Chapter 12 - Emily
I can’t believe what I’m doing, clinging to Sean as if he’s my lifeline. I told him not to touch me, yet I’m the one clawing at him with desperation, even on my tongue.
The kiss is hot and desperate; our bodies soaked from the storm but burning with desire as I mercilessly tug on his jacket, pulling him closer, clinging to just a semblance of my sanity that warns me to stop.
That’s when I break the kiss, fighting against the incessant pull that demands my attention, and restraining myself against the infectious sweetness of his lips.
Breathlessly panting, I frown at him, searching his eyes for any reason not to believe what he said about wanting me, but there’s nothing that betrays his words in his eyes.
Not a flicker, not a glint of dishonesty as he stares into my eyes, but there’s a hint of wariness when he takes a deep breath.
“We don’t—” he begins, but I press a finger to his lips to stop him, my magic consuming the space around us as I gulp and shake my head slowly.
No matter how much my mind is telling me—warning me—not to go through with this, the bond cages us in ribbons of white magic.
It’s something I can’t escape, and as my lips tingle and arousal pools between my thighs, I’m ready to take the leap.
“I need to test a theory,” I say breathlessly, moving in toward him as if I’m drawn closer by the magic. “A theory about the bond.”
Sean gulps as he cups my face, then stares deeply into my eyes. “You’re vulnerable, Em.”
“I know what I’m doing,” I retort, stepping closer and crushing my lips to his with enough force to let him know that I mean what I said. Something has come over me—perhaps my magic, perhaps the fated mate bond—and there’s no more running from what I’ve been trying to resist all this time.
My body won’t let me, as it naturally reacts to Sean’s touch, his hands planted on my waist as our lips move in sync, my magic spread all around us like a protective shield or bubble.
All that matters in this moment is his touch, his kisses, the heat at my core, and demanding release as I wrap my arms around his neck.
My thighs go next, wrapping around his waist as he draws me up and carries me to my bed.
Thunder cracks as if to announce my arrival over the metaphorical threshold of this decision, and in the distance, faintly, is the sound of my kitchen filling up with the storm.
But the unleashing of the storm outside matches the storm releasing from inside me, and it’s as messy and wild as this kiss.
Goddess! I almost forgot what it felt like to have my lips on his, or what it felt like to surrender to his strong, capable hands as they guide me onto the bed.
His kiss bridges the distance of the five years between us, and it becomes redundant—all that time spent apart doesn’t even matter when we don’t make it to the bed.
I’m pressed up against the wall, one hand on the back of my head, the other cupped around an ass cheek as he grinds into me.
His hot, rigid erection digs into my core, teasing me with what it would feel like if he were inside me now, making me crave that friction, my empty walls drenched and clenching around nothing.
“Sean…” I murmur against his lips when I break the kiss for air.
He plants his forehead against mine, breathing raggedly as he stares into my soul, eyes glossed over with heady, dark lust.
“Emily…” he responds, voice hoarse as he murmurs against my lips, slowly rocking his hips into me.
I muster every last bit of control I have left—even as it hangs by a dangerous thread—to gather all my courage to vocalize my next set of words when I say, “I want you to fuck me, Sean.”
Sean’s eyes instantly darken, a stark contrast to the air lit up by traces of my magic swirling all around us, but matching the crackling of thunder and the storm raging outside.
Sean reclaims my lips in a heartbeat when he digests what I said, his hunger growling against my lips as his grinding becomes more rigorous, more purposeful, as if he’s already inside me.
We haven’t even taken our clothes off, but I’m already soaking wet for him, and on the verge of coming.
Our kisses are hotter, more desperate, and sloppy as he lays me down, taking both my wrists in one hand and pinning my arms above my head as he settles between my thighs. The position is dominant, authoritative, as he breaks the kiss by grazing my bottom lip with his teeth.
The act borders on pleasure and pain in a subtle way—a way that I’ve never felt before, but suddenly, I feel thrilled, excitement building up in the pit of my belly.
When Sean releases my bottom lip, it tingles delightfully, and his eyes are as dark as the void, the blackness of everything and nothing before the universe was born.
My chest heaves with uncontrollable breaths as I see beyond Sean’s physical form, but into the depths of his being, his soul, his shadows, everything that makes him whole, simply by staring into his eyes.
My chest swells, heart filling with a wholeness I’ve only briefly touched when our bodies united before.
Now, I taste it with our clothes still intact, and I have never wanted anything more than for our bodies to be united. But I also tasted just a flicker of pain, and I want to feel it again; I want it to drown out all my inhibitions and turn myself into his.
I’ve always been his. I’ve always belonged to him—mind, heart, body, and soul.
I’ve only been hurting myself, pretending that he wasn’t my everything.
Now that I’m underneath him, gulping when his other hand settles on my throat, my magic gathers in my core with the type of control I was chasing all this time.
I’ve surrendered control to him, and now I can wield my powers the way I want to.
“Fuck me, Sean…please…” I practically weep, tears building in my eyes as his hand slides to my jaw, his thumb pressed under my chin, and nudging my head upward. He dips his head at my neck, the sharp tip of his nose skimming my throat as he inhales deeply.
“You want me to fuck you…” he rasps, voice vibrating on my neck and sending shivers down my spine with how dark and seductive he sounds.
Those shivers gather between my thighs, where magic and arousal already pool, and just his voice alone will send me over the edge.
He peeks up at me, eyes dark and veiled by dark, thick lashes, and my heart skips a beat.
“But I don’t wanna fuck you, Emily. I wanna make love to you.”
My heart skips another beat, and my mind becomes an empty abyss where I can’t even form a coherent thought. All I can do is part my thighs even further, an invitation for him to do whatever the fuck he wants with me, as long as he’s inside me.
“P-please…” I whimper, voice cracking on my desperation. Sean smirks as he lifts himself enough to begin pulling off his clothes—first his damp jacket, then his sweatshirt and sweatpants. He’s left in his briefs, returning to my lips for a kiss as he undoes the buttons down my pajama blouse.
When I’d been practicing using my magic in the living room, I didn’t think the night would end with me lying naked underneath Sean, writhing in wanton need and tearing desperately at the excruciating torture of the patience I need before he’s inside me.
It’s almost like he’s taking his sweet time, peeling my panties from my thighs as he stares at my exposed core with approval and awe in his eyes.
I can’t take it anymore—his looks, his voice, his mere breath sending me into a spiral that feels relentless. My body craves the wholeness, and my magic, my arousal, is about to burst.
“Sean!” I growl, grabbing his face and pulling him closer until our eyes are level and I’m glaring at him with so much ferocity that my reflection frightens even me. Like a wild animal in heat, my chest vibrates with a feral rumble. “I can’t take it,” I gulp. “I need you inside me. Now!”
Sean captures my lips immediately, slipping his briefs off in a swift motion and sliding his erection over my drenched folds.
I’m mewling on his kisses, desperation slipping from the corners of my eyes.
When he reaches between us and takes his cock into his hand, I grab his free hand and return it to my neck, needing the anchoring force on my throat to dominate me while he slides between my welcoming walls.
I bloom for him while I stare into his eyes, silently agreeing for him to keep his hand on my neck as he thrusts into me.
The sensation of being stretched out so deliciously is exquisite while he toys with my ability to breathe.
My eyelids flutter closed, and behind them, I see stars as I’m drawn toward the height of my existence.
But Sean whispers seductively, “Keep your eyes open for me, angel…I want to see you come for me.”
My breath catches as my eyes open, and I see Sean’s hot face, eyes full of passion, lips swollen and moist from our kisses. He dips his head at the side of my neck, breathing in my scent as he pumps into me, his firm, purposeful strokes matching my breath as he guides me toward climax.
“Sean…” I cry out, his name rolling off my tongue like a prayer as it extends into a moan. “I’m gonna…gah! I’m gonna—”
“Yes, angel…” he breathes. “I know. I can feel it…” he drawls, his thrusts getting firmer. “I want you to come for me now. Come for me, angel.”
His seductive voice and the way he’s pounding into me send me over the edge, and I explode.
I explode so fiercely, it feels like an ascension of my soul, like my astral body is levitating out of my physical one, and when Sean kisses me through my orgasm, and I close my eyes, I see myself lying under him, legs wrapped around his waist, and fingers biting into his shoulder blades as ribbons of white gold surround the bed.
I can’t tell where I end or begin, and as my climax rolls over me in waves, Sean comes too, filling my pulsing walls with the seed of his hot passion.
He doesn’t stop kissing me until he’s spent, his large frame shuddering into me like he’s drilling me into the mattress until he can’t move anymore.
His body becomes limp while my knees give out, and I can’t hold my thighs around him anymore.
He becomes the firm anchor that brings my soul back into my body, snapping me back into reality.
It’s not the climb down from the high I was expecting. It’s like I’ve been kicked off the tallest cliff, and now I’m diving head-first into a ditch where I’m going to crash.
And I crash as soon as I open my eyes, the air that knocks into my lungs startling me as realization hits me.
I just had sex with Sean…
He must have sensed the shift, because he lifts his head from my shoulder with a light frown furrowing his brows.
That’s when my fight or flight instincts suddenly kick in, and I push at his shoulders to push him away from me, slithering out from under him.
A hand flies up to my mouth, shock taking over as I stare at him through wildly disbelieving eyes as he begins to climb off the bed.
“You need to leave…” I murmur, voice muffled by the hand covering my mouth. I remove that hand and stand as frozen as he does halfway off the bed. His frown deepens, as if he can’t believe what I’m telling him.
“You need to leave, Sean,” I repeat, more firmly this time, tearing my eyes from him and grabbing the sheet off the bed.
I hold it to myself to cover myself, feeling utterly regretful about what I just did.
Ashamed. I can’t even bring myself to look into his eyes, so I look down, staring at the floor and wishing it could swallow me whole.
“Now…” I murmur timidly, and there’s shuffling as he grabs his clothes off the floor with silent precision. “You need to go.”
Sean doesn’t say anything as he leaves my bedroom, but the weight of his exit crashes into me like the thunder cracking outside with malevolent force.
It brings me to my knees with the weight of regret, and the thunder inside me cracks to unleash the storm of my emotions that has me bawling my eyes out.
What have I done?