Chapter Nineteen #2
“They don't get to own me anymore, and you don't get to look at me as though I deserve pity." I told him, shifting further away, rolling out my shoulders as I straightened my back.
The silence between us was tense and uncomfortable, neither of us willing to break it. Until finally Rhael took a deep breath. Pushing his hands up from the ground as he leant forward. His wings still spread behind him casting shadows over us both.
“I found my brother when he died. He had been left in a room, bloodied and cold.
They hadn't even bothered to bite his neck or drain his blood.
They'd left it there, pooling on the floor like he wasn't worth their feed. And it was all my fault.” He whispered, pulling his knees up just as I had, hanging his head between them.
I tried to keep my face neutral, not wanting to give him the same look he had just given me.
“Why?” I asked, peeking at him from the corner of my eye, watching his chest rise and fall with steady measured breaths. He looked pained, as if talking about it made him physically ache. I could understand.
“I trusted the wrong person. Let them in when I needed to push them away. She had been the assistant to one of my mother’s hand maidens.
An elf, she had been so shy, so timid I had thought she would be what I needed.
So, I tried hard to find intimacy in the small things.
Show her around the castle, teach her secrets that would make her feel more secure and welcome.
I didn't love her, but I thought I would be happy with her, should that be the hand I was dealt” he explained running a hand through his hair, pushing the sweat soaked, dark strands back from his eyes.
“What happened?” I whispered, daring to speak as silence filled us. His chest rose and fell with deep breaths as he thought carefully of his next words.
“She chose the vampires over us. Fed them our information and led them into the castle undetected. They were able to catch us by surprise, we were not prepared. Yet she stood there, as if she was proud of her decision. Like she had something she needed revenge over,” he sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face as he looked out into the distance.
“So now you trust no one.” I sighed, finally understanding him a little better.
It wasn't that he couldn't trust, it was that he chose not to.
He wanted to keep himself locked away and protect everyone he could whilst leaving himself lonely.
Open to the wounds that came with standing alone in front of his enemies.
“Exactly,” he sighed looking up at me finally as I moved a little closer as I tried to hide the pity from my face once more.
“Not even me.” I whispered as I neared him, my hand daring to reach out and touch his arm in the same comforting gesture he had offered me.
“You are who I should trust least.” He laughed, lifting his head and looking up at the night sky. I watched as his face relaxed, his eyes closed as he felt the cold wind over his face. For just a second it looked as though he was almost at peace.
“Yet you keep me around.” I laughed, copying his motion and looking up at the night sky, letting my hand slide from his arm as I decided to lay back.
The cold grass pressed against my skin as I focused on the stars above.
I heard Rhael chuckle before the sound of him laying down beside me echoed in the silence.
“I can't seem to get rid of you,” he laughed and I turned to face him. Giving it a moment before I spoke. Instead watching how his chest rose and fell once more. He laid right beside me, his arm brushing against my own as I turned to look at him.
“Do you want to? You could always offer me as a trade for Olesia.” I offered, watching him copy my movements, his hand reaching out to trace the scar that lingered on my skin.
I hissed feeling him touch me, the heat I felt from his fingertips made my heart threaten to stop. It was too much, way too much. But I couldn't stop him. I didn't want to stop him.
“No,” he whispered, his hand lingering against my skin. Laying there out in the courtyard it was as if we were children. No responsibility, no pain.
Sharing our experiences like whispered secrets in the dark. Doubt still lingered in my mind, yes he had shared with me, but only because I had done so first. His hand stayed where it was, tracing soothing
It would have been perfect at that moment to tell him about the vampire. What they had said and how it had made me feel. But I could not.
Something in my chest still felt too heavy, too guarded. I had let him in about what had begun my pain, but I couldn't tell him what was deepening it now. That was something that I would keep close, for now at least.
“I cannot lose her. Without her I would be alone,” he whispered, as if he was hoping the sound would be swallowed by the night.
“You aren't alone. You are a King, who apparently is strong enough to split even wooden dummies apart.” I said, trying to reassure him.
“I was trained to be a warrior, the second born son. I wasn't supposed to be King. My father had said it would be the worst thing to ever happen to Vaetharyn.” He laughed, the sound harsh, but it also made me see how insecure he really was.
That from a young age he was told his role was never to be King, that he would not be good enough.
I would have lied if I had said the intimacy of the moment we were in, was lost on me.
Or how strange it was. An hour ago, I was questioning this man's motives, thinking of possibly even betraying him.
But then I lay on the floor hearing his darkest secrets and sharing my own.
It was unnerving, but I couldn't stop myself.
“Yet here you are, King anyways” I whispered, my breath catching as his fingers traced along the edges of my scar.
It was an odd sensation. I couldn't feel him touching it, but every time he ran a finger down the unburnt skin either side it felt as though I was on fire.
“You have a lot of faith in me,” he smirked, his voice low, as if he did not believe his words.
“You have kept your word so far.” I shrug, ignoring the fact that it was an obvious excuse.
“So far,” he mused. Pushing us into a comfortable silence. His response didn't need a reply, and I didn't feel the need to give him one. It was just us, for once. Roles forgotten, the war lingering just outside the walls of Vaetharyn far from our minds.
We lay like that for a long time. So long that the cold ground no longer felt cold against my skin. Consuming us both as the night sky deepened and the world fell into comfortable silence around us.
“Come inside,” I said, moving to sit up, pushing myself up from the ground looking over at him over my shoulder as I stood. Brushing off the specs of dirt, acting as if I actually cared.
“Elara,” Rhael warned his eyes, meeting mine as he lay on the ground, propping himself up on his elbows so he could look me up and down. I could see the concern in his eyes as if he was worried there was something I was planning. His mind raced as he considered the possibilities.
“Please, just come inside, it is cold out here. Trust me enough for this.” I whispered, letting the words linger between us for a long drawn out moment.
I thought he would refuse. Would tell me to go inside and leave him alone, putting back up the walls that we had just let down even if it was just for a moment. However, he stood, a simple nod telling me he would offer me this level of trust.
Even if it was just once, I was grateful for it. For something other than the usual cold master, I had grown to desire and hate all at the same time.
Instead of walking towards the bed chambers, I kept my feet moving over the dark stone of Vaetharyn towards Rhael’s office. Assuming that he would be more comfortable there than in a bedroom.
It smelt like old paper, ink and iron, the walls lined with maps and weapons.
The large oak desk just as it was before, scarred from years of use and countless times Rhael had shoved at it, or hit it with objects in his fits of rage.
He closed the door behind us with measured care, as if he didn’t want anyone to know where he was or what fragile state he had been in.
I watched as Rhael moved behind the desk, bracing his hands against it. His wings now folded away, hidden back into the slits in his back as if they never existed.
“There, I am inside. You can go.” He said, his voice was cool, completely detached from the intimate moment and understanding we had shared outside.
“You are not calm,” I say quietly. Not daring to step forward but also refusing to leave.
“I am in control.” Rhael hissed as a breath left him through clenched teeth.
“You always say that, but one moment you look at me like I matter and the next, you shut me out as if I’ve crossed over some invisible line.
” I sigh, feeling like I had emotional whiplash.
Wondering how we had gone from lying in the grass laughing to now standing on opposite ends of a room like enemies trying to work the other out.
“Because you have,” his eyes lifted to mine, sharp and guarded as if even speaking those words pained him.
“Then tell me why!” I demanded only to be met with silence as he turned to grab a decanter. His hands steady as he poured a drink which, initially, he did not touch.
“You are human. You are fragile in ways you don't understand, and I am not in a position to pretend that fragility can be ignored.” Rhael said, the answer simple, yet the words stung deep beneath my skin.
“That isn't an answer!” I snapped, my eyes widened in disbelief. How could he say that? After I had told him things, I bared my soul to him. Yet now I was still a weakness, a problem he had attached himself to.
“It is the only one you are getting,” he told me, his hands lingering at the edge of the glass, still not picking it up to bring it to his lips. Instead, he stared at the amber liquid as if it was something offensive.
“You don't get to decide what I can handle,” I sighed. He was beyond frustrating and once again I felt like I was stuck back in a guessing game.
“I do. Because despite all of this, despite what you think you are entitled to, what you think you deserve, I am the one with my head on the line and if I do not do this right, people– my people–will die.” He exclaimed, his hand slamming down on the desk, the sound so loud it made me jump.
The words dripped with venom as if they stung to even come out of his mouth.
“And what am I supposed to make of what happened tonight, for when at just a single moment you weren't guarding your emotions like a maximum security prison?” I asked, anger igniting in me with a fire I was not sure I would be able to put out.
“Make nothing of it,” he said simply. Waving his hand as if to dismiss me. Only I didn't move. My feet rooted to the cold floor, as if he didn't feel what I had felt outside, as if now we were back inside the walls of his precious castle none of it mattered. As if I never mattered.
“You are lying!” I accused, my eyes narrowing as I tensed my body. Daring him to reply.
“Elara, I have told you to leave, do so before I forget myself," he said again, finally bringing the amber liquid to his lips, taking one large mouthful, his lips turning to a scowl as he swallowed.
I frowned, deciding to do something wild. Reckless. To prove to him that regardless of what he says I have control. I walk forward, joining him behind the desk before I drop to my knees. The movement is deliberate and controlled.
The stone is cold beneath my skin, grounding me to the spot. I look up at him, watching the way his breath stutters, as if he is afraid to relax.
“You want to push me away, then do it.” I whisper as my hands reach up, undoing his zipper before pulling him free.
I don't know what possessed me to do something that could have resulted in me being thrown across the room.
However, the thrill that ran through me, spurred me on as I held his cock in my hands pumping him slowly.
Rhael groaned as he stood above me, his hand reaching out and clutching the desk to steady himself.
“Elara,” he warned but he didn't move to stop me as I leant forward licking the bead of pre-cum that leaked from his tip.
“You can stop me, you can tell me no and I will walk away, go back to being the girl who does exactly what you say,” I whispered.
When he said nothing I took him in my mouth, my lips stretching around his girth as I ran my tongue over the softness of his skin.
Bobbing my head, taking him in and out of my mouth as I worked him. My tongue swirled around his sensitive head as he shuddered and groaned above me. I had to use my hand to pump what could not fit into my mouth, twisting and squeezing as I doubled my effort to reach his peak.
Finally, Rhael moved, his hands knotted in my hair as he began to move his hips, thrusting into my mouth as I hollowed my cheeks, moaning around him.
“Fuck!” He hissed as he tried to control my rhythm, but I resisted him. This was my control. My turn to give him pleasure and take nothing in return just as he had done before.
Spurred on by his desire I took him deeper, pushing the limits as I swallowed around him.
The tip hitting the back of my throat, the sensation making me gag slightly, but I didn't stop.
The feeling of control pushing me forward.
Continuing to suck, lick and moan until he was panting, almost begging for release.
With a final hard thrust of his hips, Rhael came with a loud groan. His hot, thick, release spilled into my mouth, coating my tongue and throat.
For a moment I thought about spitting it out, but decided to lift my head, looking him in the eyes as I swallowed it, savouring the taste over my tongue as I pulled back, finally releasing my grip on him and leaning back onto the balls of my feet.
Without letting him speak, I rise slowly, reclaiming the space between us. When I stand before him, I can see how barely in control he is. His breathing ragged as he tucked himself back into his trousers. His hands fumbled with the zipper as he tried to take in deep breaths.
“Wanting me doesn't make you weak,” I whispered to him and for a moment, just one, he leaned forward his forehead against mine. His eyes closed as he calmed himself.
“You should go, before I stop being the man you think I am,” he whispered, his voice strained as I nodded my head. Stepping back one pace, then a second.
I leave with my heart racing, my confidence intact and the knowledge that neither of us would be able to sleep tonight without thinking of what had just happened between us.