16. MAX #4
She smiled warmly and patted my hand again. “I’m looking forward to your official arrival, Max. I think Eli and Margie will like you, too.”
She showed us out, and before I knew it, we were back in the car, sitting in a tense silence. “This is great,” Lucas finally said, in a voice that made it sound anything but. “She seems really nice, and the house will accommodate your needs well. And soon you’ll be out of the chair, anyway.”
It both was great and wasn’t, and my mind was at war with itself over which it was.
Good: I would be moving into a house owned by a warm, friendly landlord who knew what it was like to be stuck in a chair and didn’t care that I was gay.
Bad: I was leaving Lucas in two days. What then?
Would we continue having sex? Could we continue to just hang out?
Because I liked that just as much as I liked the sex.
What if he didn’t want to be friends? What if we weren’t really friends at all and he’d just been being friendly because that’s what you do when you live with someone?
Ok, that last one was probably over the top. He wasn’t having sex with me because it was a polite way to be a roommate. But still, my worries and sense of impending loss swirled around in my mind, winding me tighter and tighter as we drove. I clenched my hands in my lap and tried to breathe.
“Max?” he said quietly when we were about halfway home.
Was this it? Was he about to tell me what he wanted going forward?
He bit his lip. “Will you let me help you pick out furniture and get it into your room? I’m assuming you’ll be going more Ikea than custom-furniture-delivery, and you know you can’t get that stuff up in the stair chair, so…”
Yet another offer of help, because that was just how he went through life.
Part of me didn’t want to accept, wanted to just make a clean break before I got hurt worse by my continued dependence on him, but he looked so hopeful that I couldn’t do it.
“Yes, of course,” I told him. “I’d love that, if you really don’t mind.
If you do, I can find another way, though!
It’s going to be some heavy lifting, and god knows putting together Ikea furniture requires a phD.
I’m sure there’s a service somewhere in the city that will haul the stuff upstairs and set it up for me. ”
He shook his head firmly. “No, I want to help. Let me do this for you, ok?” He sounded almost distraught, and I wondered what was going through his head.
Was he upset to be losing me, like I was about losing him?
Or was he just worried about me being on my own after months of needing his help with almost everything?
Or hell, maybe I was reading too much into things and he wasn’t distraught at all.
“Ok,” I agreed quietly. “Sure. Maybe we could go early on Friday morning? Otherwise I won’t have a bed to sleep in that night.”
He winced. “I hadn’t thought of that. Friday morning, absolutely. We’ll go first thing and pick you out a bed and a desk. I’ll pay,” he added sternly.
“And you’ll keep the receipt,” I shot back, “so I know exactly how much I owe you when I start repaying your loan to me.”
Lucas made a grumbling noise but didn’t object. Instead, he reached over and put a hand on my thigh. “What do you want to do with the rest of your day? I don’t go in until early morning tomorrow, so you’ve got me available for your use until then.”
Now we were back on more familiar ground. I laid my hand over his and gave it a squeeze. “I can think of a few ways I’d like to use you, if you’re offering.”
His hand drifted up my thigh toward my cock, and I caught my breath, waiting for the touch. When it came, it was light, almost teasing, just a flick of his fingers over my soft length. I felt myself start to harden rapidly. His hand moved away again almost immediately, back to rubbing my thigh.
I groaned. “No fair.”
“All’s fair in love and war,” he retorted with good humor, directing a grin in my direction.
Did he realize he’d just mentioned love?
Well, it was an idiom; there was no reason to think he meant it literally.
But I allowed myself to daydream for a few minutes: Lucas would pull the car over at a scenic overlook and turn to me.
Max, he’d say, I don’t want you to go. I’d touch his face gently, trailing my fingers over his cheek, then his nose, then his lips before touching my lips to his.
We’d kiss softly for a minute, and then he’d pull away.
He’d take my hands in his warm ones and smile.
I love you; please stay with me, he’d go on, and I would feel pure joy, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. And then…
“Max. Max!” The hand lifted off my leg to wave in front of my face.
“Huh?” I managed confusedly.
Lucas snorted. “Good to know I have your attention when I’m touching your cock.”
Pulling myself together, I managed a teasing smile. “You know you always have my attention when you’re touching my cock. Feel free to do it more.”
Even from the side, I could see the heat stealing over his expression as he slowly moved his hand back up.