Chapter 37
“What did he say?”
Callie was staring down at her phone. “He just said to meet them at Gabe’s parents’ house.”
We’d been walking around the park near my apartment complex late that morning when Callie received a text message from Lucas saying they’d cut their game short, left the golf course, and were headed to the Piersons. When she asked why, all he said was, “It’s Blake.”
Panic immediately spiked in both of us. Not only did we consider Blake our friend, but he was Gabe’s brother by blood and Lucas’s and Wes’s brother by choice. If something happened to him…
I cut the thought off, not allowing myself to finish it.
We pulled through the gates of Cliffside Village and started up the winding road lined with luxury homes toward the Pierson house.
When we approached, we saw Lucas’s and Wes’s cars parked out front and Gabe’s in the driveway.
I pulled behind Lucas’s car, and we got out, making our way up the pathway and the front steps to the door before ringing the doorbell.
Lucas opened the door a moment later, and the worry was evident in his expression, but it lessened slightly upon seeing Callie. “Hi, baby.” His voice was thick with emotion.
“Hey…” We stepped inside, and Callie embraced him before drawing back to look up at him. “What’s going on?”
“In here…” He gestured toward the living area, keeping his hand on the small of her back to guide her while I trailed behind him.
When we entered the room, Gabe, his parents, and Wes were seated in front of the television, watching the news, their expressions grim.
I glanced at the television screen; the sound was low and barely audible, but the video clips and still images being shown made my chest tighten.
My eyes fell to the red “Breaking News” banner running along the bottom: Drone Strike Hits U.S.
Duty Station. I saw the name of the overseas city where it occurred… and I recognized it.
“Is that…”
“Where Blake is stationed…yeah,” Lucas answered.
My brow furrowed as I continued watching the images playing on the screen. “I-I thought…I thought he wasn’t supposed to be in an active combat area?”
“He’s not. It wasn’t,” Lucas said. “It…it was unexpected, from what we know.”
Despite wanting to, I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. “Have you heard–”
“N-No,” Gabe interrupted, and I finally peeled my gaze from the television to look at him. My heart sank at how terrified he looked. “They got a call from a family friend to turn on the news. We haven’t been notified by his command or anyone else yet.”
“Gabe…” I let out a breath as I stepped forward to give him a hug in an attempt to offer some form of comfort.
My eyes flickered over his shoulder to his parents—Kenneth and Michelle had the same look of uncertainty and fear etched in their expressions.
Then, I looked at Wes. He was sitting at the far end of the sofa, his eyes glued to the screen with his jaw set tight.
When I drew back from Gabe, he looked at the TV again as I glanced over at Lucas and Callie, who were both staring at the screen now.
The tension and worry in the room was palpable.
The minutes felt like hours as we all stared at the television; the images and video clips played on a continuous loop with no new information coming in.
I’d watch Michelle check her phone every few minutes, and the disappointment each time she looked and saw nothing broke my heart for her.
I didn’t know what to do. I hated sitting with everyone around me on edge and feeling helpless to do anything to comfort them.
I glanced away from the TV again and looked around the room. Callie was sitting in the chair on Lucas’s lap with her arms around him. Gabe was standing in between the two accent chairs his parents took up, a hand on his mom’s shoulder and her hand in Kenneth’s.
Then I looked at Wes sitting on the opposite end of the sofa from me. He must have sensed my stare because his eyes slid over to mine a moment later. My brow imperceptibly dipped with a silent question, and he subtly shook his head in response. No, I’m not okay.
Three thick throw pillows were in the center of the sofa, filling the space between us. I held his stare as I shifted my position and slid my arm behind them, and he didn’t hesitate to move his hand to meet mine, locking our fingers together.
I could have sworn I watched the tension leave his shoulders, if only a little.
Everyone else’s attention was so preoccupied that they were none the wiser to what was hidden behind the pillows. Morgan and I looked back at the television screen, but our hands remained.
My stomach was in knots, and my chest was tight with worry, so I was thankful for Morgan’s gesture.
She might have seen it as something small, but her hand felt like an anchor at that moment and kept my mind from spiraling.
I was never one to dwell on what-ifs, but I couldn’t seem to help it at that moment.
What if Blake was hurt?
What if I never saw him again?
What if the last thing he heard from me was my stupid rendition of a John Denver song because I was trying to lighten the mood and not be a pussy and show how fucked up I was over the uncertainty of him leaving?
He’d laughed and called me an idiot, but a silent understanding passed between us, and I knew that he knew exactly what I was doing and why.
Eventually, Morgan’s hand slipped from mine when the attention of the others started to drift away from the television.
The more time passed with no word to let us know what was going on or if he was okay, the more in my thoughts I became.
The news wasn’t much help. They had very little information to start and weren’t getting any new details to give the viewers.
I called my mom to let her know I wasn’t making it to dinner that night, and when I told her why, she walked across the street to wait with all of us to hear something.
But it never came.
By the time eight o’clock rolled around, there was still no news, no word from Blake or his command.
Gabe was staying at his parent’s house that night just in case, and they promised to let us know as soon as they found anything out.
Callie and Lucas left, Morgan headed out, and I walked my mom back across the street, then checked in with Gabe and his parents again before taking off.
When I walked inside my apartment and the door shut behind me, I just stood there, drowning in the silence and the worst-case scenarios that filled my head. I clutched my phone in my hand, wanting it to ring but, at the same time, afraid for it to.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there before I was pulled from my thoughts by a knock on the door. I quickly turned and opened it, and amber eyes glinting with concern met mine.
“Hi…” Morgan said softly.
“Hey.” I stared at her for a moment. “What are you doing here?”
“I just…” She trailed off, letting out a breath. “I thought you might like some company…”
Usually, “company” meant something else to us, but Morgan wasn’t there for that. I could hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes. She was there because she didn’t want me to be alone. And I’d never been more fucking grateful for company in my life than I was at that moment.
Morgan and I didn’t show each other physical attentiveness outside of our deal in the bedroom.
At most, we were playful, but there had always been a line between that and the very different level of intimacy that came with being physically attentive.
Even with my now-acknowledged feelings for her, it was a line I didn’t dare cross, not without knowing how she felt.
There was only one time when I could say we crossed that line, and that was after the whole ordeal of learning what my dad did.
Without thinking, I reached out and pulled her inside, nudging the door shut with my foot as I wrapped my arms over her shoulders.
Because just like the last time, she was there.
Because she didn’t want me to be alone, and I didn’t want to be.
To my surprise, I felt her arms wrap around my middle, returning the embrace.
I closed my eyes, tucking her head under my chin, where it seemed to fit perfectly. “I need him to be okay,” I whispered.
“I know…” I felt her nod against my chest. “We just…we have to stay positive.”
I liked that she said we…like I wasn’t alone, and we were in this together.
I knew what was happening between us at that moment was a rare occurrence, and things would go back to normal afterward, so I was going to let myself savor the comfort she was offering.
Comfort she knew I needed, even if I didn’t say it out loud.
Eventually, we moved to the couch. My phone was clutched in one hand, my other in Morgan’s. And we sat in the silence, waiting for a call I simultaneously wanted and dreaded.
I was stirred awake by the chiming of my phone.
I didn’t even remember falling asleep. When I inhaled a deep breath and began to shift, I felt Morgan sit up; I immediately noticed the absence of her warmth in the crook of my arm but pushed it aside as I grabbed my phone.
My eyes fell on the time—it was just after midnight.
Then I registered the name flashing across the screen. Gabe.
My heart shot to my throat as I quickly answered. “Hey…”
“He’s okay.”
The breath that left me at his words was one of sheer relief. “Yeah?” I cleared my throat of the thick emotion that laced my voice. “You talked to him?”
“My dad did. He didn’t—or couldn’t, we’re not sure—say too much, but he is okay. Physically, that is. Obviously, he was shaken up. He couldn’t talk too long, but he said he’ll call again as soon as he can.”
“Okay…” I breathed another sigh of relief. “Thanks for calling, man.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll let you know when we hear from him again.”
“Alright. Get some sleep.”
“You too.”
I ended the call, tossing my phone onto my coffee table before scrubbing my hands over my face. “He’s okay,” I murmured. “He’s okay.”
I heard Morgan let out her own breath of relief. “Good. That’s good.” We sat in silence again, letting it sink in that he was okay. After several long moments, I heard her let out another breath as she started to stand from the couch. “Well, I should—”
My hand shot out to stop her as I lifted my gaze to hers. “Stay…”
She held my stare for a moment before offering a tentative nod. “Okay.”
Morgan and I didn’t have sex that night. She stayed for the sake of staying and because I asked her to. And that’s when I truly grasped how deep in this I was.
I was in love with her.
I was in love with Morgan Hayes…and I hated myself for it.
Because I didn’t hate it at all.