46 - Fallon
~ 46 ~
FALLON
Isolating Dalton wasn’t easy, even on his day off. Since I was working to make up lost hours, I’d tried getting him to meet me for a short lunch. It turned out he’d made plans with Emerson, to take Casey down to the field and drill with him on the one day the football team wasn’t using it. They took him out for pizza as well, before dropping him off at his father’s and heading back to the house.
Somehow I got him to meet me for coffee at Brew Brothers, just outside of campus. By now it was late in the day, almost evening. A very tired-looking barista was mopping the floors around me when he finally showed up.
“What’s up?” Dalton asked, sliding into the seat beside me. He hip checked me a bit too playfully, almost dumping me to the floor.
“Nothing much,” I said nervously. “What’s up with you?”
It was a lame way to start things off. I had a whole speech prepared that I’d been rehearsing at work, but the more I went over it, the worse it sounded. On the way through the coffee shop door, I decided to just shoot from the hip.
Dalton was too smart for any of that, though. When the barista approached, he ordered an obligatory latte, then turned to face me with an uncharacteristic smirk.
“All right,” he demanded. “What is it?”
“What’s what?”
“We’ve been friends way too long for this, Fallon,” he sighed. “If there’s something you wanna say—”
“Why are you afraid of the NFL?”
Dalton’s smirk stayed exactly where it was. It didn’t grow any wider, but it didn’t fade a single millimeter, either.
“And who told you I was?”
“Don’t ignore the question,” I shot back. “Please, Dalton. Just answer it.”
There were a lot of things I loved about this man, but his honesty was always first and foremost. Dalton had zero tolerance for bullshit, and he always gave the same in return.
“Listen, if there’s some kind of reason,” I pleaded gently, “at least tell us about it. We’re your friends , Dalton. We’d never judge. We only want what’s best for you.”
For a moment, he looked at a complete loss for what to do. It was so unlike him, it had me worried.
“Are you hurt?” I said, lowering my voice to a whisper. “Is there some kind of injury we should—”
“No,” he cut me off. “No injuries.”
I bit my lip contemplatively. “Is it a confidence thing?” I guessed. “Do you not think you’re good enough?”
“That’s not it,” he admitted. “Trust me, I’ve been training my whole life for this. I know I’m good.”
“Good?” I raised my eyebrows. “You think you’re good?”
All of a sudden I was unreasonably angry. I didn’t know where it came from, and I wasn’t sure it was even directed at him. But without warning, I was abruptly mad.
“Dalton, I’ve seen the way you move out there,” I told him. “But anyone can move. You’ve got vision . You see the field, the whole field. Not just where the players are, but where they’re going to be three, five, eight seconds from now. Your brain is like a computer, tracking patterns and calculating trajectories from the second the ball is snapped until the moment the whistle is blown. That kind of ability is a gift , Dalton. It’s next fucking level. So don’t ever let me catch you saying you’re ‘good.’”
The barista put our coffees down and I shoved mine away. The foam sloshed side to side, spilling over the rim of the cup and leaving a dark stain on the worn, wooden table.
“Millions of guys would kill to be you,” I told him. “To have a gift like yours. And for some reason you’re not even sure if you want to use it?”
“I want to use it,” Dalton admitted hastily. “And I will use it. I’m going to the combines, and I’ve declared my eligibility. In all likelihood, I’m going to get drafted.”
“You will get drafted,” I corrected him.
He stiffened a little at the words. Like they’d cut or wounded him.
“Dalton…”
I reached out across the table, and took his hands in mine. They were so big and warm, so full of beauty and power. He would forge a legacy with these hands, I knew. If he’d only let them, those hands would make a whole life for himself.
“What is it?” I pleaded softly. “What’s wrong? ”
“I… I don’t…”
There was hesitation in his eyes, but also pain. And something else, too. Something akin to embarrassment.
“I don’t want anything to change.”
He said the words brokenly, in a voice so low I almost couldn’t hear them.
“What? Why?”
“Because my life’s totally incredible right now,” he explained gently. “It’s been amazing, all these years, with the guys. Emerson’s my brother — in every way but blood — and Trey might as well be. And now you, Fallon. You’re the cherry on top. You’ve been my best friend for so many years, but now I have you in all these incredible new ways.”
His eyes glassed over, and I nearly lost it. My heart was so filled with emotion, it felt like I was soaring.
“I love being with you,” he went on. “I love waking up in bed with you, or coming downstairs to your beautiful smile. And I love sharing you, too. That part I still don’t fully understand. It should make me jealous to see you with Trey or Emerson, but it only makes me hot. And it feels right , Fallon: the four of us, doing this. My life feels absurdly perfect, in all these crazy fucking ways.”
Dalton finished and slumped forward, the muscles in his broad shoulders relaxing for the first time in far too long. He looked spent and unburdened. But also relieved.
“Some things are going to change,” I admitted, fighting back tears, “and Dalton, that’s okay . You’ll go to a new team, in a new city — maybe even one far away. You’ll have a new place. You’ll blaze an all new path there.”
I squeezed his hands tightly in mine.
“But you’ll always have us,” I smiled. “We’re your family, Dalton. No matter where you go or what you do, we’ll always be your number one fans.”
“I don’t need any more fans,” he choked. “I want… I want this. ”
He thumped a finger against the table.
“Trey and Emerson have plans to build a future together, you know? They’ve been talking about it for years, but they never include me. I’m never a part of it.”
“That’s because — for a while, at least — you’re going somewhere they can’t. You’re going to be a star , Dalton,” I said, my voice filled with awe and wonder. “A starting NFL quarterback!”
A silence stretched out between us, as my words finally hit home. Or maybe they’d hit a long time ago, and he was just wrapping his head around them now.
“I guess… I guess I always just thought we’d be together, you know?” he murmured. “Me. Trey. Emerson.”
“I know.”
“And that’s where this gets crazy for me, because now I want something else I can’t have. Something I shouldn’t have. Something that’s totally fucking selfish to ask for.” Slowly and reverently, his shook his head. “But I still want it anyway.”
My nose wrinkled in confusion. “Wha—”
“I want you to come with me.”
His hands slipped from beneath my palms, so fast I barely noticed. When I looked again, they covered mine.
“Really?”
“Yes, really!” he beamed. “If I get drafted by the Giants, I want you by my side in New York. If I end up with the Seahawks, you’re the only person I want to walk through the rain with, in Seattle. Shit, I could even stay right here, in Dallas or Houston, or I could be shipped off to Miami, where everything moves at a million miles an hour.”
His eyes flashed with a healthy new light. It made me feel foolish, ever questioning his confidence. There was no hesitation there at all.
“My whole world’s about to upended,” Dalton went on. “I know this. I’ve been preparing for it all my life.” He paused for a moment, and our eyes locked. “But what I didn’t prepare for, was falling in love with you.”
The tears that had been welling up in my eyes the whole conversation finally started to fall. I couldn’t stop them.
“Dalton…”
“Fallon, I love you. I need you. I can’t even envision my life without you.” He sighed, wistfully. “But to ask you to come with me would be taking you away from the others. And I can’t be that selfish.”
His boyish, all-American smile looked suddenly pained and sad. I wanted to hug him. Hold him. Never let go of him.
“You asked what’s wrong,” Dalton said gently, “and now you know. I can have the life I’ve always wanted… or I can have the girl I’ve always dreamed about.”
His broad chest heaved in a mournful sigh.
“But right now, I can’t have both.”