12. Jackson
TWELVE
Jackson
Blakely and I settle in to watch a movie, but when she passes out on her couch halfway through, I take the opportunity to slip through the front door and head home, my phone burning a hole in my pocket since the moment it rang.
Sweetheart.
Alina.
It took everything in me not to pick up when she called. What if she’s hurt? What if she’s breaking and all alone?
Memories of the times I’ve held her together play on a loop, a physical ache spreading through my chest.
I’ve happily been Lee’s shield, protecting her from the impact every time her world crumbled, but if I continue to jump and say how high whenever she comes running, I’ll never move on.
And I have to move on.
It just sucks I’m losing my best friend in the process, at least temporarily. Maybe one day I’ll be able to hear her voice—look her in the face and not feel my heart fracture from the longing that slices through it. Not feel the disappointment wrapping around my chest and sinking into my gut, knowing the guilt in her eyes is because she doesn’t love me back.
It isn’t her fault, after all. You can’t choose who your soul aches for. It’s my stupidity that’s to blame. For seeing all the signs and not listening to them. For believing I’d be okay with second best if it meant she was mine for even a moment. For falling while she was busy waiting for someone else.
So I silenced my phone and gave my attention to Blakely. The girl who does need me.
Blakely didn’t ever answer my question about her panic attacks, but I didn’t keep pushing. I can tell by the stiffness in her shoulders and the bite in her words it’s a subject she doesn’t like to talk about, and while I’d love to help, I’m not her therapist, so I let the subject go.
I don’t need her to open up to me—I just need her to know she’s not alone.
But I’m intrigued by her now, which is both a problem and a blessing.
A problem because she’s done nothing but throw herself at me at every turn, and my body has done nothing but try and convince me to give in.
A blessing because she can be my focus, a distraction from the thoughts of Sugarlake and everything that comes with it.
She’s a solution. A way for me to help someone who needs it, keep my boss happy, and keep my mind occupied until I can heal my heart enough where it doesn’t sting with every beat.
But Blakely isn’t here right now. And when I get to the silence of the kitchen, I can’t stop from grabbing my phone and pressing play on my messages.
“Hey, Teeth.” Lee’s voice fills the empty space in the room.
I roll my eyes at the nickname as I fill a glass with water, my stomach tightening from the vision it brings up. From the smell of banana bread as it warmed my hands and a blue-eyed, honey-blond-haired beauty smiling wide on my front porch.
“Are those your real teeth?”
Something sparks in my chest, lighting up my insides like fireworks as I watch her eyes grow big and round, like she didn’t mean to say the words but couldn’t control her mouth.
“You think I have fake teeth?” I grin.
She shrugs. “I mean…maybe?”
Shaking my head out of the memory, I chug the tepid water, resting my hands on the counter, my head hanging as I listen to the rest of her message.
“I was just callin’ to check in. See how things are goin’ out there in sunny Cali.” She sighs. “I know you said we had to say goodbye. You know, to appreciate the hellos and all. But—” Her voice breaks. “I was hopin’ this could be one of those hellos? I promise I’ll appreciate the crap out of it. I mean, dang, Teeth, I don’t know if we’ve ever gone more than a week without talkin’… It feels like a lifetime.”
The knot lodged in my throat grows, tears sprouting along my lower lids as I swallow down the burn.
“…and there’s so much that’s changed around here already. Feels wrong you’re not a part of it.”
Like usual, my stomach twists, every single pathetic beat of my heart whispering the what-ifs through my veins.
What if she needs me?
I could go home on some weekends still…check in on my mom—check in on her .
“Anyway, Daddy’s in rehab. The whole town knows about his drinkin’ problem now. I reckon most already did.”
My eyebrows draw in. She thinks everyone knew? I was by her side for years, and I had no idea. I’m not sure if that’s a reflection of how talented Lee is at hiding things or how good I’ve gotten at choosing to be blind.
“It’s been hard, but Chase has been a godsend.”
My teeth grit at his name, and the hole that blazes in the center of my ribs flares. Chase fucking Adams. My closest friend. My biggest lapse in judgment. The one Lee welcomed back with open arms when he popped up eight years after leaving. After destroying everything he had.
Fuck her for forgiving him so easily. And fuck her for not realizing he hurt me too. That this hurts me too.
Anger swirls in my gut and I press end before hearing the rest of her message. Chase . It always comes back to Chase.
I’m missing her, and he never has to.
Not anymore.
The Healy has been gone for two days, and I’ve moved on to a cherry-red Shelby Cobra, one of my personal favorites. Shame the inside isn’t as pretty as the out, but since they’re planning to blow this car up, there’s no need for the fancy interior. Just the illusion of perfection.
As I work on detailing, a sadness teases at my conscience. This was always my dad’s dream, but in these moments, I wonder whether he’d want any part of it if he knew what it was really like.
Dad lived for the satisfaction of polishing potential. Unearthing something beautiful. Unique. Something to take pride in. There’s no pride in empty cars with pretty faces.
My knees crack as I stand from the front of the Cobra, and a flash of chocolate-brown hair catches my eye through the glass doors. My stomach flips and I’m heading inside before I can stop myself.
Walking to the reception desk, I peer over the counter, a smirk splitting my face as I see Blakely. She’s talking on the phone, her hair thrown up in two gigantic buns, and she’s sitting on a large blue ball.
She gazes up at me and smiles—a genuine smile—the first one I’ve ever seen her give. My lungs squeeze tight, forcing me to suck in a breath at its beauty. It’s slightly crooked, pulling up just a smidge higher on the left, scrunching the corners of her eyes.
My smirk transforms until I’m grinning wide back at her.
It’s nice to see her this way. So…light. Fun.
My eyebrow quirks as I watch her, amusement dancing its way through my chest at her antics. She looks ridiculous with those Star Wars buns and a giant exercise ball for a chair.
Her eyes stay locked on me even when she speaks into the phone. “Thank you so much, sir. I’ll be sure to let Karen know it needs to be adjusted and have her call you back with the final numbers.”
Hanging up, she resumes her vigorous bouncing. “What?” she pants.
Nodding toward the ball, I shrug. “What are you doing?”
She glances down before bringing her gaze back. “Exercising. What’s it look like?”
I rub my jaw. “Didn’t you work out enough last night?”
Her eyes darken. “It’s a new day, Jackson. Calories don’t burn themselves.”
“Actually, they do.”
“Semantics.” She waves her hand in the air. “Did you have a purpose for coming in here, or are you just hanging around to annoy me?”
I bark out a laugh. The audacity of this girl to think that I’m the one annoying her . “That’s cute, princess.” I lean on the reception counter. “So, what are we doing tonight?”
Her head cocks as she stops moving. “What makes you think we’re doing anything?”
My hand covers my heart. “You don’t want to hang out with me anymore? You’ve been begging for weeks , Blake.”
She clicks her tongue. “Guess you didn’t live up to my expectations.”
I scoff. “I am extremely offended by that statement.”
“I don’t really care about your feelings.”
Shaking my head, I bite back a chuckle. “Sometimes it’s so hard to forget how young you are.”
“Well, maybe you could use a little youth and vitality in your life.” She winks.
She resumes her exercise and my eyes drop, grazing along the top of her cleavage, her breasts jostling from the movement. My stomach clenches, frissons of heat spiraling from my skin, daring me to reach out and touch her. Begging me to just give in . It would feel so damn good to feel her bounce on my lap instead of on that ball.
I lean in, my voice raspy from the image. “Just so you know, I wasn’t trying.”
Her body falters from the steady up and down motion. “Trying at what?”
“To meet your expectations.”
She sucks in a breath. “Maybe you should.”
I smirk. “Be careful what you ask for.”
She stops moving entirely, her breasts grazing the edge of her desk. “I know exactly what I’m asking for.”
I stare her down, debating whether this is a road I want to go down. If I can keep my dick in check long enough to actually try and be her friend.
Sighing, I tap my knuckles on the counter. “Be ready tomorrow at noon.”
“For what?”
I lower my voice. “If I told you, then you’d get those pesky expectations . Better to keep it a surprise.”
Her fingernails click methodically against the top of the desk. “Is this a date?”
My heart stutters. A date? “No. Definitely not a date.”
She tilts her head. “Well, how am I supposed to know what to wear?”
I shrug. “Wear your pajamas for all I care.”
“I sleep naked.” She grins.
My gut jolts, and I shift to relieve the pressure of my dick pressing against my zipper. “I don’t care what you wear, Blakely. Just be ready at noon.”
Walking away, my heart slams against my ribs.
I don’t think of Lee for the rest of the day.