Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Faith was, by far, the sexiest woman he’d ever had in his bed. He felt the heat between her legs through their clothes. The scent of her arousal was heady in his nostrils, driving him wild.
Tanner was struggling to pace himself and keep his control. All he really wanted to do was tear away those panties, free his dick, and sink himself into her. The thought was so encompassing that it drowned out everything else. The noise in his brain, the knowledge that they were moving too fast.
He wasn’t sure what she wanted out of this, and he really didn’t like to think it was a one-time deal.
He’d told her about his PTSD. That wasn’t something he’d talked about with many women.
A girlfriend had known about it when he’d first been dealing with the symptoms. She hadn’t been able to handle it, the way his moods could shift, the nightmares.
She’d rolled her eyes at his mantras and his need to walk in order to clear his head.
He could already tell Faith wouldn’t be so dismissive. She’d claimed she wouldn’t get scared away. He was sure she believed it.
But she didn’t know yet what it would be like. How tough it could get.
If she got close to him and couldn’t stand it, or didn’t think he was worth all the hassle, it could send him into an even darker spiral.
Yet the intensity of their chemistry together, right in this single moment—it wasn’t something he could pull away from. He hadn’t even realized he was so desperate for her touch, for this connection, until Faith had offered it. He couldn’t deny his need for her anymore.
Even if he might end up getting hurt.
Tanner rutted himself against her. His heart was stuttering in his chest, but he only wanted more. More bare skin, more heat, more of her body. The problem? He had to stop kissing her if they were going to undress.
Suddenly, she cried out around his tongue, back arching. Her hips bucked upward, grinding against his cock through their layers of clothes. He felt her shuddering, heard the strain of pleasure in her moans.
When she stopped shivering, he braced a hand on the mattress to look down at her. Faith’s eyes were wide.
“You came?” A smile tugged at his mouth.
She nodded.
Tanner hummed appreciatively. He didn’t mind working hard to get someone off, but the responsiveness of her body sent jolts of desire to his balls. His cock was so thick it was aching, but somehow, her orgasm had gotten him even harder. Precum dampened his boxer briefs.
“It’s, um…been awhile. Since I’ve done anything like this.” She glanced away. “Or since anyone’s touched me? Not counting myself, I mean.” Her voice wavered. “I guess I was slightly starved for contact.”
“I am, too.” He’d been so turned on, he was a little surprised he hadn’t come in his shorts. “A little dry spell is nothing to be ashamed of.” It helped explain why they were both so frantic.
Her eyelids kept blinking. “Three years?”
“Wait. Three years?” But she’d been married. How could a woman this beautiful and sweet be denied pleasure for that long?
Faith’s eyes squeezed closed. “I wish I hadn’t said that out loud. It’s pathetic.”
“It’s not pathetic.” Tanner shifted to one side of her, so he wasn’t holding her down. And so his dick wasn’t poking her and making its demands.
He was aware of the significance of tonight for his own battered heart. How risky it was to let her close enough that she’d see the darker spaces in his head.
But now he was thinking of what this intimacy meant for her.
She’d obviously been through something terrible with her ex. There was probably a lot more to it she hadn’t shared.
Faith had gotten married as a teenager, and the guy had turned out to be a drug dealer. Right now, Jon Townsend was still trying to keep his hooks in her. Just a few days ago, that lowlife Kyle Spaulding had terrorized her for no other reason than her connection to her ex.
Fuck, Tanner thought. I can’t do this.
Faith sat up. “I spoiled the mood, didn’t I?”
He ran his hand down her leg. “Not even close. But I think reality might.”
“Reality?”
He traced his thumb across her cheek. “I like you, Faith. A lot. You make me want… So many things. I can’t let myself mess this up.”
That was the terrible thing about hope. It gave you something else to lose.
“I don’t want to mess it up, either.”
Tanner propped himself against the pillows beside her. “Maybe we should slow this down, even though neither of us wants to.”
“You’d better not be saying we should date other people. We both saw how that went.”
He bit down as a surge of possessiveness went through him. “That’s not what I want. I plan to keep my cool and seeing another guy’s hands on you isn’t going to help with that.” He wrapped his arm around her, drawing her against him. “But I want us to figure out…what this means.”
She’d started out this night with someone else. When he and Faith got completely naked together, when he was finally inside of her—close as they could get—Tanner wanted to be able to say she was his. And he wanted her to feel the same about him.
“You’re probably right.” She bit her lower lip, and he saw vulnerability in her expression. “I really like you, and I can’t imagine regretting anything we do. But slower is probably smarter.”
“I can tell you’re worth the wait.”
She dragged her fingers between his pecs and down his stomach. “So are you. Even though waiting sounds like torture at the moment.”
“Hey, at least you got an orgasm.”
“I could help you with that.”
“Nope, my dick can be patient.” Though his body was protesting the opposite.
He kissed a line from her ear down her neck. That led to their mouths meeting again, but it was less urgency and more anticipation. “Stay here tonight?”
“You trust me not to jump you?”
He fit his hand against her neck, loving the way her pulse throbbed under his palm. “I’ll take my chances.”
“I’d better text Sylvie where I am. Considering the fact that Noah picked me up at the start of tonight, she’s going to give me such a hard time tomorrow.”
“That’ll be nothing compared to the shit she’ll give me for moving in on you.”
“But you and Noah are good, right?”
“Yeah. We’re good.” Better than that. Tanner owed him.
He gave Faith one of his shirts to sleep in. He found a new toothbrush for her to use, and while she got ready for bed, he cleaned up his room.
In his nightstand, he found the blue stuffed bear Faith had won on the boardwalk. He left it on the pillow he was already thinking of as “hers.”
She came back upstairs. His shirt nearly reached her knees. “Is that the bear I gave you? You kept it?”
“Of course I did. A pretty girl won it for me.”
They slid under the covers together. Tanner pulled her toward him.
Her body fit perfectly against his. He couldn’t believe he could touch her like this.
Exploring her curves over the fabric of her sleep shirt, kissing her neck while she sighed with pleasure.
It made him realize how lonely he’d been in this room, struggling alone with his demons.
Which you haven’t even told her about yet, he thought. Not really.
But before tonight, he hadn’t said “PTSD” out loud in years. That had to mean progress.
He’d changed into a pair of form-fitting sweats, hoping they’d rein him in. But after about ten seconds of touching and kissing, his excitement was undeniable.
Faith pressed her thigh against his hard-on. “I’m really trying to be good here, and you’re making it difficult.”
“Worth the wait,” he reminded her. And himself.
“Then we have to put some space between us.”
He grumbled, but she had a point. They shifted apart by a couple of inches, but he kept his hand on her stomach, needing to feel her there.
“Do you have plans this weekend?” He wasn’t volunteering at the rec center tomorrow, so his schedule was free.
“Not yet.”
“Want to spend it with me?”
“That could be fun.” He could tell she was trying not to smile, and somehow, that just made her happiness all the more obvious.
He decided, right then. He’d do anything to keep her looking at him that way. Faith seemed to believe he was something special, and it had been so long since he’d felt that. He couldn’t let her down.
It didn’t take long for her breathing to grow smooth and regular.
She hadn’t asked him to turn off the light. He reached for it. But his fingers froze on the switch. The thought of the darkness made his throat start to close.
He left it on.
Tanner rolled back to face her. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, hoping he wouldn’t dream of anything but Faith.