Epilogue
“Who would like to get us started?” the group leader asked. “Who’s got something they’d like to share?”
Tanner raised his hand. The leader called on him, and he shifted in his hard plastic chair. “I went to visit the wife of my buddy who died.”
Everybody here knew who he meant. He’d told them about Scotty’s death and what happened after, though he couldn’t be too specific on the where and when. He’d told the story enough times now that it no longer felt like his throat was about to close up.
“It was the high school graduation for Scotty’s younger son. I’d corresponded with his wife off and on since he died, but it had been a while since I’d visited her in person.”
“And how did you feel about seeing her?” The group leader was a former Marine. He’d lost both legs to an IED in Iraq.
This was a support group for veterans. Many of the members suffered from PTSD.
Tanner had been attending every week. Sometimes he brought Noah or Sean along with him since they were both veterans themselves.
Devon had come a couple of times, and the former Army Ranger had talked about losing his twin brother to violence, though his brother had been a cop, rather than a service member.
Even Tanner’s boss Max had attended with him once. The former Green Beret had spoken about some of his own difficult memories from his time overseas, when he’d been racked with guilt over having to leave his younger sister behind in the states.
“It was good to see her,” Tanner replied. “But hard, too. It’s always been hard thinking about Scotty’s family not having him when I’m still here.”
Many others in the group were nodding.
“But I was grateful to be there. And proud to see the men his sons have grown up to be.”
Tanner and Scotty’s widow had stood on the grass, the New Mexico sun beating down on their heads, watching the graduates cross the stage.
Faith had come with him on the trip, but she’d stayed at the hotel that day.
She would’ve joined him, of course, but he’d thought it would be better to chat with Scotty’s widow alone.
I’m sorry Scotty can’t be here, Tanner had said. He was a hell of an operator. It was a privilege serving with him.
He loved what he did, his wife had responded. I know he wouldn’t have changed a single thing. Even if it had to mean missing this.
It was true. If Tanner had been the one who’d died that day, he would’ve felt the same. He’d never understood why continuing on had posed so many more challenges, but he was starting to.
He’d been seeing a therapist, the same one he’d spoken to a few years ago.
They’d talked about his disappointment and frustration with going “backward,” as he’d seen it.
But she’d assured him there was no right way to recover.
That it was something he might be dealing with for the rest of his life in different ways, ways he might not even be able to foresee yet. That idea was frightening.
But his traumas and experiences had also made him into the man he was today. The man Faith had fallen in love with.
He’d also realized he could help others by being honest about his struggles.
He’d spoken, in very general terms, about PTSD with the kids at the rec center.
He’d also discussed it at a team meeting with the other bodyguards at Bennett Security, too, just before he’d returned to work after his time off.
Max had offered him the position as captain, and Tanner had accepted. Amazingly, he felt his teammates respected him more after knowing his story. Even Kozinski was on better behavior, picking up after himself and being more conscientious.
Mrs. Zhang had also forgiven Tanner for his outburst, and he was back on her detail whenever she visited West Oaks.
Each day, one of his teammates came up to Tanner and asked for advice, often in hushed tones. I’d rather not talk about this with anyone else, but… It felt good to be able to help in those situations, even if he wasn’t always sure of the value of his advice.
The buzz of thoughts in his mind still sometimes got to be too much.
But he used his coping mechanisms, and he never hesitated to explain to his friends or to Faith what was happening.
He was constantly floored to have so many people who cared about him in his life.
Those connections had only gotten stronger and were helping him heal.
He liked to think he was paying it forward.
If Scotty were here, his wife had said, he’d tell us to make the most of every single day.
That was just what Tanner intended to do.
After the meeting, Tanner went outside and found his girlfriend waiting for him. This had become a habit of theirs. No matter what happened during group, Tanner always had her to look forward to.
She flashed her beautiful smile when she saw him coming, and he wrapped her into his arms.
Faith rose onto her toes and kissed him. “How was it today?”
“Not bad.”
He knew that would get a smile out of her. It was another of their inside jokes. After group, it usually meant that things had gone pretty well, but that he didn’t want to jinx it.
“I love you,” he said, because he hadn’t told her for at least an hour.
“I love you, too.” She tucked her head under his chin. She could probably hear his heart speeding up at having her so close.
Faith had given him so much. A reason to get better, a source of support and courage, a bridge to reconnect with his family. These days, Faith never hesitated to speak up when she got annoyed with him. Granted, it didn’t happen often.
Every day, their connection got stronger, and he felt stronger for it.
“What should we do now?” he asked. “Get fish tacos for dinner?”
She snorted. “You’re so predictable. First, I could use a walk on the beach. It’s almost sunset. Maybe there’s a spot with a good view?”
He pretended to think. “I know a place.”
They walked over to the shore and slipped off their shoes, carrying them as they held hands.
The damp sand compressed under Tanner’s feet.
There was a warm breeze tonight. It was the kind of weather that tricked tourists into thinking the water might actually be comfortable.
But the waves were frigid when they splashed over his toes. Just the way he liked it.
The water of the Pacific wasn’t that ideal turquoise blue of the Mediterranean or Caribbean. It was dark blue and murky. Sometimes, it was a stormy gray that concealed its hidden depths. But of all the places he’d traveled, the water here was his favorite.
Faith knew where they were headed. He hung back a bit, letting her lead the way. Her hair ruffled around her face, the blond strands glowing in the fading light.
They reached the bench up on the seawall where they’d sat and had sushi on their first date.
He didn’t think of it as a fake date or a practice anymore.
Their friendship had begun before that, but Tanner had realized he’d loved her since that night.
He’d fallen in love with the way she opened her heart to new experiences. Faced down her fears.
They sat, heads bowed together, watching the fiery orange and cotton-candy pink of the sunset. At least, that was what Tanner did until he got distracted by the beautiful woman beside him. He trailed kisses along her neck, gently sucking at her skin.
She made that needy sound that never failed to get him hard. “People are watching.”
“Don’t care. Not my fault I can’t resist you.”
She glanced at his lap. “I think you need a cold shower.”
“How about a cold swim?” He’d only been joking, but when she turned to him, she had a mischievous smile on her lips.
“You’re going to have to throw me in.”
Tanner stood, lifting her up with him. Her legs wrapped around his waist. She was wearing shorts instead of a dress, so he knew she wouldn’t protest that her undies were showing.
He jogged down the stairs to the water and waded in. “You sure about this?”
She shrugged. “I’m not scared. Do your worst.”
He tossed her up in the air. She screamed and made a huge splash when she landed. He’d known it was a deep enough spot that she wouldn’t hurt herself. But still, she flailed around before surfacing, spitting water. Her hair was plastered to her face. Her clothes were soaked, clinging to her curves.
“I can’t believe you actually did it. You jerk.”
She ran after him as he retreated into the shallows, and he let her catch him.
“You’re going to pay for that.” She grabbed his hands and yanked him down into the water. Of course, Tanner went willingly.
He kneeled in the surf, pulling her against him and kissing her. She was salty and cold and wet, but her mouth was warm. Their tongues teased and licked each other. The chilly water was doing absolutely nothing to tamp down his desire.
He loved this woman, and he couldn’t get enough.
Someday, he was going to marry her, assuming she said yes. But they already belonged to one other. Really, that was all he needed.
A wave crashed into her back, and she screamed, half in shock and half delight. Laughing, Tanner kept a grip on her waist. The waves rolled into them, but he kept them both steady. With Faith in his arms, he could face down anything.
If they were each a little broken, that was okay. Because together, they were perfect.