11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Aidan
I’m such a bloody fool.
A bloody fool who can’t seem to wipe the stupid grin off my lips as I drive home.
What the hell am I doing, asking my sweet, new addiction to come by for a visit?
It’s bad enough that I get hard each time she dazzles me with those fiery eyes or blinding smile.
I can’t let her rope me in like that, and I definitely can’t let Katie get even the slightest hint that I’m interested in someone.
I know my daughter. I know what it would mean to her.
But I can’t. I won’t risk it, not even for Katie.
The thought of Katie does the trick because no sooner has the thought of her entered my mind than my smile dims, and my mood shifts.
I know it’s not fair to Katie to deprive her of a loving relationship with an adult woman who’ll know what to do and say when I feel like I’m swimming against the current.
That Katie will need something more than I can give her as she grows older.
I wait for the ache in my chest, but it doesn’t strike me as hard as it usually does.
What the hell does it mean?
By the time I pull into my car park, I’m not smiling at all.
I still can’t pinpoint exactly what it is about Maeve that has me so intrigued, but I do know that I can’t act on my hunger for her.
Not when she lives here, so close that I can see the faint light of the lanterns in her cottage at a distance every night.
I have rules.
And rule number one will always be, Don’t take a bite out of your own patch.
And yet…fuck, I’d take more than a bite if I could. I’d eat her whole if she’d let me.
I groan softly. This type of wishful thinking isn’t going to do me any good.
It’s only going to turn my grumpy mood even worse, and that’s not going to benefit anyone.
I lean my back on the bonnet of the car and cross my arms. I’ve always been a thinker, someone who weighs the pros and cons before I act, but wanting Maeve is proving to be difficult for my peace of mind.
It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I wank off to fantasies of her before I fall asleep at night.
The desire is still there the next day, egging me on.
I try to approach the problem in a rational way, but thinking only makes my cock grow harder, and if I’m not careful, I won’t be able to hide it.
I can’t risk any of my employees seeing their boss daydreaming, hard as a fucking rod.
I can much too easily picture the wagging tongues if one of the villagers saw me right now.
I push off from my car and walk towards the barn.
No one should be here at this time of day.
They’re all off seeing to jobs, just as I should be.
Instead, though, I end up in one of the stalls farthest from the entrance and close the door behind me.
I fall back into the shadows and unzip my jeans, my balls already drawn up so tight I fear I might burst. I push down my jeans, bringing my boxers halfway with me, and my cock springs free.
The adrenaline courses through my veins, and I bite down hard on my lip and spread my legs.
Fuck, I need to come, and I need to come now.
I lean an arm on the wall and rest my forehead on it as I look down.
My cock juts out, head bobbing, and I wrap my fist around the base.
The urge to fuck is fierce, and as the fantasy of Maeve lying beneath me fills my mind, pre-cum leaks from the tip.
I can’t recall the last time I’d been so wrapped up by the thought of being inside a certain woman’s slick heat, but there’s nothing about Maeve that’s ordinary.
Nothing is going to happen between us, because I won’t allow it, but if I did?
Oh, I’d have no qualms about making her do my bidding.
I open my mouth, panting with the raging fire that burns through me.
I imagine her wet mouth kissing the head, licking my cum, humming in her throat.
Tingles shoot down my spine, alerting me to my imminent release, and I stroke my aching cock faster.
I tighten my hold around it, the slippery sound spurring me on.
The fierce grip is painful, but I don’t care.
I care only about quenching my need. Perhaps this time, it’ll finally be the last. Maybe I’ll finally be able to let go of the fantasy of her, and I can be what I told her I’d be.
Her friend.
But right now, friendship is the furthest thing from my mind.
I need this. I need her…but I can’t have her.
The Maeve in my fantasy sits, naked, legs spread out, her hands busy chasing her own pleasure.
I imagine her running one of her hands up to play with her breasts, while the other moves down her creamy white skin before she finds her pussy.
She rubs her clit while I fuck her mouth.
I want to see her get herself off, to see her dripping from wanting me, to hear her moans, but I only hear my own.
I chase my release, and the moment finally comes.
My cum shoots out, making me clench my arse as I hump the empty air in the stall.
Groaning, but keeping them low, I shake my head, clearing the lusty haze from my eyes and tuck myself back in.
As I come down from my high, I toss some hay over the mess I just made with my booted foot and leave the anonymity of the stable. I squint at the blaring sun and pull out my sunglasses from my coat pocket, my mind already half on work instead.
For now, the fire has been tamped out.
I hope it’s for good this time.
That I can get back to my life in my quiet village, where my main focus will always be my daughter and my farm. All women deserve the kind of man who isn’t afraid to hand over their hearts, and I want the same for Maeve.
I can’t be that man for her.
Seamus Lynch instilled the love of the land in me, whereas my mother, Rosie, taught me that love wasn’t enough. I’d have to listen to and nurture it if the land was ever going to give me the bounty I hoped for.
I shudder to think where I’d be if it hadn’t been for my mum and dad. The days and weeks after Tierney died remain hazy in my memory. I don’t remember much, except knowing that I had a baby that needed me, and now, twelve years later, they’re still here, keeping close to Katie and me.
Aside from having Katie over for a sleepover at least once a month, they also come over on Wednesdays for a family dinner. Tonight, we’re having lasagna, and Katie helps me, like always.
“I wish we could have Granny and Grandad over every day.”
I chuckle wistfully. “Wouldn’t that be a bit too much?”
“No.” She grabs another carrot and examines the ends closely. “I like being with them.” Seemingly pleased with her choice, she puts it back on the chopping board and starts cutting it into very thin slices.
“So do I, love, but I also like spending time only with you.”
She shrugs. “Don’t you want to go out more?”
“Why would I want that?”
“I don’t know. To maybe meet some new people.”
I see where this is going.
“Katie,” I warn.
“Dad.”
I tap her nose. “That’s my own business, not yours. I don’t need to meet new people. I’m happy right where I am.”
She scrunches her nose. “But…”
“No buts, Katie.”
My voice is firm, and she knows I’ve reached my limits, and thankfully, she stops talking about it.
Still, her words repeat in my mind while we finish getting dinner ready.
I make a salad with spinach, radishes, and beetroot mixed together.
Katie adds the carrots to the pot simmering on the stove behind the makeshift kitchen island.
“Don’t forget to stir it,” I murmur.
She nods and smiles back at me. “I won’t forget.”
I try to switch the mood back to something lighter. “How’s that pony, Crystal?”
“Oh, she’s wonderful! I learn so much every week, plus Maggie, our trainer, said I might be ready for my first competition in July.”
“Wow, that’s great.” I turn back around and bend to give her a one-armed hug. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
Red tinges her usually pale cheeks. “Thanks, Dad.”
I lean back and open my mouth, but I don’t get my next words out.
“Hello? Where’s my favourite lad?”
I walk towards the hallway to get to the door, but my parents beat me to it.
I lean down and give my dad a hug. “I’m your only lad, and an adult.”
Seamus grins back, tilting his head to meet my eyes. My dad’s almost as tall as me, but having been a farmer most of his life himself, he can’t straighten to his full height anymore.
“Doesn’t mean you’re not my favourite.”
“Grandad!” Katie shuffles over to us, and I take a step back, giving her room to hug him.
“And there’s my star.” Dad reaches down and groans as he lifts her. “Blimey, you’re getting so tall, young lady. Soon, you’ll outgrow me and you da.”
“No, I won’t.” She giggles and hops down. “Where’s Granny?”
“Right here, pet.” Mum cranes her neck behind my dad’s upper arm and taps his shoulder. Since she’s so much shorter than he is, it’s a comical sight. “But your brute of a grandfather still hasn’t learned any manners.”
Dad immediately turns to Mum. “Now, hold on, Rose. What do you mean by that?”
“I mean,” she pokes him in the chest, and I can sense she’s gearing up for giving him a good talking to, “that you always forget that ladies must go first. Always. That’s the gentlemanly way.”
“Aah, but you forget that I’m not a gentleman.”
I groan, almost unable to stop from gagging when Dad advances on her, tickling her sides. She giggles like a schoolgirl, and I dart out my hand to cover Katie’s eyes.
“Errr, Dad? Mum? Not in front of the children, please.”
Mum lets out one more squeal and dashes away from Dad. She gives me an exasperated smile and moves up on her tiptoes to give me a hug. To accommodate our height differences, I bend to wrap my hands around her back.
“Aidan, dear, how much food have you made tonight?”
I frown as I let her go. “Why?”
“Well, we bumped into Maeve and brought her with us.”
My eyes shoot up in shock, then sweep around her. And there she is, the object of my desires, giving me a small wave and a crooked grin. It doesn’t reach her eyes, making my frown deepen.
“I’m sorry for intruding on your family dinner.”
“Hi.” Katie peeks behind my back. “Please don’t be sorry. We always make enough for two days, anyway.”
“Aidan,” Mum hisses and then pokes me in the side. I shut my open mouth and squirm away from her, darting a glance her way.
“Really, Mum?” I bite out through clenched teeth.
“I should go,” Maeve says.
I whirl around and do my best to school my features into a polite smile. “No, please come in. Katie’s right. We’ve got enough food to feed an army, and friends are always welcome.”
Maeve tucks a hair behind her ear. “Are you sure?”
I nod and quickly eat up the distance between us. I stop with my back to the door, so she can’t escape. “Come on, let me take your coat.”
She hesitates, opening her mouth again, but no sound comes out.
I peer into her eyes. “Please.”
Her tongue darts out to wet her lower lip, and if I had less control, I might’ve groaned from the sight. But controlling my real feelings is something I’m good at, and I don’t give even the smallest hint of what that act does to me.
She turns around and sweeps her hair to the side. The smattering of freckles that cover the nape of her neck sends a wave of warmth straight to my cock. A few of the freckles even look like hearts.
Fuck. So much for hoping my lust for her had disappeared.
I clear my throat lightly and reach up to catch the lapels of her coat and pull gently, letting her arms slide through. I place the coat on top of my left arm and jerk my chin at my parents, who are engaged in a very animated chat with my daughter.
“I haven’t finished with the kitchen yet, but at least I’ve come far enough that we can cook a proper family meal.”
“Aidan,” Maeve whispers and leans closer. She places her hand on my arm and tilts her head back.
“Yes?”
“I’m really sorry. I ran into your parents outside your farm, and they started chatting, and before I knew it, they were pulling me along.” She huffs. “Are you absolutely, two hundred percent sure that you want me to stay?”
Bad choice of words.
But she can’t know that.
“Two hundred percent? A hundred isn’t enough?”
“Be serious.” She claps a hand on my chest, eyes shooting daggers at me. But at least there’s amusement to be found as well.
“Relax, Detective. I said friends are always welcome, and I don’t lie.” I remove her coat from my arm and hang it up on one of the wooden hooks in the hallway. “Come on.”
“At least let me help you cook.”
I open my mouth to say no, but then I catch the stubborn set to her jaw. “Fine. You can help Katie finish up the lasagna, then.”
“Good.” She takes a step away from me. “And…thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I tip my head towards the kitchen. “Now, come on. I’m famished.”
Finally, her lips widen in one of her genuine, blinding smiles, relaxing fully, and I feel the sharp pang in my chest from the brightness of it. She walks away from me, and I pretend to check her coat’s still hanging on the hook, needing a second or two to gather my wits.
She might be comfortable and fully relaxed in my company, but it’s the exact fucking opposite for me. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to sit through the longest family dinner of my life.
I only have myself and the ingrained Irish hospitality to thank for it.
Maeve offered me an out, but I didn’t take it. She made sure I knew she wouldn’t have any problem with me rescinding the invitation from my parents, but I refused.
And now, here I am, about to have dinner with the woman I can’t stop thinking about, and I’ll probably end up hard with no relief in sight for the next couple of hours.
Fool. Bloody, bloody fool.