3. Alina
THREE
ALINA
FOURTEEN YEARS OLD
A new boy moved into the house behind us.
I haven’t seen him much, but there’s a small hole in the fence separating our backyards, and I’m not proud to admit sometimes I go sneak a peek.
He’s got shaggy blond hair, and he’s always hunkering beneath the hood of a car. Today, Mama caught me looking and told me to stop being a Peeping Tammy or she’d tan my hide. Then, she plopped her famous banana bread in my hands and shooed me on over to introduce myself, telling me it’s the neighborly thing to do. I figure it’s as good an idea as any, seeing as how I assume we’ll be going to school together at Sugarlake High this year.
I’d rather not go to meet him alone, but Chase and Lily are on vacation in Florida, and Becca’s once again forced to be at church helping her daddy, so here I am walking onto his porch all by myself.
The door swings open before I can knock, and out he walks.
I’m stunned a little stupid when I get a good look at him. I’ve never seen a guy with hair long enough to be pulled into a bun, but somehow it looks better on him than it ever has on me. His hair isn’t what keeps my attention, though. It’s that gaze of his. The strangest green, like God couldn’t decide what shade to pick, so instead, he swirled around all the colors of the forest and placed them in his eyes.
“Hi.” I force the banana bread into his hands, stepping back, plastering a smile on my face.
He quirks a brow, leaning against the wooden railing of his porch. “Hi yourself.”
“I’m Alina May, but you can call me Lee. I’m your backyard neighbor and figured it’s well past time for introductions, so here I am…you know, introducin’ myself.”
He tips his head down, lifting the banana bread to his nose. “What’s this?”
“That right there is the best chocolate chip banana bread this side of the Mason–Dixon line.” I say it proudly because it’s true. No one can out-bake my mama; I dare them to try.
“Oh yeah?” He smiles and it draws my eyes to his perfectly straight, white as snow, teeth.
“Are those your real teeth?” I spout off before I can stop myself.
His smile widens. “You think I have fake teeth?”
“I mean…maybe?” I shrug.
He doesn’t say anything, just stands there with banana bread in his hands and a goofy grin on his face.
“Gah, forget I asked that.” I run my hands through my hair. “What’s your name, anyway?”
He chuckles, straightening off the railing. “Man, are all the girls as cute as you around here?”
“Matter of perspective, I guess.” My stomach flutters and I will away the heat surging through my cheeks. “You know, some say it’s mighty rude to not return the favor when a person introduces themselves.”
He places the banana bread on the ground, stepping over to me. I don’t know how old he is, but I imagine he’s a bit older than me because he looks like he hit puberty forever ago. His arms are all muscular and veiny, and he’s so tall my head’s level with the middle of his chest.
“My apologies, Alina May.” He picks up my left hand. “My name’s Jackson Rhoades, and believe me when I say it is my absolute pleasure .”
I expect him to shake the hand he grabbed, but instead, he brings it to his mouth, lightly brushing his lips across my knuckles in a whisper of a kiss.
My heart skips and I laugh, jerking my hand back. “You know, I think you may be what the old biddies in this town call a shameless flirt, Jackson.” I take a few steps away. “That may work on girls wherever you come from, but you really shouldn’t waste your time on me. I don’t fall for empty words and pretty smiles.”
He nods, rocking back on his heels. “Noted.”
“But if you’re lookin’ for a friend, I can be that all day long.”
“In that case, how can I refuse?” He smirks.
I widen my eyes. “Well, I don’t think you can. And since we’re friends now, I suppose you can call me Lee.”
“All right, Lee. Then I suppose you can call me Jax.”
“Jax.” I test the nickname out loud, happy with how it rolls so easily off my tongue.
“Do you always make friends like you’re doing a business deal?”
I frown. “A what?”
He chuckles. “Never mind. What grade are you in?”
“I’ll be a freshman when the semester starts. How about you?”
“Supposed to be a junior, but got held back last year when my dad got sick.” He plays with a chain around his neck, his eyes flashing with grief.
“Is he better now?” I watch as the necklace rolls between his fingers.
“He’s dead.”
My gaze snaps to his from the sudden shift in his tone. “Oh,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
I cringe as the words leave my mouth, and I don’t think he appreciates the apology, but it’s all I can think to give him.
“It is what it is.” He shrugs. “Anyway, thanks for the bread, I’m sure my mom will love it.”
“You bet.” I slip my hands in my back pockets, rocking on my heels.
We both stand there, the air filling with awkward tension. I wish I could rewind time and bring back the Jackson from five minutes earlier.
“I’d introduce you to my brother, but he’s always tied up with basketball.” I change the subject. “But one of my best friends, Chase, lives around here. I’ll send him over to say hi, although I don’t think your charm will work on him.”
He clears his throat. “Sure. Listen, as much as I’d like to stand around and chat about the who’s who of Sugarlake, I’ve got shit to do, so if you’re done with the twenty questions…” He turns his face to the side.
I inhale sharply, dizzy from the complete one-eighty of his personality.
“All right then.” I purse my lips. “Look…Jax, I’m sorry if I upset you. I didn’t mean nothin’ by it.”
He doesn’t give me any indication he heard what I said, but he doesn’t need to. I know when I’ve outstayed my welcome.
My shoulders hunch, embarrassment whirling through me like a tornado. “I guess I’ll see you around.”
I book it off his porch, each step allowing me to stew in my rising mortification. But honestly, he’s the one who brought up his daddy, so how was I supposed to know? My breathing is choppy the whole time I’m walking home, and by the time I step inside our front door, I’m practically shaking from the anxiety. I take a deep breath to try to calm down, but it doesn’t work, and Mama sees the nerves plain as day on my face.
She’s in her favorite spot on the couch, a worn romance novel in her hand. “What in the world happened to make you so flustered?”
“I think I messed things up with the new boy. Everything was goin’ fine till we started talkin’ about his dead daddy.” I chew on my bottom lip, walking over and plopping next to her. “Then he got plain mean, and now I think he hates me when he was the one who brought him up in the first place.”
I’m getting upset even thinking about it. I can’t stand when people think bad about me.
Mama sets down her novel and pats her lap until I rest my head on the top of her thighs. She smooths my hair, petting it in a rhythmic motion. “Oh, baby, we have no clue what that boy’s goin’ through.”
“Yeah, well, now I don’t wanna know.”
“The best thing you can do is forgive his faults. Be there for him, it’s what you’re good at. He could probably use a friend like you.”
“Fat chance. See if I’ll be his friend now,” I mutter, closing my eyes and sinking into my mama’s embrace.
She kisses the top of my head. “Forgiveness is divine, Alina May. Remember that. You might need it too someday.”
Becca convinced me to get this new cherry red polka-dot two piece, but I haven’t worked up the courage to wear it out in public yet. In fact, I’ve been staring at myself in it for the past ten minutes, frowning at my reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of my bedroom door.
It looks fine, I guess, but no matter how I adjust the top, the dang thing is still like a big, bright sign advertising my newly acquired cleavage. I swear, I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning with two giant melons on my chest.
I cup them in my hands and marvel at the weight. Who knew they would be so heavy?
“What are you doing?”
Chase’s voice rumbles through the air and I jump in shock, my hand dropping my breast and flattening against my chest instead.
“Good Lord, Chase. Knock much?” I complain, my heart racing underneath my palm. I really hope he didn’t see me groping myself. “I didn’t think you were back in town.”
My eyes meet his in the mirror, and my mouth dries when his gaze darkens, trailing me from the top of my head to the tips of my red painted toes. Something takes flight in my stomach the longer he stares, and when he’s done with his perusal, the air is heavy.
“What the hell are you wearing?” His tongue peeks out and sweeps across his bottom lip, drawing my attention to the wetness left behind.
My breath hitches.
In moments like this, where the air is thick with uncharted emotion, I can almost convince myself he feels it, too. Whatever this is. Over the past three years, the vines of our friendship have grown and twisted, wrapping tightly around every single piece of me until I don’t know how to get untangled. This new feeling is big and scary and I don’t know how to handle it, so I pretend things are the same as they’ve always been.
But they’re not.
I move my gaze from his lips, drinking him in. Gone is the gangly preteen with too-short hair. In his place is a full-grown teenager who sparks a fire low in my stomach. Sculpted muscles ripple under his shirt, fine-tuned from the summers spent at his dad’s construction company, and his hair is longer now, mussed from those thick fingers that always find a home in the strands. Combine that with his angular jawline and boyish dimples, and I just know the girls at Sugarlake High go wild for him.
Something green and slimy sticks to my insides at the thought.
“Don’t you worry about what I’m wearin’, Boy Scout.” I move to the small desk along my far wall and grab a pink robe that’s thrown across the back of the chair, wrapping it around my body.
When I look back at him, he’s grinning. “You feeling good today, Goldi?”
“Good as pie.” I smile. “How was your vacay?”
He shrugs and sinks down on my bed, throwing his hands behind his head. “Sandy.”
I place my hand on my hip and level him with a look. “ Sandy? Sounds magical.”
“I don’t know, Goldi. It’s the same as it always is when we go to Florida. Too many people and not enough beach.” He glances at me, then flickers his gaze away.
“Well, there’s been a whole bunch goin’ on around here. Eli got offered a scholarship for basketball in Ohio, so naturally, Mama has lost her mind cryin’ every day. She’s dead set on tryin’ to convince him to pick a local school instead, which is just ridiculous because you and I both know Daddy will have a conniption before he lets Eli go anywhere less than a D1 school.”
I roll my eyes. Daddy and Eli have always talked about getting out of Sugarlake and being the next big thing, and now that Ohio’s calling, there’s no way they won’t take advantage of it. Eli has dreams of making it all the way to the NBA, and I have half a mind to think he will.
The whole town lauds him as the hero anyway, so it won’t surprise anyone when he does.
“No shit?” Chase says. “Good for him.”
“Yeah, I guess. At least once he’s gone, Daddy won’t be tied up with his practices all the time. Mama gets lonely, I just know it.”
I don’t add that I get lonely, too. It’s not fair how much time Eli gets with Daddy because he’s good at throwing a stupid ball into a hoop when I can barely get him to show up to a dance recital.
Chase doesn’t say anything, so I shake myself out of my stupor and think of what else to tell him. “Oh, and there’s a new guy about your age that moved in, next door to Patty Lynne. I took him some of Mama’s banana bread today.”
This gets Chase’s attention and he props himself up on his elbows, brows lifting. “You took him Mama Carson’s banana bread? Is there any left?”
I scoff. “No, it was a welcoming gift. You can go ask her to make some yourself.”
He huffs and drops back on the bed. “He probably won’t even appreciate it.”
“Who knows, he seemed nice enough.” Kind of. “I’m sure Becca will be thrilled to have fresh meat to chew up and spit out, in any case.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, you know how Becca is with boys, and this one’s a looker.” My cheeks flush when I think about how attractive Jax actually is, and how he was able to make my stomach flutter in a way no one except Chase ever has. “I’m also pretty sure he could charm the knickers off a nun.”
Chase’s demeanor shifts, his stare burning a hole in the side of my head. “Are you saying this new guy charmed you?”
I smile and settle down on the bed next to him, the back of my hand pressing to my cheek. “I definitely give him an A for effort, that’s for sure.”
He sits up fully now, his body hovering next to mine and creating a buzzing sensation that skitters over my arms. “Is he even your age? What kind of a guy flirts with a girl he just met?”
“He’s your age, and I imagine most of them do.” I frown at him. “What’s your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem, he just sounds like a douchebag.”
I smack his arm and give him a saccharine smile. “Then you two should get along just fine.”
He lies back again. “You don’t have to make friends with everyone you meet, Goldi.”
“And why wouldn’t I?” I challenge. “Managed to turn your grumpy butt into a friend, might as well extend my powers to the rest of Sugarlake.”
Chase huffs again, and I give him a weird look because what’s his problem ?
“Anyway,” I continue. “I told him you’d go introduce yourself.”
He lets out a humorless laugh. “Fuck. That.”
“Oh, come on, Boy Scout.” I urge. “Just go say hi. I’ll go with you if it’ll make it easier. I know how much you dislike conversatin’ like normal folk.”
“No,” he bites out. “In fact, I don’t think you should go around him again, ever . I mean, he’s my age, but he’s flirting with you ?”
My smile drops, anger swirling so hard and fast in my chest it feels like a tornado. I grab a pillow next to his head and whack him in the face with it, jolting farther up on the bed until I can straddle his hips and hit him again.
He chuckles, his hands snapping out and gripping my waist. “All right, all right, fucking Christ , I’ll do it.”
My breathing is heavy from exertion and I drop the pillow, sinking down on his lap and pressing my finger into his chest. “You know, I’m not eleven years old anymore, and I’m gettin’ real tired of you treatin’ me like I’m a little kid. I’m not , whether you want to admit it or not.”
His fingers flex against my sides, and suddenly the air changes, my body becoming hyperaware of the position we’re in. My stomach flips and free-falls and my palms grow clammy, but I don’t move.
I’m frozen in place.
His gaze darkens and drops to my lips before he forces it back up. “Believe me, Goldi. I know.”
Suddenly, I’m being tossed to the side roughly, Chase jumping from the bed and rushing to the window, slipping back out into the open air and leaving me alone, breathless and confused.
He doesn’t return.
Which isn’t unusual, to be honest. Whenever Chase gets into his moods, he disappears, but eventually, a day or two later, he’s back again, acting like nothing happened.
Only this time, it’s different, because it’s been another week, and he still hasn’t shown up, despite the fact I’ve lain in bed every night, listening for the slide of the window and the low rasp of his voice.
All I hear are the crickets chirping and the silence of his avoidance.
I’ve also decided avoidance must run in the family because it’s been even longer since I’ve seen Lily. I keep expecting her to drop by and regale me with tales of Florida, but she hasn’t given me so much as a phone call, which is why I’m so surprised to see her standing on my porch.
“Well, hi there, stranger.” I lean my shoulder against the doorframe and smirk over at Becca standing next to me. “Look what the cat dragged in, Becca.”
Becca’s red brow arches and she looks Lily up and down, unimpressed. “Well, I do declare, Miss Lily Adams, gracing us with her presence. What did we do to deserve such an honor?”
Lily scowls at Becca before pushing her way inside, forcing me back a space so the door can open fully.
“I know, I’m the worst , but you two won’t believe what I have to tell you.” She walks straight into me, grabbing me around the waist and squeezing tight. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” she murmurs.
“Probably ’cause you haven’t .” I pull back, looking in her eyes, but she’s got those giant sunglasses on that make her resemble a bug, and I can’t see anything other than the bright-pink smile she has painted on her face.
“Ugh, I know, and I’m awful for it, but I have so much to tell you two.” She continues making her way inside, and I shut the door, glancing at Becca.
She gives me a “what the hell” look and shrugs before following Lily then perching on the arm of the couch.
“I met this guy,” Lily singsongs.
Becca smirks. “Oh, well now I’m interested.”
“I knew you would be,” Lily giggles.
I don’t say anything, and honestly, I feel a little out of place here. They seem to be bonding over being boy crazy, and I…well, I’ve just never been that way. There’s only ever been one boy on my mind.
“Well, go on. Tell us about him,” Becca urges.
Lily beams. “He lives like an hour away.”
Becca whistles. “Did you fuck him?”
I gasp and cut Becca a glare. Is she serious? Lily’s fourteen. I’m about to say as much but the words die in my throat, anxiety curling through my middle when Lily sits up and blushes.
Becca squeals and slips from the arm of the chair onto the couch cushion, forcing Lily over. “You slut !”
The flush on Lily’s cheeks darkens and she looks down at her lap, grinning. “I stayed at his place for the past few days.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. You met a guy?” I repeat, my words slow.
“Yeah,” she sighs.
“In the week since you’ve been back…”
“Yep.”
“…and you had sex with him?”
“I know, right? It sounds crazy.” She laughs, leaning back on Becca’s shoulder and throwing an arm over her face.
“You can say that again,” I mumble. “How on earth did you get your folks to okay this?”
Lily drops her arm by her side and gets a sheepish look on her face. “I may have told them I’ve been with you two.”
I blink at her because…well…I’m not quite sure how I feel.
“That’s fine with me,” Becca interjects. “Just don’t have them go askin’ my folks because they’ll know you’re lyin’. I’ve been stuck doin’ things for youth group the past few days.”
My mouth pops open, but I can’t form any words. It might be fine with Becca, but I’m not sure if it is with me. This is out of character for Lily. She’s always been a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of girl, but never reckless.
Becca looks at me and then nudges Lily, jerking her head in my direction.
Lily pops up, putting her hands together like she’s praying. “Don’t be mad, Lee. I know it wasn’t right, but they never would have been okay with me going if they didn’t think I was with you.”
My gaze flicks back and forth between the two of them, and I try to relax, because maybe I’m the problem. Neither of them seems to think it’s a big deal at all.
“Were his parents gone or somethin’?” I ask.
“No, he doesn’t live with his parents.” There’s an edge of defensiveness to her tone.
“He doesn’t live with his parents,” I repeat Lily’s words back to her again. “Who even is this guy? And how old is he if he lives on his own?”
“His name is Darryl and he’s older…”
Becca sighs, twirling a piece of her hair. “I do love an older man.”
Scoffing, I grab a couch pillow and toss it at her. “You don’t even know any older men, be serious.”
Becca grins, holding the pillow to her chest. “Don’t have to know ’em to love ’em.” She looks to Lily. “How old?”
Lily cringes. “Twenty.”
Now Becca’s face drops. “Lily…”
My stomach bottoms out and I feel sick.
I don’t know much about people in their twenties, but I do know nothing good can come from one who wants to mess around with a fourteen-year-old girl. My body slaps against the couch cushion as I lean back, trying to process what she just told me. Part of me is angry because she’s bringing me into her lies, but the bigger piece of me is sad that she felt she couldn’t come to me sooner. The two weighted ends of my emotions toss me around like a seesaw, and I’m not sure which side I’m supposed to land on here.
Another thought hits me then, and it sends a shot of anxiety straight to my heart.
“Does your brother know?” I whisper, panicked eyes shooting to meet Becca’s over Lily’s head.
She stays quiet, but it doesn’t matter.
Her silence is the answer.