Chapter 40
ALICE
How far I’ve fallen in such a short space of time? At the beginning of my journey, I was offered an ultimatum. A year of freedom, and then a choice. I’ve already made mine, and I’m wearing his ring, and have zero regrets about that.
I fuck Simeon halfway to Washington.
It’s as if I can never get enough of him. He is all I want every second of the day, and if I’m not pregnant now, it will be a miracle because we tried every angle, every position, and some I didn’t even know were legal.
My thoughts keep returning to the room beneath his apartment. The sex room, for want of a better word. Is it wicked to be intrigued by what happens in there?
I daren’t even mention it because I can’t form the words. When we observed the other couples below the galleried landing, I couldn’t stop the wet heat that leaked into my panties. I’ve been corrupted and I don’t know what to do about that.
I should find a confessional and throw myself on God’s mercy because surely this isn’t normal—for anyone, least of all a would-be nun.
However, I’m kidding myself. I never was a would-be nun. It was just a safe place to hide and figure things out. To make sense of what happened to me, and I’m still not sure if I’ve done that.
“You’re quiet, baby.”
Simeon stares at me with concern, and I love that about him. He considers my feelings and wants to make me happy, and no man has ever done that before.
“I’m thinking about my past and struggling to find answers.”
“Your mom?”
“Among others. I don’t know what I’d hoped to find today. Part of me wanted to discover she had amnesia or something. To have forgotten I existed when she bumped her head in the accident, which explained why she never fought for me.”
“Perhaps keeping away was a fight in itself. Perhaps she realized she would only make things worse, and it killed her having to stay away from you.”
“I’d like to think so, but when I saw her new family, it hurt, Simeon.
She found peace and happiness with another man, and they went on to live a life I dreamed so hard of as a child.
It was there all along. She had a huge power behind her.
My grandfather may be weak in many ways, but he is a billionaire. ”
“They must hold some powerful shit over him.”
“But what? He told me he beat his wife and my mom. I understand why they ran away, and yet why would a man like that not even try to get his family back? Then there’s my grandmother.
By all accounts, she was a strong woman and stood up to him.
She arranged for my inheritance to be guarded from my father, and yet none of them challenged him for me. ”
“Because they had too much to lose.”
Simeon leans back in the seat and tightens his hold on my hand. His thumb brushing against my skin with a reassurance I could use right now.
“The world we inhabit is a dark one, baby. You’ve only witnessed a small taste of what it can do.
Sure, you lived in the darkness all your life, and Morgan wasn’t the most loving of pretend stepmothers.
But you weren’t physically harmed. Mentally you weren’t so lucky, but to a degree you were protected. ”
“I suppose we were, but abuse takes on many forms, Simeon.”
“We aren’t talking of abuse, Alice.”
His voice deepens, and the air is thick with tension.
“We’re talking about survival. Many don’t.
Their endings are a horror story that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
Threats are handed out like compliments.
Despicable acts carried out before breakfast and blood flowing, just another day at the office.
Secrets, manipulation, and lies are the tools of our trade, and the Sorcusi mafia used them to their advantage with no regard for people’s feelings.
They are deranged monsters and always keep one eye on the horizon as they plot another weak person’s downfall.
Money is power and corrupts like hell. When you don’t have it, you want it, and when you have it, others want to take it from you.
You are a target; your head is above the crowd and there are many people waiting to cut it off.
You must realize that from your own experience.
You did nothing, and yet you are the target of every known criminal out there who has heard your story.
They disregard humanity and step out from hell to seize something they believe is their right. ”
“Like you.”
There is no bitterness in my voice, only sad acceptance.
“Yes, like me. I am one of those men. I saw my chance, and went for it and didn’t care who got in my way. I had no regard for your feelings, or the lives I took, all because I was following an order.”
“But you were a stranger, not my blood. Not the person who was supposed to love me.”
He moves fast and grips my face between his tattooed hands, and the fierce expression in his eyes should terrify me. It doesn’t though, because his eyes burn with emotion, and for some reason, I have never felt safer with him than with anyone I’ve ever met.
“The cruelest betrayals come dressed as love.”
His words steal through my heart like a thief taking something that was never his to own.
“Your mom betrayed you, baby. She walked away when she could have stood by you and fought. Your father had more to lose than she ever did, and yet she was weak. She never stood up to him and preferred self-survival instead. So, do not cry for the mom you wish you had. Just sharpen your anger against the one who carries that name. You can’t cry for what could have been, only for what was, and use it to make yourself stronger.
Put yourself first and be determined to be better than she ever was. ”
His thumb rubs away my falling tears and I’m not even sure what I’m crying for anymore.
I am here with him. My husband. A man who doesn’t pretend as he opens the door to the darkness and invites me inside.
He will fight for me even though it’s not his battle, and I’m convinced he would take a bullet for me if I were ever in danger.
“In the mafia, marriage is a weapon, and your father learned that lesson very early on.”
His words are spoken with rough emotion, and the truth hurts, but not hearing it would hurt more.
“Our marriage is a weapon. The strongest kind there is.”
My heart thumps as he speaks his brutal truth and says fiercely, “Money and greed placed that ring on your finger, and love will keep it there.”
“Love.”
One word changes everything, and his gaze softens as he whispers against my lips.
“Yes, love, Alice, and don’t get excited or shout this from the roof tops but yes, I do love you, and unlike your parents, it’s an all-encompassing one.
To be loved by me should terrify you. I am a monster in Armani with no regard for morality.
One thing I can promise you is that I will never, and I mean never, betray your trust in me, to always put you first, before me, my family and money. ”
“Simeon, I–”
Happy tears replace the bitter ones, and as his hand drops to my belly, he holds it there while smiling into my eyes.
“I’m pretty confident our future is shaping in there and I will never compromise what we are building. We are a team, a family, and will fight to remain that way, and you will need to be stronger than most.”
I nod, my heart fluttering like the caged bird I’ve always been, but I know in my heart I found my happy ever after with the unlikeliest of princes.
“You love me.”
I savor the words, and he rests his head against mine and whispers, “I will deny it if you ever tell anyone.”
I chuckle softly. “Then don’t tell anyone, but I love you too, baby. Somehow, I fell in love with you in the middle of mayhem, which is fitting because you are the prince of it.”
My lips touch his, and a warm sensation curls around my heart.
I may have lost one family, but in searching for it, I found another. Perhaps in time I can forgive my mom’s betrayal, understand it even. I may have clarity on why she remained silent when I’m a mom myself.
I shift closer to my husband and his hand curls around the back of my head, the other around my back, holding me securely, keeping me safe in a prison where love replaces the cold steel of iron bars and that love will keep me here.