the lie.
His confident facade drops immediately as his brows furrow and he begins to chew on the inside of his bottom lip. Is he sad we’re going to different colleges too?
“What, no sass, Mr. Ben?” I say, trying to pick the banter back up along with the mood in the room.
He awkwardly chuckles and pulls out his phone instead of answering me.
My stomach drops.
Is it her?
He stands in the doorway looking conflicted and continues typing on his phone like I’m not even in the room.
Are they back together?
A familiar tug deep in my gut resurfaces bringing me back to how it felt junior year when him and Tree started dating.
The soccer girls, who’d just finished training on the track, were all staring and giggling at Ben who was just leaning on his motorcycle with his leather pants and jacket on, minding his own business.
Long story short, the girls made a bet and Tree won.
So, without saying anything, she grabbed him by the jacket and kissed him.
It was the first time I’d witnessed him being physical with someone. The stabbing pain in my chest at the visual was not something I enjoyed, but it never crossed my mind that things would change between us because with all his other flings, it didn’t.
But that’s probably because he didn’t lose his virginity with anyone else.
It was after homecoming when he lost it to her.
I found out the news that Monday in the locker room after overhearing some of the other girls talking about it.
The information hit me like a train, pulling all the air from lungs from the weight of it.
We were about to head out for cross-country practice but instead, I ripped my locker door open to hide because it felt like I was having a heart attack.
Tears spilled out of my eyes as I fought for breath bent over.
White-knuckled and gripping my shirt to loosen the crushing weight on my chest that wasn’t really there, I panicked and almost reached the point of hyperventilation.
By far, those were the five scariest minutes of my life.
After it passed, I got the heck out of doge and raced home. I didn’t want anyone asking me questions about why I was upset because I literally didn’t know what to tell them. If I didn’t know what was going on, how could I explain it to them?
Little did I know while I was sobbing to my mother that night over what happened, Ben had already blocked my phone number.
Fear of losing him again from the memories waved over me until enough courage surfaces to ask the burning question on my tongue.
“Is that Tree?”
Ben, too engrossed in his phone, didn’t respond.
When I got to school the next day, I texted him in the morning before class, but it wouldn’t go through. Then in class, he completely ignored me and wouldn’t sit near me or acknowledge my existence.
Clueless as to what was going on, I was heartbroken. I didn’t know how to survive without Ben, nor did I want to and there was nothing I could do to get him to speak to me.
It wasn’t until the weekend when his mom talked to mine that I discovered what was going on.
Tree made him block all the girls he talked to and demanded he no longer have any other friends of the opposite sex.
The fact that he went along with her demands shocked and angered me.
It was all out of my control, leaving me feeling completely helpless about the situation and I hated it.
But the rule ended sooner than expected when she dumped him a month later because he talked back to her.
He was heartbroken and broke his silence, reaching out to me for support.
I picked up the phone to him immediately apologizing for blocking me and sniffling out that they broke up.
I knew I shouldn’t have forgiven him so quickly, but I missed him so much I didn’t care.
After that night, we were back to our old selves for a few weeks…until they got back together. I had texted him before class, per our usual routine, and the message never went through, immediately confirming my underlying fears that I was blocked again.
Round two didn’t last long either though. He broke up with her after two weeks because he was sick of her bossing him around.
And so repeated the cycle.
Each time he came back to me, I accepted him with open arms, but the pain of being repeatedly abandoned by him for her was making me numb.
Therefore, it became an unspoken agreement between us not to ask questions about relationships or anything regarding the opposite sex to stave off that repeated uncomfortable conversation. Until now apparently.
“Ben? Is that Tree?” I repeat softly, afraid of the answer.
“Huh?” He looks up from his phone confused. “Oh, no, no, but I uh… gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, ok?”
He shoves his phone into his pocket, fakes a quick smile, and walks off, leaving me alone in my bedroom with a crushing silence.