CHAPTER 13
*PRESENT*
“Sweet Nothings”
Maya
After coming back home, I went into my office and sat in the desk chair. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes and exhaled loudly.
What a mess!
I was very late to lunch and came exhausted. One look at my husband’s face and I felt so much guilt.
How did I miss the alarm?
I needed to focus. I tried calming my furiously beating heart, but to no avail. My breath was coming out in a big, lousy manner.
I passed my hands through my hair.
It’s going to be okay.
I raised from my chair and went looking for my husband. The house was quiet, there were no lights on, and I tried the lower part of the house first.
He wasn’t there.
I climbed the stairs, my feet weighting extra, my whole body aching. The last thing I wanted was a fight with Aaron. My head was killing me, and I just wanted to sleep in his arms.
I stopped in the middle of the stairs.
He needed a better apology than the half-assed one that I could give him with my attitude.
I put my shoulders back, breathed deeper, and tried to motivate myself.
Everything was dark.
He must have been in bed.
I went straight to our room. There was no silhouette in our bed.
I checked our bathroom.
Nothing.
I kept checking the other rooms until the last one was the empty one.
The door was ajar, and a soft, weeping noise was the only noise coming out of the room.
I opened the door and my heart broke.
Aaron was in front of the window, sobbing in his hands, head low.
My heart wanted to leap out of my ribcage and hang on his feet, begging for him to stop crying.
I closed the door, and the wood door made a noise.
His head raised and his shoulders tensed.
I got closer to him and hugged him, his back to me.
“I’m so sorry, Aaron.”
He wanted to move, but I hugged him tighter. I felt his muscles tense.
I looked up and saw that he was looking at the ceiling. I gulped.
His hands moved and went to my back.
“My love,”
he said in a raspy voice. I loosened my grip.
He turned around. I looked up and found my beautiful husband’s eyes red, his cheeks wet.
I got teary eyed.
“I fucked up. I’m so sorry,” I said.
“I’m not crying because you came late.”
His arms engulfed me and my head rested on top of my husband’s chest. I could hear his heartbreak, feel the rise and fall of his breath. He tried to speak, but his voice came out wrong. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I miss you. All the time. Even when we live in the same house, sleep in the same bed. It’s like you’re not really here. You went far away, my love. Sometimes I see flickers of the person you used to be. And I know people change. We have grown up since we met, turned into different versions of ourselves over and over again.”
He exhaled. “This feels different.”
I bit my cheek to stop a sob.
“Maya, my love, I love you so much. I know you’re hurting. I’m begging you to let me help you.”
I laid my head on my husband’s chest again and let the heartbeat balm my heart.
“I’m fine,”
I said in a whisper. A single tear ran down my cheek.
Aaron caressed my hair.
“Would you go to therapy with me?”
he asked after a beat.
“You as a therapist?”
“No, that we both go to couple’s therapy.”
He kissed my head. “Together.”
I nodded cautiously, and I only knew that he felt it from the relaxing of his body.
Once I knew another stray, rebel tear wouldn’t come out, I unwrapped myself from my husband’s arms. I cleared my throat and avoided his eyes.
“I need to keep working on the case. Don’t wait up for me.”
Once I was about to get out of the room. I left him there, saying, “You’re the expert. Can you take care of choosing our therapist?”
“Yes.”
I nodded and locked myself up in my office, my head in my hands and my thoughts running wild.
How can I avoid talking about them?