49. Lily
FORTY-NINE
LILY
Chase and Lee have a nice back patio, string lights above our heads, tiki torches around the perimeter, and an outdoor table that seats ten. Right now, I’m sitting smack-dab in the center, coloring dinosaurs with my baby boy.
Lee brings out a few platters, setting them in the middle of the table, and I feel useless. Like an intruder. I glance up, watching as she stumbles, resting her hands on the back of the chair across from me, closing her eyes and gulping in deep breaths. Her face drains of color.
“Are you all right?” I ask.
Her gaze snaps open and she looks up at me, painting a smile on her face. “I’m fine. I’ve just been sick with a stomach bug that won’t quit!” She presses her hand against her stomach. “Some days I think it’s better and then boom! I can’t get outta bed.”
My eyes trail down her form, gaze resting on where her palm cradles her stomach. My heart skips. I’m a firm believer that sometimes your subconscious can relay information through body language you aren’t willing to acknowledge. And if that’s the case, Lee’s relaying all kinds of information.
Picking up a glass of water, I take a sip. “Interesting.”
Her eyebrow cocks. “What’s so interestin’ about it?”
I shrug, and direct my attention back toward the dinosaurs.
Chase saunters out, whistling, embodying a laid-back and easy demeanor. Never in my life would I have guessed that I would see him whistling while he works, but here he is, busting out of his cocoon, having transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
He walks over to Lee, his arm wrapping around her waist as he presses a kiss to her head. “Hey, baby. You okay?”
She smiles faintly at him, her skin still pallid. “I’m fine, babe. Just queasy.”
His brow furrows. “Still? Have you called the doctor?”
She waves him off. “Psh. Ain’t nothin’ a doc gonna tell me other than to take it easy and sleep it off.”
“And to take a pregnancy test,” I mutter.
Chase snaps his head to me and so does Lee, her eyes narrowing. “If you’ve got somethin’ to say, Lily, you can just come right out and say it.”
Dropping the crayon, I raise my hands. “I didn’t say a thing.”
“Pwegnanc-eeeeeeee,” a tiny voice to my left croons.
Shit.
Chase’s eyes grow wide, his head twisting back to Lee.
“Nope,” she says, throwing her hands up. “Nope. Nope. We are not havin’ this conversation right now. I’ll be inside.”
She hustles away and Chase sits down across from me, running a hand through his hair. “Do you really think…?”
I shrug. “That’s between you and her. I just know when I was pregnant with this one”—I point to baby Chase—“I was throwing up constantly .” My fingers scratch at my wrist. “That being said, I was also going through heavy withdrawal, so who’s to say? Your fiancée done any hard drugs lately?” I smile wide, attempting to lighten the mood.
It doesn’t work.
“That’s not funny, Lil.”
My stomach tenses, but I soften my smile. “Sometimes humor is the best way to cope.”
He blows out a breath, glancing around the patio. Leaning forward, his elbows rest on the table. “Listen, no one who is coming knows about us being engaged. We were thinking of announcing it today. So until we do, mind keeping it quiet?”
My brows shoot up, shock circling through my insides. “ What? No one knows yet?”
He smiles. “It happened the same day I found out where you were. I’ve been a bit preoccupied.”
Guilt spirals through my center, but I ignore the heaviness. It’s not a new feeling, after all. “Well.” I mime zipping my lips. “Mum’s the word. Your secret’s safe with me.”
Ten minutes later, the doorbell rings, making my body jolt. I grip the purple crayon in my fist, taking deep breaths. My nerves are frayed, my mind having had all evening to run through the ten thousand different ways this reunion could go.
Mainly, I’m scared of Becca.
While she was never as close with me as Lee, at the end of the day, it was still the three of us. But Becca never held on to friendships quite as tight, especially when someone else was already letting go. And I pulled away first, I won’t deny it, which made it easy for her to wash her hands, firmly aligning herself with Lee’s camp, becoming protective of her and pushing me to the side.
Speak of the devil, and she’ll appear.
Becca walks through the back patio, her curly, red hair bouncing with every step, and an extremely attractive blond guy with his hand around her waist. My hands press against my thighs, and I swallow down the anxiety, preparing for the worst. Becca isn’t one to hold back her sharp tongue and her opinions.
Chase walks over, his eyes bouncing from me to baby Chase. “Hey, man, you want to come learn how to flip burgers on the grill?”
Baby Chase’s eyes light up and he squeals, scrambling off his booster seat. I reach out to help him, but he barely touches my hand before he’s off and running to his uncle. My heart spasms at the sight of them.
I’ll go through whatever steps I need and face off anyone from my past, no matter how terrifying and hurtful, because my baby boy deserves to have his family.
“Well, look at what the cat dragged in.” Becca stands at the head of the table, her hip cocked to the side, as she stares me dead in the eye. Immediately, I can sense a difference from the girl I knew, a softness surrounding her like an aura. It makes me slightly less on edge.
I force a grin. “Hi, Becca.”
Her lips twitch. “Is that all I get? A hi? After you up and disappeared, leavin’ us all here in shambles?”
My insides squeeze tight, nerves racing through my insides. I don’t know if I can do this .
Her arms open wide, and she smiles. “The least you can do is get over here and give me a hug.” Shock floods my chest, drizzling down through my extremities like a watering can, dousing the nerves with relief.
I stand up slowly, a flush rising on my cheeks as I move toward her. She pulls me in, wrapping me in her arms, and I sink into her hold, trying like hell to stem the tears. The Becca I knew would never have done this. She would have strung me up with her cutting words and beaten me blue out of spite. It makes me wonder what happened to make her able to lead with love instead of fire.
“It’s so good to see you, girlfriend. You look…” She pulls back, her hands gripping my forearms, her emerald-green gaze soaking me in. “You look damn good.” Her eyes zone in on my tattoos, and she smirks. “I always wanted to get a tattoo, but I’ve never had the nerve.”
She smiles wide, and a deep chuckle breaks out, the tall guy from earlier appearing next to her. I take him in, wondering who he is and why I can’t place him, but there’s a tingle of familiarity that niggles at the back of my brain.
“Baby girl, you never told me you wanted a tattoo.” His blue eyes sparkle as he grins at her.
A beaming smile breaks across her face, and she twists to look up at him, her eyes warming. The love flows effortlessly between the two of them, and it makes my stomach cramp, wondering if that’s how I looked at Al— Mason .
“Yep.” She pops the p . “A big number thirty-three, right on my ass.”
He chuckles again, his palm reaching down and gripping said ass cheek, and my face flushes, feeling like a third wheel.
She smacks his chest but lets his hand linger as she turns back to me. “You remember Eli, Lily?”
My brows shoot to my hairline, surprise slamming into my middle, making me lose my breath. “Eli as in Elliot Carson? Lee’s brother?” I take him in again, recognition flaring to life. Last I heard, he had one foot out the door, ready to make it big in the NBA.
He grins, his dark-blond hair bobbing with his head nod. “The one and only. How you doin’, Lily? You’re much older than the last time I saw you.”
A laugh bursts out of me, his demeanor instantly putting me at ease. Honestly, the two of them combined have an energy that reaches out and wraps around me, immediately making me feel welcome. I’m not sure that I deserve it.
I grin. “Back at ya.”
He leans in closer, his arm moving from Becca’s waist to her shoulders. “Take deep breaths. Everything will be okay.”
My brows draw in.
“You look nervous,” he continues. “I know, more than anyone else here, what it’s like to be terrified of coming back home. But I promise, we don’t bite.”
I huff out a laugh, embarrassment that my nerves are that obvious rising to my cheeks. “Famous last words.”
Eli winks, and I lose my breath just a little, caught off guard by his charm.
Becca’s still smiling at me, her eyes wide and friendly. Am I in an alternate universe?
“I heard you went and had yourself a baby while you were gone. That true?” She lifts a brow.
I turn around, looking for my baby, finding him in Chase’s arms, standing in front of the grill. I point my finger, that same warmth from earlier rising up through my chest and squeezing my heart. “Yep,” I say. “The only good thing I’ve ever done with my life.”
Becca’s eyes spark. “Well, now, I don’t think that’s the truth. You look like you’ve done some good things for yourself too, girlfriend.”
The corners of my mouth twitch. “Debatable.”
Eli smiles warmly before leaning in to kiss Becca. “I’m gonna go find my sister.”
I watch as he walks away and then turn back to Becca, my heart thumping against my rib cage. “You don’t hate me?” I ask softly.
Her finger curls into her wild hair as she appraises me, her eyes squinting. Finally, she sighs, shaking her head. “I don’t hate anyone. Life is too short, and I’ve learned that hate won’t do anything but keep you from learnin’ how to love. Everyone makes mistakes.” Her eyes grow dark as her gaze flits past me to Eli. “Everyone deserves second chances.”
My chest spasms, and I nod, biting back the emotion surging from her words.
Becca steps closer to me, her hand resting on top of where my fingers are skating along my skin in a nervous rhythm. “No one here has any right to judge you for your past. We’re all just a big ball of fucked -up and learnin’ how to make the most of what we’ve got. Was I mad at you for a long time? Yes. But…life has a funny way of makin’ you see things from different angles. And your choices are your own, Lily. I’m just happy to have you back and get to watch you raise that little boy.” Her head tilts. “You are stayin’, right?”
The burn explodes from the back of my eyes, tears slipping down the apples of my cheeks, acceptance bleeding into my skin from where it seeps out of her pores. I nod. “Yeah.” I look around, feeling a bit of hope in the desolation that’s been my life. “I’m staying.”
She backs up, smiling. “Well, good.” Her eyes flicker behind me again. “But just so you know, Eli is mine. ”
I purse my lips to hide my grin. “I could tell.”
She giggles. “Well, I’m just makin’ sure. I worked long and hard to get that man back in my life, and I’m still tryin’ every day to prove myself. I don’t need a cute little spritely thing like you comin’ in here and tryin’ to fuck up all my hard work.”
Amusement bubbles from deep in my stomach, true laughter floating out of me for the first time in what feels like forever.
More voices filter in through the patio doors, and I look toward the noise. Jax saunters in, followed closely by a pretty brunette.
Becca glances toward them. “You saw Jax already, when they went to find you, right? That’s Blakely, his girlfriend.”
“And she’s…a model?” I ask, remembering Annabelle talking about the cover of Vogue.
Becca smirks. “Kinda. She’s a social media influencer. Her dad is some bigwig in Cali, and she came out here to win back Jax and just kinda…never left? Sometimes, paparazzi even comes around, but it’s died down a lot in the past six months or so.”
I suck in a breath. “Paparazzi?”
Becca nods. “Yeah. Can you believe it? In Sugarlake. The old biddies down at the market have a day with it all.” She chuckles, springing a curl around her finger. “She’s good people, though, and she’s good as hell for Jax.”
“Mommy! Watch!” Baby Chase’s voice floats across the back patio, and I look over, his little hand holding a spatula, helping his uncle flip burgers.
My heart flips. “Wow, baby, that’s incredible! Good job!”
He beams and squirms to get down from Chase’s arms to run over. He wraps himself around my legs, realizing there’s another person here, and looks up at her with a shy smile.
Becca’s grin widens and she squats down. “Well, aren’t you the handsomest little man I’ve ever seen.”
A dimple pops in his cheek as he peeks at her from behind me.
“I’m Becca. What’s your name?” She tilts her head, holding out her hand.
He grips my legs tighter. “I’m Chase.”
Becca sucks in a sharp gasp, her eyes flickering up to me. Okay, guess they didn’t tell her that yet.
“Well, that’s just confusin’, havin’ two Chases. What’s your middle name?”
I swallow harshly.
“Dewek.”
“Hmm. Nope, that won’t do either. I’m gonna call you Baby C.”
Chase makes a face, his hands letting go of my pant leg. “But I’m not a baby.”
“No?” Becca’s eyebrow quirks. “You sure? You kinda look it.”
He comes out from behind my legs entirely, his little fists resting on his hips. “I do not ! I’m a big boy, just ask my mommy.”
She makes an O shape with her mouth, looking toward me. “Is that true, Lily?”
I nod, holding back a giggle. “It is. He’s a very big boy.”
Becca sighs. “So what about just C ? I can’t be callin’ you both Chase, I’ll wind up confusin’ myself.”
Baby Chase contemplates it, his teeth working into his bottom lip before he nods. “Okay.”
“We’ve gotta spit shake,” she says. And then Becca straight up spits into the palm of her hand and holds it out to him.
He bursts into giggles, his nose scrunching. “Ewwwwww, I don’t wanna touch that!”
She grins wide, her green eyes sparkling. “You’re no fun. But I’m still holdin’ you to it.”
“I am too fun.” He smiles and steps closer to her. “Do you know how to pway Spiduh-Man?”
Her eyes flash to me in victory. “Nope, can you teach me?”
He reaches out to grab her hand but pauses, most likely realizing she just spit in it, and walks around to her other side instead. “Mommy, I’m gonna teach Becca how to pway. Bye!”
Then he’s off, taking what’s left of my heart with him.
And for the first time, I sit back and let myself imagine what it will be like letting him grow up in Sugarlake, with all of these people treating him like family.