Chapter 15-Esme
I probably shouldn’t be smiling.
After that?
After the tension, the shouting, the way the air practically crackled with years of anger and unfinished business?
Yeah, I should be shaken.
Unnerved.
Maybe even a little scared.
Instead?
I’m floating.
Absolutely, ridiculously floating.
Because Benjamin Gunner just stood up to the man who’s been looming over his life like some kind of dark storm cloud—and he didn’t back down.
Not once.
He stood his ground and took back all that man had stolen from him when he was just a child.
His pride. His sense of self-worth. Dignity. Respect.
And when it mattered?
When it really mattered?
Benji defended me.
Me.
My lips press together as I reapply my lip balm, trying to hide the way my smile keeps threatening to break free.
It’s pointless.
I’m glowing.
Like a total idiot.
God.
I feel like a girl with the biggest crush.
Which is ridiculous.
Because I’m not a girl.
And this isn’t a crush.
This is history.
Complicated, messy, slightly unhinged history with a man who can still knock the breath out of me with one look.
But still.
The way he grabbed my hand.
The way he didn’t hesitate.
The way he called me sweetheart like it belonged there—I press my lips together again, harder this time.
Get it together, Esme.
You are not some green virgin with her first crush.
You are not spiraling over a man who broke your heart.
Even if he did just punch someone in the face for calling you a name.
Okay.
So, maybe I am doing a little spiraling.
I sneak a glance at him as he pulls the truck back onto the road.
He looks different.
Lighter, somehow.
Still intense.
Still wound tight in that way that feels like he’s always one second away from snapping—but there’s something else there now.
Something settled.
Like he just put down a weight he didn’t even realize he was carrying.
My chest warms.
“You okay?” I ask softly.
He glances at me, then back at the road.
“Yeah,” he says after a beat. “Better than I’ve been in a while.”
I nod, turning back toward the window, watching the ranch disappear behind us.
“Good,” I murmur.
Because it is.
It’s really, really good.
Silence settles between us again—but it’s not awkward.
Not heavy.
Just easy.
Comfortable.
And that might be the most dangerous thing of all.
Because it makes it really easy to forget everything that came before.
Everything that still needs to be figured out.
Everything that could still go wrong.
“Where to next?” I ask, breaking the quiet before my thoughts spiral too far.
I smooth my lips together, more out of habit than anything, and glance at him again.
“The Big C,” he says. “Chase Baron’s ranch. We got a special delivery.”
I blink.
“The Big C?” I repeat, amused. “That sounds ominous or just conceited.”
He huffs out a quiet laugh.
“It’s not,” he says. “Just what everyone calls it. Big operation. Good stock. Pays on time.”
“Ah,” I nod sagely. “The important things.”
“Damn right.”
I grin, settling back into my seat.
“And we’re delivering what?”
He glances at me, one brow lifting slightly.
“Semen straws for his heifers.”
I snort.
“Semen straws?”
“Bull spunk.”
Then, I giggle.
“Of course we are.”
He chuckles, shaking his head.
“Still not over that, huh?”
“Nope,” I say cheerfully. “Don’t think I ever will be. It’s just such a glamorous life you lead, Benji.”
“Yeah?” he shoots back. “Well, I didn’t hear you complaining about it earlier.”
My breath catches.
Just a little.
Heat creeps up my neck, and I look away quickly, focusing very hard on the scenery flying by.
“Low blow,” I mutter.
He smirks.
I can feel it without even looking.
And yeah.
There it is again.
That flutter.
That stupid, giddy, completely irrational feeling that I thought I’d left behind years ago.
I sigh softly, resting my head against the window.
Cautiously optimistic.
That’s what I am.
That’s what I should be.
Because we still have things to figure out.
Still have truths to uncover.
Still have wounds that haven’t fully healed.
But the truth?
The real truth?
I’m already gone.
Just as gone for him now as I ever was.
Maybe more.
Because now I know what it feels like to lose him.
And still choose him anyway.
I close my eyes for a second, letting the rhythm of the road settle into my bones.
Yeah.
This is dangerous.
But for the first time in a long time?
I don’t want to run from it.
I want to see where it leads.