6. Chapter Six #2
His soft voice pulls me back from pretending to admire the view.
His smile has disappeared now. Gone is the playful farmer, replaced with a more serious version of him.
One whose lips are pulled down, arms crossed.
His upper arms flex, his powerful legs wide as if he’s preparing for battle, and I swallow the lump in my throat.
My feelings are all over the place. I can hardly work out which way is up and which is down, but I do know that if I don’t do something, anything, to distract us both, I won’t be able to keep the tears at bay.
I heft my heavy bag and turn away, hiding my face from him, when something brown and fluffy trotting to the edges of the fence provides me with just the right excuse to change the subject.
“Are those llamas?” I point towards the creature. I’m still panicking that Aidan’s concern will turn me into a blubbering mess, but the prickling in my nose ebbs away.
“Alpacas.” Aidan whistles and a dark brown alpaca perks its head up and picks up its pace. “That’s Lolly, and the white ones are called Jenny and Sammy.”
My lips twitch. “I like their names. Very Irish…sturdy.” A thought breaks through my misery, and I whip my head back to Aidan. I must have horror written all over my face because he takes two strides closer towards me.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“You don’t eat them, do you?” I whisper.
“Eat them? Fuck no,” he huffs, shaking his head. “We just have them for the wool.”
“The wool?”
He runs a hand over his hair, mussing it further.
“Yes, because of the yarn. The farm has an agreement with the local yarn mill. We sell alpaca wool to them, and the mill turns it into the best yarn you can get.” He puffs out his cheeks and releases a huff of air.
“Good God, woman. I thought you were about to have a heart attack. Don’t scare me like that. ”
I wince. “Sorry about that.” I take a step closer to Jenny who seems eager to say hello, reaching out her long neck across the fence. “It’s all right. sweetie,” I croon. I raise my hand towards her, keeping my palm flat. I glance back at Aidan. “Does she like to be touched?”
“Sure. You can pet her.” Aidan moves closer towards me and raises his arms on the fence. “I keep my distance, because if I don’t, she’ll follow me everywhere like a dog, and she’s not a pet.”
“Really?” I ask, rubbing her neck.
He jerks his chin in reply, and we stand together in silence while the friendly animal lets me rub her fur.
“So, how’s village life going for you so far?”
I glance up at Aidan. “I’m not entirely sure.”
He nods once, seeming to understand what I’m saying even though I haven’t said anything. The fact that he doesn’t prod or push me to talk for the next few minutes soothes me. I gather my thoughts and lick my lips.
“Actually…I’m not sure what I’m doing here, to be honest.” I set down my bag on the road and settle in for a longer stay. I meet his gaze head-on. “It’s hard living here.”
He returns my stare and nods. “To some people, it can be.”
“I like being closer to nature, though,” I admit, and I smile for the first time today.
“I also love Roísin’s bakery, and the familiarity she has with everyone who comes into her shop is heartwarming.
” My chest constricts with longing. “You know how everyone knows each other to some extent, or at least knows who they are?” Aidan’s nod makes me bolder.
“Well, they make me realise each day how important it is to find your people, if that makes sense.” I look across the field as I try to find the right words.
“But at the same time, it’s also a constant reminder that you’re missing out on some of the most important things when you don’t have that. ”
“Connection.”
I nod, grateful that he seems to understand.
“I’ve longed for connection for most of my life but have rarely found it.”
“You don’t think you’ll find that by staying here?”
I stay silent for a few seconds. His question is one I’ve thought about myself a few times recently, yet I still haven’t found the answer.
“I’m not sure.” I raise my eyes and wet my lips.
I’m not prepared to spill my whole life story to him, but since he’s here, lending me the listening ear that I so desperately need, it’s only fair that I tell him more than I’ve told even Franny.
There’s a calming air to him that makes me trust him.
I want to trust him with parts of me I’m not usually comfortable sharing.
“I’ve been an outsider a lot in my life, Aidan. It takes its toll.”
Aidan nods once, a faraway look in his eyes.
My eyes wander down his profile, resting on his hand absentmindedly scratching Lolly’s neck despite him just telling me that he usually doesn't pet the animals. Even though his hands have got specks of dirt and a few scratches on them, I like them. They’re strong, capable hands, but the way he rubs the sweet alpaca shows me that they can also be soft and gentle.
I force my gaze away to rest back on his sharp features.
It’s impossible not to study him while he mulls over my words.
At the same time, I marvel at how easy it is to confide in him, even though he’s a stranger.
“Want some advice?”
I tip my neck, and all I can muster is a lopsided smile. “Will I like it?”
He chuckles and then graces me with the dimples again. “I can’t say, but it’s honest.”
I can’t say no, and from the look of his gentle eyes staring into mine, he means well.
I blow out a breath. “Let me have it, then.”
He leans closer towards me. “You’ve been here, what, six weeks?”
I frown. “How do you know that?”
He chuckles. “Village life, Detective.”
Ah. That makes sense.
“I don’t think you can make a solid decision before you’ve given living here an honest chance.
At least a few months,” Aidan carries on, getting my full attention.
“Nobody truly settles down in one place in such a short amount of time, and I think you’d do yourself a favour if you didn’t worry so much about whether you fit in so soon.
” He pushes back from the fence and takes a step closer towards me.
“So, what you’re saying is that I’m overthinking things?”
“Well, yes.” His lips pull up at the corners. “I’m not saying this to be an arse. But since I’ve lived here pretty much all my life, I know a thing or two about the people living here.”
I let out a long sigh. “I do want to get to know them, it’s just…” I bite down on my lip.
“It’s just what?”
“I’ve never been good at making friends, so it’s hard. Where do the boundaries go between when I’m wearing my badge, so to speak, and when I’m off duty? There’s no anonymity here, not like when in a big city.”
“I get what you’re saying, and I can’t help you with that. But I think you’ll get there. You need to be more patient, though.”
I work my lips between my teeth. “Something happened today at the station that made me feel as if people don’t respect me or what I represent, and it made me uncomfortable in a way I haven’t felt since I was fresh out of school.
” I shrug. “They defended Harry wandering the village instead of being sympathetic to the fact that the bull ruins Mrs. McCarthy’s garden all the time. That’s not right.”
Aidan breathes deeply and leans away from the fence, resting his hands on the top.
“For what it’s worth, I agree with you. I’ve told Murdoch many times that if he doesn’t keep Harry locked behind the fence, he’ll end up causing so much trouble that he’ll end up paying for it with his life.”
I snort. “He did accuse me of wanting to kill the bloody beast.”
Aidan shakes his head. “It’s probably not about a lack of respect. They just want to teach you about village life, to share their love for a simpler life and slower pace. Taking your sweet time can be healthy. Less stressful, at least, and that should be a good thing.”
Oddly, his words make sense, especially since the stress of the scene with Murdoch is well and truly behind me now.
“Now…” Aidan pulls out his phone from the pocket in his overalls and hands it to me. “Give me your number.”
I frown and glance down at it. “Why do you want my number?”
“Consider me your first friend in Cloonmara, and friends share their phone numbers with each other.”
I blink, surprised. “We’re friends now?”
That adorable grin with the dimples pops out again. “Yup. Go on.” He shakes the phone at me and swipes the screen. “Stop staring at it as if it’s a live snake about to kill you. I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Fine,” I grumble, tongue in cheek. “I suppose I can trust you.”
“Smart woman.”
Shaking my head, I do as I’m told, and once I’ve saved the number in his contact list, I hand it back to him.
His lips tip up again at me in that half-smile that I’m becoming more used to, and he swipes the screen.
The shrill tone of my phone ringing makes me start, breaking the moment.
He only lets it ring once and places the phone back, never once breaking our stare, and the butterflies start up again in my belly.