Chapter Six. #2
What if I picture his hand instead of mine touching me?
I intently memorize every detail about the hand; the shape, the texture, what it’d feel like on my skin…Inside of me.
“Knock, knock,” Dad says knocking on the door, opening it without waiting for me to answer.
A thud shakes the entire upstairs as I fall off the chair in a panic.
I rollie pollie on the floor to my bed and rip my comforter off it, throwing everything off my bed to cover myself as much as possible.
My teeth grit together from the intense stinging in my tailbone from the fall as my dad fully opens the door.
In horror, I stare at my computer that’s still open to the viral biker’s hand, the seductive music playing quietly.
“Woah! You okay, champ? Did I scare you?” He studies me questioningly, brows furrowing at my odd behavior.
“Oh yeah, no worries. I was just in the middle of stretching and I hadn’t fully changed my clothes yet because I was hot,” I say with clenched teeth.
As much as I try to sound normal, the words spill from my mouth in a rush. With bated breath, I wait for his response and some sort of confirmation that he doesn’t suspect anything.
Relief washes over him. Looks like he bought it.
“Why are the lights off? Will you melt if I turn them on?” he chuckles, flicking the light switch.
Good, he’s joking.
I joke back, hissing when the light comes on acting like I’m a vampire shielding myself from the brightness. He laughs. I smile back, relaxing my shoulders while ensuring the covers tight on me.
Oh, right. I’m on the floor.
I gather the comforter wrapped around me and am about to stand up to sit on the bed when I catch him turning to my computer. As if in slow motion his head turns toward the screen.
In a panic, I leap forward to shut the laptop, but trip, my feet catching under the loosened covers pulling my feet out from under me. I land hard on the floor, catching the brunt of the fall on my elbows.
“Charlotte! Are you okay? What has gotten into you?” He reaches to help me up, concern brimming his face.
“Sorry, I’m okay,” I chuckle trying my best to play it off. “I was trying to stand up and got up way too fast.”
My mind races for a way to get him out of my room to end this brutally awkward encounter.
Lightbulb! That’s it!
“Are you hungry? I’m starving. Do you want to pick up some Chinese food and bring it home? We haven’t had that for a while, and it sounds so good. I could use some sweet and sour chicken.”
He pulls away, studying me curiously. I can tell he caught on to my change in topic as a distraction but is fighting the urge to ask more questions. He puts on a smile that doesn’t meet the eyes.
“Sure, hun. Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll meet you downstairs, alright? We’ll surprise Mom.”
I nod, releasing a sigh of relief. The door closes with a quiet click.
I stay still, listening to his footsteps retreating down the hallway before moving an inch.
Once deemed safe, I uncurl from the blanket and shut the laptop before laying down on the floor.
I close my eyes and try my best not to relive what just happened.
My heart pounds in my ears so hard it makes my eyes bounce with the beat beneath my eyelids.
This absolutely cannot happen again. I was being reckless and didn’t think about the consequences. My parents cannot know I do this.
If I ever feel like doing this again anyways… That was traumatizing as hell. Who knows if I’ll get the urge again. Maybe this was the wake-up call I needed to stop.
I get dressed in a daze and make my bed, avoiding my now closed computer screen.
I’ll deal with it later. I don’t need to sort all this out now.
The drive to pick up Chinese food is uncomfortable at first, to say the least. Dad doesn’t say much, and neither do I.
Shifting in my seat, I search for a conversation topic to break the silence, but I’m coming up completely blank.
I only pray he won’t bring up what happened in my bedroom.
Luckily, a break in the tension occurs at the gas station when we run into my fourth-grade teacher, Ms. Roche.
She remembers me right off the bat. It’s heartwarming to reminisce over how I was the best reader in the class, although I could have done without her telling my dad about the one time I got caught cutting the girl’s hair in front of me with scissors, and admitting to her when I got caught that I didn’t know if regular scissors could cut hair or not.
He shoots me a jokingly stern frown and eye-brow raise, making us laugh.
I’m grateful for her presence, giving us a reprieve from the tension, especially because the rest of the drive is completely normal. All the awkward moments from before vanish.
Our timing is perfect. By the time we pull into the driveway, Mom is just pulling in and by the dancing in her car, she’s definitely excited to have her favorite Chinese dish of pork soup dumplings and egg rolls waiting for her.
The rest of the night goes as usual—joking around about their books, poking fun at each other and watching Tidal Wave, our favorite natural disaster movie.
My emotional cup is full by the time I walk upstairs to go to bed. Everything’s going to be just fine between me and my father, thank God. Here’s hoping he doesn’t tell Mom about it either so we can forget the entire encounter ever happened.
I check my phone, which surprisingly has no messages on it and curl up in my bed, comfort finding me immediately.
My thoughts drift aimlessly, the interactions with Ben filling my brain, preventing me from relaxing all the way. As my mom taught me, I acknowledge the thoughts and then do my best to let them go, attaching no emotion to them.
His eyes widening each time he saw me in my dress…
The subtle movements of his lips indicating some sort of emotion hidden behind his solemn face…
We’re in such a weird place right now. I don’t know how we move forward from here. Especially with the fact that he hasn’t texted me or made any moves to reconcile. Of course, I guess it has only been like a day. Maybe we’ll sort this out tomorrow or by the end of the week.
Yeah, we’ll be okay...We have to be.