Chapter 24 #2
“You keep surviving things.” Another step. “And everyone tells you how strong that makes you.”
“Please.”
Her mouth trembled. “You keep thinking surviving means you won.” The words struck harder than any blade had. Then she attacked. No warning. No weapon. She launched herself at me with a broken sound and drove both of us to the ground. Her nails raked across my throat.
I shoved her off. She came back just as fast.
There was no skill in it.
No grace.
She fought like an animal cornered inside its own body. Hands. Teeth. Anything that hurt. Her fist caught my already split lip. I drove my knee into her stomach. She folded and grabbed my hair, dragging me down with her. “Stop!”
She didn’t.
Neither did the Crucible. I caught her wrist. She caught mine. For one heartbeat our faces were inches apart. Her eyes were mine. Not dark. Not silver-blue. Just empty.
“I’m so tired,” she whispered. My grip loosened. That was all she needed. Her hand closed around the dagger between us. The blade turned toward my stomach.
I reacted just in time to slam my hand over hers. We struggled for it. Her strength came from somewhere desperation always found strength.
The point touched my leathers, pressed into it.
I twisted.
The dagger slid beneath her sternum. She gasped. Everything stopped. I held her as she sagged. Silver-blue light flickered once beneath her skin. Twice. Then began going out. Not dramatically. One small glow at a time. Like stars disappearing at dawn. I lowered her to the stone.
My hands shook.
Nothing to say?
The Codex remained silent.
I swallowed hard.
Nothing at all?
For several heartbeats, there was only the sound of fighting somewhere behind me.
Then—
Some futures deserve mourning even when they never happen.
My throat burned. I stood. The battlefield shifted beneath my feet. Not illusion this time. It was stone.
Actual stone.
A crack split the ground between me and Emrin. She staggered backward. Her eyes widened. “Lyra.” Another fracture raced toward the wardline. Emrin dropped one hand to the ground. Green light flared beneath her palm. “The ground isn’t part of it anymore.”
“What?”
“This is real.”
Lidia looked over from where she was circling the Mourner. “That feels like information we could have used five minutes ago.”
“The projection is bleeding into the ring.” Emrin slammed both palms down. Roots erupted from the actual stone beyond the illusion, glowing green as they wrapped around the widening crack and forced it closed. She grunted. Blood began running from one nostril.
“Emrin!”
“I’ve got it.”
“You’re bleeding.”
“So are you.” The battlefield shuddered. Ash turned in the air. The Mourner stopped fighting Lidia. She looked at me.
Lidia did too. “Oh, no.” The Mourner began walking. Lidia stepped into her path. “Absolutely not.” The woman didn’t even look at her. Lidia’s fire exploded. This time the Mourner lifted one blood-covered hand and the flames split around her. She walked right through the center.
Lidia’s eyes narrowed. “I am getting very tired of that.” She lunged. The Mourner flicked her wrist. Lidia went flying. She hit a broken column hard enough that I heard the air leave her lungs.
“Lidia!”
“I’m alive,” she wheezed. The Mourner stopped in front of me. Blood covered her hands. Not hers. I knew that without knowing how. Her eyes moved past my shoulder. Toward Emrin. Toward Lidia struggling upright. Toward the candidates beyond the ward. They passed over Vareena.
Raiden.
Dax.
Then farther.
Kieran.
By the time her eyes reached Kieran, I was cold all the way through. “You don’t know what it costs to love people yet.”
I stared at her. “Neither do you.” Her smile broke my heart before I understood why.
“I do.” She raised her sword. I met it. The impact tore through my injured arm.
She was stronger than the Hollowborn. Slower than the Warrior.
But every strike carried weight. Not was not strength.
It was memories. The blade came down. Maia screaming.
I blocked. Irelia’s hand slipping from mine.
Another strike. Edenlo burning. Again. Bodies beneath white sheets.
Again. Faces I loved. Faces I hadn’t lost. Not yet.
Vareena.
Emrin.
Lidia.
Dax.
Raiden.
Kieran—I snarled and shoved her back. “No.”
The Mourner smiled. “You will.” I attacked. She met me. Steel rang. Once. Twice. Again. I stopped counting. Every strike threw another memory at me.
“You think knowing will save them?”
“I think you talk too much.” I turned her blade.
Stepped inside. My shoulder struck hers. She staggered. One heartbeat too long. My sword went through her heart. Blood poured across my hand. So much of it. Too much. She looked down.
Then up.
Her next words were almost gentle. “You’ll understand.”
“Not today.” I ripped the sword free. She dissolved into black cloth and blood that evaporated before it touched the ground. My breathing came in hard ragged breaths.
Pain burned through my thigh. My ribs. My arm. Everywhere all at once.
A slow clap echoed through the battlefield.
I turned to where the Queen waited, her silver circlet glistening under the sun. Starlight woven through robes that moved despite there being no wind. Her blonde hair hung loose down her back.
Her posture was effortless.
Royal.
I hated the word before I understood why it had entered my mind. The rune beneath my ribs pulled toward her. My Starlight burned.
The Codex went silent again. My stomach dropped.
Codex?
I staggered backward as the Queen began walking toward me.
Now you decide to stop talking?
Silence.
Coward.
The Queen smiled. The softness of it ached in a way I couldn’t explain.
Not because I recognized her face. Because I recognized the way she wore power.
As though it had always belonged to her.
As though she had never once needed permission.
“You keep waiting for someone to tell you who you are.” Her voice was mine, but older and so much colder.
I lifted my sword. “Everyone here seems very interested in doing exactly that.”
“And you keep listening.” She struck. Our blades met. Starlight burst from the impact.
I cried out and stumbled. “What the hell are you?”
Her eyes flashed silver-blue. “You.”
“That hasn’t exactly narrowed anything down today.” She attacked again. Faster this time.
I blocked it, but impact drove me backward.
My Light reacted instinctively. Silver-blue power shot from my free hand. It struck her chest. The Queen flew back. For half a second, relief hit. Then the battlefield glittered. Every shard of broken stone reflecting my light shimmered. A figure stepped from one.
Then another.
Then another.
My stomach dropped. Three new Lyra’s formed from the reflections. “Oh, come on.” Behind me, Lidia unleashed fire. More reflections appeared. Emrin drove roots through the stone. The battlefield expanded. Columns rose. Cracks widened. Bodies stepped from glimmering surfaces.
Emrin saw it first. “Stop wielding!”
Lidia stared at her. “That’s your plan?”
“Every time we use magic, it answers!”
Another copy tore itself from the light around Lidia’s flames. “Oh.”
“Stop!” The fire vanished. Emrin ripped her hands from the earth. My own Light guttered. Silence rushed in. For the first time since the projection began, no new versions appeared. We all stared.
Lidia wiped blood from the corner of her mouth. “I hate when you’re right.”
“So do I.” The Queen had disappeared. Or I thought she had. Then darkness gathered at the far edge of the battlefield. Every hair along my arms rose.
No.
The shadows didn’t form a monster. They formed me. She stepped out slowly.
No crown.
No armor.
Black wrapped her body like living silk.
The rune that curved across her hip was visible beneath torn fabric, darker than mine, silver gleaming along its edges.
Shadows moved everywhere. Around her wrists.
Across her throat. Between strands of blonde hair.
They didn’t strain against her. They didn’t wait for commands. They adored her.
The realization scared me more than anything else had. She looked comfortable. Completely and utterly at home inside herself.
Her eyes found mine. She smiled. Not cruelly. Almost like she’d been waiting. “There you are.”
My Shadow rune burned. The darkness beneath my feet surged. I locked every muscle.
No.
She took another step. My shadows leaned toward her. The movement was tiny. I felt it anyway. So did she. Her smile deepened. “Why are you pretending?” I could feel Halos beyond the ward. Watching. Waiting. The awareness of him sat against the back of my neck like the edge of a blade.
This.
This was what he wanted. The rune burned hotter. Darkness crept beneath my skin.
Codex.
Silence.
A little help would be wonderful.
The Shadow version lifted one hand. Darkness curled around her fingers. My own answered. Just beneath my palm.
You already know what you want.
I want to live.
That was not the question.
My jaw clenched. Shadow Lyra came closer. Behind me, Emrin breathed my name. Lidia said nothing. They didn’t know. Vareena did. I looked beyond the projection. Beyond the fractured battlefield and crawling dark. She stood at the edge of the Crucible with both hands against the stone barrier.
Her face had gone pale. Our eyes met. The rune throbbed once.
Shadow gathered. Halos wanted it. I suddenly understood that with perfect clarity.
This entire second projection. The pressure.
The pain. The cradle. The things wearing my face.
He wanted me desperate enough to show him whatever he thought I was hiding.
Vareena’s lips moved.
Two words.
Toward me.
My breath caught. The room we shared flashed through my mind. The locked door. Her hands tightening the curtains.
Next time, run toward me.
Not away. Toward. I inhaled. The Shadow bucked inside me. I held it. Not because it frightened me. Not because it was wrong. Not because I was ashamed. Because it was mine.