Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
SAVANNAH
“Harley?” I murmur, and his attention snaps toward me, his eyes widening as he realizes he’s no longer alone.
He looks so vulnerable, so goddamn broken that I’m momentarily speechless, unable to do anything but stare. That is, until he slides down the wall and sits on the floor, his breathing even more erratic than before, and I finally snap out of my stupor.
I rush forward and crouch in front of him, wanting to reach out to him but not knowing how it’ll be received.
I note the way his chest is rising and falling, the way his pupils are blown, and how he’s gazing absently at the wall opposite us, and I realize what’s happening.
He’s having a panic attack.
Slowly, I reach out and grasp his hands with mine, but he doesn’t react at all. No flinch, no movement, not a single thing to tell me he even feels my touch.
“Harley,” I say firmly. “I need you to look at me.”
His eyes squeeze shut tightly, but other than that, he doesn’t respond to my words.
I squeeze his hands tightly, and his eyes pop open, connecting with mine. I try to keep my expression relaxed.
“That’s it,” I murmur soothingly and sit on the ground in front of him, not letting go of his hands and not caring about what’s on the floor below me.
The only thing that matters right now is him.
“Just keep looking at me, Harley,’ I whisper, but he stares blankly.
Shit.
I wrack my brain for some of the techniques I once read in a psychology book and inwardly sigh in relief when I remember one.
“Okay, Harley. Tell me five things that you can see,” I prompt, begging with my eyes for him to go along with it.
He’s silent for a moment before he chokes out. “The wall behind you, your red hair, your blue eyes…” He pauses for a moment, his gaze locked with mine, and I can see the panic bleeding out of him. “Your freckles,” he murmurs and looks down at my hands wrapped around his. “Our hands.”
“That’s good,” I whisper. “Now tell me four things you can feel.”
He swallows thickly and nods once. “The brick against my back, the ground under my ass, my jeans against my legs, and my hands in yours.”
His breathing is steadier now, but I keep going, wanting him out of the attack completely.
I fucking hate seeing him like this. I’d much rather him spit fire and venom at me than this.
“Good. Now three things you hear.”
“Your voice. A car somewhere nearby and students talking.”
If he’s worried about the students walking down here and seeing us, he doesn’t show it. He just keeps looking into my eyes like I’m his lifeline.
I both love and hate that look.
“Two things you can smell.”
“Food from the cafeteria and your perfume.”
I’m not wearing any perfume.
I don’t say that, I just smile reassuringly and ask him the last step, even though it’s probably not necessary, because he seems to have come back to himself completely now. “One thing you can taste.”
His tongue pokes his cheek, and he grimaces. “Blood from biting my cheek.”
What am I supposed to do now? It’s not like I can just ask him what’s wrong.
It’s not my place to know these things, and it hasn’t been for a long time.
Hell, I’m not sure it ever really has been my place.
We used to know each other once, but now we’re nothing but strangers who do their best to avoid each other.
With no more words, I climb to my feet, and when he doesn’t move, I look down at him awkwardly.
Stupid tears fill my eyes, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to let them fall.
Not to let him see.
Not to let him see how much I miss being near him, how much I miss talking to him, how much I wish I could forget him, but can’t.
“Are you gonna be okay now?” I rasp, and he nods sharply, his eyes still piercing mine like he doesn’t know what to do with this entire situation.
He’s not the only one.
So, I do the only thing I can do—I turn and start to walk away.
My steps feel heavy on the pavement, and my heart crashes in my chest as the tears begin to fall.
I barely make it a few steps when I hear Harley call out my name, and I freeze. I want to turn to look at him, but I don’t want him to see the wetness on my cheeks or how I’m moments away from breaking down, so I just stand there, still as can be.
“I… Thank you, Sav.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and leave.