12. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
Falls by ODESZA ft. Sasha Alex Sloan
April 11, 1912
Violet Kelly.
I knew it was her immediately. Her resemblance to me or mine to her is uncanny and instantly recognizable. It is astonishing to feel as though you’re looking into a mirror.
“Thank… thank you,” I mutter breathlessly. I knew she was here, somewhere on the ship. I had only hoped I would be lucky enough to meet her. I told myself I wouldn’t seek her out in order to keep the secrecy of our project aboard. But I convinced myself that if I found her organically, it was okay. I feel a sharp pang of guilt for not informing Dr. Conrad, and even Ben, that I have a relative on the Titanic and that I knew about it before signing on to the mission. I convinced myself that it wouldn’t change anything and that I was still committed to our job. I believed, perhaps recklessly, that the likelihood of meeting her among the thousands of people aboard the ship was near impossible.
But now, here she is. Standing before me. I hate myself for not knowing what to say to her. Thankfully, my awkward nature does not appear to be hereditary because she takes over the conversation with ease.
“Are you alright, dear? You almost took a tumble there.”
“I’m well, thank you. No harm done to me or the dress.”
“Wonderful.” She takes my hand into hers again. Even through her glove, I can feel the warmth in her hand. Kindness radiates from her eyes. “I’m Violet Kelly. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss—?”
“Alice Mur—Turner.” I correct myself quickly.
“It is lovely to meet you!” She looks toward the shuffleboard game. When my gaze follows hers, I see Ben approaching, having noticed my near trip and fall.
I smile and gesture toward him. “And my brother, Benjamin Turner.”
Ben takes her hand to greet her. As his eyes meet hers, he too realizes where he has seen them before. I can’t tell if he suspects anything or if he is just shocked at the resemblance. He looks back at me, puzzled, but before he can say anything, she motions toward a gentleman approaching us.
“This is my husband, John Kelly. Darling, this is Alice Turner and her brother Benjamin.”
John shakes Ben’s hand and they engage in polite conversation, leaving Violet and me to talk privately.
I stand so that I am properly facing her and able to take her in fully. She’s beautiful. If my recollection is correct, she’s thirty years old right now, two years older than me. She stands taller than me in a pale green day dress with her dark brown hair pulled into a knot. Her skin is fair and freckles dance across the bridge of her nose. Her green eyes look at me in confusion, likely wondering why this awkward young woman is just staring at her. Or, perhaps, she too sees the striking resemblance between us.
Say something, Alice. You’re being weird.
“Are you enjoying your journey?” Is that the best thing I could think of to say?
“Indeed. I have never seen a ship this grand before. I do not particularly enjoy sailing, but I did not want John to travel alone. Is it just you and your brother here, or are you married?”
“Oh no, no, no.” I wave off the notion before realizing I’m being a little too casual and all too awkward.
Thankfully, she laughs. “That would have been my response if I had not found John. He is my match in every way. When you find that, you will just know. It just takes time.”
Time. She doesn’t realize I’m quite familiar with the concept of time right now, especially given the method of travel that’s brought me here.
I have to make myself ask her questions about her life as we walk, many of which I already know the answer to. I’ve studied our family records and ancestry, but something about hearing it directly from the source makes everything feel more real, more legitimate.
I smile and continue asking her questions. “Do you have children?”
“Oh, yes! We have twins, Diana and Evelyn. They are back in Boston with my mother. She cared for them while we traveled. We cannot wait to return home to them. I miss them so much.”
“Twins, how lovely. That must be an adventure!” Evelyn was my father’s grandmother. She eventually married Thomas Murphy, and their son George was my grandfather.
She smiles appreciatively at me. “Thank you. They certainly keep us busy. John proposed we take an extended trip to have some time together, just the two of us. I thought I would enjoy the peace of our travels, but now I long for the loudness of our home. It’s not without its difficulties, of course. They are twins, but they could not be more different.” She unclasps the gold locket that hangs around her neck. Etched into the outside is a rose pattern with the letters V and J interlocked. I recognize it immediately from a box of family heirlooms I have in storage. Inside is a small black-and-white photo of two small girls in front of a grand staircase. She points to a little girl sitting on a stool. “Here, that one on the left, that’s Diana. She’s my wild one. She’s loud, theatrical, and vivacious. When she enters a room, she barrels into it. If she has a thought, you’re going to hear about it. And she has many thoughts!” Violet is laughing as she points to the other little girl, standing behind her sister. “On the right, that’s my Evelyn. She’s quieter, a thinker. You can see the wheels turning when you look at her face. I have to coax her feelings out sometimes. She guards herself a little too well, I think. See how she has her hand on her sister's shoulder? She tries to take care of everyone and protect them like that.”
Evelyn sounds so much like me, it leaves me speechless. I recognize the setting of the photograph right away. From the placement of the windows to the staircase in the background, it’s quite clear the photograph was taken at home. Their home. My home . The same staircase I slid down as a child, the same windows I peer through to watch a thunderstorm. They’ve always been with me. Perhaps I’ve never truly been alone.
My voice breaks slightly. “They’re lovely,” is all I can muster with a grateful smile. What a gift it is to meet my family, even more so to see myself in them, in their physical appearance and their character. It comforts me to know that perhaps some of the way I am isn’t because of any trauma, but that it runs in the family.
The bugle calls for dinner, interrupting my gaze upon the photo of my great-grandmother and her twin sister. I quickly hand the locket back to Violet and try to compose myself. I don’t want to scare her off with my emotions. “Thank you for sharing this with me. Perhaps I will see you again tomorrow?”
“That would be lovely. Good day, Alice.” Violet smiles as John and Ben approach to escort us back to our cabins before dinner.
We reach our cabin, and I quickly kick off my shoes. I need a moment's rest without them. They’ve been hurting all day. I like to wiggle my toes when I’m fidgeting, and these shoes do not allow even the tiniest space for movement.
Ben stands in the doorway between his room and mine, removing his jacket and tie while recounting his day to me.
“John was really nice. He’s a funny guy. Not at all arrogant, like some of these people. How was his wife? Violet, right?”
“She’s just lovely.” My voice sounds like I’m in awe of her, which truthfully, I am.
“It’s wild. She has the same eyes as you. I had to do a double-take when you introduced us. With a resemblance like that, you’d think you were family.” He says it so innocently, as if genuinely surprised by how similar two strangers can look.
There’s no getting around this now, I suppose, and I’m a terrible liar. I start to squirm and fumble with my hands before looking up at Ben.
“She’s my great-great-grandmother, Ben.”
Ben’s eyes widen in shock. “You never told me you had…” His voice trails off as he looks at me with a confused expression.
“I’ve never told anyone. I didn’t even tell Dr. Conrad. I never expected to know her, let alone find her.”
Worry settles into Ben’s face. “Ali...” He wipes his hand over his mouth. He seems stressed but also as if he’s unsure of what to say. It’s not like me to keep things from him.
“Don’t worry, you can save the lecture. I know I can’t tell her anything. It would put my existence into question if I did and anything in her life were to change.” I try to reassure him as best I can. I’m not about to risk anything.
Ben nods and I am grateful he doesn’t scold me further. “What happens to her? Do you know?”
I nod slowly. “She will make it off the ship. But John… he won’t survive.”
Ben’s shocked expression turns to sadness. “Oh, Ali. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have kept it from you or Dr. Conrad. It was wrong and I know that. I think once I had my mind set on coming, I didn’t want anything to prevent it from happening. I was finally doing something brave, and I just didn’t want it taken away. I assumed he would do some kind of background check or look through records and see I had a relation here and immediately disqualify me from the project. When that never happened, it just became easier to not mention.”
“I’m just sad for you. You’ve found her, a piece of your family. It’s another person for you to lose, and that worries me, Ali. You’ve already endured more pain and loss than I think is fair to one person.”
“I appreciate that, Ben. I really do. But I promise you, I’m okay.” I lock my eyes on him so he can see how serious I am and that this isn’t a protective front I’m putting up. “I’ve always known what happens to her and John. I wish it could be different. And I know for the sake of my existence that I can’t alter their lives. So for now, I’ll just enjoy the time I have with them and I just have to be content with that.”