Chapter 33
Kayla
My breath stalls in my chest as I try to take in what he’s saying. I take a step back, and he lets his hand fall. His eyes are still on me; I can feel the weight of his gaze. But I don’t look back up at him. “Kayla,” he starts, but I put a hand up.
“I just need a minute. I need to process...” But there’s no processing, not when he’s standing right in front of me. I glance around the room, feeling trapped. “I’m going to go,” I pause because I don’t know where to go.
“I’ll take Noah over to Ransom’s room to hang out for a bit,” Jackson says quietly. “Give you some time alone.”
I nod. “Okay.”
I hear him talk to Noah, but I don’t really register the words. I hear the door open, and I turn that way. “Jackson.” He turns back. “Is there any way to undo it?”
For just a moment, something crosses his face.
Something that looks a lot like devastation.
But it’s gone so fast, I think maybe I imagined it.
“The only way to break the bond is for one of us to die.” Without another word, he opens the door, and he and Noah disappear into the hallway.
I drop onto the bed and let my thoughts run wild, but it quickly becomes too much.
Shifters, wolves, bonds, packs, mates...
My brain is on overload, and I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.
I stand up and pace the room, wishing I had someone to talk to.
I look at my phone and wish I could call Jessie, but I have a feeling that I’m not allowed to tell her about the wolves.
They haven’t told me not to tell anyone, but it’s not like they broadcast what they are to anybody.
Jackson’s words run through my mind on repeat.
It means that you’re mine, just as I am yours.
Our souls and our lives are now tied together.
If you die, I die and vice versa. I think of the look I saw on his face when I asked if the bond could be broken.
I think of the other guys I’ve met this week and how they treat their wives...
mates, I guess, as if they’re their everything.
It’s not like that with Jackson and me; we don’t even know each other.
Another thought hits me like a ton of bricks.
Does that mean that we’re like some variation of married now?
Will Noah and I have to live with him? Will we have to move?
I try to breathe but find it harder than it should be.
“Maybe he won’t make us live with him,” I whisper into the empty room.
But then thoughts of Renee and the people she had with her fills my mind.
Vampires. A shudder runs through me. Will Noah and I even be safe on our own?
A vision of running from them, of trying and failing to keep Noah safe fills my mind; and I feel like I'm going to throw up.
The door to the room opens, and I jump in surprise.
Jackson walks over to me. “I can feel your panic. Put shoes on; we’re getting out of this room.
” I watch him but don’t move. He steps in front of me a moment later.
“I thought I was helping giving you time and space to process, but I was wrong.” He bends down, so he meets my eyes.
“Breathe, Sweetheart.” His endearment catches me by surprise, and I suck in air just from the shock of it.
“Good. Again.” I suck in another breath and manage to feel a little better.
He palms the back of my neck. The motion should make me more panicky, but it calms the rising panic.
“Throw shoes on. We’re going to go somewhere where we can talk, just the two of us.
You can ask as many questions as you want. ” He pauses. “Is that okay?”
I only have to think about it for a second because he’s right.
Being alone in this room is making my panic grow tenfold.
I nod, and he moves away from me. He’s back a second later with my flip flops in hand.
I take them from him. He grabs my wallet and phone and hands them to me.
“Ready?” I nod, and he takes my hand in his.
The action should feel weird, but once again, it steadies me.
He opens the door, and we walk out into the hallway.
“What about Noah?” I manage to ask.
“He and Ransom were watching a movie.”
“What movie?” I can’t help but ask.
He stops walking a moment and is quiet a beat. Then he turns to face me. “Planes Fire and Rescue. Is that okay?”
I blink. “Did you just...how did you find that out?”
“I can communicate with Ransom in our heads because of our pack link.”
I frown. “I thought you weren’t in a pack; that’s what a rogue wolf was.”
“I’ll explain everything, but first, is the movie okay.”
A small smile forms on my face. “It’s Noah’s favorite movie.”
“It’s okay if he watches it with Ransom?” Jackson asks, his hand still holding mine.
I nod. “Yes.” I look up at him. “Will we be gone long?”
“For however short or long you want it to be.”
I feel my panic start to grow again. There’s so much unknown; I don’t know how to deal with all of it. When wil Noah and I go back to our apartment? Will we be allowed to? Will we have to move to where Jackson lives?
Jackson tugs on my hand. “Come on.”
I don’t really remember the rest of the trip through the hotel, but I take a deep breath as soon as we step outside and the sun hits my face.
I close my eyes and look up to the sun. “Have you always enjoyed being in the sun?” Jackson asks quietly.
He doesn’t make any move to start walking again, and I’m grateful.
“Yes.” I don’t tell him that once we moved in with my uncle, we were always stuck inside. I think that’s why I love the sun so much now. Somehow, I don’t have to tell him; it’s like he already knows.
“He’s dead now; you can live your life on your terms.”
I don’t say anything in response to that, and we start walking once again.
I recognize the truck he’s renting, and he opens the door for me.
I climb in and sit back against the seat as he walks around the front of the truck.
He doesn’t say anything as he pulls out, and I’m glad.
I’m not sure I can do small talk right now.
We drive for a few minutes, and I stare out the window.
When he parks, I realize we’re outside a coffee shop.
“I’m going to go get coffee. What do you want? What I got you last time?”
I nod. “That would be great. Thank you.” I pull out my wallet, but he closes the door before I can do anything.
I put my head against the seat and close my eyes, letting the sun warm my face.
Questions ping around my head, questions I don’t have answers to.
He comes back quicker than I thought he would.
I take the iced coffee he holds out to me. “Thank you.”
He puts his hot coffee in the cupholder, but I hold mine.
I take a sip and breathe out a sigh as he pulls out of the parking lot.
It doesn’t take long for the city limits to be behind us.
He picks up speed as we leave town and enter the countryside.
Fields of bluestem grass blow in the breeze with an occasional wildflower mixed in.
Cattle graze in the open fields, and ranches pop up only every once in a while.
“Do you mind if I roll down my window?” I ask.
Jackson does it for me. I take a sip of coffee and lean my head against the seat as the wind blows my hair.
Jackson doesn’t say anything, and I don’t either.
There’s no music on the radio, and no cars honking.
It’s just miles and miles of open road and fields on either side.
My mind goes blessedly silent, and I just breathe it in.
After a while, there’s a picnic area that Jackson pulls off for.
He parks the truck on the gravel lot, and I open my door and climb out.
I hear the sound of animals and walk over to a small barn.
“Oh my goodness.” I take in the animals in front of me.
“They’re pigmy goats; I love pigmy goats.
” Jackson walks away, and I walk over closer to the little guys.
“Heyyy.” They gather around me, and I laugh.
“I don’t have anything for you; I’m sorry.
But you guys are adorable.” I reach over the low fence and pet the top of the white one standing closest to me.
“You like that?” Another one comes over and pushes the white one away, so he can stand under my hand. I laugh at their antics.
“Here,” Jackson says, returning and holding a bag out to me. “Feed for the goats; they sell it in that little farmstand.” He nods at a little shed behind us.
“Aw, thank you.” I take it from him. The goats already know what I’m doing, and they push into each other trying to get closer.
“Okay, no pushing. I’ve got enough for all of you.
” I put some in my hand and hold it out to the first one, the white one.
He eats it from my hand, chomping loudly.
The feisty black one is next. “You just couldn’t wait your turn, could you, Buddy?
” The brown one is next, and the black one tries to come again.
I laugh and pull my hand away. After I’ve gone through half the bag, I turn to Jackson.
“Are you going to feed them too? You know you want to,” I push with a grin.
He walks over and squats down next to me.
I pour some of the feed into his hands and watch as he puts his hand out.
“Wait.” I put my hand on top of his. “Don’t put it all out. He'll eat the entire thing.”
His eyes meet mine. “Isn't that the point?”
“No. Well, yes, but they all need to get the same amount. We have to keep it fair.”
He gives me a blank look. “They’re goats; they don’t know what’s fair and what’s not.”
“No, but I will,” I say in return. “They all get as equal an amount as possible.”
“I didn’t know you were so passionate about goats.”
I smirk and shake my head, going back to feeding them. “They’re so adorable, aren’t they?”
“They are pretty cute,” he admits, and I grin.
A few of them break off, and one of them starts to climb the wood walkway that leads up to a little wooden shed. Jackson hands me the rest of his feed, and I feed the goats that are left. “That’s it; that’s all I’ve got.”
I stand up and brush my hands together, getting rid of all the extra crumbs before leaning over and petting one of them again. “Are you going to pet them?” I ask Jackson, looking over at them.
“Wasn’t planning on it.”
“Oh, come on; get over here.” He walks over to where I’m standing and leans over the fence.
I didn’t really think this through when I asked him to pet them with me.
He's standing so close to me, we’re almost touching.
We both look down at the goats. “Thank you,” I tell him quietly.
“I didn’t know this was what I needed.” I take a slow, cleansing breath.
“Being out here in the beauty of nature, surrounded by bluestem grass, feeding pygmy goats...this is exactly what I needed.”
He puts his elbows on the wooden fence beam and leans forward, staring out across the fields. “It really is beautiful here.”
“It really is.”