CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Noctis
Dirt dug beneath my nails, the moon’s light reflecting a sheen cast off my sweating body. I’d been at it for hours, tearing into the land and carrying each slain to rest. The ground was compacted, heavy, and dense from the rainfall and the blood that seeped into every crevice.
When incoherent soldiers returned home to their families, they noticed the missing loved ones.
They watched as I lowered each one into their grave.
The battle cries shifted into sobs of grief.
War drums turned into silent, still hearts.
Metal weapons clashing faded into pleas and prayers to me—the Shepherd of Souls—to deliver the fallen to peace.
Although my body begged for respite, I allowed the families to let me know when they were ready for goodbyes.
I waited while the final group stood crowded around a woman's body, sobs wracking the three young children.
HER children. Their father stood behind them, resting a hand around their shoulders, whether in comfort or protection I couldn't be sure.
He gave me a nod, and I lowered her gently into the soil with my powers. Dirt was piled atop her form with my hands and arms, and only when the land had returned to some illusion of peace, did I stand.
Hundreds of lives lost. Thousands of lives changed forever.
I hated myself for not being faster. For not saving more people. For not being capable of saving them. Even more than that, I hated myself for wanting to run. The adrenaline coursing through my blood, begging me to return to her. My love. My Blood Tie. My Caelyn.
To feel her lips against mine again, her skin rubbing along my own…
Images of my encaged father flashed through my mind, and dread settled deep in my gut at the thought of facing him once again.
I would never forgive the godsire—not only for the childhood I’d barely survived at his hands, but for the death of my mother and Zahara.
It was like losing two mothers in one lifetime.
I’d also never forgive the titan—who ran off after the Ocean Mother perished at the hands of Caelyn—for attacking me and forcing Caelyn to fight alone.
A dragon landed with ease at my side, shuffling its massive claws in irritation.
Finnegan dismounted, but I kept my attention on the mourning family.
Yet another mother lost to the cruelty of the gods.
A part of me ached for the poison the Ocean Mother fed Caelyn to rid my own memories.
Maybe then I wouldn’t see my mother’s lifeless body every time I closed my eyes.
Maybe then the guilt of not fighting back wouldn’t eat me alive every damn day.
But then I wouldn’t remember Caelyn, and that would have been a punishment all on its own.
“I’m not coming back, Finn,” I murmured to my friend as he joined my side.
“We know.” It was definite yet understanding, and I sighed. Finnegan fought with me in the last war we faced, and although he was one of my greatest acquaintances, I was precisely where I needed to be.
Finnegan continued. “We brought your belongings down with Azrakel.” He gestured toward my opaline dragon.
Azrakel snuffed in annoyance, and admittedly, I deserved it.
My dragon was left in Aetherkin Bound when I vanished in search of Caelyn.
It wasn’t my intention to hurt my beloved beast, but when I heard her cry, Azrakel was in the stables asleep.
I couldn’t wait to saddle and mount, instead opting to jump from the cliff that dropped me into the Terraguard Bound.
I’d hoped one day the dragon would forgive me, but I also knew it’d come with actions, not words.
I shifted my attention to Azrakel, who only turned slightly and crooked his neck.
“I’ve been a terrible friend, Azrakel, and I apologize for my disregard of your feelings.
” I extended my hand, palm up, nothing sitting atop it, but the beast went wild.
He fell to the ground, rolling like a playful puppy.
His feet kicked the air wildly before he sat back up, reassuming the stoic facade.
Smoke huffed from his nostrils, and I chuckled lightly.
I focused my powers on my extended hand, a globe of light appearing.
Azrakel drooled over devouring souls—usually only ones from animals but occasionally creatures I saw fit. I’d saved several from the battle and tossed them into the dragon’s open, dagger-toothed mouth.
Chests of my life’s belongings were strapped to the back of the dragon closer to his tail.
“He’s staying with you, though,” Finnegan quipped, pointing at Azrakel. “No one wants to deal with his brooding attitude.”
I laughed. “I’ll visit soon, Finn—”
“The Arcane Festival is next month, and we all expect your attendance,” Finnegan interrupted, his hand gripping my shoulder.
It wasn’t goodbye, I tried to tell myself, but it would be a while before I saw my old home again.
“You’ll send word if you need anything? Anything at all. I’ll resurge the opal ring for Aetherkin’s powers when I visit next month.”
Finnegan only nodded and sprinted off toward the moon’s luminous glow, the Aetherkin troops already circling overhead on dragon backs.
Yusop, his ruby dragon, swooped down and threw him into the saddle before my council and people flew toward their home.
Their home wasn’t mine anymore, though. My home was with her.
“Guess it’s time I show you your new home, Azrakel,” I said lowly. When the mourning family retreated to grieve elsewhere, Azrakel and I took off to the skies.
Caelyn and Evelyn overlooked the somber village when we landed beside them.
They both pulled their knees to their chest, staring off in silence.
Those that still breathed had tucked away inside, hidden behind the barriers and safety they clung to.
Others filled the silence with longing and reminiscence.
The streets bore none of it, silent as the graves I’d tirelessly filled.
When Evelyn noticed me, she stood.
“I could live the entire rest of my life without seeing you two swap spit again,” she joked. Her previously disheveled hair was pulled into a neat bun at the nape of her neck, the color in her cheeks already resurfacing.
I remembered meeting Evelyn before Caelyn’s sacrifice and before everything fractured.
She had been bright with life and effortless joy, the kind of presence that filled a room without trying.
I could still recall how, in the first moment of later meeting the crew, I’d thought she and Calvin would become inseparable.
It brought me some peace that she could still joke after the torturous past months, but seeing Caelyn light up in her presence brought me utter joy.
Evelyn skipped a bit as she left toward the town’s center. Her and Caelyn worked to find missing family members through the evening, bearing the bad news to many. The day continued, tortuous for us all.
“How are you?” Caelyn asked, looking up at me. Her eyes carried a light that lit me on fire. The way she licked her lips, her tongue trailing across the curves. It was enough to make me bow.
“I am well now.”
It wasn’t a lie. She spoke the three words I had longed for while I was still bound beneath the Ocean Mother’s spell of power, but even then, some part of me had already known. When I was with Caelyn, there were no worries, no qualms, no pain.
She patted the grass beside her, so I sat.
“Evelyn is different,” she sighed. “She looks around differently, speaks differently, spooks at everything…”
I laced my fingers into hers, a weave I’d beg to feel for the rest of my life. When she scooted closer to me, outer thigh rubbing against mine, I nearly pounced. Her head lowered to my shoulder, a silent ask for comfort.
So, comfort she would get.
I wrapped my arm around her, cradling her head, and lowered us both into the grass. I rested on my elbow looking down at her.
“She will come back. Safety doesn’t always immediately bring happiness.”
“You sound like you have experience.”
My fingers brushed through her hair from root to tip, my eyes trailing the motion. All I wanted at that moment was to hold her… touch her… be with her.
“I do,” I said quietly.
Caelyn tried to smile, but it was pitiful. Her eyes scrunched, and I would have done anything to change the subject.
“I don’t want to be near the water,” she admitted.
I understood. It was the place that brought her the most pain.
Trauma was weird… fickle even. It did what it wanted, even if others thought it odd.
Some days it affected lives tenfold. On others, it buried itself so deep that you nor anyone around could tell anything ever happened.
And it was dangerous, stealing the lives of many that masked it well enough.
“Then we run now, find the prettiest castle to buy, and live happily ever after,” I responded. My fingers traced her face’s features—her eyebrows, cheekbones, lips.
“With what? Your good looks?” she laughed, and I joined in. I pressed a kiss to her forehead, savoring in the caress, the way my chest fell into hers.
I grinned, a wicked sort of smile. “Or threats.”