Chapter 14
14
Al’s mouth twisted anxiously and his eyes darkened. He was still beside Stella on the bed, but he backed away a little, as if to protect himself.
‘What?’ he asked, fixing on her features, searching for clues. ‘What do you need to ask me?’
She clenched her fists and stared hard at her lap; she couldn’t watch him while he gave her the news she so feared.
‘Are you seeing someone?’ she said quietly. Her mouth had gone dry. ‘Is Sasha your girlfriend?’
There was a sharp intake of breath, then he made a noise, like a small cry.
‘What? Oh I see!’
Stella glanced up; she couldn’t stop herself. He was staring at her steadily, determined to catch her gaze.
‘No,’ he said firmly. ‘Absolutely not. We’re just friends. She’s been a good mate to me these past few months. She invited me for coffee the day I moved in. She sat and listened to me blubbing about you for ages. It must have been really boring, but she was very patient. Since then, we’ve been out a few times for walks and to the cinema, that sort of thing. She says I need distracting.’
Stella nodded uncertainly. She’d never known him lie and desperately wanted to believe him, but couldn’t.
‘But you went on holiday together,’ she pointed out, swallowing. ‘She must be keen on you. You must like her, too, even if nothing’s happened yet…’ Her voice trailed away, leaving a question mark hanging in the air.
‘Nothing has happened, I assure you. I mentioned you were going on holiday with the kids and I was thinking of hiking in Cornwall to cheer myself up. She loves walking, too, and asked if she could come along, so I said yes. Simple as that.’
‘Do you want something to happen?’ Stella persisted. It was her turn to stare at him, now. She looked deep into his eyes and he didn’t flinch.
‘I only want you , Stella,’ he said in a low voice. ‘Besides, Sasha’s gay. She split up with her long-term girlfriend about a year ago. She was really cut up about it. She’s been licking her wounds ever since.’
Stella was so surprised, she was temporarily lost for words.
‘But I thought… Lily said…’ she eventually managed to splutter.
‘What did Lily say?’
She couldn’t help noticing the corners of Al’s eyes starting to crinkle. Was he finding her amusing? The cheek of it! And to make matters worse, she could feel herself blushing.
Straightening up, with her chin raised, she tried to summon as much dignity as she could.
‘She said Sasha offered to give her a makeup lesson.’
This sounded na?ve and a bit foolish, even to her, and her blush deepened.
‘Yes, but that doesn’t mean we’re going out.’ He gave a teasing smile. ‘You silly goose.’
She wanted to be annoyed with him, but the funny insult made her face light up and a laugh exploded in her throat, which she choked on halfway through. As it happened, the honking noise that came out sounded remarkably like a goose. This was getting worse.
‘I, I just assumed,’ she stuttered, desperately trying to compose herself. ‘I mean, I was sure you’d find someone else really quickly because you’re such?—’
‘An irresistible hunk?’ This time, he laughed out loud. ‘I’ve had women propositioning me left, right and centre. They’ve been climbing over each other to get to me. The Swedish nymphos are the worst.’
The image of hordes of amorous women fighting over him made her giggle, but then his expression changed and he became deadly serious.
‘Honestly, Star, there’s no one but you. There never has been, not since we met. You’re the one who went off me, remember? It’s you who wanted us to split.’
At this, tears pooled in Stella’s eyes and trickled down her cheeks. In a flash, all merriment had vanished. Her emotions were in uproar, see-sawing wildly, and she felt stupid and cursed herself for causing so much pain.
‘I know it’s all my fault,’ she said miserably. Her nose was dribbling, too. She was an utter mess. ‘I was horrible to you. I’m not surprised you couldn’t take any more. I regret it so much.’
‘Do you?’ He shuffled closer before reaching out and using his thumbs to gently wipe away her tears.
‘Yes,’ she replied hotly. Her throat burned and she realised she was shaking, despite the warm weather.
‘Stella?’ His gaze was fierce and penetrating, but she didn’t shrink from it. Her heart was battered and bruised and she knew he was the only one who could heal it.
For some moments, her eyes remained locked on his, willing him to trust she was telling the truth.
He must have been convinced at last because without another word, he leaned forwards, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, ever so tenderly, on the mouth.
‘I love you,’ he said softly. ‘I thought I’d lost you.’
Stella’s cheeks flushed and her body felt as light as candyfloss, while her insides seemed to dance an Eightsome Reel.
‘I love you too,’ she replied, scarcely able to breathe.
She couldn’t hold back any longer and flung herself into his arms, holding him tight with her cheek against his chest, inhaling his familiar, clean, earthy scent. She could hear the strong, steady beat of his heart and wished she could stay here forever and never move again.
For a few, ecstatic minutes, it was as if their souls combined, like copper and zinc. No longer two separate beings, they were one and the same, melded by a type of alchemy to form something shiny, strong and new.
‘Will you come home?’ she asked in a small voice, still pressed against his chest, which was slightly damp from her tears.
He kissed the top of her head again and again with fervent kisses.
‘I thought you’d never ask.’
* * *
Al had already offered to stay with Hector that night so they could chat, which meant he and Stella couldn’t be together. In any case, it would have been difficult to hide what was going on between them from the others, and they weren’t quite ready to make their reunion public.
Parting company at bedtime felt like agony to Stella, but she was still tired from her ordeal and soon fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
The following morning, she woke in high spirits and hurried downstairs to sit by the pool under a parasol.
Her heart was so full, she was sure she must look different and everyone would notice.
She still hadn’t seen Jon since the accident, however, and knew she must rein in her happiness for his sake. Only now did she feel strong enough to read his letter, which Al went inside and fetched for her.
It was, as she’d suspected, a suicide note addressed to her. Her hands trembled as she scanned the words, written in Jon’s small, neat script.
I’ve come to accept that you don’t and never will love me… The prospect of our being together one day was the only thing that made my life worth living… I can’t go on… You mustn’t blame yourself… This is my decision and mine alone… Please tell Jemima I love her and look after her for me. I know you will…
‘It’s so sad,’ Stella said with a shudder, folding up the letter and handing it back to Al. ‘He must’ve gone out of his mind, or he wouldn’t have dreamed of doing such a terrible thing to Jemima.’
‘I think this has given him a massive shock,’ Al replied, replacing the letter in its envelope and tucking it safely in the back pocket of his shorts. ‘He knows he needs help. He realises he came very close to drowning and nearly killed you, too. I don’t think he’ll try anything like that again.’
‘Bloody hell, I hope not. Thank God you’re here. Did you tell him about us?’
Al shook his head. ‘We should speak to the children before anyone else. Let’s do it when they come for breakfast.’
Lily and Amelia ventured down first, followed by Will. It was after 11a.m. by the time Hector appeared and he was taken aback when Al asked him and his sister to join their mother by the pool.
‘Why?’ he asked suspiciously.
Al couldn’t help grinning. ‘We’ve got something to tell you.’
Both children stood at the end of Stella’s sunbed, fidgeting nervously. They tried to act cool when they heard Al was moving back home, but the glint in Hector’s eyes gave him away.
‘So are you and Mum…?’ he started to say, wanting to be sure he hadn’t misheard.
Al, who was perched on the end of Stella’s lounger, glanced at her with a smile and they nodded in unison.
‘But I thought…’ Hector’s voice trailed off. He still had doubts in his mind.
Stella did her best to reassure him.
‘Everything was so difficult after Harriet died,’ she explained, looking from Lily to Hector and back again. ‘Grief does strange things to people and I was in a very bad space. I’m sorry I put you all through that. I’d like to think we can turn over a new leaf.’
Al beckoned to the children and Lily swiftly joined him on the end of the lounger. He put an arm round her shoulders before patting the other side of the seat.
‘C’mon, Hector. There’s room for three. You can just about squeeze in.’
It was a tight fit and the lounger threatened to tip up, but nobody cared. Hector looked sheepish when Al hugged him, but didn’t protest. Meanwhile, Stella watched on, smiling, scarcely able to believe this was happening.
After lunch, she plucked up the courage to go and see Jon. Louise had been sitting with him, but she rose when Stella entered.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ she said, giving Stella a look that meant good luck . Stella smiled bravely back.
Jon was sitting up in bed, with an open book on his lap. He appeared pale and tired, Stella thought, but otherwise reasonably okay. He’d clearly washed and put on a clean white T-shirt, which she reckoned was a good sign.
‘How are you feeling?’ she asked, settling on the chair Louise had just vacated.
‘Not too bad thanks. You?’
‘Pretty well actually. Almost myself again.’
‘Good.’ A look of pain crossed his features. ‘Words can’t express how sorry I am,’ he said quietly, allowing his head to drop. ‘You nearly drowned because of me. What I did was selfish and unforgiveable.’
He drew in his legs and curled up in a ball, his forehead resting on his knees.
‘Please don’t blame yourself.’ Stella reached out to touch his arm. ‘You’re not well. You haven’t been for some time. But with the right help, you’re going to get better. We all want to see you happy again.’
At this, he made a choking sound and tears started to slip down his face. Stella inhaled sharply. She’d rarely seen a man cry. Her body stiffened and she clasped her throat involuntarily.
‘I’ve been such a fool.’ Jon glanced up, red-eyed, and tears splattered down the front of his T-shirt, leaving dark spots.
She desperately wanted to comfort him, but feared choosing the wrong words. She thought rapidly before speaking.
‘Jon,’ she said at last, in a firm tone that forced him to stop crying and focus on her. ‘Look, I’ve made mistakes too. Lots of them. Since Harriet died, I think we’ve both been a bit mad and done stupid things. But at least we can acknowledge it and everything’s in the open now. It’s time to pull ourselves together and sort ourselves out, don’t you think?’
He’d clearly heard but his eyes were downcast and he didn’t reply. Stella hesitated before pressing on.
‘There’s something else you need to know. Al’s moving back home. We should never have got separated. I wasn’t myself. It was a mistake.’
Jon remained silent and stared at her through puffy, bloodshot eyes. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking. Stella felt herself shrink, afraid of what was to come. She glanced nervously at the closed door, wondering if he might flip again and she’d need to call for help.
Finally, after what seemed like an age, he wiped his nose with the back of a hand and gave a long, haunting sigh that twisted her heart, as if it had been gripped by a fist.
‘I’m glad for you,’ he said dully. ‘If it’s the right thing for you, it’s great news. Thanks for letting me know. I promise I won’t ever mention my feelings for you again.’
Stella exhaled deeply. She hadn’t realised she’d been holding her breath.
‘You’ll meet someone else,’ she went on cautiously, feeling as if she were tiptoeing over loose stones, waiting to trip. She was watching his face all the time, looking for clues, but he didn’t move or even blink.
‘There’ll be someone out there for you, I know it. In time, you’ll forget about me. You’ll look back on this holiday like a weird dream.’
To her great relief, he didn’t try to argue with her, but shook his head slowly several times. Her pulse, which had been sprinting, started to slow a little. At least he knew about her and Al now, she thought. She’d made her point and Jon had taken it better than she’d expected. This was surely some progress.
A tap on the door made them both look up, and Louise entered.
‘Can I get you anything?’
She’d come to check on them. Stella smiled gratefully.
‘No thanks. I think I’ll head back downstairs. Al said he’d come and chat with Jon when I’ve finished.’
‘I’ll be fine on my own,’ Jon mumbled. Snot dribbled from his nose, leaving a slimy trail. Stella had to look away. ‘I’m not going to do anything stupid.’
‘We know.’ Louise looked doubtful. ‘But we’d rather keep an eye on you for now.’
Stella started walking towards the door but Jon called out, so she stopped and turned.
‘Thank you,’ he said with a crackle in his voice. His face was red and blotchy.
She was surprised. ‘What for?’
‘For saving my life. I was being selfish; I wasn’t thinking about Jemima. I will now. And another thing – I-I didn’t really want to die.’
He managed a small, brave smile, which made Stella’s own eyes well up.
‘Good.’ She sniffed hard, to hold back the tears, and gave him the biggest, brightest smile she could muster in return. ‘You’ve no idea how happy that makes me feel.’
* * *
When the temperature started to drop in the late afternoon, she and Al decided to go for a stroll. She wanted him to experience the sights and smells of this little corner of beautiful Crete and watch the sun set over the mountain.
They took a rug, a bottle of white wine from the fridge and two glasses, which Al carried in a basket over his shoulder.
‘That’s Eleni Manousaki’s house,’ Stella said as they approached the tumbledown stone cottage. ‘She’s ancient and lives all alone. I don’t know how she manages.’
The windows were open and the brown shutters folded back, so the elderly woman must have been around. Sure enough, they spotted her soon after at the side of the house, dressed all in black and bent almost double, scattering corn for the chickens.
A goat, with a bell round its neck, was tethered to a wooden post nearby and signalled their arrival with noisy, insistent bleating. Stella waved when the old woman looked up and she nodded and grinned in return, flashing her rotten teeth.
‘Jesus!’ Al said when they were out of hearing. ‘She doesn’t go in for dentists, does she?’
Stella laughed. ‘No, but she looks after her goat and chickens and never asks anyone for anything. I think she’s amazing. I won’t have a word said against her.’
Before long, they left behind the centuries-old footpath that led to the village and headed right, into a clearing carpeted with yellow flowers.
In the distance, the mountain peaks were still covered in snow, and the limestone rocks seemed to change from blue-ish black to light grey.
The view was quite breathtaking and Al suggested they stop right there to enjoy it. He spread out the green fleecy rug in the shade of a lone olive tree and they settled down side by side. There wasn’t a soul in sight, their only company a herd of goats some way off, breaking the silence with their jingling bells and intermittent baa-ing.
‘Wine, madam?’ Al said, producing the chilled bottle from his basket with a flourish and pouring her a glass.
It seemed to her to be more delicious than any wine she’d ever tasted, but this was probably because of the perfect setting – and the fact her husband was close by.
She was wearing a cream T-shirt and her loose linen khaki shorts. When she straightened out her legs, which had picked up quite a tan, Al stared at them and tut-tutted.
‘You’ve really been in the wars.’
He was referring to the array of unsightly cuts, mosquito bites and bruises that began at her ankles and ran at regular intervals all the way up.
‘I did that on the very first day, walking up a big flight of steps with our bags,’ Stella said ruefully, following his gaze, which had fallen on the large bruise on her right knee, now faded to a purple-ish grey.
‘And what about this?’ he went on disapprovingly, pointing to a long, ugly scab on her other knee.
‘I caught the toe of my boot on a tree root. It really hurt.’
‘Oh dear. You look like you’ve been in a fight.’
‘It was much worse when I first did it. There was blood everywhere.’
‘Clumsy girl.’
She noticed that twitch in the corners of his mouth, and wondered.
‘Okay, now tell me about that monstrosity.’
This time, he put a finger on her thigh, where a large, red mosquito bite seemed to glare at them angrily.
‘You’ve been scratching it, haven’t you?’ He was frowning, pretending to be annoyed, but his mouth twitched again. ‘You’ve made a right mess. I’ve told you before to leave your bites alone, otherwise I’ll have to put you in mittens.’
She almost laughed but decided to play innocent instead, pulling a sulky face.
‘I can’t help itching,’ she whined. ‘Mosquitoes seem to love me. I think I must be allergic because the bites literally drive me mad. I have to hack at them. I don’t even know I’m doing it. I probably do it in my sleep. At least the itching stops when they bleed, otherwise I’d go crazy.’
‘Haven’t you heard of anti-itch cream?’
‘Yes, but I can never find it when I need it.’
‘Hm.’ He glanced at her reproachfully. ‘I bet I’ll find another dreadful wound up here.’
This time, he lifted the hem of her shorts, leaned over and peered inside, at the same time sliding his hand up her inner thigh, right to the top.
A giggle bubbled in her throat. ‘Oh!’ she cried, acting shocked, but she didn’t try to make him stop.
Before long, his inquisitive fingers started to explore inside her knickers, making her wriggle with desire. Then he moved even closer, leaning forwards and pressing his mouth hard on hers, his tongue searching out her own.
His breath smelled sweet and nutty and he tasted slightly of salt. In and out went his tongue, giving teasing little flicks with the very tip that made her giddy.
The tingle between her legs turned to a burning throb that almost hurt, it was so powerful. She opened her legs wider, instinctively pushing up with her hips and squirming with pleasure.
She was imagining his hard, swollen penis and full balls, vulnerable and firm at the same time, his surprisingly silky pubic hair, which was either brown or rust coloured, she could never decide.
Her eyes were closed and she was totally in the moment, held captive by her longing. The world around her went blank and it was as if nothing existed but the two of them and their fierce, fiery lust.
All of a sudden, she became aware again of the faint jingling of bells in the distance and a thought popped into her head: there might be a farmer nearby, or Eleni could have followed them.
‘Wait!’ she said, pushing Al off and glancing nervously left and right. ‘We can’t do it here. Someone might see us!’
‘Only a bunch of old goats,’ he replied, with a wicked grin. ‘I don’t think we need to worry about them.’
She was about to protest further when he gave her a playful shove, making her roll onto her back. Catching her head before it touched the ground, he made his palm into a pillow, while the other hand wandered up her T-shirt and into her bra, then down again, into her white lace knickers.
He was like a starving man, greedy for every last inch of her. She could hear his breathing becoming faster and more urgent, and her own pulse was rushing, too.
Soon, he was pulling down her shorts and slipping off her knickers. He didn’t have a problem; they seemed to slide off as if by themselves.
She heard him undo his flies and pull himself out with a grunt, then he was on top, supporting his weight on one elbow. His pelvis and lower body were pressing down on her, his hard penis pushing into the flesh of her thighs and pubis.
He entered with a mighty thrust which made her gasp and she called out in surprise. Tears pricked her eyes, but they were tears of joy, not sorrow. She’d forgotten how good he felt and realised how much she’d missed him.
He came quickly, in just a few, fevered moments, but she didn’t mind. They’d have time enough for slow, leisurely lovemaking later, or tomorrow.
‘Mmm! That was delicious,’ Stella said with a sigh, feeling warmth spread through her body, like melting chocolate.
Grinning with satisfaction, he kissed her on the forehead before rolling onto his back, spent.
Stella crept into his arms and he held her without moving, while his body cooled and his breathing return to normal.
She would have liked to stay there for hours, maybe even wait till he’d recovered and was ready to do it all over again. But she was anxious about being disturbed and forced herself to sit up and dress.
‘You were very naughty,’ she said, straightening her waistband, smoothing down her hair and coming over all prim.
The sun was much lower now, and the sky was awash with bold splashes of fuchsia pink, tangerine orange and ruby red.
His eyes glittered and a mischievous smile lit up his features.
‘Excuse me, I think someone else was totally up for it, too. Horny as hell! I certainly didn’t hear any complaints.’