52. Alina
FIFTY-TWO
ALINA
Chase and I are on the way back to his place. I begged him to stay behind, but he wasn’t hearing it. I feel like a jerk for bailing on Sam’s party before it was even halfway over, but I needed to get out of there.
His folks were extremely understanding. Sam hugged me as I apologized for Daddy, and he clapped Chase on the shoulder, saying, “Take care of your girl.” It warms my heart to see a family that supports each other the way they do—the way mine hasn’t in a long time.
I am mentally and physically drained by the time I plop down on Chase’s couch. The fight with him seems like it happened light-years ago, instead of just three hours prior. How can so much happen in so little time?
Guilt spikes in my gut when I let myself think of Daddy sleepin’ off his booze in a jail cell, but what else can I do? He wouldn’t be grateful if I picked him up anyway.
Becca and Eli are something I can’t even begin to scratch the surface of. The kicker is, I’m not even mad about the fact something is going on. I couldn’t care less who they’re with, as long as they’re both happy. But Becca lied to me, even after I asked her, and that hurts worse than any secret ever could.
You’ve lied to her, too , the voice in my head reminds me.
Still, my heart hurts thinking about her planning Eli’s wedding to someone else. I imagine what it would be like if that were Chase and my stomach revolts at the thought. I wish she had chosen to confide in me. I know how it feels to be collapsing under the weight of heavy secrets.
“You okay, baby? What a fucking night, right? Jesus.” Chase rubs my shoulders.
I groan, the tension melting away under his skilled fingers. “Yeah, you ain’t lyin’. But I don’t really wanna talk about any of that.”
“What do you want to do, then?”
“I want you to make me forget. Just for tonight. Can you do that?”
He stops rubbing my shoulders, coming around to sit next to me. “I can. You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“I’m sure. Tonight should have been a celebration. Sam retiring. You becoming CEO.”
“You telling me you loved me,” he adds.
“And that.” I smile, kissing his lips.
“We still can, you know.”
“Can what?”
“Celebrate.” His hand travels up my leg.
“I like that idea very much.”
He leans in, parting my lips with his tongue, pushing me back on the couch. His body presses into mine, grinding, his hips hitting just the right spot even through our clothes.
I want him to push harder.
Press deeper.
He licks and sucks his way along my neck, pulling down my shirt and leaving a line of kisses on my collarbone. Every touch makes my body quiver. After everything that’s happened tonight, all I want is this. I want to sink into his touch and forget the world around us.
I grip his hair, pulling his face up to mine. “Take me to bed, Chase. Show me how much you love me.”
His eyes darken, lust rolling off him in waves and crashing into my skin, drowning me in his desire. He backs away, grabbing my hand and moving us down the hall.
Once we’re in his room, he spins me around, his arms wrapping around my waist. We strip each other’s clothes until we’re bare. His hand touches the center of my chest, his palm resting against my speeding heart, and he pushes slightly, the back of my knees buckling against the bed frame until I fall onto the mattress. His body follows mine, every inch of his chiseled form pressed against me.
I feel needy.
Desperate.
His touch slides down my arm and he picks up my hand, bringing it to his mouth. He kisses each fingertip. Slowly, lovingly.
My fingers tangle with his as he raises my arms above my head. His length is pressed against my center and it pulses on top of me, making the ache between my legs unbearable. And then his mouth meets mine at the same time as he slides deep inside me in one solid thrust. His eyes burn so deep, I swear our souls can touch.
My hand tightens around his as he pulls back out, then goes deep. Over and over. The friction between our bodies creates a buzz of energy that crackles and pops, weaving its way around us and infusing every pore.
I could stay like this forever.
My hips rise to meet his, grinding my clit against his pubic bone on each pass. I’m delirious with pleasure, every nerve ending firing off tingles that shoot through my veins. He lets go of one of my hands, slipping down my body until he fits it around the curve of my ass, bringing me into him farther, wrapping my leg around his waist.
He hits deeper this way. He plunges in, his hips speeding up.
If he keeps doin’ that…
My orgasm races through my body like wildfire, touching every part of me. I clench around him, my body spasming.
“ Fuck , baby.”
He moves faster, slamming inside me with sharp thrusts, chasing his own high. My ears are ringing and my body feels fuzzy as I admire him. I run my fingers along the lines of his face, every dip and curve of his high cheekbones and his sharp jaw. Down the crease between his eyes. Over that scar in his eyebrow, the one I’ve wanted to trace since the moment we met.
His body shivers.
“Tell me you love me,” he demands.
I lean up as far as I can, whispering it against his skin. “I love you.”
His body jerks, his rhythm faltering.
“I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“ Fuck. ” His thrusts turn erratic, his need trumping his skill, and I squeeze around him, trying to bring him over the edge.
His mouth parts, his eyes roll back, and he lets out the sexiest groan, his muscles flexing against me. He pulses deep inside me as he explodes and I moan at the feeling.
He collapses, and I can feel his heartbeat against my chest.
Soft kisses press into the crook of my neck. “You feeling good today, Goldi?”
Despite everything that’s happened, there’s only one emotion I feel right now.
“Yeah. I’m pretty damn happy.”
I wake up to a text from Eli.
Picked up Pops this morning. Can you come by and talk? We all need to sit down and it should happen today.
I roll my eyes at his question but know he isn’t wrong. As much as I want to stay in Chase’s bed and forget the rest of the world forever, I need to face things head-on.
He gave me his house key and said he wants me waiting in his bed when he gets back tonight from Nashville. He offered to skip the trip, but I don’t want to be the reason he misses his therapy session and group. Plus, I told him to handle whatever he needs to with his ex to make sure she gets the message. Trust.
He kisses me goodbye on his front doorstep and hugs me tight. “I’m so fucking proud of you. Go handle your shit, Goldi, and don’t let them drag you back down. You aren’t meant to wither away in the shadow of someone else’s demons. You’re meant to shine.”
The darkness tries to seep into my conscience and steal my light on the drive to Daddy’s, but I don’t let it. I focus on the way Chase makes me feel instead. The way I’m beginning to feel about myself.
I park the car and let Chase’s words wrap around me, so even if I stagger, his voice will cushion my fall.
With a deep breath, I walk in the front door.
The smell of coffee brewing makes me nostalgic. I follow the sound of clangs and muffled voices and find Eli and Daddy sitting in the kitchen. Eli is dressed for the day, looking sharp in a button-down and dark blue jeans. Daddy is still in his clothes from the night before, looking greasy and worn, his head in his hands as his elbows rest on the table.
Sarah is nowhere to be found.
“Hi, y’all,” I greet them as I sit down.
Daddy’s head pops up and his eyes meet mine. The baby blues are bloodshot, but they’re clear and alert for the first time since Mama died. I suck in a breath, surprised he hasn’t started numbing his pain.
“Alina,” he rasps.
“Hi, Daddy. How ya feelin?” My lips curl into a sad smile, and I don’t really know what to say. I’m not used to handling him sober; my ability to make conversation with him is rusty after all these years.
“Thanks for comin’, honey.” My stomach jumps at the term of endearment. My eyes bounce to Eli, his jaw muscle tensing as he watches us. Daddy’s voice brings my attention back to him.
“I have some things I need to say, and you can take ’em or leave ’em, I guess. I don’t…I don’t deserve your time.” His hand comes up to wipe his mouth. “I’m messed up.”
My eyes widen, my palms becoming clammy as I grip my thighs under the table. What is going on?
“Your mama…” His voice breaks. “Your mama was the best part of me. She pushed down the bad and brought out everything good. I never thought I’d have to learn to live without her. I guess we all know I never learned anyway. She’s been gone for damn—damn near a decade and she’d be ashamed of what I’ve become.” Tears line his lower lids and one spills over, dripping down his stubbled face.
“Daddy,” I breathe. I’m stunned.
He puts up his hand. “No, no. Let me finish. I don’t think I can say it more than once.” He gulps his coffee then stares into the black liquid while he continues to talk. “I woke up this mornin’ with a poundin’ in my head, a sickness in my heart, and Bud the deputy tellin’ me that I damn near killed a family.”
I purse my lips, trying to keep it together while he talks.
“My first thought was to grab the nearest bottle and drown myself until I was sinkin’ in the numbness. That’s still what I want more than anything. But…” His eyes flick up to me. “My second thought was the guilt. I’m responsible for hurtin’ those people last night. And then as I laid there in that cell, waitin’ for someone to come and bail me out…all I could think about is how all these years, I’ve made you feel the exact same way.”
I suck in a stuttered breath and the dam bursts, years of waiting to hear the words he’s speaking form the tears that fall down my face. I bite my cheek to keep from interrupting.
“I don’t…hell, I don’t know what I’m doin’, and it hurts to look at ya, Alina. You’re so damn like her. I don’t think I’ll survive if I stare at you for too long.”
“Pops,” Eli starts.
I reach over, putting a hand on his arm, letting him know it’s okay. Daddy’s just being honest. He’s not saying anything I didn’t already know.
Daddy shakes his head, gripping his mug tighter. “Anyway, Bud says I’m gonna be lookin’ at payin’ that family’s hospital bills, among other things, and that I’ll need to lawyer up.”
Eli pipes in again. “We’ve talked this morning and decided it would be in Pop’s best interest to check into a ninety-day rehab program. I’ve been in contact with one over the past few days. They have a spot for him.”
My stomach flips so hard it makes me lose my breath. Hope is a dangerous feeling. Eli’s been talkin’ to rehabs? A piece of my anger chips away.
“When?” I gasp.
Eli’s face is serious. “Today. This afternoon. I had Pops pack a bag and we leave in…” He glances down at his wristwatch. “Thirty minutes.”
I whoosh out a breath, overwhelmed. I never could have guessed this would be my morning. I gaze at Daddy, his head still hanging over his coffee cup, embarrassment and shame circling the air around him. Then I swing my gaze to Eli. Even though things are rocky between us, I can’t help the gratitude that fills me. Because he’s here now. He’s helping. He’s present . And at the end of the day, he’s still my big brother.
“That’s real good, Daddy.” I try to grab his hand, but he jerks, moving it out of reach. My heart twists. These things take time, I guess.
Daddy doesn’t say anything else. The words “I’m sorry” never cross his lips, and while I long to hear them, I’m not surprised. We aren’t okay. We’re nowhere near healed. He has a lot to make up for, and I have a lot to forgive.
But for today, it’s enough.
Thirty minutes later, I watch them leave, knowing Daddy’s on his way into battle. I close my eyes and send up a prayer to God. And then I send one to Mama. I’ve been waiting on a miracle for years. Today feels like the perfect day to get one.
The breeze whips across my face, and I smile.
With a deep breath, I turn and walk away, heading back to Chase. To my love. To my future.
To the start of my happily ever after.