Chapter 10
10
Lily, Amelia and Will didn’t return from Porto Liakáda until almost 5p.m. and until then, Stella was alone. She decided to take herself off to the plunge pool, tucked away in its private stone courtyard, where she lay in the water for a long time with her arms outstretched and resting on the side, her back against the cool blue and white mosaic tiles, gazing up at the lush green plants and trees above.
Whatever the future held in terms of her friendship with Louise, she thought, kicking her legs out lazily in front to stay afloat, she hoped she’d have calmed down and recovered her equilibrium by suppertime. And although Stella was still angry and deeply hurt, she resolved to make a special pasta sauce for supper that she knew Louise would like, as a sort of peace offering.
But as soon as Louise appeared at the table that night, Stella could tell she was still furious. She sat down without a word and refused to look at her or address her in person, concentrating only on her food.
Even the fact Jon didn’t emerge from his room failed to lift her mood. When Stella asked Lily to take him up a small plate of pasta, prompting a brief discussion about the perils of sunburn, only Louise stayed schtum.
‘Will his skin all peel off?’ Amelia wanted to know.
Her mother didn’t answer, so Stella stepped in.
‘I think so, yes. And the skin underneath will be pink and tender.’
‘Like my nose?’ said Lily, wrinkling it. ‘Yeeuch!’
‘That’ll teach him,’ Hector said nastily, and Will laughed.
‘If it had been one of us, you’d have killed us, Mum.’
Will glanced at his mother, but she didn’t look up from her plate.
‘What’s got into her?’ he said with a frown, but when no one commented, he lost interest and started playing with a blob of soft candle wax that had dropped onto the table.
It was Stella who assumed the role of tour guide for the following day’s excursion. They’d have to leave at 7a.m., she insisted, to avoid walking in the midday sun.
When she tried again to persuade Hector to join them, for once, Louise didn’t back her up.
‘You can’t force me,’ Hector said angrily, throwing down his napkin, pushing back his chair and standing up.
Out of habit, Stella shot Louise a desperate look, but her friend’s face was tight and closed.
‘All right then, have it your way,’ Stella said finally, her shoulders slumping. ‘We’ll miss you.’
* * *
At six thirty the next morning, she tapped lightly on Jon’s door and called his name. She was almost positive he wouldn’t want to do the hike and expected him to be asleep still, or at least snoozing.
To her dismay, however, he came quickly to the door and flung it open. He was already dressed in a pale-blue shirt, rolled up at the sleeves, and tan hiking trousers. Over his shoulder, she could see his black backpack on the bed, stuffed with items for the walk.
‘I guessed you’d be leaving pretty sharpish,’ he said with a grin. ‘I feel much better after a good night’s sleep. Almost myself again.’
‘Great.’ She hoped he wouldn’t detect her barely disguised lack of enthusiasm. ‘I thought you’d want to rest today. It’s amazing you’ve recovered so well.’
Downstairs in the kitchen, Louise was filling up her water bottle.
‘Jon’s coming,’ Stella said heavily.
‘That’s nice. You can talk to him all day and put on his sun cream for him.’
Sarcasm dripped from every syllable, and Stella felt as if she’d been stabbed in the gut. Part of her wanted to make peace with Louise and say the bad atmosphere was killing her and please could they be friends again? But the other part was screaming Louise wasn’t the person she’d thought she knew.
She had a mean, hard, jealous streak, which was probably why a lot of Stella’s other friends, including Harriet, for that matter, hadn’t warmed to her. How come Stella seemed to be the only one who hadn’t noticed?
In any case, it was as if Louise had built a Berlin Wall around herself and Stella couldn’t get through to her even if she wanted to.
Lily was annoyed at having to get up so early and snapped at her mother, who decided to give her a wide berth for a while.
Jon walked beside Stella as she led the way along a well-marked, zigzag path up the steep mountainside, while the others trailed behind. Mostly, the group remained quiet, lost in their own thoughts, the silence only occasionally broken by the girls’ voices or the jangling of goat bells.
The air was fairly cool and they needed their sweatshirts. However, the layers soon started to come off as they continued their climb through stony desert, past crippled old trees and wildflowers humming with bees collecting pollen.
After about an hour and a half, they came to an abandoned village with an ancient white church, which Stella had read about in her guidebook. It was built in the form of a crucifix with a hexagonal dome, and sat right on the edge of the canyon.
From here, it wasn’t too far to the famous, wooden-planked Aradena Bridge, which spanned the entire width of the yawning gorge. Stella didn’t dare glance into the seemingly bottomless void, fearing she might faint.
Up to now, they hadn’t seen another soul, but they spotted a few folk ahead when they began the slow descent into the canyon.
At first, the slope was fairly gentle, but before long, the ground shelved steeply, with slippery rocks underfoot. Stella had to keep her wits about her.
At times, she clung to small bushes for support, or slid on her bottom down boulders before clambering up the other side.
Soon, they were in complete shade, amidst towering walls of red stone. A golden eagle circled above them in the slim patch of sky visible overhead, before it landed on the craggy mountainside.
It remained there for quite some time, looking down on them haughtily from its throne-like perch. When Stella tried to take a picture, however, it flew off like a stroppy celebrity, tired of its irritating fans.
She was concentrating so hard on not falling, for quite some time, she forgot about Jon, who was a little way ahead. She was enjoying the physical challenge and her brain felt sharp and clear.
The fog of confusion rapidly descended again, though, when he stopped to wait for her. Glancing back, she could see the others were quite far behind and would take a while to catch up.
‘Wow! It’s pretty demanding,’ she said when she reached him. She was desperate to keep the conversation light. She took the water bottle out of her backpack and had a drink. ‘The scenery’s stunning. I thought it would be much more crowded but there’s hardly anyone else here.’
He didn’t reply and she noticed he no longer looked cheery, as he had first thing this morning, but intense and serious.
Her heart fluttered and she quickly replaced the water bottle and tried to walk past him, but he stood in her way.
‘Stella?’ he said with an urgency she couldn’t ignore.
‘Yes?’
‘Have you thought any more about what I said?’
The flutter in her chest became a wild beating of wings.
‘I meant it, you know. Every word. It’s torture, seeing you like this every day and not being able to show how I feel.’
Suddenly, Stella felt very alone. She glanced back again and the gap between her and the others had narrowed, but they were still too far away to be of any use.
Black vultures circled ominously above and she noticed a dead goat lying on the ground a little way ahead. Others were perched precariously on the mountainside; it wasn’t surprising if they sometimes fell off.
She remembered Louise, and realised she wouldn’t help anyway. Jon was Stella’s problem. Louise had made it quite clear.
‘Look,’ Stella said, her mouth turning dry, ‘I’ve told you I’m not interested. You’ve got to stop this. You mustn’t talk about it any more.’
Jon dropped the backpack he was holding and sank to the ground.
‘I can’t bear it.’ There was a catch in his voice and he shook his head desolately.
Her natural instinct was to reach out with a hug to anyone in pain, but she stopped herself.
‘You’ll get over it. Truly.’
‘I won’t.’
Stella’s eyes pricked and a hard lump, like a pebble, stuck in her throat. She tried to push past him again but he grabbed her arm and hot tears started to trickle down her cheeks.
‘Let me go,’ she said, roughly shaking him off. ‘Can’t you see I’ve had enough?’
He released his grip and his arm fell to his side. She would have liked to run away but couldn’t, because of the boulders blocking her path.
It seemed to take an age to find a route through, either by shinning over the rocks or seeking out the narrow cracks and shimmying between them. She didn’t look back once and had no idea if Jon were following, so it was a surprise when she heard her name being called.
‘Mum!’
Turning round, she saw Lily hurrying to catch up. She wasn’t with Louise, Amelia or Will. Or Jon, come to that.
‘Are you all right?’
Stella was touched by her daughter’s concern and waited for her. When Lily made it to the top of the same rock, they sat down on a flattish shelf, side by side.
‘What happened?’ Lily wanted to know. ‘I saw him grab you.’
She didn’t use his name. She was clearly outraged.
Stella paused for a moment, wondering how much to give away.
‘Nothing,’ she replied at last. ‘I’m fine, honestly.’
Lily scowled. ‘Mum, I know you’re lying. Tell me the truth. Everyone’s behaving weirdly. Louise, him, you. I’m not stupid. What’s going on?’
Stella had pulled up her knees and was gazing down at the rough, grey stone by her legs. Lily cupped a hand under her mother’s chin and gently but firmly twisted her head round so she could see her face.
‘And you’ve been crying,’ she said, staring accusingly into her mother’s eyes.
Stella sniffed. She hadn’t realised it was that obvious.
‘We had a bit of a disagreement, that’s all.’
Lily’s eyes widened. ‘You and Jon? Why?’
Picking up a small, flat stone, Stella proceeded to roll it between her palms. It helped to distract from the sickening swooping in her chest.
‘He’s got a silly crush on me,’ she explained hoarsely. ‘I didn’t want to tell you; I didn’t think you needed to know. It’s not real; it’s all to do with Harriet. I can’t explain. He’ll get over it, but it’s made things awkward between us.’
‘Oh God.’ Lily flung both arms round Stella’s shoulders and pulled her close. ‘Poor Mum. You don’t need this.’
Warmth flowed through Stella’s body, making her want to cry again, but this time with gratitude.
The temporary mother-daughter role reversal reminded her momentarily of the black and white photograph of Katerina, hugging the older woman. Had she felt comforted in the same way?
‘It’ll be all right,’ she said, not sounding particularly convincing.
‘I hate him,’ Lily muttered through gritted teeth.
Stella sighed. ‘No you don’t. He’s not a bad person; he’s confused, that’s all.’
‘Well, he shouldn’t make you suffer. It was so kind of you to ask him on holiday and now he’s just making you miserable. I wish he’d never come.’
There was a shout and when they looked up, Amelia and Will were standing on the brow of the nearby rocky hill, waving.
‘Let’s keep going,’ Stella said, waving back and doing a thumbs up. She was afraid Jon and Louise would appear at any moment and she wanted to stay ahead.
To her surprise, Lily agreed. Stella thought she’d insist on waiting for her friend.
‘We must be halfway by now, surely?’ Stella said, trying to negotiate a particularly sheer drop. On reaching the bottom safely, she noticed several new cuts on her knees and shins and a fresh array of bumps, which would no doubt turn into ugly bruises. She was going to return home looking like a prize fighter.
As they walked on, through a path lined with glorious pink Bougainvillea trees, Lily asked more questions about Jon. She seemed protective, wanting to be sure her mother wasn’t afraid of him.
Stella tried to reassure her there was no threat.
‘He’s got this idea in his head I’ll change my mind. I’ve told him I won’t. He’s stubborn but he’ll see sense eventually.’
‘I wish Hector would punch him,’ Lily said savagely. ‘He’d love to. He hates his guts.’
‘Oh no,’ Stella said quickly. ‘That wouldn’t help at all.’
After some while, the steep descent started to level off and the path became less rocky. Bit by bit, the sliver of light, where the rocky walls came to an end, expanded into a wide gash. Then all of a sudden, there, in front of them, was the sparkling sea.
Stella’s heart skipped. ‘We’ve almost made it!’
In fact, there was still some way to walk but in what seemed like no time, they were standing on shingly sand, staring at the wide, welcoming, blue-green water.
‘I need a swim now ,’ said Stella, whipping off her backpack and clothes and pulling on her swimsuit.
There weren’t many others on the beach but Lily was shy and took longer to change, hiding behind her small towel. Once she was ready, they left their things and gingerly made their way, hand in hand, over the pebbles and into the swell, giggling as the waves splashed up and around them.
After such a long, strenuous hike, the water felt cool, soothing and delicious. Stella floated on her back for a few moments, staring up at the deep blue sky.
Turning her head slightly to the left, she saw the tavern she’d read about, with a grass roof, perched high on a hill overlooking the bay.
The wooden tables were shaded by scrubby olive trees and there were steps down to the turquoise water. It really was an idyllic location and she hoped they’d manage to get a table.
Gazing up at the sky once more, she breathed in and out deeply, imagining she could see Harriet’s beautiful familiar features in the wispy white clouds. She was smiling, which made Stella smile, too, until she noticed her friend’s happiness gradually change to hollow-eyed despair.
Stella’s heart suddenly hurt and her limbs felt heavy, as if someone had attached weights to them.
‘I miss you so much,’ she whispered, quickly closing her eyes to block out the vision. ‘I’m so sorry you got cancer. I wish you were still here.’
‘Look, they’ve arrived!’
Lily’s voice cut through the air, scattering Stella’s thoughts. She righted herself and found she could just about touch the bottom on tiptoes.
Amelia, Will and Louise were on the shoreline, blinking in the bright sunshine, while Jon remained near the cavern’s exit, lurking in the shadows.
‘Come in!’ cried Lily. ‘It’s gorgeous!’
Amelia and Will stripped off straightaway and rushed in to join her, but Louise turned and stepped a few paces away from the shoreline.
After choosing a spot, she dropped her backpack on the shingle, sat down, shielding her eyes from the sun, and stared glumly at the horizon.
Meanwhile, Jon plonked himself on the place where he’d been standing, his back against some rocks near the mouth of the canyon and his legs stretched in front.
He seemed to be firmly fixed on Stella, who could sense his accusing gaze boring into her, even when she looked away.
All the pleasure she’d felt earlier had now gone. She left the water quickly and collected her things, before taking them over to where Louise was.
‘Are you going in?’ she asked, wrapping the towel round her shoulders and settling down. ‘That was an amazing walk.’
Louise, unmoved by the attempt to break the ice, remained stony faced.
‘I’ll see if I can get a table in the taverna,’ Louise said dully, rising and brushing the shingle off the backs of her thighs. ‘Tell the others to join me, unless I have to come back because it’s fully booked.’
‘Okay.’ Stella lowered her head and hugged her knees. It was bad enough having to deal with Jon and Hector. Losing Louise’s support now, too, felt almost unbearable.
Overcome with emotion all of a sudden, she wanted to stamp her feet and scream. She was trying to do her best in a very difficult situation. Why had everything gone so wrong?
Tears stung her eyes and she clenched her fists to stop them coming, digging her nails into the palms of her hands.
By the time the others left the water, she’d managed to compose herself enough to speak.
‘Lunchtime!’ she said, pinning on a fake smile. ‘Hopefully Louise has found us a table.’
At her request, Will ran over to tell Jon what was happening. Stella didn’t turn round, but was aware he was following as they strolled towards the restaurant.
Louise was on a bench seat behind a wooden table to the left of the taverna when they walked in, with a bottle of white wine in an ice bucket beside her. She was sipping from her glass, idly watching a man in white overalls collecting supplies from his boat, moored at the jetty below.
Every table was full and the atmosphere was buzzing, with cheerful-looking waiters scurrying back and forth, carrying trays of delicious-smelling food.
Amelia and Will said they were ravenous and Louise took charge of the menu. This was normally Stella’s job, because she was the one who really knew about food, but in truth, she was quite relieved not to have the responsibility today.
Louise ordered large plates of grilled shrimp, fried calamari, lamb slow cooked in olive oil, wine and herbs, and bowlfuls of chips. They also tried a rich, typically Cretan dish of Staka , made with creamy goat’s milk and fried eggs.
Stella was hungry, too, and began to help herself. There was such a wide variety of different dishes to choose from, she hardly knew where to start.
Her mouth had started watering the moment she entered the restaurant, but when she began to eat, she found it difficult to chew. The food tasted oddly bland and got stuck in her mouth. She had to take sips of her drink to make it go down.
‘Is everything all right?’ one of the waiters asked when he saw how much was left on her plate at the end.
‘Delicious,’ she replied, anxious not to offend. ‘I’ve got a slight headache, that’s all. Please give our compliments to the chef.’
They took another taxi boat back to Porto Liakáda and plodded slowly up the mountain, carrying more bags of groceries they’d picked up from April’s supermarket.
Stella found herself thinking a lot about Hector on the walk and wishing he’d come, too, instead of spending another day on his own.
As soon as they reached the villa, she went to find him. He wasn’t in his bedroom or by the pool, and she thoroughly checked the whole place upstairs and down without success.
Feeling uneasy, she rang his mobile but it was turned off. She skirted round the garden next, calling his name, with Marina’s warning words about the sea playing loudly in her ears. Telling herself she shouldn’t listen and was being silly didn’t seem to work.
The garden felt eerily empty as the sun began to fade. When she couldn’t find Hector here either, her nagging apprehension turned into a silent scream. What if something had happened to him? What if Marina really did have special powers and had foreseen some disaster?
Without bothering to tell anyone where she was going, Stella grabbed her bum bag and hurried back down the mountain to the town. She was tired, aching and thirsty, but her mind was in turmoil and she couldn’t rest until she’d seen her son.
Her first stop was the harbour, where she scanned round, hoping he might be looking at boats or having a drink by the water’s edge.
She even checked far out to sea, cursing herself for giving Marina’s words any credence at all. Thankfully, there was nothing but more boats, bright white buoys and seagulls.
Her heart still thumping, she scouted round the nearby cafés after that, before heading into the supermarket. April was in a flowery apron, trying to mop the floor, with the baby at her feet, getting in the way.
‘Will you stop doing that, Nikos?’ she said, picking him up and plonking him to one side, away from the bucket of water.
He immediately crawled back to the wet patch she’d made and tried to grab the end of the soggy mop.
‘Jesus Christ!’ she muttered, before looking up and spotting Stella near the door. She wiped away some strands of hair on her hot, damp forehead and her face broke into a grin.
‘Hello! You back again already? Am I going mad? Didn’t I see you here about an hour ago?’
Ignoring the question, Stella asked if she’d seen Hector, but April shook her head.
‘He’s probably gone for a walk,’ she said reassuringly, placing both hands on top of the upright mop. ‘Mine are always wandering off. I can never find ’em when I want ’em and the little buggers never come when I call.’
The baby, who was still on the floor, screeched and held out his arms, wanting Stella to pick him up, but she was distracted and failed to notice.
‘Thanks! See you,’ she called over her shoulder as she hurried from the shop, scarcely hearing the furious shrieks from Nikos that followed her.
Looking left and right as she walked the length of the high street, she kept hoping to spot Hector at one of the stalls or in a café. It was about 7p.m. now and the place had filled up with diners and people just having evening drinks.
She would have popped into the old man’s shoe shop to ask if he’d seen her son, but she feared bumping into Marina.
Instead, she stopped a few times to ask different groups of folk sitting at tables, as well as a couple of friendly looking waiters. No one seemed to have noticed a tall, thin young man with unkempt brown hair and a goatee beard. Stella felt increasingly sick.
Her phone rang, making her jump. It was Lily, wanting to know where she was.
‘Louise is making supper. When will you be back?’
‘Have you seen Hector?’ Stella asked urgently. ‘Can you check if he’s in his room?’
Lily took the phone upstairs with her and had a look round.
‘He’s not here. I don’t know where he is. He’s probably sulking somewhere. He’ll be fine, Mum. Stop worrying.’
Stella had come to the end of the main street now. Beyond was a small strip of pebbly beach, dotted with neatly stacked rows of sun loungers and folded-up umbrellas.
On first sight, the place appeared to be deserted, but then at the far end, she spotted one lounger set apart from the rest, close to the water’s edge.
The chair was white with no cushions, which had evidently been tidied away, and someone was stretched out on it, staring at the horizon.
It was a melancholy sight and as Stella hurried towards the lone figure, her pulse started to race. The closer she came, the more familiar the person seemed until she knew for certain.
‘Hector!’
She upped her pace and started to run towards him as fast as she could. ‘Thank God I’ve found you!’
On hearing her cry, Hector sat up, staring, his thin arms crossed over his chest.
‘What are you doing here?’ he asked suspiciously when she finally reached him and stopped abruptly.
‘I didn’t know where you were,’ she said breathlessly. ‘I was worried about you.’
He shrugged. ‘I wanted a walk. I’d been inside most of the day. You didn’t need to get all worked up.’
Stella indicated she’d like to sit down and he shuffled along to make room. Now she was beside him, his body close to hers, her pulse began to settle.
‘You could’ve left me a note or sent a text or something,’ she said resentfully.
She was about to make another dig but stopped herself when she noticed his face. It was red and blotchy and his eyes were puffy. He’d been crying.
‘Oh! What is it, my darling?’ she said with a crack in her voice. Instinctively, her arm wound round his back and she hugged him close, resting her head on his shoulder. She was grateful he didn’t move but let it stay there.
They remained like that for some minutes, huddled together, listening to the lapping waves and gulls’ cries, as well as each other’s steady breathing. It was the first time in a long while Stella had been allowed to hold her son. She didn’t want to break the spell by speaking.
It was Hector who ended the silence.
‘I’ve fucked up my life,’ he said, hanging his head.
Stella paused. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Quitting uni, mainly. I wasn’t coping very well, because of everything happening at home. But I should’ve stayed.’
‘You can always reapply.’
‘Dad said the same thing. He was going to help me write a new personal statement. There’s no point now.’
‘Why not?’ He sounded so hopeless. Stella was genuinely baffled.
Hector’s body tensed and he pushed his mother away, leaving a cold space between them. Her arm dropped limply to her side.
‘Because you guys are getting divorced.’ He was frowning and really angry. ‘You won’t be able to afford for me to go to uni now.’
Stella’s eyes widened in astonishment. She didn’t understand.
‘Who told you that?’
‘No one, but it’s obvious, isn’t it?’
She hesitated again for a moment, absorbing his words, and her cheeks flushed red with shame as the truth sank in: her only son had felt unable to talk either to her or his father. He’d been labouring under a crushing misconception – and it was all their fault.
‘Look at me,’ she said passionately, swinging round to face him. He did as he was told. ‘I don’t know where you got that idea from, but of course we can afford it. We have enough money, but even if we didn’t, we’d find it. Your dad and I, both of us, we’ll do anything we can to help. That’s great if you want to go back to uni. Whatever you choose to do is fine by us. We just want you to be happy and fulfilled.’
Having had her say, she fell silent, watching him carefully while she waited for his response.
Gradually, the resentful, bored, cynical expression she’d become so used to appeared to melt away and the light came back into his eyes.
‘I didn’t know,’ he said sheepishly. ‘I assumed it wasn’t possible now, with Dad paying for the flat and everything.’
A flush spread across Stella’s cheeks and she reached out and rumpled his hair.
‘Well, you do now. Thank God we’ve had this talk and set you straight.’
It was dark by the time they rose and started to walk back. Stella bought a torch from one of the stalls and gave it to Hector.
‘You lead the way.’
At the bottom of the steps, she glimpsed something moving in the shadows. Thinking it might be a cat, she glanced to her left and saw the outline of a woman, hurrying away in the direction of the shops.
Where she’d sprung from, Stella had no idea. There was nothing nearby except the moonlit water and bobbing boats.
Before long, the woman darted into a stall and disappeared, but not before Stella had realised who she was.
Her long, dark, wavy hair and flowing dress, as well as her height and slimness, gave her away: Marina.
Stella inhaled sharply. What was she doing here? Had she been watching them? Her stomach clenched, then she remembered Hector was safe. She could put Marina and her nasty, fake prophecies right out of mind.
As Stella followed her son up the winding mountain path, she noticed a new lightness in his step, as if he’d shed a heavy burden.
How could she have misunderstood him so badly? She’d thought the sole cause of his anger was her split from Al. In fact, as much as anything, it was the devastating consequence he believed it would have on his future. How he must have suffered!
The thought made her shudder and she desperately wanted to talk to Al. He’d be just as appalled by the way they’d failed Hector, and anxious to try to put things right.
Like her, he’d probably conclude they’d been so caught up in their own problems, they’d lost sight of what really mattered: the health and wellbeing of their only son.
An idea flashed through her mind and her body started to tingle. Maybe getting back together was the answer. They used to work well as a team. They could do so again, if they both wanted it enough. Two heads were better than one and they could figure out how best to repair the damage they’d caused and help their son.
Her stomach fluttered and she resolved to ring Al tonight. There was no point delaying. If he didn’t pick up, she’d keep trying or ask him to call her back.
She was so caught up in her enthusiasm, it wasn’t until they’d almost reached the top step that she remembered her husband was on holiday in remote Cornwall. Perhaps with Sasha.
Blackness descended again and the air seemed to seep from her lungs, leaving them painful and compressed.
No, Al was out of the picture and she’d have to find another way to make it up to Hector. She was on her own.