Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
HARLEY
I don’t even know who I am anymore. From the outside looking in, I’m still the carefree joker I’ve always been but, on the inside, I’m a shell of my former self.
I know the guys have noticed a difference in me since the summer, but I’ve always shrugged off their questions and acted aloof, as though I have no idea what they’re talking about.
They’re worried, but I can’t bring myself to tell them about everything.
I know they’d support me, and I also know they’d be fucking furious at Savannah. While the idea of them joining me in tormenting her sounds fun, there’s a part of me that wants to keep my little hobby to myself.
That, and there’s a voice in the back of my mind telling me I need to protect her from them, knowing what they’d do.
Protect her, like she didn’t ruin my father’s career and break a part of me. But the thought of anyone other than me hurting her, scaring her, owning her, has my insides turning to lava and my teeth grinding so hard I’m surprised they’re not cracked.
The thing is, in a way, she is mine to protect.
Not in the traditional sense, but in the sense that even though we’re not technically…
romantically involved, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t belong to me.
So yeah, I’ll protect her. From everyone but myself.
All of her suffering, all of her tears and anguish are mine to own, and like hell will I let anyone get away with taking what belongs to me.
So, I keep going, day by day, acting as though I’m not inherently changed by what she did, and pretending that each day doesn’t hurt a little bit more.
The only thing keeping me sane is her. At first, I was just playing with her, but it’s been almost six months, and I’ve been doing the same at least twice a week.
The more I’ve done it and the more attention I’ve paid, the more I’ve realized she actually likes it.
She gets this look in her eyes whenever she spots me closing in on her.
Her pupils dilate and her breathing kicks up.
At first, I thought it was fear and she was only submitting to me to keep me happy.
Only, it wasn’t fear at all. No, she fucking liked what I was doing to her.
We’re both so goddamn fucked up, and if it wasn’t for everything, then I would have been convinced she was freaking made for me.
But she can’t be, because she destroyed her only chance when she went behind my back. And now, every time that voice in the back of my mind whispers something about her, I force it back and remind myself why I hate her.
I have to.
Because giving in to her would be the end of me.
And like fuck will I ever let that happen, even if she is the most goddamn tempting litt—
Fingers clicking in front of my face jolt me to the present, and I focus on the conversation around me. Three sets of eyes are locked on me, and I inwardly sigh, because I know what’s coming.
“Harley,” Noah says quietly. “Are you sure you’re okay? Did something happen?”
I take a bite out of my now cold burger to give myself time to reply. Once I’ve finally swallowed, I put on my best smile and say, “Of course I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be?”
His eyes flick to Cole and Logan before swinging back to me. “Well, it’s just… we’ve noticed…”
I tune him out as my gaze snags on someone walking our way. No, not someone, fucking her.
Jesus motherfucking Christ, will I ever be able to catch a break? It’s as though she’s fucking everywhere.
She doesn’t notice me, not at first. It’s only when she’s finally passing our table in the cafeteria that her eyes flick to mine.
They widen when she sees the sneer on my face before flicking to my friends.
Something crosses her expression before she clears it quickly and scurries off like she wants to be as far away from me as possible.
Good.
“You know her?” Logan asks, and it surprises me so much, I choke on air.
He’s not one to ask pointless questions, so the fact he’s asking about Savannah shocks the shit out of me. Then again, even though he likes to act as though he’s not, he’s one hell of a nosy bastard.
I ignore all of their questioning looks as I stand from the table, ready to head to class.
“Nah, man, I have no idea who she is. Any more questions before I head to class, or are we done with the inquisition for the day?” I mutter as I grab my things, and they have a silent conversation between themselves.
“It’s all good, so long as you know we’ve got your back for whatever you need,” Cole murmurs, and I send him a shit-eating grin.
“Why, thank you, sweetheart. If I ever need someone to braid my hair, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“Asshole.”
Yup, that’s me. The asshole who’s hiding from everyone and everything.