Chapter 31 #3
Morgan’s moans were deeper than hers, less dulcet and harsher to the ears, and yet at present time they felt like the sweetest sound in the world to Lee—an orchestra of her own design as she hit each and every note with expert precision.
She felt a hand suddenly move beside hers upon the bed, and within seconds she intertwined her own fingers with it.
The pressure against her palm became stronger with each and every movement of her tongue.
That same pressure continued to build, layer upon layer, until Morgan’s hand became lax in hers, and each of their fingers hung lazily around one another's. Lee kissed the inside of Morgan’s thigh, remaining in the same position for a few moments longer.
When she finally elected to move, she collapsed sluggishly onto Morgan’s body and stayed there.
As she lay in Morgan’s arms, for now, the calming white noise was back, and yet the last thing she could do at present time was sleep.
The silence was broken unexpectedly. “I want to tell you more about me, I’m just not entirely sure as to where to start,” Morgan practically whispered, as Lee watched the anxiety travel down her throat whilst she gulped.
“This is five years too late, I know that. It might not mean much to you now, but I’m ready. ”
Truth be told, it meant everything to Lee Holmes, even now.
Perhaps it was too late, but she would regret it for the rest of her life if she didn’t hear Morgan’s story first. If they became strangers to one another afterwards, they would at the very least be strangers who understood one another completely.
“Perhaps you could start with what happened to your dad. I know you don’t like to talk about him, and if it’s too painful to go into detail, I understand.
It’s just…I don’t even know the type of relationship that you had with him.
I barely know anything about him besides his name. ”
“He was my favorite person in the entire world,” Morgan said, taking Lee by surprise at the honesty that was already spilling out of her without any semblance of hesitation.
“So, when he died, it literally felt like there was no world anymore, no universe that could possibly exist without him. Sometimes, I’d wake up and genuinely believe that everything, including time itself, was going to stop at any moment, and then I’d be angry because it didn’t.
Because people kept on living and existing when he couldn’t. ”
Lee Holmes didn’t quite know what to say. She supposed that there wasn’t a single word in the English language that could fix, or even put a bandage over the wound that Morgan had described. Perhaps there didn’t need to be. Perhaps all she needed to do was listen.
“I don’t talk about him because when I think about him, I find it hard to focus on all of the good things that made him my favorite person.
Instead, my brain automatically dials in on how he died like the worst fucking flashbacks ever.
Someone came into our lives, killed the person I felt closest to in this world, and made him an intrusive thought.
How fucking awful is that?” Morgan said, shaking her head against the pillow as she traced lazy circles against Lee’s arm.
“My own dad is an intrusive thought to me now. I can’t think about him without thinking about how his life ended. ”
“It’s ironic, I guess,” she continued. “Because I never want anybody else to feel the way that I do, and yet I’ve likely been the cause of others feeling this way, too, just by doing what I do.
But I tell myself that I’ve stopped more people from feeling this way than I’ve hurt, just by preventing pieces of shit like Edward Beckett from hurting other people.
Summer’s family probably feel like I do every single day of their lives.
I can’t fix that. But I tell myself that I can at least do something.
I also know that two wrongs don’t make a right but stopping other unknowing people from becoming victims seems pretty fucking right to me. ”
As she lay in Morgan’s arms, her mind painted a thousand pictures all at once.
She had never truly realized just how much the person she loved more than anything had been hurting.
Lee Holmes had been looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses, listening to her true crime podcasts whilst being safely tucked up in bed, never truly understanding the universe behind what made them exist. Not everyone had the luxury of being safely tucked away.
“Your mom told me about how angry you were growing up. I didn’t ask for more information than that.
I understand where that anger comes from, now, and I won’t insult you by pretending I even remotely know what that feels like. ”
Morgan held Lee slightly tighter than before, keeping her body pinned to her own as a silence enveloped the both of them.
After a few minutes, Morgan spoke again.
“I never want you to know what that feels like,” she said, picking up the conversation once again as if it had never ended in the first place.
“I know that you’ve had a hard time sleeping next to me lately, and I can hardly blame you for that.
But God, Lee, if anything happened to you my world would be over a second time.
I know I’ve hurt you emotionally, and it’s something I can never take back, but I swear I would never lay a finger on you.
You could stab me, and I’d stand there and help you hold the fucking knife. ”
Lee Holmes had dreamt of hurting Morgan, acknowledging in part what that truly felt like.
She acknowledged it enough to know that it was likely the last thing she would ever do within this universe.
And yet, at that moment in time, it didn’t matter.
It didn’t matter because she believed every word that came out of Morgan’s mouth.
The thing she wanted most in this lifetime was happening at that very moment.
Lee Holmes opened her mouth to speak again, the question lingering on her tongue as to how Morgan had formed new bruises upon her knuckles, and yet, she found herself falling short of expelling them.
Morgan Finch had shared enough for one day, she decided. She wouldn’t push her any further.
Tomorrow was going to come, and the following day after that. She didn’t know what that looked like, but right now was pure, and vibrant, and in color. And whether it was a reflection of light, or the moment truly was painted in crimson shades, she would embrace it for what it was regardless.