Chapter 2 Heidi Mitchell
HEIDI MITCHELL
“Let me go! Please…” I screamed and begged.
I never felt like I would have to beg for my life in a space that I considered a safe haven.
Tears raced down my face as I felt twice the weight of anyone I knew on my back.
A helpless feeling surfaced with me seeing no future for myself.
I knew what was coming and that caused the fight in me to wither as the seconds passed.
“Nah. This what you wanted ain’t it? So, take it!”
A fist to the side of my face caused me to go limp, and the roaming of his hands along my body…
“Heidi. Heidi. Jesus Christ. Heidi!” My name was being shouted repeatedly.
My eyes shot open, and the first thing I saw was a hand coming towards my face. I quickly rolled to the side to avoid their touch and was on my feet seconds later. Snatching the lamp off the nightstand, I gripped it tightly ready to swing it with all my might.
“Heidi, it’s us dear.”
It took me a minute to realize I wasn’t in harm’s way.
I took in the many faces that were across the bed from me and slowly let reality set in.
I hated being touched for one and two, this wasn’t the time to be hovering over me.
My night terrors had started again and surrounding me like that only caused me to go into fight mode.
“Friend, are you okay?” My focus settled on the one familiar voice I knew. Niyani took slow steps in my direction with her arms stretched.
I ran to her like a child would their mother. She was the only person I saw myself finding comfort in at the moment. Throwing my arms around her waist, I broke down in her embrace. “He was right there Ni. It felt so real,” I cried.
“Shhh, it wasn’t real. No one is holding you but me. Calm down baby,” she coached me with a quivering tone.
Out of the many women that attended this retreat, Niyani was the only one I allowed in my space for real.
We’d met on my very first trip here six years ago and each time I decided to come for some counseling and me time, she was here.
I eventually got to know what she’d suffered, and her story was much like mine.
We’d been inseparable ever since. She was a great friend to have.
“He was… fuck! He was taking what he wanted, again. Why won’t he leave me alone?” I was infuriated as well as terrified out of my mind. It didn’t help that I was hundreds of miles away from family either.
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
It’s going to be okay. He’s long gone so you don’t have to worry anymore.
Calm down, please. You’re shaking for Pete’s sake.
” She was rubbing my back while squeezing my body tightly.
This was a method we learned to center ourselves and regulate our breathing.
With Niyani naturally being eight inches taller than me, she towered over me. My five-foot canvas was childlike compared to hers. She taught me how to fight believe it or not. The private boxing classes helped me gain a fighter’s complex. I felt like I could finally protect myself.
“I just want to forget this and move on. Why can’t I move on?” I was questioning every therapy session I’d had. Nothing was seeming to work.
“I’m not sure but we’re healing every day you decide to live. It’s a process but we’re making progress. What you tell me last week, huh? It’s been a while since you saw him. Let’s get back to that,” she voiced.
Sometimes I wondered why I even came here giving all these folk my money when Niyani gave me more support and assurance than they did. I got that they were more professional and skilled but damn. What was I really paying for? ‘Cause I was still here year after trying to get some healing tools.
“God, I want this to be dead already,” I whispered.
“Well, he is so let’s focus on getting you back to a place of smiles and sunshine. Come on. I just baked some special cookies. Have a few and talk to me for a while.” She intertwined her hand with mine and gently pulled me along to the living room.
Empathy Emporium was the women’s retreat in Florida I discovered and disappeared to every now and again.
From the moment I stepped onto the premises, I felt something in me shift.
It was like telling a stranger what you been through instead of your family gave a lighter vibe.
The weight wasn’t as heavy of being judged every time you entered a room.
Niyani was such a humbled and inviting spirit that I clung to her almost instantly.
She was another dark-skinned woman with beautiful features of her own.
Where I was small and petite, she was tall and thick all the way around.
Her breast and ass was twice the size of mine.
She had the body many went under the knife for.
Nevertheless, being a woman landed us in a world of trauma.
My past incident had my mind, body, and soul stuck in a place of pure darkness. I was trying my hardest to find solid ground, but it was almost like I was back at square one. I didn’t understand how I was backtracking so fast. I thought I was making progress, but it seemed as if I wasn’t.
Flopping down on the sofa, I tucked my feet under me and cuddled with the pillow to the right of me.
The resort consisted of six cottages and one main hall.
Each cottage had four bedrooms where it was two staff members and two patients.
This was a place for us to recenter ourselves and tackle certain triggers.
I was confused as to what was even triggering me besides the anniversary of my incident.
I thought on everything I’d done lately to escalate my nightmares and the only thing I could think of was listening to Niyani when she claimed that party was going to be a small shindig.
There were too many bodies there and it didn’t help that every time I turned around in that damn club someone was touching me.
Either they were circling my waist and moving me out the way or laying a hand on my lower back as they approached the bar. It was too much for mw to handle.
As soon as she walked into the living room with the snacks, I went off. “Heffa, this is your fault. That club you took me to still have me uncomfortable as fuck.”
“This is not my fault Heidi and stop fussing. Eat a cookie and relax.”
She picked up one from the tray and shoved it in my mouth. She was sick of me getting on her, but I wasn’t done with the situation just yet. She lied to me, and I ain’t like that.
I came down to Florida a week early to spend some one-on-one time with her away from the resort. I was promised a good time and had one until the night of the party. That took place a day before locking ourselves in here. The scenery was triggering, there was no other way to put it.
I bit the cookie and went back to fussing. She wasn’t about to shut me up so easily. “No because you never listen to me Niyani. I know my limitations. Respect them, please.”
She threw her hands up in surrender saying, “I won’t push anymore. I heard it got packed out in there after we dipped out so leaving was the best choice. I apologize again for that. I just wanted to end the week on a good note.”
I sighed and finished the cookie off before grabbing the remote off the coffee table and turned on the television.
It was three o’clock in the morning and we were up like it was midday.
Then again, we were always the last ones to fall asleep around here.
She picked a fine time to bake cookies I know that much.
“Thank you for this friend. I’ve been trying to find an alternative than being high as a kite all the time.
Weed seems to be the only thing keeping me relaxed and my thoughts off that though.
I know I walk around smelling like a pound,” I said rolling my eyes in the process.
Smoking was something Royce suggested and surprisingly, it helped.
“I think you should speak with Dr. Wright about it. She’s gave you good exercises so far,” she suggested.
“Dr. Wright is taking my money for free while thinking she’s giving me tips.
I’m here for peace and quiet… and infused baked goods from the one and only Niyani Hicks.
You need to start a business; I keep telling you that.
” I was deflecting when I truly didn’t have to.
Ni never judged me for being so emotional and broken.
“I’m working on it. I’m thinking about joining you in Sage Springs to be exact. I need a new scenery. Florida is starting to bore me.”
Having someone other than the Atkins would be nice.
However, if she was running away from her problems, they’d still be there even in little old Sage Springs.
Niyani was a Florida native and everyone that meant somebody to her was here.
I didn’t want her thinking moving to Sage Springs without a support system was best. If she was a hundred percent ready to leave these oranges behind, then I’d be there every step of the way.
“Bore you? Sage Springs is no better, trust me.”
“What’s up with that best friend of yours? He still single? Maybe he can show me around town or whatnot,” she spoke delivering a sly smirk.
“Royce is married with kids and so is his brother. You picked a fine time to ask.” I reached for another cookie off the tray and bit into it.
“Damn. I’m always late to the damn function. Well, who else is left. I want a nigga with a wallet too,” she whined.
“Too? I don’t have a man at all so where’s that coming from?”
“Girl please. I might be trying to see what’s up with him jokingly, but Royce is your man.
You said he does everything for you, right?
So, what we talking ‘bout? He set you up on his compound, pays all your bills, upgrades your car every year, and includes you on every vacation he takes. I don’t care who that man is married to, you’re where his heart lies. ”