Chapter 47 #4
“Hatred would make you too easy. Neseryn likes things she can place somewhere. Loyalty. Duty. Strength. You refuse to stay in any of those places.”
“You talk about her like she’s a weapon.”
“She is.”
“She’s your daughter in everything except blood.”
Kaelros smiled. “Now you understand.”
A familiar presence brushed my mind.
Starborn.
My eyes closed before I could stop them.
Codex?
Do not—
The cuffs flashed. Pain tore through my skull, and Kaelros’s head snapped toward me. For the first time since entering the chamber, genuine interest flooded his face. He approached.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
“Do not insult me.” His Shadow gathered around my head. “The Codex,” he said.
I recoiled.
“It reached you.”
I kept my mouth shut. Kaelros smiled slowly.
“Remarkable.”
“Stay out of my head.”
“The restraints sever active magic. They should have severed anything dependent upon it.” His eyes gleamed with hunger. “Not merely a book, then.”
“It isn’t here.”
“But it is somewhere.”
“Where?”
“Fuck you.”
The chain above my right wrist shortened. My arm jerked higher. Pain ripped through my shoulder as the chain rose another inch and the joint shifted with a sickening pop.
“There are easier ways to do this.”
“Then use them.”
Kaelros smiled. “You still think pain is the point.” My feet barely reached the floor now.
“Pain is crude. Bodies are dull things. Hurt them long enough and they faint. Break enough bones and eventually there is nothing left to threaten.” His Shadow brushed my cheek.
“I am interested in what remains when the body stops being the part you are trying to protect.”
I spat in his face. Blood streaked his cheek. For a moment, neither of us moved. Then Kaelros wiped it away with his thumb.
“I understand what my son saw in you.”
My stomach dropped.
“Oh, we should discuss him.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because whatever you say is a lie.”
“Some of it will be.” He smiled. “The difficulty is deciding which.”
That was when I understood. He didn’t need me to believe everything. He only needed me to stop knowing what I believed.
“Kieran came to the Sanctum because I sent him.”
I stared at him.
“He was given a simple assignment.”
“Stop it.”
“Find the girl.”
My pulse thundered. “That’s bullshit. He was already there.”
“Yes.”
“Before me.”
“Because we knew the surviving daughter would manifest eventually. The Codex was beyond my reach. Aurenya had hidden you well, but magic leaves traces, and prophecy has always been more patient than kings.”
“Kieran didn’t know who I was.”
Kaelros looked almost pitying. “He knew before you did.”
“No.”
“He knew enough before you crossed the Veil. A name. An age. Edenlo. A Light manifestation where none should have existed. A girl from the Hollowlands with no understanding of what she carried beneath her skin.”
Everything came crashing back. He had known about my magic when I hadn’t told anyone.
“His task was to remain close.”
“He trained me because—”
“Because I told him to.”
The words struck harder than the cuffs. Kaelros watched me carefully.
“He was supposed to determine what you could do. Encourage the power if necessary. Find the second half.”
Shadow.
“Kieran knew what we believed you might become.”
The old southern ring opened inside my memory. Kieran behind me, correcting my stance. His hand around my wrist. His voice low beside my ear.
Again.
His Shadow touching mine. Every secret lesson I had mistaken for a risk he was taking for me.
“He was supposed to teach me Shadow.”
“He was supposed to keep you alive long enough to reveal it.”
“And then?”
“Bring you to me.”
For one terrible second, I believed him. “He wouldn’t.”
“That was the assignment.”
“You’re lying.”
“Ask him yourself.”
“I will.”
Kaelros smiled at the certainty in my voice but said nothing.
“He’s coming.”
Still nothing.
“Kieran is coming.”
I could no longer tell whether I was trying to convince him or myself.
“I know he will.”
The wording was deliberate. “You don’t know him.”
“He is my son.”
“You do not know him.”
Kaelros’s mouth tightened by a fraction. “There, perhaps, you are correct.” He studied me. “Kieran was supposed to observe you, train you, earn your trust, learn what the Codex knew. Once your Shadow manifested, he was supposed to expose you.”
My blood went cold. “Expose me?”
“To the Sanctum. The Council. Whoever could be relied upon to panic first.”
“Why?”
“Because frightened institutions are predictable. A Light wielder from the Hollowlands is inconvenient. A girl wielding Light and Shadow is a crisis. A crisis can be isolated, hunted, driven toward the only person offering answers.”
“You.”
“Exactly.”
The Solstice Hall came back. Hundreds of faces turned toward me. Halos staring. Damon. Calis. Candidates backing away.
She’s Shadow.
She’s Light.
Starborn.
“You planned this.”
“Not that particular evening.”
“Vareena?” My throat closed. “Was she truly part of it?”
“She was nothing more than collateral.”
For an instant, all I saw was Vareena’s face. Then Maia. Irelia. Auntie Nara. Edenlo burning. One more person whose body I had touched after there was nothing left inside it to save. Rage hit so hard my vision blurred. I pulled against the chains until skin split beneath the cuffs.
“You murdered her!”
“You sent those things into the Sanctum!”
“I sent people willing to retrieve what belongs to me.”
“I DO NOT BELONG TO YOU!”
Shadow flooded the chamber. Every torch died. The darkness was absolute. Then Kaelros’s voice came from everywhere.
“You belong to whoever can hold you.”
His Shadow drove into my mind. I screamed. It was not another memory. It was pressure, fingers forcing their way between thoughts, prying at anything that resisted. The Codex flashed. Pages turning in my mind. Words appearing across parchment.
Your mother walked these halls.
“No!”
I fought back. The archives surfaced beneath the pressure.
Aurenya’s seal beneath my hand. My own voice asking what my mother had been like.
Kieran standing beside me. The look on his face.
Kaelros withdrew. The chamber returned. I was crying.
I had been for long enough that I could taste salt with the blood on my lips.
He stared at me. “Interesting.”
“What?”
“Kieran was there when you found the seal.”
I said nothing.
Kaelros smiled. “He knew.”
“Stop talking.”
“He knew Aurenya was your mother. He knew Maerox was your father. He knew what happened at the palace the night it fell.”
“He knew pieces of history.” I grabbed onto what little hope remained. “He told me he knew pieces.”
“He did. And one of those pieces was Neseryn.”
I stared at him.
“Kieran knew she was your sister. He grew up beside her.”
“That doesn’t mean—”
“He knew who she was long before he knew who you were. Once he identified you, the rest was not difficult.”
The archives returned in full. Kieran beside me while I held Aurenya’s seal.
My hands shaking. The Codex opening. My mother’s face hidden from me even then.
Maerox no more than a silhouette. The questions I had asked with my heart laid open between us.
I had thought he was learning beside me.
He had been watching me discover what he already knew.
“He let me find out.”
“Yes.”
“He let me believe he was discovering it with me.”
“He did exactly that.”
My stomach rolled. “You’re lying.”
“About which part?”
I couldn’t answer. Kaelros stepped closer.
“Did he look surprised when you found her name?”
“Shut up.”
“Think, Lyra.”
I didn’t want the memory. It came anyway. His face in the archives. Too controlled. Too careful. Not surprised. Never surprised. Kaelros watched the realization move through me.
“He wasn’t discovering your life beside you. He was watching you catch up.”
The last of my certainty gave way inside me.
I closed my eyes. Kieran’s mouth against mine.
His forehead touching mine. His hand against my waist. His voice in the dark.
Every time I had believed he was choosing me.
What had been real? What had begun because Kaelros told him to put himself beside me?
When had the assignment stopped? Had it stopped?
“Would you like to know when he stopped obeying me?”
I hated myself for listening. “When?”
“I don’t know.”
My eyes opened. Kaelros’s eyes had darkened.
“That is what makes betrayal inconvenient.”
For the first time, his anger turned personal.
“Kieran was supposed to deliver you.”
“He didn’t.”
“No.”
“He protected me.”
“He tried.”
“He hid my Shadow.”
“Yes.”
“He lied to you about me.”
Kaelros’s jaw tightened. “Yes.”
A fragile warmth appeared inside my chest.
He saw it. Then dismantled it.
“But before he betrayed me, Lyra, he obeyed. He watched you because I instructed him to. He trained you because I wanted to know what you could become.” Kaelros moved closer. “And then he kept your secret, didn’t he? Made himself the one person who understood it. The one person you could turn to.”
The southern ring. His hands on mine. The first kiss. His room. His bed.
You’re mine.
My stomach twisted.
“He knew Neseryn was your sister. He knew who your parents were. He knew why I wanted you.”
Tears spilled before I could stop them. “He knew who I was.”
Kaelros’s voice softened. “He knew enough.”
The question escaped before pride could kill it. “Did he love me?”
I hated myself the moment I heard it aloud. Kaelros laughed quietly.
“Answer me.”
“He does.”
My eyes opened. That was not the answer I expected.
“Does that make it easier?”
It didn’t. His smile returned.
“I thought it might make it worse.”
My throat closed.
“He began by deceiving you because I commanded it. Then somewhere along the way, he decided he wanted you more than he wanted my approval. After that, he lied for a far more ordinary reason.” Kaelros’s gaze settled on my face. “He was afraid the truth would cost him you.”
“Stop.”
“Every day he waited made confession harder.”
“Enough.”
“Every kiss gave him another reason not to tell you.”
“Stop talking.”
“Every time you trusted him, he decided tomorrow would be safer.”