10. Running Away
RUNNING AWAY
A spen
Lying next to him, listening to his deep breathing, shouldn’t have been as soothing as it was.
I shouldn’t want to lie here, basking in the afterglow with the man I just met, who didn’t do commitment, no matter what words came out of his mouth mid-sex.
I wasn’t even sure what had come over me in his kitchen.
I’d never done anything like that before.
I’d never put myself out there for any man to use and then enjoyed it the way I did.
I’d just seen his face, and I knew that look. He was scared—of what I wasn’t sure. But I’d hated seeing it on his face, so I just wanted to help his mind move away from whatever was troubling him.
I tried to swallow down the anxiety that I could feel rising in my chest, but it wasn’t working.
I quietly rolled out from under his arm, grabbed my phone, and slipped out of Rowan’s room, creeping down the steps and stopping in the living room.
I knew what was coming—the feeling of running.
The need to just disappear before feelings became too much.
I couldn’t put myself back here again. I walked around and grabbed my clothes that had been tossed to the floor mere hours ago, though my underwear was missing.
Once I was dressed, I quietly dialed the only person I had in my life. It was just after two in the morning, but I knew she’d be awake. She answered after two rings.
“Hello, beautiful. Shouldn’t you be getting dicked down right now?” I smiled sadly at how chipper she sounded.
“Uhm, yeah, can you come pick me up?” I asked, trying to keep my voice quiet so I didn’t wake him.
“Is everything okay, Aspen?” I could hear her moving around. I could picture her sliding into a pair of leggings and slippers, grabbing her hoodie and keys.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, it’s fine. I just…I can’t do this right now, you know? It’s…” My voice trailed off, and I wiped my eyes quickly before the moisture could fall down my cheeks.
“It’s okay, honey. I’ll be there in fifteen. I already have the GPS going to your location. I’ll see you soon,” she quickly said.
“See you soon.” I hung up and pulled up the tracking app we used to stalk each other like crazy people and watched her get closer and closer to me.
Part of me felt so stupid right now, running away after the mind-blowing sex we’d had a few hours ago.
But I thought back to everything he’d said, and I just…
he told me I could set the pace. We could take this day by day.
Well, it was two in the morning, so it was a new day.
Today I needed space. I needed to think and sort out my thoughts, preferably away from his handsome face, stunning blue eyes, and muscles for days.
Ivy pulled up a few minutes later when I was already way too deep into my inner turmoil. I grabbed a hoodie Rowan had lying across the back of the couch and ran out to her car. She tried to talk to me about it on the way home, but I just shook my head and asked her to take me to her apartment.
So she did. I ran away from my problems, just like I’d always done, and thanked all the gods above that I had Ivy, because no one else would want to deal with my broken pieces the way she did.
It had been two days since I’d run out of Rowan’s house like the coward that I was. He’d texted me twice—once to ensure I made it home okay, which I told him I did. Then again, to tell me he wasn’t going anywhere, and he’d give me a few days to think if that was what I needed.
Part of me wanted to be happy that he was giving me the space I clearly asked for and needed to sort my shit out.
The other part was worried he’d bail out on me.
Which was insane to worry about. We’d had one sort of real date and great sex a few times.
It wasn’t like it was anything major or concrete.
Did I picture myself painting in his living room and storing my clothes in his closet?
Had I already sketched out multiple pieces of art for his very bare home?
Had I brought up his contact information three hundred times to reach out?
All of the above, yes. But I wasn’t acting on any of it.
I needed space. I couldn’t fall head over heels for the first man who showed me any interest since Sam.
And what did I expect? That he’d just suddenly be interested in a commitment?
Twenty-six years of life, and I’m sure I’d be the one to change him.
I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous concept that was.
“Earth to Aspen,” Lucas said as he waved his hand in front of my face. I blinked a few times, realizing I’d spaced out.
“Sorry—I’m sorry, Lucas. What was that?” I muttered quickly.
I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was slightly concerned, but I was trying to move on.
It was Tuesday night, so the bar was slow as molasses, and my brain was feeling just as slow.
I hated to admit it to myself, but the last two nights I’d slept like shit.
Between trying to force myself to avoid Rowan and a few more unknown calls that I’d gotten, my anxiety was at a high, and my sleep was at a low.
“I was just saying that it’s pretty slow if you want to head home early, Aspen.
Your last table is ready for their check, and then you’re free to head out.
That is, if you want to.” His tone was gentle and just enforced that I hadn’t been myself tonight.
It would probably explain why my tips had been shit too.
I let out a breath. “Yeah, that’s fine. I appreciate it, Lucas.”
I walked off to give my last table their check and wrung them out before he could reply. I didn’t want pity or sad looks. I didn’t need them. I’d go home and paint, maybe watch a movie with some popcorn, and text Ivy. Something.
I sent her a quick text after I’d clocked out and gathered my things. Worst case, I’d just lose myself in some paint tonight. Problem solved. No in-depth thinking about men required.
Walking out the front door, my remaining positivity immediately dwindled.
It was raining, and not just rain, it was storming its ass off.
I wasn’t sure how I hadn’t noticed this out the windows that surrounded the entire restaurant, but here I was.
I took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare myself to sprint the few blocks home when a black pick-up truck pulled up to the curb in front of me.
The window rolled down to reveal a tired looking, yet somehow still incredibly hot, Rowan.
“Don’t argue with me, little angel. Just get in and let me drive you home.” I forgot how much I missed his voice. Gravely yet kind. No sense of alpha-male asshole under that deep voice.
I stood on the curb under the awning and stared at him for a moment through the heavy rain. I could run home, or I could get in the truck and face the aftermath of my running away. I groaned to myself and quickly ran to the opposite side of his truck and climbed into the passenger seat.